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DailyDiapers Story Index
Jayme's Second chance. by dad2u *
" Jayme,
"I don't want you to feel badly about this, but for the
remaing two weeks of school, you will have to start
wearing a daytime diaper under your school clothes.
I can't keep showing up at the nurses office with a
change of clothes because my 12 year old daughter has
been having so many wetting accidents. Before you throw
a fit, sweetie, I have no say in the matter. The school
is insistent on this, so lets just keep everyone happy
and deal with this problem responsibly. When the nurse
suggested wearing some type of "protection," I mentioned
that you and your younger sister, both wear diapers for
bedwetting. I thought that your nighttime protection
might be too thick to wear under clothing, so she
suggested a brand that was thinner and easier to hide,
that some other students wore.
" I picked up a
few bags to get you through the rest of the semester.
Tomorrow, I will take you to school myself and will
discreetly drop off the diapers with the nurse. ok? She
will expect you to check in with her whenever you need
to potty. Don't wait until you've wet yourself. She can
remove your diaper so you can use the toilet there in
her office."
"I don't want you trying this on
your own. You need to see her. I do not want to get any
more calls from the school, because you won't cooperate.
I managed to covince mommy to let me out of daytime
diapers when summer vacation started and I was home and
a toilet was always nearby, but that didn't last very
long .
One day I was watching tv and felt the initial
urge, but I was too engrossed in my movie to let her
know. Eventually she looked in and caught me sitting
there, legs crossed with my hand on my crotch. Without
saying a word, she grabbed my free arm and pulled me off
the couch, and dragged me off to the bathroom. It was
hard to keep up with the small steps I was taking to
mitigate the damage. Reaching the bathroom, it was quite
obvious that I didn't make it. Mom decided that I would
use up the remaining daytime diapers from school, that
were quietly returned to me on the last day of classes.
I didn't have any trouble staying dry for the rest of
the day, but I can't take credit for that. She was in
full mother mode, sneaking diaper checks and dragging me
off to the bathroom every 1/2 hour, careful to make sure
Sarah did't find out that I was diapered under my
clothing. Before bedtime, she even had me sitting on the
potty, while she spread out my changing pad and nightime
diaper, on the bathroom floor. Mommy wasn't leaving any
chance for an accident before I was securely padded.
Once I used up the rest of my "school" diapers,
there was no hiding my daytime accidents from my sister.
Mom reached her boiling point when Sarah started having
"accidents" herself, probably after seeing me in wet
pants so often. This is the point where my life really
started to fall apart. One morning after breakfast, she
suggested that Sarah and I get dressed and play in the
back yard. She hoped to get her cleaning done without us
getting in her way. We had already decided to build a
playhouse, out of some empty appliance boxes that we had
in the garage. I even borrowed one of mom's serrated
dinner knives to cut out the windows and doors. I had
already started to get dressed when mom told me to go
potty now, as she didn't want us running through the
house with dirty shoes. Once I had returned from the
bathroom, mom reminded Sarah to do the same. While my
sister was momentarily distracted, mom took advantage of
this time to rush me to my room where she quickly
removed my jeans and panties, and put me in a diaper. I
was reminded to come see her when I needed to use the
bathroom. Mom told me to finish getting dressed while
she went to help my sister. Unable to get my Jeans over
my nighttime diaper, I eventually chose matching sweat
pants and shirt. We both headed outside and started
planning where to build. Being the oldest, I took charge
and started laying things out. I was quite warm and
comfortable even with the cooler morning temperature. it
took about 45 minutes to build the three main sections.
We dragged everything into place, arranged them how we
wanted, and I started to cut out the doors and windows
that Sarah had marked. Most of The appliance boxes we
had for this project were big enough for Sarah to stand
in, once the roof was in place. I spent a lot of time
squatting while I worked, cutting out all the doors and
windows. I was in the main section cutting out a
skylight in the roof when I felt some pressure and
assumed it was just gas. Checking to make sure that
Sarah wasn't watching, I let one rip. Huge mistake. My
sister, who was just on the other side of the box heard
me and poked her head through a window. There I was, red
faced and still in a squatting position. Even if I
hadn't just soiled myself, my posture and embarrassment
definitely suggested otherwise.
"Did you have
an accident Jayme ? " she asked
"NO, I didn't.
Sarah" I lied
When I saw my sister running
towards the house I knew she didn't believe me. All I
could do now is fight back the tears and wait for the
fallout.
In less then a minute, both of them were
running towards me.
" Jayme, Sarah said you had
an accident, did you cut yourself with the knife ? " mom
asked worriedly.
