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THE CD

I had thought about it for some time and finally decided that it was worth a try. I ordered a hypnotic relaxation CD, with subliminal messages to my wife, Mary, about being a good mommy to me. The messages suggested that I was her baby and how good it would make her feel when she was caring for me; things like nursing, changing diapers, cuddling, feeding, I am her big baby, etc. She thought it was just a CD to help her relax at bedtime. In the past she has tolerated my AB/DL side and had participated a little with helping me feel like a toddler, but she has never really felt comfortable doing it.

After a few days of listening to the CD, I noticed that she started to treat me differently when we went to bed. Instead of just rolling over and ignoring me because I came to bed with my nighttime diapers, plastic pants and pj's, she would pull me close and hug me and call me her big baby. I was afraid to take it too far at first but let her lead the way and did just what she wanted. I love to be cuddled so it felt really good. Then one night while we were cuddling, she opened her nightgown and presented her breast to me like a mother who is feeding her baby. I felt like a million dollars as I lay there softly nursing one breast and then the other for ten minutes. I was in seventh heaven. She stroked my face as I nursed, and hummed a little lullaby just like my mom did to my siblings and me when we were little. I fell asleep in her arms and slept soundly (like a baby) all night.

I awoke with wet diapers in the morning (I have been wetting at night for a while now but have never asked her to change me) and as I started to get up, she grabbed me and pulled me close and presented her breast to me again. As I was nursing, I felt the urge and told her that I had to get up and go the bathroom. She asked me if I was already wet and I said "Yes" sheepishly. She responded "its all right baby, just relax and let it go and we'll take care of it when we are done here".

"Wow!" I thought, "that CD is really working". After I was done nursing, she got up and started the shower and then came back to me and said "let's get you out of those wet diapers and cleaned up. Mommy is a busy woman and has to get to work and so do you". She pulled off my pj's, which were a little wet as my diapers had not held all the moisture in and had leaked, slid off my plastic pants, unpinned the wet diapers and told me to head for the shower.

While I was showering, she took care of the wet clothes and when I was done, she was there waiting with a new set of diapers, pants and clothes for me to wear that day. She laid me down on the diapers (God, I love to put on clean dry diapers!) powdered me (I love the smell of baby powder), pinned on the diapers tightly and lovingly put the plastic pants over my feet and gently pulled them up over my diapers. I lifted my butt as she maneuvered them over the diapers and made sure that no cloth was showing around my legs. When she was done I just lay there with my eyes closed savoring the moment and feeling wonderful. She said, "Okay baby, lets get you all dressed and ready for work. Try to stay dry until noon and I'll meet you for lunch and take care of my big boy then, okay?" I nodded and gave her a big hug and finished getting dressed while she took her shower. I had worn diapers to work a few times before when I was working at night or on weekends, but never on a regular eight-hour day so I was a little worried. On the other hand, I felt so great to have been babied that I would do anything that my mommy told me to do. I found some lose fitting pants and a long pull-over shirt, so that I would not have to worry about my diapers showing over my pants, and got dressed. I thought about wearing a onesie under the shirt but decided against it. I already had extra diapers and supplies in the trunk of my car so I felt prepared to handle the day okay.

Fortunately I had to spend a lot of time in my office and did not have any meetings to go to in the morning so I wasn't too worried about being caught and had already figured out what I would say if I was found out. I would simply say that I had some problems due to an accident that I had when I was young. I was still very careful where I went and who I walked in front of while moving around the building. I hoped that my shirt covered up the bulge in my britches. It was exciting, scary and great all at once. The feelings that went through my mind about being someone's baby and having them care so much about me overwhelmed my worries about being ridiculed or destroyed by rumors that I was a pervert or something else.

I felt great and was really zooming along with my report writing until mid morning when the coffee that I had drunk decided to fill my bladder and the urge to release it kept getting stronger and stronger. I was holding on trying to decide if I should go to the bathroom and relieve myself or use the diapers for their intended purposes and hope that they would hold all the liquid, with no leaks, until noon. For some reason, whenever I am wearing diapers I cannot hold back very easily and have had accidents while shopping or driving or just around the house while working in the garage or backyard. It is a mixed emotions type of thing: I feel scared that I will leak, then I feel like the baby that I am and I wish that there was someone who would notice and talk to me and ask me if I needed my diapers changed. Sometimes I wonder how long I can go before I get somewhere that I can get changed. It's not easy because I only like to wear cloth diapers.

