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My dream was fading fast and I can't remember what it was, but I know someone is standing over me. I start to pull back as my eyes flutter open and it is still dark, but there is enough light for me to tell that it is Matt. He says, "Shh, its okay. It's just me don't panic." Then I notice his hand is under the covers and moving up my thigh, teasingly touching. I look at him kind of worried and he says, "Its 2 o'clock and its time for a bottle and," He slips his fingers into my diaper, but doesn't touch her, just the diaper.
"a diaper change, but it appears someone is still dry." The last part sounded a little disappointed as if he thought I was really going to wet the bed.
"Are you going to wake me up every night?" 'I kept my sentence short like he told me to.' "Yes honey, every 4 hours I will give you a bottle and change your diaper if it needs it, the only exception will be if you are messy and then only when I am sure you are done filing that lovely diaper you are wearing. Because I know how uncomfortable a dirty diaper is, but I also know that messing a diaper also takes longer then using the potty." I looked him square in the eyes and said, "I don't want to do anything that gross in my pants I'm old enough to control myself. Wetting myself is bad enough, as is, but that is too far." He looked down at me and all the compassion was gone from his face.
"Didn't I tell you that you will not use the big girl potty for its intended purpose!?" He stood there staring at me, 'again he was actually asking me the most simple of questions expecting an answer.' "Yes, Daddy, but I really don't want too." He looked at me and his face started to soften back to the way it was when he first woke me up, "I know baby girl, I expected you not to want to mess yourself, but you really don't have a choice and when the time comes, and I know it will, you will fill that diaper. I'm sorry, but you don't back talk me and you don't tell me what you are going to do is that clear? 'Was that rhetorical or did he really expect a response?' After a little bit I shook my head yes and he said, "Good girl and this is your last warning. If you ever use that tone with me again you will visit the Punishment Stool. I love you, but if you are going to experience a second baby hood you have to go all the way." Then he kissed me ever so lightly on the lips and said, "how about that bottle?" I just smiled and he said, "I'll take that as a yes."
Then he turned around and picked up my already warm bottle and a burp rag. I lifted my arms for him in the pick me up position and he said, "No princess you will drink this bottle in bed. Since I don't have to change you, there is no reason to pick you up." Then he lifted my head, moved my pillow and sat down placing my head in his lap. It was just like the last time but my head wasn't supported in the crook of his arm. Drinking from a bottle was kind of enjoyable, but I think I like it better when he holds me not just cradles my head. I finished and he rubbed my tummy, and just like before a burp came up.
"That's my girl. Now be a good girl and go back to sleep." He lifted my head stood up and replaced my pillow slowly lowering me back down.
He slipped my binky in my mouth and kissed me goodnight on the check, lifted the guard rails and left the room saying, "I love you."
I was alone again. Apparently trapped, but then again I could be Janeth anytime I wanted. Except, 'Janeth' was homeless and jobless. So I felt around for Teddy in the dark and found him hiding under the covers down by my knees. As I pulled him back up my hands slid over my diaper. 'Wow that is kind of a weird thought, my diaper.' I let him go and began to touch my diaper, feeling the outside, tracing the edges, and listening to the soft crinkle. This was definitely not what I had expected in my life, but then again I guess it could be worse. I wiggled around kind of rooting. That is when it became obvious to me that the crinkle was very noticeable, and also that I really had to try to close my legs and then the top part of my thighs still did not touch. I grabbed Teddy again let out a sigh and fell back asleep.
"Good morning princess; did you sleep well?" My eyes opened, but this time the sun was starting to come through my window. Again my binky must have fallen out during my sleep. Since he didn't try to put it back in I said to him groggily, "What time is it?"
"6 in morning sweetie and its time for our first day back together to begin." He slid his hand under my covers and checked my diaper to see if I was wet and when he found I wasn't he frowned and pulled his hand back.
"I guess some one is a little dehydrated either that or she isn't feeling well." Just then the urge to potty hit me, but I wasn't ready to give in to it just yet. I must have made a funny face because Daddy knew. He looked down at me and said, "Well, you have a choice you can wet yourself like a good girl or after your bottle, I'll leave you here in your crib." I shook my head and said, "I don't have to potty."