" No mom, I'm fine " I said
unconvincingly
" Will someone please tell me
what's going on here ? "
" Mommy, I'm pretty sure
that Jayme had an accident in her pants. "
As
mom headed towards me, I slowly started backing up. Mom
knew I was getting ready to bolt. We've played this game
before, and just like the last time, I would probably
lose this round too. I turned to run, but mom got the
jump on me and grabbed for the loose fabric on the sides
of my sweatpants. Running was no longer an option, with
my pants around my ankles. I just held my shirt down
with my hands to cover my shame.
" let go of your
shirt !" mom ordered.
I was only given a few
seconds to comply before mom grabbed my shirt, pulling
it over my head, to where I couldn't see or get my arms
free on my own. With one hand, mom had me immobilized as
her other hand landed two smacks on the back of my
thighs. Once my shirt was off, I was so embarrassed,
standing there in only a diaper and training bra. I knew
that my sister was watching everything. I'm sure that
the pee stains on the crotch of my diaper were obvious
enough but when mom had spanked me, she immediately knew
the full extent of the damage.
" OH My god,
Jayme, when is this going to stop ? Now your pooping
yourself as well ?
" Mommy is tired of all the
accidents you've been having. I thought you might ask to
use the potty today, if mommy to put you in a diaper.
That's probably what would happen to any other child who
would rather wet and soil herself then use the potty.
" I was hoping you would make the right choice. I
even told you use the bathroom, just before I diapered
you earlier. Now I'm sorry that I didn't follow you in
there, to make sure you actually did.
" Mommy
won't have to worry about making that mistake again. I
have seen all I need to see.
" Is there anything
you would care to tell me ? "
" I'm NOT a child.
I cried ! It just happened, I don't know why. " I sobbed
" You can't possibly expect me to believe that it
just magically appeared. "
"I know, Jayme. Maybe
the tooth fairy put it in there, to get back at you for
that time you left a dog's tooth under your pillow,
hoping to pass it off as your own ! " Mom teased.
My sister, who just stared silently until now,
couldn't stop laughing at mom's comment. I can't really
blame her though, I brought this on myself.
" I'm
sorry honey, but you have had more then enough time to
correct this problem. I have to take charge now. This
has been going on way too long.
" Bedwetting is
one thing, Neither of you have any control over that at
the moment, but eventually you will both stop having
nighttime accidents.
Noticing the look of
surprise om Sarah's face, Mom had to explain that also.
"Yes Sarah, Jayme also wets her bed every night, and
mommy still needs to make sure she is properly diapered
at bedtime.
" Both of you girls are too old to be
having daytime wetting accidents, but pooping your
pants, without a valid medical explanation, is just
being lazy.
" Jayme, I really think you need
some time to decide if you are ready to grow up and
start acting responsibly. At your age, you should be
helping out with chores around the house, cleaning your
own room, putting your dirty clothes in the laundry
hamper, helping out with Sarah, and being a good role
model for your younger sister. Despite my patience, you
have not attempted one thing on this list. I was willing
to overlook all of that, not wanting to put any
additional pressure on you, but I refuse to overlook
these accidents any longer. I'm not trying to hurt your
feelings honey, but most 3 year olds have better daytime
potty skills then you do. We both know it's not a
medical issue, previous testing ruled that out. I even
had you try counselling, but you would just refuse to to
open up whenever the conversations got personal.
" I don't have the patience, nor the energy right now to
start potty training you again. It's also quite obvious
that you aren't ready to make that commitment, honey.
This has to be something you want for yourself, or
you'll just be wasting everyone's time. I just don't see
that motivation on your part. What's most troubling for
me is that you don't even seem bothered by all of this.
You shouldn't be having accidents in your pants simply
because you are too lazy to pause a movie, or to take a
break from playing, like you should have done today.
Think about the bad example you are setting for your
sister. I gave you every chance possible to turn this
situation around and become a better role model for
Sarah, but you continued to disappoint me. If my eldest
daughter wants to continue wetting and pooping herself
like a defiant toddler, then that's exactly what you'll
be doing for at least the rest of this summer.
"
What does that even mean ? " I nervously asked.
"
It means that until the end of summer vacation, 3 months
from now, your little hiney is going to stay in diapers.
I have been quite patient with you, but nothing else
seems to be working. Now, there will be a lot less
laundry, puddles, and ruined clothing, for mommy to
worry about. We also won't have to cut our trips short
because you soaked your pants in public. Remember, once
I put you back in diapers, you'll have no choice but to
use them. Your heavy night disposables should keep your
outer clothing clean and dry. Only Big Girls get to use
the potty, so your bottom won't be sitting on one for
quite some time."
" Do you understand me Jayme ?
The only time that tushy of your's won't be padded, is
when I am bathing, or changing you. If I ever suspect
that you are trying to remove your diapers, the paddling
you'll receive will make today's swats seem like
Birthday Spanks. Mommy is done playing games with you,
kiddo.
" Can I tell you when I need to go, mom ?
" I asked, sobbing
" Of course you can, honey!
