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Chapter 1 - Home again
This is a short story about Tammy, a college freshman returning home for spring break. She is 5' 4" slender with long red hair. The youngest of 3 children she has two older sisters Natalie 20 and Amanda 22. The events take place during her spring break.
"Finally," Tammy said to herself as she pulls unto the driveway. The three hour drive home is finally at an end and she can officially begin her break. She brings her bags in from her car and takes them into her room. Exhausted from her trip she decides to take a nap,
"Knock, knock," Tammy's mom shouts playfully poking her head into the room to roust her daughter from her nap.
"Hi, mom," replies Tammy getting up to give her mom a hug.
"How is school sweetie?"
"Tiring, I think I may sleep the whole week."
"Well before you slip into a week long coma I need your help. Your father is having a new air conditioner and furnace installed tomorrow and I want you to help me go through the boxes that are piled up in the basement since most of it is your stuff."
"Alright but can we eat dinner first I'm starving?"
"Sure thing, dinner will be ready in a few anyway."
After dinner Tammy accompanied her mother to the basement to begin looking through the boxes from her childhood. Tammy's mom opened the first box and dumped the contents on the floor
"Ok we can use this box to put anything you want to keep in this box and the rest can go into these bags"
"I don't know if I can condense this all down to one box"
"This stuff has been collecting dust down here for years I'm sure you can live without most of it."
Tammy rolled her eyes and began sorting through the pile. The first box contained some of her stuffed animals many of which had seen better days. She picked out a teddy bear her aunt gave her when she was little and "Mr. Turtle" a stuffed turtle she slept with as a child and placed them in the box then helped her mom placed the remaining ones in the garbage sacks.
The next box was filled with old school work and drawings. Tammy and her mother browsed through the papers her mom picked out a few sentimental masterpieces to preserve before discarding the rest and moving onto box number three.
"Wow my Cabbage Patch Dolls I almost forgot I had these," Tammy said reaching in to get one out.
"I remember the day when your bed was covered with them it took 10 minutes to take them off at night and put them back on in the morning."
Tammy begins pulling out the dolls one by one and looking them over surprised that she could still remember most of their names. As she picks up Ariel, a red haired girl wearing a little mermaid shirt and a size 1 Luvs diaper with Barney on it, she realizes something isn't right.
"Gross there were mice in here," she said showing her mom the telltale droppings that were clinging to Ariel's hair.
"I'm sorry sweetie. We can try washing them."
"No it's ok I don't need them anyway."
Tammy opened a trash sack and hands it to her mom who holds it open while she puts the mouse infested dolls in it. She says goodbye to them one by one as she drops them in the garbage bag. Her mom convinces her to keep her first doll Sara a brunette with blue eyes and also Alyson who was a gift from her grandmother. The remaining 21 fill 3 garbage bags.
The next box contains her care bears. Tammy saves a Funshine bear and Love a lot and bags up the rest.
They go through two more boxes of dolls and stuffed animals saving a few sentimental items and filling 6 more garbage bags. Tammy opens another box and looks puzzled.
"Mom why did you keep these?" she asks holding up a package of goodnites.
"I don't know honey when you stopped wetting the bed I just stored them in case you needed them again. Fortunately you never did."
Tammy put the partially open bag of goodnites along with two more unopened ones in a bag and tied it shut. The rest of the box had some old sheets to a bed she no longer owned. Finally finished going through the boxes, Tammy sat back and surveyed their accomplishment.
Six boxes sorted through 16 bags to throw away and one box of sentimental items to wash and save.
"Good job sweetie. Now let's get these bags out to the alley."
Tammy and her mom began hauling the bags two at a time out back for pickup tomorrow. Slowly but surely the pile of bags began to pile up until finally Tammy dropped bags fifteen and sixteen on top of the pile. She looked at the pile then said to her mom that sure is a big pile.
"Yeah you sure had a lot of stuff. I am going inside are you coming."
"I'll be right in," Tammy replied.