"Very well, but until you do you will be staying in bed. Good girls go when they have to. They don't act silly and pretend they don't need to pee." 'I am winning the test of wills. It will only be a matter of time until he lets me use the potty like the big girl I am.' He repeated the steps as he did a few hours ago, but this time he didn't turn off the light. He kissed me on the forehead and said, "Please don't fight this. Once you accept it, your life will get a whole lot easier. I love you."
"I love you too." and then he left.
I lay there for a while just focusing on the pain in my bladder and trying to will it to go away, but to no avail. It had been a really long time since I have had an accident, and I wasn't about to change that. So I tried to distract myself; I listened to the outside world (outside my nursery). I could hear the TV and cars on the road, but when I looked around it was obvious that they where not in my crib. Instead of searching outside maybe I should look in my crib to see what I have: Teddy, a Winnie the Pooh blanket, sheets, bumpers, pillows, and a mobile. The last one caught my eye maybe there was a reason it was there, so I sat up and turned the knob on the side and started it up. Then I lay back down and watched it for a little while, 'pretty boring,' but at least it was somewhat distracting so I let my mind wander. I started to recall episodes of WtP, next thing I knew Daddy was opening my door.
"Are you ready for breakfast little one?" I nodded; it had been hours since I had eaten, not to mention he would let me out of the crib.
When he fully stepped in my heart sank. He was holding another bottle. He could always read my facial expressions and as usual he was quick to explain.
"Baby girl its okay I promise, don't cry. This is a cereal bottle it is kind of like a runny cream of wheat." I made a funny face at that, 'how could cream of wheat get any worse, than it normally was.' "I tried it, it's not as bad as you are thinking, plus with the supplement I added, it has all the nutrients a growing girl needs to be healthy and strong. Also with the fiber content it will make it easier to poop." He lowered the rails again and supported my head in his lap as he had, 'how long had it been,'
before he brought the nipple to my lips I asked him, "What time is it?" He slipped it into my mouth and said, "8 is your new breakfast time." 'Wow I had distracted myself for 2 hours. Maybe I could get used to this.' I sucked on the nipple and what came out was a lot thicker than milk, but he was right it did taste kind of like c.o.w, but it didn't have anything added to it; no sugar or anything, it was very bland. Slowly but surely I finished.
This time he didn't rub my tummy. Instead he wiped my face and sat the burp cloth on his shoulder and me on his lap. He began to pat my back and sure enough I burped. He just held me there humming a lullaby to me and making soothing sounds. I could feel the vibrations through his chest. Then he asked me, "Was that enough honey?"
"No, I'm still hungry."
"Okay honey I'll get you another," He sat me down and got up.
"Yes, baby girl."
"Can you put something in it to add some flavor?"
"Sorry honey, but for the time being you will only eat pure and healthy foods." With that he left and I heard him in the kitchen.
Then the pain in my bladder came back with a vengeance. I gave in and just relaxed, but nothing happened. I tried to push it out, but only a small trickle escaped my adult sized bladder and it seemed my years of training actually was a punishment. I wanted to go so badly, but my body wouldn't let me. Here I was begging my body to allow me to wet my diaper. Maybe I needed some help, so I began to think about babies, 'if I was going to be one maybe I should do what they do,' but babies don't have to think about it. It happens naturally for them, but not young children who were working on potty training. I remembered my youngest sister at that age and began to flip through my memories. Accidents happened, but messing her pull-ups was never an accident. I remembered a position she used. So I got on my hands and knees with my bottom down in a sort of squat position and tried again. This time another spurt came out and when I quit pushing it began to flow naturally. The relief of my bladder felt so good. It had been over almost 15 hours since I had been to the bathroom. I felt warmth spreading over my crotch and butt, although to my surprise it wasn't really that wet just damp. When I finished I collapsed face down into my pillow breathing heavily. I was lying in my own wet diaper and felt completely relaxed, 'it was official my life was weird.