....But you will still have to do it in your diapers. "
" Mom Please, I don't want to wear diapers in the
daytime." I cried
" You didn't complain when I
put you in a diaper earlier, this morning ? And when
your sister asked if you wet or pooped yourself, did you
own up to it ? "
" How about when I gave you a
chance to tell the truth, did you ? "
" No need
to respond sweetheart. We all know the answers to those
questions.
" .... I'll try harder this time, Mom.
You'll see. "
" No Jayme, we are done with the
promises, you never kept any of them. For the rest of
summer, all mommy expects from her little girl, is lots
of wet and messy diapers.
" I'm sure there are
people your age and older that have similar problems,
and deal with it responsibly. I'm just asking you to
deal with your "accidents" the same way, by accepting
and using your diapers.
"Mom, NO.... I'm 12 years
old. I'm too old to be wearing diapers.
"No
honey, 12 years of age is too old to be wetting and
messing yourself, just because you are too lazy to use
the toilet. That's why mommy decided that you need to
stay in diapers.
" Can I change myself ?
"
Are You Kidding Me ? Jayme. If I can't trust you to use
the potty, I'm certainly not going to trust you with
that responsibility. I told you earlier what will happen
if I see you tampering with them.
" Jayme, Listen
to mommy ! During the last two weeks of school, when
they insisted that you start wearing a diaper to
classes, you didn't have any choice. It kept everyone
happy, you no longer posed a health issue to others,
people didn't need to follow you around with a mop.
That's all I am asking for. Now you can continue to wet
and mess yourself whenever you feel like it, but It's
going to be in your diapers, Not Big Girl panties.
" Can I wear Goodnites or training pants, instead ?
" No Jayme, Goodnites did't work in the past,
remember ? Now that you are older, they simply won't
handle your heavier wettings, or poopy accidents, like
this one." mom replied, patting my bottom, that
mysteriously appeared in your diaper. And, before you
ask, training pants are for Big Girls who use the potty,
but still have occasional wetting accidents.
Little
Girls, like you, who have frequent wetting and pooping
accidents, and rarely make it to the potty, need to stay
in diapers until their mommies think they are old enough
to be potty trained. "
" Honey, This is ALL ON
YOU, no one else. If you actually used the potty this
morning:
1) you most likely wouldn't be facing a
whole summer in diapers, right now.
2) You and your
sister would still be having fun, working on your
playhouse together.
3) you wouldn't have this, umm,
...load in your pants."
" It's called 'cause and
effect. " Here is an example: " Your decision NOT to use
the toilet, when you had the chance, resulted in you
wetting and messing youself, just over an hour later."
"See how that works ? All choices and decisions
we make in life have consequences. As adults, we have to
consider what consequences might result from our
actions. This is something most kids don't do because
that part of their brain hasn't fully developed yet.
Sadly, some decisions that kids make have had serious or
even fatal consequences. Fortunately for you, honey, I'm
pretty sure no one has ever "passed away" from diaper
rash ! ....And before you try to blame this on your
young brain's inability to predict the outcome, I must
point out that, given your past pants wetting
experience, surely by now, you have figured out that no
one is able hold their bladder forever. Jayme, I want
you to remember this conversation, and try to learn from
it. We all make mistakes, or wrong choices, that's a
normal part of growing up. Please don't make the same
mistakes over and over, ok ? Learn From Them."
" Jayme, I really hope this isn't how you want to
start junior high and the beginning of your teenage
years ? You need to make sure that you don't become so
comfortable with using your diapers, that you find
yourself wet or messy, without prior warning. If that
happens, your school will again insist that you are
diapered, when you start back to classes in the fall.
You have the perfect opportunity now, to help yourself
over the next three months. Work on your bladder
control. Try holding yourself to the point where it gets
uncomfortable, then let your diapers deal with it. You
have to use your diapers regardless, so you may as well
use them to help strengthen your bladder and bowel
control.
"I will take care of changing my
BabyGirl when I feel you need it, so no asking.
Hopefully, spending a summer in diapers will encourage
you to work towards training pants, and be done with
this nonsense.
I would prefer to start you potty
training right before school starts, but in case we
don't, I'm sure the school nurse won't mind handling
your diaper changes, like she did before vacation. "
" Am I the Big Sister now, MOM ? Sarah asked
" It looks that way honey, but lets save the "Mom"
for special occasions ok? I don't need you growing up on
me overnight, while I'm busy with your sister, who
apparently refuses to grow up, at All.
"This
is going to be a tough summer for Jayme and she's going
to need our support. Jayme was always a wonderful Big
sister to you, when you were younger, so I expect you to
show her the same kindness. Remember, Big sisters are
supposed to teach by example. Make sure you don't have
potty accidents, or else we might have a hard time
convincing Jayme to give up her diapers so she can start
potty training at the end of summer. Why don't you watch
tv or play in your room for awhile, honey. Mommy needs
to get 'lil potty pants to the bathroom, so I can bathe
her and have her smelling pretty again. Then, I will see
how you are doing before I have a talk with your sister,
ok? " honey
The rest of my day was a blur.