Tammy lingered surveying the bagged up remains of her childhood. She went over each bag again and making a mental note of the contents stuffed animals, school work, cabbage patch dolls, her hand stopped when she reached the bag of goodnites. She didn't know why but she untied the bag and pulled out one of the goodnites. She surveyed it remembering putting one on each night until she was 14. A flood of memories came rushing back to her. She had no idea why but she put the goodnite in her pocket and went back inside.
Tammy closed the door to her room and took out the goodnite. She opened it and stretched the sides. I must be crazy she thought.
After a moment of hesitation she took off her pants and put the goodnite on. Surprised that it still fit she examined herself in the mirror.
Since it had been a long day she decided to call it a night. She grabbed her pajamas and was about to take off the goodnite when she decided to leave it on. She lay in bed remembering all those nights as a child. She was always so embarrassed that she still wet the bed and was so happy when she finally stopped. So why was she laying in bed wearing a goodnite?
Despite feeling exhausted Tammy had a hard time falling to sleep.
Images of her childhood kept creeping into her thoughts. After hours of drifting in and out of sleep Tammy finally gave up and just let her mind wander. She remembered how her room used to look. She remembered her Cabbage Patch Dolls how she loved having them on her bed but she was afraid to sleep with them in case her goodnite leaked.
She could feel her goodnite and instinctively looked over to the corner where her dolls were always piled up and smiled; however her smile was short lived, when she looked over the corner was empty and she remembered. Her dolls no longer lived on her bed. They were now sitting outside in the garbage waiting for the garbage man to collect them. She remembered the faces of her dolls as she put them in the trash bags and began to regret her decision. She was suddenly glad her mom had insisted that she save two of them; however, of the two she saved two of her favorites Ariel and Samantha were not among them.
Tammy remembered throwing Ariel away because of the mouse droppings in her hair. At the time the doll had seemed so dirty and it caused her to forget how much she loved her. I am going to get up and bring her back in she thought as she drifted back to sleep.
The faint hiss of air breaks and the roar of a diesel engine got Tammy's attention. The garbage truck was in the alley and she still hadn't rescued Ariel and Samantha. Tammy rushed downstairs and outside. On her way she realized she had to pee. If she stopped to go to the bathroom, it would be too late so she went in the goodnite.
It had been over four years since Tammy had peed in her pants and this was the first time she could recall that she had ever done it when awake. The sensation as the pee splashed against her skin and soaked into the diaper was oddly pleasant but Tammy did not have time to dwell on it.
Tammy reached the garbage pile just as the truck was pulling up to her house. Oh great she thought, sixteen bags to go through and ten seconds to do it. She knew Ariel was at the bottom of one of the bags but Samantha was probably in the middle of a different bag. To make matters worse, there was no order to the pile. The three bags of Cabbage patch dolls were scattered randomly throughout the massive pile. With no better idea she decided to just start going through the pile and hope for the best. The very top bag was the one with the goodnites. Despite the lack of time she, felt the need to move the bag away from the pile. Moving the bag cost her the precious few remaining seconds and the garbage man got out of his truck and walked to the pile.
"Good morning," he said as he bent over and picked up two of the bags to throw in his truck. As he walked to the back of the truck to load them he noticed their contents and commented "throwing out some old dolls I see, any of them yours?" As he finished the sentence he lobbed the bags into the truck. They appeared to go in slow motion as the two bags, one filled with care bears and the other with her cabbage patch dolls, floated into the truck. They bounced off the compactor blade before landing on top of the bags of trash from the house next door.
Tammy cursed her luck, out of fifteen bags one of the first two had to be one with cabbage patch dolls in it. Now what, she thought to herself. Deciding that she already must look a bit foolish standing next to a pile of garbage in her pajamas she decided to bite the bullet.
"Yeah, actually all of them are mine. Mom wanted me to clean out my stuff from the basement while I am home on break. Unfortunately, I did it so fast I think I accidentally threw away some sentimental dolls one of which may be in the bag you just threw in. I just discovered it this morning and didn't have time to look before you pulled up."
