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The Christmas Gift
It must be around 4:00 AM when I awoke all cramped up and came to the realization "how did I end up like this?" I feel like a trussed up Christmas turkey, with my hands taped closed and arms secured. A large pacifier is stuck in my mouth and I am doubled down in a permanent kneeling position facing a sleeping mat inside of the floor of a large dog carrier. There is the urge to relieve myself, but I am not getting up to go anywhere. No, I will be dribbling into my diaper. It all seems like a dream; however, the cramps in my legs remind me this is no dream. I am dressed in a diaper and onsie, secured and cramped up in a dog carrier sucking a pacifier and waiting for my new mommy to find me by the Christmas tree. My new aunt arranged for me to be adopted and given to her sister for Christmas as a Christmas gift. This was what I was dreaming about for months and then it started to become reality a few weeks ago.
Around Thanksgiving I was thinking about how I would spend the Christmas and New Year's Holidays when I saw this Ad by ABAA - The Adult Baby Adoption Agency.
The agency solved a number of problems. They gave would be parents the children they desired without having to go through the same requirements needed for infant adoption. They gave infants at heart the chance to become what they were truly meant to be. Yet there is a reality and finality in the adoption process. For a true adoption the parents have to be older than the adoptee. The new infant or child must accept their parents and new state. Infants of natural parents have no choice in their parents. They accept them and learn to love them. The agency has the same philosophy when dealing with their babies. Once someone signed on with the agency, and paid their placement fee, they would be shaped, trained and placed with their new family. Their old life would effectively disappear. When families were looking for a baby, of any size, paid the adoption fees they would be given a list of babies available for adoption that fit their desired profile.
I was fed up with life as I knew it and had always dreamed about a simpler life. I worked hard but it didn't yield much. I was liked at work but it didn't get me anywhere. Life pressures made me retreat to an inner self and the inner child. There were these yearnings to go back to that simple time of childhood where all I had to do was please mommy and daddy. Yet I wanted more. I wanted to be a baby again. I started surfing the net and found out there were more people like me. What a relief to know that I was not the only one, but I was still too scared to go the store and buy a package of adult diapers.
One day while surfing the net I saw an item about the ABAA. This was intriguing. It was time to check it out. I tried to google the agency and found nothing else. If I wanted more information I would either have pick up the phone and call them, or send them an email with a real return address. Any way you cut it I would be exposed. I summed up the courage to send them an email asking for more information and stating that I was interested in being put up for adoption. They reply came quickly explaining more about the agency and what they do - and what they don't do or condone. This was not an adult match making service. It was for adult babies being put up for adoption and the matching them with loving homes. Was I prepared for this? Well there was only one way to find out. I sent them more personal information and then completed an application and paid the $1000 application fee. If I was accepted I would have to pay another $10,000. Wow! Where was I supposed to find that? After you sell your stuff, including your car and pay your debts there was money left over.
Christmas Eve was on a Monday and there was a match with a family for Christmas Eve.
I would have to have my affairs arranged for the Friday before Christmas. I met up with a representative for the agency over lunch at the food court the week before, signed the papers and gave her the cash. She gave me the instructions of where to go for Friday at 7:00 PM and don't be late. Friday morning at work was unbearable everybody was getting ready for Christmas and we were expecting to leave work early. The whole morning I was thinking of the change in my life and the butterflies were dancing in my stomach. I was a kid again with anticipation for Christmas except I was not hoping for presents - I was going to be the present for my new mommy. I couldn't wait!
Time was passing at a glacial speed when finally we were free to go at 3:00 PM. I said my good byes and Merry Christmas wishes and then took the transit to the end of the line.