Mommy rinsed my bottom off with the hand held shower
then ran the bath water, adding bubbles that she used
for Sarah's baths. The warm water relaxed me as did
Mommy's gentle touch as she sponged my back. I know I
shouldn't be feeling this way, but with everything I had
been through this afternoon, I wasn't exactly feeling
grown up, anyway. When my bath was over. Mommy helped me
out of the tub and dried me off. I watched as she folded
a towel in half lengthwise, then again in thirds,
crosswise, before placing it on the floor at my feet.
" What are you doing mommy? " I asked nervously.
" I wanted to give you a little time to settle down
before we check on your sister then go to your room to
have a little talk before your punishment officially
starts. The pad is just to protect the carpets when we
leave here, since I don't have you in a proper diaper
yet.
She then got a larger beach towel, had me
spread my legs and centered the folded pad in between my
legs while I stood. I was asked to hold it in place,
front and back, as she wrapped the beach towel snuggly
around me, protecting my modesty and holding the pad in
place.. She was very gentle with me, even speaking in
the way she did when I was younger. ....that was when I
started sobbing. Still seated on the side of the tub,
she pulled me into her lap and hugged me. We stayed that
way until I settled down, then we headed to my room,
stopping momentarily to check in on Sarah. Entering my
room she placed a changing pad on the edge of my bed and
sat me on it. Mommy then pulled a chair over for herself
and sat facing me.
" Jayme, I know this isn't
easy for you but I need you to be honest with me now.
Why are you having all the accidents? They started at
school but after awhile you started having more of them
at home. We confirmed that it wasn't medical, and you
never appeared as concerned about it as I was. I had to
assume that you probably knew the answer. At that point
I was heartbroken at the thought that all of this could
possibly be deliberate. I tried to confront you a few
times about this but you would always shut me out. The
times that I noticed you had accidents were also the
times you seemed most content with yourself. It was only
when I thought back to the loss of your dad and the
birth of your sister, 3 months later, that pieces
started to fit. Almost overnight you became mommy's
little helper. I considered that maybe you lost out on
an important part of you childhood. I now have to wonder
if the immature behavior, bedwetting, and daytime
accidents are somehow related to this.
All I
could do was cry. Mommy hugged me tightly and we both
cried. I don't want to grow up mommy.
"I miss
the attention I got from you and daddy. If I grow up.
I'll lose all that. My past will be forgotten."
"
I'm so, so sorry sweetie. I should have seen this as a
cry for help before it got to this point. You used to
talk to me when you were younger, why didn't you just
come to me ? This must have been so hard for you to deaL
with all by yourself. Honey, from here on, just promise
me that you will come to me sooner and we will work
problems out together."
"I may have a way to fix
everything if you are willing to try. This will be hard
for you, Jayme, I need you to understand that. You have
given up all of your "Big Sister rights and priviledges.
All important decisions in your life will now be made by
mommy. I will explain everything to you and your sister
shortly. Are you prepared to accept this ?
"Thank You Mommy, I promise I will do my best as long as
you and Sarah help me through this. We have been trying
to help you Jayme, and over the next three months, you
will also learn how to help yourself."
" Sarah
thinks you are going to be punished for your accidents,
and for appearance sake, you will be, so I would like to
go ahead with that as planned. The only difference is,
this won't be just a punishment in our eyes. This will
be a chance for you to get some maturnal attention that
you missed out on. I would think that by the end of
summer, that 'need' will be satisfied enough for you to
be able to work through this and move on with your life.
I would love to have my Big Girl back. Sarah seemed just
a little too quick to step up to the role of "Big
Sister" so I'm curious to see how she handles it. If
Sarah is this determined to take over your position. I
can almost guarantee she won't have any more wet pants
during the daytime. For that reason, She also needs to
be included, in small ways, so she can feel needed. I
cannot and will not Ignore her just because you demand
more attention. I may appear a bit stricter with you
when Sarah is around, for her benefit. Your "punishment"
is going to require more of my time, for awhile, and I
don't want your sister to feel left out. Sarah needs to
see this as a real punishment, and NOT the kind of
attention that she would want for herself. This is going
to be Baby Boot Camp, Jayme. You better be up to it.