"Well I'll tell you what," he said reaching down for another bag.
"I will put the bags next to the truck if you think you want anything inside them just tear the bag open." Throw anything you don't want in the truck and set the keepers down on the ground."
"Thank you very much."
The garbage man set the bag of dolls he had picked up next to the truck and reached and tore open the two bags already in the truck and spread the contents out so Tammy could sort through them quickly.
Tammy quickly found her target. Ariel was laying face down on a bag of trash. Tammy retrieved her and surveyed the rest to be sure Samantha was not in there. Satisfied that Samantha was not she picked up the next bag. Some Barbie's and small plastic baby dolls and accessories she puts the bag in the truck and is unable to look away.
The sight of six cabbage patch dolls scattered in the truck surrounded by garbage combined with the smell of the garbage truck is too much for her. They belong in my bed not in this rancid truck she thought.
She reached in and took out Beth a brunette with green eyes as well as Summer a blond girl with blue eyes. She surveyed the remaining four but found bite marks, mouse droppings and urine stains on them.
Reluctantly she admits they are goners and moves on to the next bag.
She makes quick work of a bag of stuffed animals and school work and is ready for another bag when the garbage man interrupts her.
"I need to run the compactor real quick so it will give you a minute to sort through some of these."
Tammy nodded and looked over the bags piled next to the truck. The roar of the engine got her full attention and she couldn't help but watch as the truck's compactor ran. The blade retracted which caused garbage to spill out from inside the truck back into the hopper. The garbage rushing out pushed the items in the hopper forward two of her cabbage patch dolls were pushed to the front facing her with their arms outstretched as if begging her to get them out of there. The sight tugged at Tammy's heart but not enough to risk doing something foolish. The scene did not last long as the blade descended down and covered the garbage. Once the blade was down the garbage man signaled that it was ok for her to put more bags in.
Tammy put a bag of old school work and one with stuffed animals in the truck. They rested against the blade which was only beginning to move back up, compacting the trash as it drew it into the truck. Two more bags, one filled with sheets the other with doll accessories, went into the truck. As the blade retracted Tammy's ears were assaulted with cracking and popping sounds as the blade crushed the mixture of dolls and garbage. Tammy tore open a bag of dolls and spilled the contents into the truck but did not see anyone worth pulling out. She looked up and saw the blade returning to its resting position and one of the dolls poking out from under it crushed but still visible. She quickly looked away and focused on the next bag which was the second
of three containing her cabbage patch kids. She tore open the bag
to reveal seven more of the dolls.
She debated which to save and which to cast into the hell of the garbage truck to be destroyed. The top two a boy Ryan and a girl Kristina were both covered in droppings but otherwise undamaged so she set them aside. Three more Piper, Ben, and Nick were dirty and not sentimental enough to save so she reluctantly flipped them into the truck. She found Samantha near the bottom of the sack no chew marks but covered in drippings and her body had urine stains on her. The sight broke her heart one of the two dolls she desperately wanted to save was ruined. While she stared at Samantha debating what to do the garbage man dumped the can with the household trash and signaled to her that he was going to run the compactor. Numbly she set Samantha down in the truck and stood back.
The garbage man began the cycle and she could see the dolls crushed in the first cycle. After only one round with the merciless machine they were flattened and dirty. Oh my God, she thought that is about to happen to Samantha. The blade covered the trash and began to compact it.
"STOP!" She yelled.
"What is it?" the garbage man asked as he hit the stop button freezing the cycle.
"I made a mistake I need to get that last one out of there."
"The blade is already half up she is probably smashed by now"
"Please just release it and let me see." Tammy said beginning to tear up.
The garbage man pulled the release lever dropping the load back into the hopper.
"Stay back and let me look I don't want you getting hurt. What does she look like."
Tammy described Samantha.