I turned my head to the door and saw Daddy watching me, 'How long had he been there!? Had he seen the whole show!?' He was beaming. He knew what I had just done, even if he hadn't seen me do it. My face turned red with shame. I buried my head into my pillow, and began to cry. I heard him kneel beside my crib. He placed a comforting hand on my back and began to rub up and down my spine. Then he began whispering comforting words. Telling me it was alright, and that all girls my age wet themselves. It was normal and that I shouldn't feel any shame or be embarrassed. I turned my head away from him and said, "No they don't girls my age don't even have accidents let alone do it on purpose."
"Shh, my love, I meant girls in diapers, because that is what you are. That is your age now." I thought about it, 'I guess that makes since, but I don't like it.' The whole time he kept comforting me and reassuring me. I turned my head to him and he wiped my tears with the burp rag in his hand. 'It was so soft and his touch so gentle.' His face was so close to mine that I leaned forward to kiss him and he kissed me back. I started slowly, not sure if he would let me. Then I flicked my tongue into his mouth. We kissed passionately for a while and when I pulled back he asked me, "Better?"
"Yes, thank you. You always seem to know how to make everything okay, even this."
"So are you ready to finish breakfast?"
"Can I be changed first? I don't want to wear a wet diaper."
"Sorry, but I'm not changing you every time you wet yourself. With as much milk and juice as you will be drinking I would be changing you over 10 times a day."
"But you haven't changed me yet. So couldn't you please...Daddy?"
"No little girl, you need to get used to wearing wet diapers. Because I am only going to change you every 4 hours like I told you last night."
"No buts. Now role over like a good girl and finish your breakfast." I rolled over and started to drink my cereal. About half way through my tummy felt full, but I couldn't tell him with a mouth full of nipple. So I tried to push his hands away and he said, "Well I wanted it to be a surprise, but since you quit fighting me and wet yourself then you are going to get a few privileges: 1 you can hold your bottle now, but you have to use both hands. 2 you will be allowed to crawl around the house except for the bathroom. 3 you will only be in your crib for naptime and bedtime. You don't have to stay in it any longer today. Okay?" I pulled the bottle out and said, "I wasn't really trying to take the bottle from you. It's just that my tummy got full and I couldn't figure out how to tell you. Oh Daddy thank you, so very much, I don't know how long I could have lasted lying there staring at that mobile.
It was so lonely knowing you where in the other room and I wasn't."
"Don't worry you wont have to again unless you some how loose these privileges.
Okay baby girl, do you want me to show you our apartment?"
He picked me up with my chest to his and my head on his shoulder and he began patting my back. Although this time my burp was very small. I smiled at him sheepishly and he smiled back. Then he shifted me to his right hip with his right arm under my bottom. He stepped out of my nursery and turned left. We passed the bathroom and he stopped.
"What are the rules about the bathroom?" I sat in his arms for a moment trying to remember everything.
"Don't go in without you, ever. The potty is a chair so I don't have to be on the floor. Anything else?"
"No that about sums it up so do you want to brush your teeth?" Before I answered he carried me in anyways and sat me down on the toilette with the lid closed. He picked up a very juvenile tooth brush with rubber duckies on it and began to put pink toothpaste on it. He said, "Ready?"
"Yes," and I opened my hand to take the toothbrush from him.
"You are not old enough. You might not do a good job or you might choke on it okay." I didn't feel like arguing so instead I said, "How does this work?"
"Just open your mouth really wide like at the dentist and I will do the rest." I opened up and in came the toothbrush, the taste was offal, and I kind of gagged. So he pulled it out and I spit in the sink.
"What is that stuff?"
"Its bubble gum flavored and is for children your age. I promise you will get used to it. Who knows, when you grow up you might still use it?"
"I don't think so... Okay I'm ready I'll try to be a good girl and not gag this time." I opened again and this time I didn't over react to the taste but some of the foam did drip down on cookie monster.
"All finished, you may spit now." I leaned forward and spit like he told me. He picked up a cup that matched my toothbrush and asked, "Do you want to wash out the taste?"
"Yes please." Afterwards I looked down and saw the toothpaste on my shirt and said, "Uh-oh."