Mommy removed my bath wrap and damp "dribble pad"
before diapering me in one of my nighttime disposables
and adding a cute pink midriff shirt that did nothing to
hide my diaper. She then made two side ponytails with my
hair, and dragged me to the mirror. I cried when I saw
the child I always imagined myself as, smiling back at
me. I was sniffling as I hugged mommy. Sarah would
definitely think that I was upset with my diaper
punishment, As soon as mommy grabbed my hand I got
nervous and started to cry, wondering how Sarah would
react to seeing me like this. My sister came running
over when she saw me and gave me the best hug I ever
had. Noticing the tears I was trying to hold back, Sarah
looked concerned. I'm convinced my sister felt badly for
what I was going through. Mommy gave my sister and I a
chance to get comfortable, sitting together, before
going on to explain what I could expect during my summer
punishment.
" This is what I have planned
for you, Jayme. I want you to see this is a learning
experience, not just as your punishment. The hardest
thing for you to come to terms with, will be the loss of
ability to make decisions for yourself. As a
"preschooler" your daily schedule will be decided for
you. When I get you up in the morning, when I bathe you,
put you to Bed at night, your naptimes, playtime,
feeding time, even when I change your diapers. All of
these important activities happen when I tell you they
will, you have no say in this. Children need structure
and they do well with routines. They come to expect
what's next. You will still get to make some choices,
like how to spend your playtime, what books to color, or
toys to play with. If you are being really good, mommy
might let you choose your favorite meal, sometimes. I
will decide when you have earned it. Your first weeks
will understandably be the hardest, while you adjust to
all these changes in your new life. Remember honey, it
is ok to cry if you feel overwhelmed. That is what
little girls do. I think that not having to stress over
your wetting accidents will be a huge burden lifted.
Starting today, your sister and I will expect you to wet
and poop in your diapers. That is what they are for, so
there won't be anymore "accidents. There is nothing for
you to be ashamed of, you are just doing what any, not
yet potty trained girl, would do. On the subject of
diapers, mommy has also decided that, while at home, you
will wear cloth diapers and plastic panties. It is going
to be too expensive to continue using your current
nighttime diapers, with all the changes you are going to
need over the summer. I will make sure you have
disposable diapers on hand for when we leave the house.
Mommy will place an order for your cloth diapers,
liners, and plastic pants, later today. For now, we'll
just keep you in your nightime disposables until your
new ones arrive."
" Now, on the topic of
routines, here's what I have chosen. You will have the
same schedule as your sister had. Your bedtime will be
at 8pm on the weekdays, 9pm on weekends. Sarah's
bedtimes will be 1/2 hour later then yours if she wants.
You will have your dinner with everyone else at 5pm,
Bathtime is 6pm. Mommy will get you up in the mornings
at 8am for breakfast. You will stay in your nighttime
diapers, unless of course you are messy. Once breakfast
is over, we will head to the bathroom and I will change
you out of your diaper and give you a quick bath. When I
get you diapered, you and your sister can then watch
cartoons in the family room or when it is warm enough,
play in the backyard, while mommy cleans up around the
house. While at home, you will wear only your diapers,
plastic panties and a T-shirt, that doesn't cover your
diaper. I want to be able to check when you need to be
changed. Keeping your diapers exposed will help
reinforce that you need them now, and that you should be
comfortable with wearing them. Your sister also has to
get used to seeing you in them. If you are in the back
yard playing, you may wear a longer shirt to cover your
diapers, but to honest, with the fence, the yard is
pretty secluded. If we are out shopping you can choose
between sweat pants, short skirts or shorts. I think by
now you know what to expect with the routine at home,
Lets talk about those times when we are going to be away
from home. You have had more then a few accidents in
school and at home in diapers, so I won't be overly
concerned about them unless something becomes obvious.
You can let me know if you used them but I will be
checking for myself too. Your clothes will hide your
diapers, so no worrying about that. "
"If you
need a diaper change while we are out, or your sister
needs to use the bathroom I will try to find a family
bathroom, or private changing area, but, If people do
find out, just tell them you have a medical problem. If
you leak or have a poopy accident, sweetie, it's not the
end of the world. We'll get through all of this as a
family. Now, some things I have considered for at home:
I never had any intention of making you a baby, I would
consider you to be a preschooler, who stubbornly refuses
to potty train, so for that reason you won't be sleeping
in a crib, or fed in a high chair, and you won't be
wearing baby clothes, other then your diapers. You will
however have a playpen, for two important reasons.
First, you need a safe place for whenever your sister or
I can't be around to supervise you, Or you are being
punished with a timeout. Second, It can be a place for
you to go if you feel you need some time alone. While in
there, your sister can't disturb you unless you choose
to interact with her. If you are lying down, or actually
napping, she will know Not to bother you. Do Not Abuse
this priviledge. Sarah and I will respect your privacy
but this isn't going to become a way to hide from us. I
thought the family room might be the best place for it,
but you can have me move it if you want. I imagine at
first you will probably want some "quiet time" to get
used to all these changes in your life and we will try
to respect that. You could also take naps in your room
instead of the playpen. Well I think that about covers
things for now. Try your best to get through the next
three months. Sarah will be your "Big Sister" for
awhile. Enjoy having your sister to play with or your
days at home will be very boring. Let her read to you
and do a lot of the things you used to do with her. I'm
sure this will also give her the chance to learn what
it's like to care for a child, should she one day decide
to try babysitting, when she is your age.