When I got to the end of the station I followed the directions to wait at the water fountain by the ladies washroom. At 7:00 someone came up to me and asked "are you ready for your adoption?" I think so - I stammered. Good, then follow me. We walked out to the passenger pickup point at the station. Then she said "look into my eyes". I looked into her green eyes and then a car pulled up. Get in! With my stomach dancing, my knees feeling weak, and my mouth dry and my heart beating a million beats a minute we drove through town to a nondescript house, the car drove up into the attached garage the car shut down and the garage door closed. Get out! The car door opened and I got out and followed the driver to the door of the house.
I waited and waited, I heard footsteps and a muffled voice, then I could see the hall light through the cracks in the door. Klack, Click, and a turn of the knob and the door opened and a bright light emanated from the hallway and an outline or shadow of a very feminine figure stood beside the opened door and asked my name. My name is ... - She interrupted from now on your new name is baby Jay. Follow me. I stepped across the door into my new life. I followed her into the front room. Then she explained that there is one more chance to change my mind. This is a one way trip kid. After today there is no turning back. We have your signed papers but to confirm that this is you and that you are of sound mind we will also video tape your request as well as your transformation to being a baby. Is that okay with you? Yes I stammered. Good so let's proceed.
I was then led upstairs to a room with bright lights, a video camera on a tripod, a couch by the window, a crib and a dresser on the other wall. It was hard to see beyond the bright lights I could see the video camera, I would naturally cover my eyes, but I thought there was someone else behind the video camera taking the tape. I think that person was dressed in dark clothes.
I was told to sit on the couch, answer all questions and follow instructions. What is you name? Do you want to be given up for adoption? Now I want you to get on the floor and take off your shirt, socks and pants. Do you want to be a baby? Do you want to be mommy's baby Jay? I replied, Oh yes mommy! I am not your mommy. Your mommy will be coming for you and you will love your mommy. Okay baby Jay I see you are still wearing glasses and big boy underwear. Do babies wear glasses? No, they don't need glasses. Give me your glasses. I took off my glasses and handed them up to her. She took the glasses and then broke the ear pieces off and crushed the lens under her heel. You will not be needing these anymore will you baby Jay? No. I was definitely at the point of no return.
Baby Jay, do babies wear big boy underwear? No. What do babies wear? Diapers. Take off your underwear. My, my, what have we here? It looks like racing stripes on your underwear. I think this little baby needs to be cleaned up. Follow me. She started towards the door of the room when I started to get up. The person behind the camera moved forward and said "stop, what are you doing?". Babies crawl. Get down, now! I quickly got down on all fours, and like a puppy dog with his tail between his legs crawled after the lady. Here I was without a stitch on me, crawling down the hallway in a strange house following this lady to I don't know where. What drove me to do this? - I still don't know. Anyways, I followed her to the bathroom when she got in the bathroom she turned on the water to the bathtub. It started to fill up as I crawled through the door.
Okay baby, let's get you all cleaned up. Crawl into the tub. I crawled into the tub and into the soapy water. I looked up at the mysterious woman. She was beautiful. Wow, how I longed that she would be my mommy. I started day dreaming what it would be like to have her as my mommy when all of a sudden my private member started to expand. What are you doing? I snapped back to reality. Little babies don't do that - we will have to take care of that later. She said most ominously. As I sat back in the tub she put on a plastic apron and held a scrub brush in her hand. Okay now let's get you cleaned up. First was the general lathering and scrubbing. She scrubbed hard in spots and it hurt. I complained - it hurts. She replied stop being such a baby. Wait you are baby aren't you - and she laughed a condescending laugh. After the general scrubbing she asked is baby clean? Hmm. I think we need to do some more work here. I don't know about that, I think my skin was clean and red and pink from the harsh scrubbing. After she drained the tub and rinsed me down she put on some more cream and it started to feel warm - almost burn. Oww - what is happening it is burning? Sush baby, babies don't have so much hair we need to get you to bring