"Its okay you did really well for your first time and you need to change shirts. You wore that one all night." He wiped the spot off and picked me up again.
At the end of the hall was his room. He showed it to me with statement, "This is Daddy's room and one day when you are bigger it will be yours as well." I looked around and it was like any other adult furnished room. He sat me on the unmade bed.
"Arms," I held my arms up and he took off my shirt and said, "stay on Daddy's bed until I get back with a clean shirt." I crawled up to the pillows. The sheets wear a satiny material and softer then my cotton sheets in my crib. I then lay my head on his pillow breathing in his scent. 'This is definitely Daddy's.' He came in, "Does my little girl like my bed?"
"Yes, it is softer than mine and smells like you."
"Hopefully someday soon it will smell like you too, but that all depends on how well you behave. Arms." I held up my arms as he put a white braw on me and a tank top with Strawberry Shortcake on the chest. The he changed my socks, and clipped my binky to my clean shirt.
"See, I told you it was no big deal. Do you want me to carry you for the rest of the tour?" I raised my arms with and gave him bed room eyes.
He picked me up and we headed to the other end of the house. He took me through the living room and into the dining room. It had a square table and
4 chairs; setting in the corner was a pink and white highchair.
"Daddy I'm too big for a high chair. I can sit at the table."
"I reinforced it so that it can hold your weight." He sat me on the table and took off the tray and then sat me in it. My butt just barely fit, but it did. 'Time for a different tactic.' "I'm too tall; you won't be able to reach my mouth."
"The height adjusts too. I just can't with you sitting in it." He went to pick me up, but like I said my butt barely fit so I had to scoot to the edge so he could lift me again. The kitchen was next all of the cabinets had child locks on them.
"I know you are smart enough to open a child lock, but if you see one then that means you need to stay out. Okay?"
"The fridge has one too. So basically that means you can come in the kitchen, but you can't open anything. Also on that same line of reasoning if I put up the kiddy gate then that area is off limits as well. If I catch you on the other side or opening something that is sealed then you will visit the Punishment Stool."
"So I can come into the kitchen, but I can't really do anything while I'm here."
"Someone is smart for their age, aren't they?"
"Are you mocking me?"
"Sorry honey, it wasn't meant like that. How to put it? Big people tend to talk like that to children, nothing is meant by it."
Our last stop was the living room. He laid me down on a blankie that was already spread out on the floor with a pillow. It was powder blue with Bedtime Bear on it and it was softer then my blankie had been when I was a real toddler. Bedtime Bear is like my patron saint of the Care Bears. I told Matt months ago, when I was a little girl I believed that he protected me from monster while I slept. Again he knew what pleased me.
"Oh, Daddy Bedtime Bear is my absolute favorite. I can't believe you remembered."
"This was made for you for our first Christmas, but we were separated before it came. For some reason I kept it and now it is yours." I kept running my hand over it and marveling at how soft it was. I was thinking how luckily I was, when I noticed my diaper was no longer warm. Instead it was kind of cold and clammy, and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to be changed.
"What's wrong sweetie?"
"It's my diaper. It's cold and uncomfortable."
"I'll tell you what. It's close enough to changing time that I'll go get the changing supplies and a warm bottle."
When he returned he had a fresh diaper and wipes in one hand a full bottle in the other. He knelt down between my feet and sat my stuff down to either side of me and I reached for my bottle.
"Hold on honey, normally you could drink while I change you, but this time is a special one since it is your first wet diaper." He undid the tapes of my diaper and pulled the front away letting the air in. It felt good to be rid of it if only for a little while.
Then I heard the wipe box open and felt the cold wipe as he slowly cleaned my pubic area. I shivered and he apologized.
"Sorry beautiful, but I haven't had a chance to go to the store to buy a warmer yet." He finished cleaning me. Then he lifted my legs and bottom like last night and pulled the wet diaper out from under me. He lowered me back to the blankie and I noticed that I wasn't lying on a diaper. 'Was it over? Was last night just to scare me?
I felt his lips touch the inside of my thigh and slowly trace their way up to her.
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