I will
also be handling all diaper changes myself. I know you
enjoyed getting her diapered and tucked into bed at
night, but you aren't her Big Sister for the time being,
and because she isn't actually your Big Sister, she
won't be around when I am changing your diapers. If she
knows that you're wet or messy, or you tell her you are,
she has the right to let me know, but ultimately, I am
the one who decides when to change you.'
" You
just need to have patience with each other. This is just
as new for your sister, as it is for you. Learn to talk
to each other. If something is bothering either of you,
discuss it, and learn how to compromise. Jayme, now that
your comfort and companionship is entirely dependant on
other people, I hope you will come to understand that,
and be more aware of their needs, also. This can turn
out to be an excellent bonding experience for both of
you. Remember, either one of you are welcome to talk to
me about anything that you can't work out together.
"Sarah sweetie, mommy needs to talk to Jayme, then
put her down for a little nap. I'll be back in a few
minutes then you and I can talk, ok? "
"yes
Mommy. Can I give sissy a hug first ? "
" Of
course you can ! I think your little sister would really
appreciate one right now. "
I felt much better
now that I saw how concerned that both, mom and my
sister were for me. Mommy took my hand, and we headed to
my bedroom.
" lets see how your diaper is holding
up after everything that has happened. It doesn't seem
too wet sweetheart, would you like mommy to change it
anyway ?"
" No mommy it's ok for now. "
" Jayme, I would like to discuss some things with
you, while we are alone." Becoming a little sister for
the summer isn't going to be all that easy. That's why I
want your full attention on what mommy is going to tell
you now. We aren't going to hide in our home this
summer, just because you are being " punished, " mommy
winked ! We will be leading otherwise normal lives,
doing all the things we always did, shopping, errands,
visiting friends and taking daytrips. The only
difference this summer is that you will be doing all
this while in diapers. You will get to experience the
same situations that babies face every day, honey. You
will however be reacting to them with an adult mindset,
not a childs, and that could be upsetting to you."
"If a baby's diaper is exposed when they bend over
in a store, they don't care ....How would you handle
that ?"
"Babies wet and poop whenever the need
arises. Are you prepared to do that in the checkout line
of a crowded store ?"
"If you do happen to wet
yourself and your diaper leaks, are you going to freak
out on mommy ?"
"What I am trying to show you
sweetie, is, there will most likely be other situations
where you will find yourself out of your comfort zone.
Mommy will help you through them, the best she can. I
can't prepare for everything, nor am I going to try. You
will just need to keep an open mind. I will help you
deal with a crisis when we get to one. You are really
going to learn a lot about yourself this summer, honey.
I'm willing to bet you are a lot tougher then you give
yourself credit for." My poor baby just needs to find
her confidence. I'm PROUD of you for taking these small
steps backwards, in order to gain a Big step forward."
MY mommy hugged me !
" Rest for a little
while, I need to talk to your sister then put her down
for a nap too. When she drifts off, I'll come see if you
are awake, then we can talk some more, ok ?" Mommy
kissed me on the cheek !
While Sarah napped,
mommy got me up and we went to the Family room. We
agreed on this location for my playpen because it gave
me a great view of the TV, the couch, and across the
room to the kitchen. I was happy with just seeing the
TV, but I think Mommy wanted to be able to keep an eye
on me from the other locations. I helped mommy retrieve
the playpen, from the garage, and we set it up. It had't
been in use for almost three years.
"Once Sarah
learned how to climb out, I just folded it up and stored
it away. I never thought I would be setting it up again,
much less putting my twelve year old daughter in it."
mommy laughed
I remained quiet as mom went to get
some lysol and a few rags and asked me to wipe
everything down. After starting with the top rails, I
worked my way down each of the vertical bars . I tried
wiping the pad through the side bars but that was
akward. Mom saw me and told me to just climb in and work
from the inside.
" You are going to be spending a
fair amount of time in it this summer, honey. You may as
well get used to the view from in there ! "
One
more reminder of my new status, but on the positive
side, I might just need a quiet place to stay if my
sister gets too bossy in her new role. Mommy lined the
bottom with a cushy blanket and added a few others to
cover with, drape over the top, to block out light, or
hide under, if I needed a little privacy, to make a
messy, she teased ! Three pillows completed her
contribution. Mommy then gave me a stuffed Bear that my
sister wanted me to have, for company, but just until I
got one of my own ! Mommy said that along with my own
Stuffed animal, she would get me a few things to amuse
myself the next time we went shopping. She also needs to
find me some clothes to go out with. Clothes that will
hide my diapers, and still allow for easy diaper changes
in public restrooms. I would have a few days at home to
adjust before we tackle that. " mommy assured me,
I started to climb out when mommy stopped me.