you back to the day you were born. Now no more words and just sit still. What did I get myself into? My clothes are gone, my glasses are gone, I am in house who knows where, at the mercy of an alluring woman who is just as harsh with her words as she is with a scrub brush. I imagined it would be more warm and loving than this. Fifteen minutes later the cream has done its work and she showers me down again. I am ready to step out of the tub. Did I tell you to move? Slap! My bare bottom was greeted with a quick slap by a wooden paddle. Woah! Where did that come from? Now get back into the tub. You still need another bath. She put her left hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down. I was back sitting in the empty bath tub. With the paddle at the ready in her right hand she moved her left hand from my shoulder to put her index finger under my chin and forced me to look up at her. Wow what a sight! I started to day dream again! Not a good idea. I was brought back to reality with a cold blast from the tap. Okay Jay, there will be lots of time to day dream, but not now! We need to get you ready for your new mommy! When you are ready and if there is still time then we can play. She adjusted the water to be on the warm side and then added the perfumed bubble bath. I played with the bubbles for a few minutes and then noticed I was starting to get wrinkled up like a prune in my fingers. The bath was warm and relaxing. I just let all the cares of the world soak away. No more troubles or cares. I was looking forward to see my new mommy. The plug was pulled from the bath and all my prior worries and old life went down the drain with the water and bubbles. Okay baby, time to dry you up, step out of the tub. I started to stand up when the paddle greeted me on my bottom again - owww! No baby Jay, babies don't stand like that. Sit back down.
Her left hand guided my shoulder back down with my sore bottom making contact with the tub. Now get into your crawling position. I started to get into the kneeling position as she said "As a baby you will crawl out of the tub. Do you understand?" Yes maam, I understand. Whack! That paddle made contact again with my backside. Ouch that hurts - why did you do that. Whack, Whack!. Babies don't talk! Whack! And babies especially don't talk back! Whack! Whack! Owwiee!. And babies don't say ow! They cry. So cry baby, or I will give you something to cry about. Here I am naked, shriveled up like a newborn, kneeling in the tub and now I need to cry. You have to understand the whole crying thing was taken out of me as a part of growing up. Boys don't cry! I better learn now or I will suffer the consequences. I just could not bring myself to cry on demand. Next thing I knew I was awakened from my contemplations by a Whack! Whack! It was the board of education making contact with my bum and teaching me to cry. Ow, Owwie. No Baby Jay that is not good enough. You need to cry with a wholesome waaa!. All those big boy words have to go. And they might as well go now! Whack, Whack Whack. Ahh, Ahh, no mommy, noooo mommy, nooo. I move my hand to stop the tormenting of my bum when then paddle rapped my knuckles - I don't know which was worse. I pulled my hand away and stuck it, all four fingers, in my mouth. Out came a muffled owww. I was now kneeling in the tub with one hand for support and the other in my mouth. Whack, Whack whack. Then it started. I started to wail. Waa, waa no more na na. Waa no more. Whack! Waa. - The tormenting stopped. Waa goo goo. Okay baby, where were we, oh yes, crawl out of the tub. I had pulled my hand out of my mouth and moved my leg over the lip of the tub towards the floor. I continued to gurgle and goo as I climbed out of the tub and was on the floor on all four. I was greeted with that is a good baby Jay. From now on my life would be focused on hearing "that's a good baby Jay". I was towel dryed on my back and outside and then told to lie on my back on the towel on the floor. She then dried my front. Finally she pulled the towel up between my legs and pulled the edges from my waist together and used two kilt pins to keep the towel together.
That is a good baby - now lets go back to your room and get you dressed. She led the way down the hallway back to the room with the camera. Hurry up. I crawled behind her with my nose within inches of that board of education that she held in her right hand.
I had no idea what I looked like with a towel as a makeshift diaper and crawling to the room. I may have looked pretty ridiculous or it may have been a good likeness of what I was to become. Any temptation to stand up and look in the mirror was quickly quashed by the thought of that paddle on my backside. With that punishment episode behind me I crawled obediently into the room looking forward to soon meeting my new mommy.