Any way, I finally decided that I had better try to sneak into the restroom and relieve myself when Joyce walked into my office and started to discuss some work. She is a friend of my wife and my co-worker. She is well endowed and wears tight blouses and I am always thinking about how I would like to get my mouth on those large breasts of hers. They stick right out at me, just invitingly tempting me. One side of me is the big macho male animal thinking how I would like to get into her pants, and the other side of me is the baby thinking about what a great mommy she would be and how I would love to have her pull me into her bosom and let me nurse for a while. While she was talking, I couldn't hold it any longer and let loose. It was a neat feeling, standing there wetting my diapers while she was there, just like a toddler does while he is busy playing around. My brain was thinking, "Gosh, I wish that she would notice and ask me if I needed my diapers changed". But that never happens, right? Keep dreaming. When she left, I settled down in my chair feeling the squishy wet diapers and prayed that there would be no leakage before I met my wife for lunch.

About 11:30, Mary called and asked me if I was ready for lunch and then very motherly asked, "Is my baby wet? Do you need to be changed?" I replied, "Yes, I tried but I couldn't hold it and I really need some dry diapers. Where are we going to meet and how am I going to get changed?" She said that she would come by and pick me up in 15 minutes and not to worry, she would take care of her big baby. We drove to the mall and when we got into the parking lot, I reminded her that I really needed my diapers changed and she responded that we would do it in the mall. My mind raced out of control with the thoughts of her changing me on the bench in the mall just like other mommies change their babies while they lay there sucking their bottles or playing with their fingers, etc. I was excited and scared, but it felt so good to know that someone really cared about me and that I was the center of their attention just like I had always wanted to be when I was little and watched my mom and aunts and friends take care of their little ones. I mentioned that I did not know of any places where I could be changed without making a weird scene or getting kicked out of the mall or what would happen if someone we knew should see us. She told me not to worry and that she would take care of everything.

As we were getting out of the car, I had to pee again and knew that my diapers were completely saturated and I could feel that my plastic pants were beginning to leak and that my pants were getting wet. Mary grabbed a backpack and said, "Let's go baby, I have everything that we need right in here." I told her that I was leaking and she responded, "that's okay, we'll get you changed really soon and I can't even tell. If I can't see it then no one else will." Again my mind raced with all kinds of good and bad thoughts. I should have put the extra nighttime soaker in my diapers and then I would not have had this problem. Of course I then would have had a larger bulge in my pants and even though I loved the feeling of those thick diapers, I did not want to get caught at work. She grabbed my hand and towed me towards the doors of the mall just like a mother would with her toddler.

When we got into the mall we headed right towards the restrooms and thankfully there were not too many people in the mall. When we did pass someone, my mind raced about whether they were looking at me and if they noticed and what they were thinking. But of course I really wanted everyone to know that I was the baby and that my mommy was taking good care of me. Bt the time that we got to the restroom area, I was walking with my legs sort of stiff and waddling because I could feel my wet pants clinging to my legs. God, I hoped that no one I knew would see me then. We stopped at the door that said "Family Restroom". It was occupied but Mary patted me on the butt and told me that we could wait until it was available and to be patient. She mentioned, in a low tone, that my pants were getting pretty wet and that my diapers was sagging and that we would have to take care of that problem.

Shortly a mother with her toddler came out and smiled at us as they were leaving. The toddler, probably about 1 ½ years old, had a t-shirt, shoes, diapers, and plastic pants on with nothing covering the plastic pants. His mom was saying to him as they passed, " I am sorry that I forgot to bring another pair of shorts for you. We need to get you some thicker diapers or add another one next time so that they will not leak." It looked to me like he had a pretty thick diaper on then as he was walking with his butt swaying because of the wad between his legs. He had a big smile on his face and did not seem to mind that he had no shorts on. Boy, what a lucky kid, I thought.

We went into the restroom and Mary sat the pack down and spread out a big towel, which she pulled from it, on the floor. She knew that I was too big to use the changing table. Wow! She had thought of everything so far. I was thinking about having to leave the restroom without my pants, like the toddler, because I was sure that she had not thought of bringing an extra pair of britches along for me. Of course those mixed feelings came flooding into my mind again. It would be much easier if I did not have to think like an adult and was able to be 1½ years old again. She told me to lie down and after I did, she reached into her pack and pulled out a bottle full of some liquid and said "Here you go, baby, I have your lunch for you". I felt weird because I really don't like or want the bottle part of being a baby. I like nursing much better as it makes me feel close to my mommy and I love to be snuggled in close. I told her that I would rather nurse and she said, "I have to get you changed and cleaned up first and besides, you have to eat some lunch and what is in that bottle is really good for my baby. I did not want to make my mommy mad at me as I was loving this unbelievable fantasy that was coming true. I stuck the bottle in my mouth and started to suck on it. Whatever it was had a really strange taste and color and was for sure not milk or some other protein drink that I could remember having before.

