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The following is a small part of my experiences and development as a 25 yr. old, straight, male diaper wearer: "Story of a 25 yr. Old Diaper Wearer" I've had a fascination with wearing diapers since I was in Kindergarten. At my Kindergarten, there was a nursery room. When any of the students were misbehaving, we would be sent to a "time-out" in the nursery where we would have to sit until the teacher came to get us. I used to misbehave intentionally so I could go to the nursery. I would day dream as I looked at the stacks of disposable diapers on the changing table. I wanted to be punished by having to wear one of those diapers. I dreamed of my teacher strapping me to the changing table with the little lap belt on the changing table, and wiping my behind with a sweet smelling baby wipe. This never happened, but I would lie awake at night thinking about how nice it would be to have to wear diapers.
When my cousins were born, I remember there being a box of pampers in my grandmother's closet. As a six year old, I used to think about obtaining one of those diapers so I could try one on. I never did get to try one on, and my diaper fantasies were soon put away as I started elementary school (learning to read, making new friends, adjusting, playing baseball). They would not resurface until fifth grade.
I have only studied psychology in a limited sense, but, interestingly enough, Freud recognizes the time between Kindergarten and adolescence as a time where sexual desires lay dormant as the person develops in other aspects. It is in early adolescence where experiences from early childhood may resurface to have an influence (potty training, traumatic experiences, introduction to sexuality, etc...). This was certainly true for me. In addition to the thoughts and attractions I began having toward girls, I also noticed that I still had the desire to wear diapers. I became fascinated with the thought of having "accidents." I was now a little older, and I figured out that if I used enough toilet paper to line my underwear, that I could poop my pants without too much to clean up. I used to do this quite frequently, and adults in my family began wondering why I was spending so much time in the bathroom. By the time sixth grade came, I was even bolder. I noticed that some of my underwear were old, and that my mom wouldn't notice if a few of them disappeared. I began pooping my pants on the way home from school on the bus. My biggest fear was pushing so hard that I peed, so I always emptied my bladder before I left school. There were three good looking girls on my bus that I would talk to on the 45 minute bus ride each day, and I loved to hold conversations with them as I pushed a big load into my Levis. Only on one occasion did any of them notice, but they had no proof that the smell was coming from me. How I longed for one of them to clean me up.
Another one of my cousins was born while I was in sixth grade, and that left a supply of diapers at my grandparents' house. While spending the night there, I would casually pick two pampers to wear under my sweat pants to bed. I remember lying awake in anticipation of trying to pee in the diapers. I even sneaked a couple of diapers home with me to put under my mattress. I realized the danger involved in my mom finding them, but the pleasure and fascination outweighed the risk. During seventh grade, I decided to try wearing the diapers to school. My major concern at school was P.E.. In seventh grade I had P.E.
last period, so I had to ditch the diaper in the trash of a secluded restroom by sixth period. I never considered trying to wet the diaper at school--I already had discovered how undependable they were when it came to leaking, and I knew that if the smell of a dirty diaper was detected by one of the many "preppy" little cheerleaders that I had crushes on, that my life would be over. I was never caught, although sometimes I wish that I had been to see what would have happened. I probably remember wearing diapers to school more than I actually did, but realistically, I wore diapers in seventh and eighth grade twenty or thirty times. I loved the sweaty, hot feeling that a diaper under tight jeans provides after a few hours of wearing.
It wasn't until high school that I realized what a grip my fascination for diapers had on me. I shall continue this story in Part II.
I was a freshman when I discovered the "medical supply" section of the Sears and Roebuck Catalogue. In there was the solution to my diaper wearing problem of baby diapers being too small to offer any real protection. There was a picture in the catalogue of an adult wearing a "medium sized Attends Adult Brief." Wow!! I didn't even know that there were adult sized diapers. I knew that if there was any way possible that I would soon be obtaining Attends Adult Briefs. I patiently waited until I got my drivers license the next year, and spent the first two months driving around to various drugstores scoping out the adult incontinence section. It was a long time before I worked up the courage to purchase any, but I didn't have a problem buying the largest baby diapers that I could find. I hid them out in the shed in a filing cabinet. I don't think anyone ever found them.
By the time I had worked up the courage to buy the Attends, I was dating girls. I remember going back into town after dropping a date off for the night, and buying my first box of Attends. The young girl at the counter laughed at me with one of her friends as I left the store, and I had to wait a while for the adrenaline rush to subside, but it was an incredible feeling to put on a diaper that was actually designed to fit me. I don't remember how many times I wore diapers to school and on dates after that. I became very proficient at changing in restrooms of fast food restaurants. Each time I wore a diaper, there was a renewed satisfaction and pleasure.
I continued my love for diapers into college, although I didn't have as much time to buy the diapers and go through the hassle of disposing/hiding them. There was one particular time in my freshman composition class that I remember trying to think of a way to have contact with someone (particularly a female) about my desire to wear diapers. I came up with the idea of going to a large chain convalescent aid drug store, and telling the saleswoman that I had an embarrassing problem of bedwetting, and that the nurse at my doctor's office had recommended that I buy some adult briefs to wear until the "problem" was taken care of. I left school that afternoon to go to the store. The first salesperson that tried to help me was male. Just my luck. I said that I was "just looking." He told me to ask if I had any questions. I thanked him, and stood there drooling at the huge selection of adult incontinent products in front of me. I saw a very attractive female salesperson working nearby, and I asked her if she could help me. (At this point my heart was racing so much that I thought it would explode). In a scared voice, I told her that I had just come from the doctor's office because I had begun wetting the bed. I pulled out a small slip of paper which had "Adult Briefs" written on it. I explained that the nurse recommended this store and a specific type of product. The girl was extremely sympathetic. She began showing me the full line of products. She gave me samples. I was in a daze as her beautiful hands touched the plastic diaper samples that I would soon be wearing. I acted as though I was in shock that what the "nurse" had recommended looked so much like a "diaper." She said, "Well, it IS a diaper for adults." She showed me the alternatives, but recommended the full briefs for night time use. She walked up to the counter with me, and wished me well as I walked out of the store with a box of Depends, and about ten sample products. It was about two days before my heart slowed down. I returned to the same store with a similar story two more times over three years, each time getting a beautiful female to help me choose a product.
I still like to wear diapers, but it's hard to find the time to be discreet. My wife knows that I like to wear diapers, but we haven't yet implemented it into our relationship. I think it's just a matter of time--she's very understanding. I'm the one that has a hard time telling anyone else about my desire to wear diapers.
Have any of you had similar experiences? I have been surprised to read how many others have had similar fears that they were the only one in the world partial to wearing diapers. I was extremely relieved to find out about this news group. Let me know.
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