"She is one of the cabbage patch dolls like these." She said pointing to the dolls piled up on the curb "red hair wearing an orange dress I set her down on the right side of the truck just as you began the cycle."
The garbage man poked around for a minute.
"Is this her?" He asked holding up a doll.
"Yes, thank you."
Tammy inspected the doll as the garbage man finished the cycle. She was a little dirtier from the truck but had avoided any permanent damage. Her outfit was probably ruined but after removing her clothes and diaper, Tammy discovered her body was in good shape.
Tammy decided she could not subject any more of her Cabbage Patch dolls to the torturous death inside the garbage truck and set the final bag aside without even looking at it. She loaded the final 3 bags of stuffed animals and dolls into the truck satisfied that she had rescued the important ones.
The driver ran one final cycle while Tammy watched a big piece of her childhood disappear. As the truck moved on she focused on what remained, three packages of goodnites and thirteen dolls. I must be crazy. She gathered up the refugees and took them inside.
Tammy took the dolls into the laundry room. Sara, Alyson and the two care bears were sitting on the shelf. Her mom must have washed them last night. She put the other dolls in the washer and went back upstairs with the packages of goodnites. She took off the wet diaper and wondered how she was going to dispose of it. I should have thrown this in the truck, she thought to herself. She rolled the diaper up and put it in a Wal-Mart sack before setting it in her trash can.
Once the old diaper had been disposed of Tammy put a fresh one on.
She sat down on her bed and realized how tired she was. Her heart had been beating a mile a minute ever since she rushed out to the trash pile. She began to think about what had just happened about her cherished childhood toys crushed in a garbage truck and began to cry.
She had to pee and just let it go in the goodnite. After a few minutes she got up and looked at herself in the mirror. She saw herself wearing a pajama top and a wet goodnite and suddenly felt very ridiculous. I am an eighteen year old college freshman and I just rushed out to the street in my pajamas and a wet diaper and rummaged through the garbage for a bunch of dolls I outgrew years ago, and now I am sitting in my room crying over the ones I threw away and peeing my pants. That garbage man must think I am a lunatic.
Tammy took the diaper out of her trash can and threw it as well as the one she was wearing in the bag with the clean goodnites and walked to the laundry room. She grabbed two trash bags and opened up the washer. She took the soaking wet dolls out of the washer and put them in the garbage bags and headed outside. She spotted the garbage truck in the alley across the street and began walking towards it. She walked up to the truck. Enough of this childish behavior, she thought and flung the bags into the truck.
"Change your mind?" the garbage man asked as he came around the truck and saw her tossing the bags into the truck. .
"I am sorry about earlier. I made you wait while I sorted through the bags and cried like a baby when I saw one of the dolls crushed I don't know what came over me. I outgrew those years ago and they are garbage I am just glad I came to my senses while you were still close"
Tammy turned and began to walk away.
"If that is what you want then I will take them away but you obviously felt strong enough to tear through a pile of bags to get them back.
It also looks like you started to wash them. Why don't you take these back and think it over. If you want, you can always throw them away next week but if you throw them away now and change your mind later it will be too late. You saw what happened to the ones you loaded earlier once the compactor runs they are ruined and gone forever."
He handed Tammy the two bags of dolls from the truck and examined the third bag.
He opened it and removed the two wet diapers and put them in the truck before handing the rest of them back to Tammy, "here it looks like you may need these too."
"UM..." was all she managed to get out as her face turned beat red.
"Don't worry honey I saw them poking out from under your pajamas when you were sorting through the trash. It's nothing to be ashamed of I see a lot of those in the trash you are not alone. I know you are conflicted so take some time and decide what you want to do but remember throwing away some dolls won't make you any more of a grownup and keeping them any less of one. I would hate to see you throw away something so important without thinking it over. Take them home and clean them up and if you still don't want them I will take them away next week."
Tammy thanked the garbage man for his advice and help and headed back home soaking wet dolls in one hand and unused goodnites in the other.