" Why don't you try having a little nap in it,
sweetie. Mommy has some housework to finish anyway. "
"This will be your "spare room" for at least the next
three months, you don't need my permission to use it.
However, there is one exception. If mommy puts you in
your playpen, then you need to stay there until I let
you out. It will be the the same as being sent to your
room. Mommy is the only one who gets to decide when your
'Time Out' is over. I summoned the courage to take that
step backwards to my childhood. It was surreal, 12 years
old and voluntarily climbing into My playpen. I almost
wish mommy had put me in there kicking and screaming.
That would be the kind of behavior expected from someone
my age. Maybe I am giving into this whole experience too
willingly. Maybe I haven't been verbal enough. Maybe I
should just rip this diaper off and call it quits. Then
it dawned on me. Before today, when was the last time
mommy said she was proud of me ? And with that thought,
...I climbed in. It was actually quite spacious, I
giggled. Moving things around, I found that I could
sleep quite comfortably, stretched out diagonally. It
was nice and cozy under the blankets, staring up at the
ceiling. With nothing worrying me, I quickly drifted
off. I'm not sure how much time went by, but when I
finally came around, I was pretty sure of the outcome. I
had wet considerably and didn't want to leak, which was
very close to happening. Finding mommy would be the
responsible thing to do. She was cleaning the bathroom,
a room I'm not allowed to be in, except when she is
bathing me. I was almost there when she heard the
footsteps and popped her head out the door. There I
stood, bed haired, diaper sagging halfway to my knees,
and clutching my bear. She couldn't help but laugh.
" Sorry sweetie, But you just look Way Too Adorable
!! "
Mommy walked me to my room and spread the
changing mat out on the floor this time.
"Did
your playpen get wet, honey ? " mommy asked
" No
mommy, I was careful when I woke up and came looking for
you right away."
She had me stand over the mat
and hold the diaper up while she undid the tapes, then
lowered the diaper into the waiting pail. She cleaned me
up while I was still standing, then had me lie down on
my waiting diaper so she could powder me and tape it up.
A few pats to the front of my diaper brought me back to
reality, as mommy pulled me in for a hug.
" Keep
up the good work, BabyGirl !"
" I'm hungry ! Lets
go see how that Big Sister of your's is doing. "
Mommy said we could send out for food if Sarah and I
could agree on a place, ....something that never quite
worked out in the past. I think Mommy was pushing to see
if our solidarity could survive the test of time, ...or
at least a day !
When we got to Sarah's room, we
could hear her talking to her stuffies, as she calls
them. When she saw me, she flew out of bed, nearly
knocking me off balance, as she jumped into my arms.
My left hand caught her squarely on the bottom of a
squishy diaper.
" ...Guess I wasn't the only one
who woke up soggy after naptime, " I confessed
"
You slept with my Bear, sissy ! " Sarah exclaimed
" I was still cuddling him when I woke up, Sarah !!
" Let mommy get you cleaned up and then you can get
your Big Girl panties and the rest of your clothes on by
youself " I told her as I handed her off to mommy.
" Thank You, Jayme. I need you to go and quietly
wait in your playpen, for mommy. You can watch tv, read,
or play, so get what you need, first. Once you climb in,
mommy wants you to stay in there until I tell you
otherwise. We talked about this earlier. Is that
understood? honey ? "
" Yes mommy. " I said,
while fighting back the tears.
" Your sister will
be along shortly, after I get her cleaned up, and we
have a little talk."
I hugged my Bear for comfort
and walked back to the family room. I couldn't
understand what just happened. Mommy, who had been so
caring and affectionate during my diaper change, just
sent me to my playpen. Grabbing the tv remote I walked
over and obediently climbed in. I turned the tv on
hoping to distract the thoughts but I couldn't see
through the tears. My playpen, that had been so much fun
to set up and decorate, while bonding with mommy, ......
now felt like my prison. Too upset to watch tv or play,
I started to think back on the conversations mommy and I
had earlier. I did remember her mentioning she might
seem a bit stricter with me when my sister was around.
Maybe that's all this was. I tried to find some comfort
in that but only got more distressed.
It was
almost an hour before my mommy and sister joined me and
I was struggling with my emotions.
"I have a few
more things to finish before we decide on dinner so
Sarah will keep you company. You need to be a good girl
and remain in your playpen for a little while longer. If
you want to play with your sister it will have to be
through the bars. She can't be in there. Playpens are
just for toddlers.
I didn't respond to mommy.