As the lady stopped in the middle of the room I stopped. She crouched down, took her left hand and held my chin and forced it to look up at her. Okay Baby Jay we are going to make a training tape for new mommies on changing their adult baby. You are going to be the model baby or Mr. Paddle is going to have to have a chat with you. Maybe we will make a video on how to discipline your adult baby. Babies are not very smart so they need little reminders from time to time don't they? So you will do exactly as I say, okay? She moved my chin up and down to motion a yes. Yes maam! Out came Mr. Paddle. Whump! It was not so bad on my diapered bottom, but a reminder. What was that for?, Whump!, Whump! Babies can't talk! Just goo goo, gaa gaa, maa maa, num num, na na. Got it? Goo Goo. I was a fast learner, especially when Mr. Paddle was around! Okay, sit on the floor. I sat on the floor with my sore diapered butt. It was strill warm from the time in the bathroom - it didn't need any recent reminders.
I saw movement behind the camera. The person with the dark clothes moved around and re-positioned one of the lights. The lady came with a number of items and laid them on the floor. She gave me a block and asked me to play with it until I was called. Then another light went on - boy it was bright. I heard her talking but kept busy with my block when I heard her call Baby Jay, come here. Baby Jay come here now! I turned to her, put down the block and started crawling to her. She was talking to the person behind the camera and then got down on her knees beside me. Jay lie down here. I followed her wish. She was talking about changing and dressing adult babies - hey that is me! She started to unpin my towel diaper. She asked me to lift my hips, I complied and then she pulled the towel out from under me. As she was talking she took out some babies wipes and started to wipe down my front. They were cold. I lifted up my head to look down to see what she was doing down there, but her hand pushed down on my forehead and I laid my head back down on the floor. I could not see much with the glare of the lights. I got a swat on the side of my bum and she said lift. I lifted up so she could slide the diaper under me. Then she took my left hand by the wrist and extended out my thumb and drew it near my mouth. It was natural to suck it into my mouth but still not normal. It didn't suck on it much but I knew well enough where to keep my thumb until told otherwise. I was pretty much oblivious to what was going on until the occasional physical cues. Next thing I remember she pulled on my pee-pee. I heard her say something about watching out for this little guy just as she was taping my diaper shut. I felt the fingers between the legs and the diaper seals as she was still talking. Next I heard her say sit up baby Jay as she pulled her arm under my neck and pulled me up to a sitting position. I was still sucking on my thumb. What do you say baby Jay? With the thumb in my mouth it was to be a delighted goo goo! I heard behind the camera, Excellent! That is a wrap! I then heard those words I had come to live for "Good Work Baby Jay" and a warm hand on my back giving me a small back rub. Oh this was the moment! Ma Ma! No, I am not your mommy. Your new mommy is coming soon to get you. She is looking forward to her new baby boy. You can call me na na.
Hey baby, I bet you must hungry! Is baby hungry? You must be hungry if you are sucking on your thumb aren't you? Goo Goo! Well let's get you dressed and then we can feed you. Or do you just want to eat in your diaper. If you want to eat now just say num num. Num Num. Okay! She took my thumb out of my mouth held my hand and then grabbed a T shirt with her other hand and then pulled both hands up in the air. Now sweetie you keep them there for a minute. Then she pulled the T shirt over my head and down. That is better. Okay follow me.