Great now he not only thinks I am crazy he also thinks I am a bed wetter. Tammy debated just dropping the dolls in the big trash can and being done with it but decided to take his advice. She put the dolls back in the washer and restarted the clean cycle.
Tammy finished washing her dolls about an hour before her the crew came to install the new air conditioner and furnace. She took her dolls up to her room and arranged them on her bed. Exhausted from her sleepless night and hectic morning she put on a goodnite and shorts and laid down on her bed surrounded by the dolls and fell asleep.
Tammy awoke to the sound of knocking on her bedroom door.
"Wake up sleepy head."
"What time is it," she asked not yet awake enough to realize how she must look.
"It's almost three. I was going to give you a hard time about sleeping all day but it looks like you were up earlier. I see you had a change of heart this morning."
Tammy's mind jolted awake as she remembered how she fell asleep. She was grateful that she had the sense to put some pants on over her goodnite since she felt foolish enough about the dolls.
"Going through my stuff brought back a lot of memories and I decided I wanted to try to clean up some of my cabbage patch kids. After I finished I just collapsed."
"You must have worked fast everything was still piled up and the truck was pulling down our alley when I left this morning."
"Yeah it woke me up and I went out to retrieve them. The garbage man beat me to the pile but he was nice enough to help me get the ones I wanted and I helped him clean up the mess."
"Good I felt guilty leaving such a large pile. I thought about staying around to help him but I needed to get my errands done and get back in time to let the installers in. Anyway sweetie I am glad you got the ones you wanted in time I was going to save a few more for you last night but decided I was just being silly and trying to hang on to the past."
"Thanks mom," she said a sense of relief coming over her.
As her mom left the room, she realized she needed to pee again so she let it go in the goodnite. She lay down on her bed in a wet diaper surrounded by her dolls and felt truly relaxed and happy. She enjoyed her wet diaper for a bit before getting dressed and going to find her mom.
Tammy woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. She looked over in the corner to see the familiar pile of dolls. Ah just like the old days except my diaper isn't wet she thought. That thought was short lived when she realized her diaper was in fact wet.
She didn't know what freaked her out more that she was wet or that she seemed to enjoy it. She convinced herself that it was an isolated incident - she probably woke up in the middle of the night and wet it without remembering it. Satisfied with her rationalization, she got up and showered.
After her shower, she headed to Wal-Mart for some supplies. She wondered around the store checking off the items on her list. She was almost finished when she drifted over to the diaper isle. Her Cabbage Patch dolls' diapers had been ruined so she decided to pick up some replacements.
So many choices she thought to herself. She studied each package carefully. The Luvs with their Blues Clues designs did not interest her but she was torn between the Huggies with Pooh and Pampers with the Sesame Street designs. Unable to decide, she put one of each in her cart. She was about to leave when the goodnites caught her eye.
They had obviously made some changes since her bed wetting days. They now made separate designs for boys and girls. She couldn't resist and put one of the L-XL girls packages in her cart. Before leaving the diaper isle, she picked up some wipes, powder, Desitin, and scented diaper disposal sacks.
With her shopping complete she headed for the checkouts. On her way up she wet her goodnite. She felt strange deliberately wetting her pants in public but also enjoyed it far more than she thought possible.
She felt a bit nervous as she unloaded her items on the belt. Relax she told herself people buy diapers all the time it is no big deal.
Her cashier was pleasant and friendly as she scanned her items.
"Wow two in diapers you must have your hands full," the cashier said as she scanned the diapers and goodnites.
Caught off guard by the comment Tammy had to think fast.
"Well one of them only wets at night so it's not too bad."
The cashier nodded and completed the sale. She thanked Tammy and told her to have a nice day.
When Tammy got home, she ran upstairs eager to try on her new diaper.
She tore off the wet one and put it in a sack. Hmm I am going to have to dispose of these wet ones somehow she thought to herself as she applied some powder and Desetin. She put on the new goodnite and admired herself in the mirror. I look cute she thought as she admired herself.