Mary pulled my shoes and wet pants off and then the plastic pants and diapers and put them into a big plastic bag that she had brought along. She remarked that she was glad that I had not used my diapers for anything else because she was not sure that she would change me then and that I would have to deal with that situation if it occurred. As I lay there sucking away, she cleaned me up with wet wipes, powdered me and pinned those wonderful, clean, thick diapers on me then pulled a clean pair of plastic over them and made sure that there was no cloth showing. I had my eyes closed and was in a happy, content place enjoying that wonderful feeling of the diapers between my legs when she said, " Okay baby, I see that you are done with the bottle. You must have like it because you have a big smile on your face. Now sit up so I can take your shirt off and get you dressed." I did what she said not caring at that point what she dressed me in. I was in seventh heaven and would have stayed there all afternoon. She slipped off my shirt and pulled a onesie over my head. Then she lay me back down and snapped it over my pants. The thought went through my mind that she must know where all of my AB stash was kept, but I didn't care at that point. Would you?

Then she said, "Now baby, lets go onto the couch and Mommy will let you nurse for a little while before we go out." As I got up I could feel the onesie pulling snugly against my crotch and it added to that great feeling of snugness that I get when I am diapered. She sat on the couch and directed me to lie with my head in her lap and then pulled up her blouse and let me go to it. I realized then that I had not noticed that she was not wearing a bra. As I lay there nursing and feeling like 2 million dollars, she began to gently rub my chest and moved her hands slowly towards my crotch. I got an erection that I thought would surely bust the snaps off of the onesie and probably the pins on the diapers. In the past she would not entertain any thoughts of my sexual advances when I was playing baby. She knows that the two go together, as do I. One way for me to get out of my baby mode is to masturbate while I am dreaming of someone (usually Mary or one of her friends changing me or nursing me, etc) and then for a while I feel ashamed of my weakness and will go back to being grown up. That routine gets me through many a day. Sometimes I can go quite a while before I am thinking only of being babied again. Other times by the time that I get out of the shower, I am ready to pin on those wonderful diapers and get into that mode again. Anyway, she started to stroke my erection over the onesie and diapers as I lay there nursing. She said, "I probably shouldn't do this but it makes me feel so good when you are nursing and I do love my baby. She kept rubbing until I lost it in my diapers. I could not believe the way I felt. Ooh la la!

I lay there feeling completely drained for a minute and quit nursing. Now I did not feel like a baby anymore and got up saying, "Wow! We better get back to work. Thanks for the great lunch present, honey. I love you." I started to unsnap the onesie as thoughts were going through my head about what I was going to wear out of there and back to work when she stopped me by saying, " Leave it on honey. Mommy brought another pair of pants for you to wear and you can put your shirt on over the onesie. You'll be fine and all afternoon you will be thinking of me when you are sitting at your desk with that snuggie feeling in your crotch. She helped me get my clothes on, just like a mommy does, and we packed up to go. As we left, there was another mommy waiting with her toddler to use the restroom. I smiled as we passed and thought, "another lucky kid, enjoy it while you can " as she pulled him in.

We walked hand in hand to the car and at that point I didn't care who saw me or knew that I was a big baby. As we were nearing my office, Mary asked, "Don't you want to know what you had for lunch?" I remembered then about the strange tasting liquid in the bottle and said, Sure, what was it?" She said, "It was mother's milk. I wondered if you would like it. I am sorry that I cannot produce it for my baby. But, I know someone who makes a good bit of money selling her own milk, for babies who need it, so I asked her if I could get some for you to try." I felted glued to the seat for a second and then asked, "Who is it? Is it someone who I know and did you actually tell he it was for me?" What she said next was a real shocker.

"It's Joyce." I stammered, "You mean Joyce who is upstairs in the office next to mine?" She said, "Yep, didn't you know? Why do you think that sometimes it looks like she is going to bust out of her blouse? It's because she hasn't pumped for a while and really needs to. I guess that she is quite a producer. She gave me some milk because I told her that you had always wondered what it tasted like and because she was so happy with the CD that I copied and gave to her." I could barely think at this point as a thousand things went through my head all at once. Somehow I was able to ask without losing it, "What CD?" She quickly replied, "The relaxation one that you gave to me. Tell her thanks when you see her and oh, by the way, I told her that you would help her move some furniture around in her house tomorrow. See you tonight baby. Mommy loves you."

I had a hard time getting out of the car but knew that I could not sit there so I dashed into the building, the best that I could for a person with thick diapers and a tight onesie on. I am sure that if anyone was watching, they would wonder why I was running so strangely with my legs spread so far apart and my butt wiggling like a duck's. I went straight to my office and closed the door being careful not to glance into Joyce's office as I went by. At this time, making eye contact with her might produce some strange behavior from me. I had to sit and think this one through for a while. Whew!!! What a day! And it was only half over!

To be continued, (Coming in Chapter 2: Joyce and the Baby)

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