As I started to follow her I could hear the crinkle of the diaper and I could feel the material between my legs. Wow what a sensation. I was becoming a baby. This was fabulous. I can't wait to meet my new mommy. I followed the lady to the stairs. She started down the stairs turned and then watched me. I was not sure what to do. Do I crawl face down? As I was contemplating how to get down I heard "Stop! Turn around and crawl down backwards". I turned around and started crawling down backwards. Boy I had a lot to learn as a baby. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I followed the lady to the front room. Sit there baby Jay and play with this block while I get something ready for you. I played turned the block around and looked at it while waiting for the lady to come back. I then started to look beyond the block and look around the room. On one side of the room was a couch that had an end table with a lamp on it. On the other side of the couch was a big box with a lid on it. I was curious and started to crawl towards the box. I got to the box and was going to lift the lid when I little voice inside me was telling me maybe this is not a good idea. There must be a reason there is a lid on the box, but maybe there is a toy or something more fun in the box. What would it hurt if I just lifted the lid a bit and took little peek inside. I moved my hand onto the lid and then my head down so the crack of the lid would be at eye level. I was on one hand and both my knees and ready to lift the lid when Whack! Mr. Paddle made contact with my thigh. Ouch! Whack! Whack! Two more on the back of my legs. Owie! Owie. Whump! Once on the diaper, then waah. Goob, Goob waah! I had learned my lesson! Whack! Whack! Mr. Paddle didn't think I would remember so he spoke to me some more. Waah ha ha ha. Baby Jay, what did I tell you? Didn't I tell you to sit here and play with your block until I come back? You did not listen to me. Babies must obey! You must be a good baby if you want to meet your new mommy and not spend time with Mr. Paddle. What if that lid was a hot stove? Then baby would be burned. We don't want that to happen do we? No! So be a good baby and go back to middle of the room. I quickly crawled to the center of the room and then put my thumb in my mouth. The lady disappeared. While I my legs were burning I was still contemplating what was in the box and wondering about my new mommy. Slowly nursing my thumb gave me some comfort as I waited and waited. Finally I called "na na" faintly. No response - just silence.
"Na Na" a little louder.
"Na Na Num Num" I cried a little louder.
"Na Naaaaa. Waah. Na Na Num Num" Then heard footsteps and shushing. Here you are little baby. She came with a bottle and sat on the couch and motioned for me to come. I wiped the tears from my eyes and crawled over to her. Now little baby one of the most important things that you will learn is to suck. Come over here and sit here. She motioned for me to sit on the floor between her legs.
"Now face this way " so she positioned me sitting on the floor with my head resting back on one leg. She brought out the bottle and teased my lips with the nipple of the bottle. It was natural as I strained to follow the nipple, latch and suck. Then I looked up at her face. It seemed pleased yet bored. I think she was pleased I was a good baby but this did not seem to exciting. I was looking at her face and sucking contentedly on the nipple. It took a lot of work to get so little to eat. I hadn't had anything since noon and didn't realize how hungry I was. She held the bottle for me as I continued to look up at her face, her hand and suck. Oh the sweetness of the milk and the sweetness of the moment. Her one leg was supporting my back as I leaned back and sucked, the other leg moved around between my two legs and slide up to the bottom of my diaper. She was holding me between her legs. I was in heaven. I didn't realize what I was missing all these years. Finally you could hear the air coming as I was sucking. She looked more concerned at me as I was sucking the air, then moved and pulled the bottle away from me. My head started to follow the bottle until I could not stretch anymore and the nipple popped out of my mouth. Then another bottle appeared and the came in for a landing. When I finished the second bottle we repeated the exercise of taking the bottle. This time there was no replacement. Then came a hand towel and it was placed on her shoulder. Come up! She commanded. I crawled onto the couch and was pulled over her with my head on her shoulder. Next thing I know I am being patted on the back. Thump! Thump! This was not the nice back rub this was much more firm. Thump Thump. Coming from deep inside of me was a burp! I could not control it. What was happening! I had lost some control, yet it felt good to give up control to na na. Okay Baby time to get you ready for bed. Tomorrow is a big day so you had better get lots of rest. Down you go and follow me. I crawled down on the floor and waited for her to get up, pickup the things and walk out the door. I crawled behind her. When we got to the stairs she waited for me to go on the first step and said you go first I will follow you up. Up I crawled to the top of the stairs. Okay baby back to the room you know the way and there was a gentle swat on my diaper as I started to crawl back to the room.
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