After she stowed her diaper supplies, she got to work diapering her dolls. She put half the dolls in Huggies and the rest in Pampers.
Not wanting to waste the remaining diapers Tammy split open one of the Pampers and stuffed it in her diaper. She was rewarded with a nice thick diaper when she flooded it a few minutes later.
Tammy spent the next five days in diapers and playing with her dolls.
She enjoyed the freedom of wetting herself whenever she pleased but she knew her break would soon come to an end. She was torn. She enjoyed the diapers and dolls but knew she didn't want to explain this to her roommate and she defiantly couldn't hide it. She had almost been caught by her mom once already.
She went downstairs and returned with a trash bag. It had been a week and what a week it was; however, it was time to grow up. She opened a bag and picked up a doll. She stood there staring at it trying to force her hand to let it drop in the bag. Damn that garbage man why couldn't he have just taken you last week. She mustered all the willpower she could and let the doll drop. She Put Ariel, Samantha, Sara, and Alyson in a box in her closet and the rest into the bags.
She took the dolls along with the remaining diapers outside and put them in the bottom of the can. Her mission complete she returned to the house.
Tammy endured another sleepless night. It felt strange to be without a diaper for the first time on over a week but she refused to give into temptation. At some point she must have fallen asleep because the sound of the garbage truck pulling up to her house woke her up. I am not getting out of bed she told herself and closed her eyes trying not to picture her dolls being dumped into the truck. She heard the roar of the engine and knew that meant that the compactor was running.
It's over I made it. Relief and regret washed over her. Her eyes swelled up and she cried herself to sleep.
Tammy packed up her car preparing for the return trip to school. She glanced over at the can knowing it was empty but not able to bring herself to look. Finally after the third trip outside she opened up the lid and as expected it was empty. They are really gone she thought and resolved to move on.
Her mom went with her to Wal-Mart to pick up some school supplies and groceries. As she walked the isles she remembered her trip a week ago. It already seemed so distant.
They returned home and Tammy helped her mom unload the car. As they were walking in her mom said "Something wrong sweetie?"
"I threw my dolls away."
"Why sweetie? You have had so much fun this week. You are more relaxed than you have been in a long time."
"I know that's the problem. I am too old to play and sleep with dolls. I can't do this at school so I just need to remove the temptation."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with you wearing diapers all week would it?"
Tammy's face turned ghost white and she was unable to speak.
"Don't look so surprised I saw the goodnite hanging out from your pants last Friday afternoon when you were laying on your bed. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass you. I knew you were worn out from school and needed some time to decompress. You wore them to bed every night until you were fourteen so it is natural you would get some security from them."
"That is the problem I was afraid if I kept going like this I wouldn't be able to stop."
"I doubt that sweetie you were on vacation you are allowed to relax a bit."
"Well it doesn't matter now anyway they are gone and I am leaving for school tomorrow," she said as she went up to her room.
"Sweetie before you go upstairs could you take the laundry detergent downstairs for me."
Tammy walked downstairs into the laundry room and her jaw dropped.
Sitting there were the two bags of dolls and the bag of goodnites.
Her mom walked in behind her.
"I found these in two bags sitting in the garbage can this morning. I thought you might regret throwing them out so I put them downstairs.
I figured if you asked about them or regretted the decision I would show them to you if you seemed ok with it I would put them back in the trash and be done with them. I know you think you need to get rid of them to return to your normal life but I have confidence in your ability to find the proper balance. You can keep your diapers in your closet you can wear them whenever you are at home and feel you need to and if you want to take them to school just keep them in your suitcase your roommate will never need to know.
Tammy teared up, "Thank you mom I love you."
"I know sweetie I love you too."
Tammy pulled away from the house and headed back to school. What a good spring break she thought. She took a drink of her 32 oz tea knowing she would need to pee soon because of it. She smiled as she looked down at the waistband poking out from her shorts. Good thing I came prepared she thought.
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