" lets see how your little sister's diaper is doing,
Sarah. " mommy announced
Mommy cupped her hand on
the crotch of my diaper, feeling for weight or a doughy
texture, then she turned me around and tugged at the
waistband a few times, and sniffed for messy accidents,
all the while, ignoring me but quizzing Sarah on
different aspects of the process, like I wasn't even
there. That's when something in me snapped.
" I
am perfectly capable of letting you know when I need my
diaper changed ! I stated adamently, before realizing
that I had never once asked mommy or the nurse at school
to change me when I had wet.
" I'm not sure you
are, Jayme. Regardless, that's not how this works. I
will still be checking you, and I have been teaching
your "Big Sister" how to perform diaper checks, herself.
"Lose the Attitude, unless you want to end up over
my lap."
" I'm not letting my sister check
anything. " I screamed, without any thought to the
consequences.
Mom calmly walked over to my
playpen, stood me up and gave me two flat hand slaps to
the back of my thighs, like I received earlier, but
noticeably harder.
" You don't get to make those
decisions, Jayme. Only mommy does. "
I threw
myself down on the playpen floor and had a full blown
temper tantrum, kicking and screaming, hitting my
pillow, even wetting myself, without knowing, at the
time. Mommy and Sarah, I later learned, watched to make
sure I didn't hurt myself until it was over. Totally
exhausted now, they left me to sleep it off.
Two
hours later, I woke up. I remember being upset but
didn't fully understand the extent of everything that
happened until later.
"Are you ready to cooperate
and be a good girl, Jayme ? "
"Yes mommy, I'm
sorry. " I'll be good.
"Softening her tone, she
invited me over to the couch. Mommy held my hands as I
stood facing her. Sarah quietly got up from her seat and
positioned herself beside me.
" Show mom and your
sissy what you learned, honey"
My sister had me
turn so that I was facing her, and she took my hands in
hers while she smiled up at me for a few moments then
politely asked me to copy what she was doing. Right hand
on your Left elbow, Left hand on your Right elbow, kinda
like you are hugging yourself, now just let your arms
rest against your tummy !
" Good Job ! Now I
need you to spread your legs just a bit more. Can you do
that for me, please ? "
" Jayme, stand up
straight, and eyes forward, honey. You don't need to
watch your sister, she knows what she's doing. " Mommy
corrected Jayme
" If you cooperate, I'll get this
overwith quickly, Jayme. Thank You ! That's perfect."
I felt Sarah's hand lightly cupping the crotch
of my diaper to check for wetness
" Jayme's
definitely wet, It's just a small area, and the rest of
her diaper is dry. " Sarah stated.
I shook my
head in denial but didn't say a word, not wanting to
make Mommy mad.
Almost through this humiliating
ritual, my eyes followed Sarah until she disappeared
behind me.
" Last part, Jayme Mommy announced."
I felt my sister tugging on the waistband of my
diaper, then I heard her sniff a few times. That usually
signaled the end of a diaper check, but this time there
was a second even more thorough inspection to my
backside, before I was officially finished. Sarah hugged
me and thanked me profusely for being so cooperative.
Now was Sarah's big moment, mom's assessment and
critique.
" Sweetheart, mommy thinks you did an
awesome job. You knew your sister was already upset from
earlier and you dealt with that in the proper way,
Gaining her trust and putting her at ease by talking
softly, maintaining eye contact, holding her hand,
reassuring smiles, complimenting her, these are ALL
great ways to put someone at ease, and to show them that
you're only trying to help. The "folding the arms" was a
nice touch you added ! Since you had already had her
trust, she never questioned why she had to do that. It
did however keep her hands out of the way, while you
went about your inspection. It also subtly reminded her,
of who was in charge.
You checked her diaper for
wetness quickly and efficiently but when it came to
checking for a messy diaper, it seemed like you weren't
really sure.
"Can you explain why, Sarah ? "
When I checked the first time I thought she had a
poopy diaper. To know for sure, I had to peek the second
time, and saw she was clean. I just assumed that she
Tooted !
"Jayme can you step over here for a
second, please ? " mommy asked
" I noticed that
Too, Sarah, you were right. And yes Jayme, you are wet,
sweetie. "
" I'm guessing that you probably wet
yourself, and passed gas during your little temper
tantrum. I think it's pretty safe to say that if you
hadn't pooped your diaper so thoroughly earlier this
morning, I most certainly would be dealing with the
worst diaper blowout of my life. When kids get so
emotionally worked up, like you did, every muscle in
their body contracts and it's not unusual to lose
control of their bodily functions.
" Let's try
not to have any more of those, ok ? I know that this
summer will be hard for you, and you may not always
agree with me, but you just need to trust Mommy. Your
sister and I just want to help you, Jayme, but you need
to be willing to do your part too.
! Excellent
presentation, honey. Congradulations ! You passed your
test, you are now a qualified diaper checker !
"
Sarah, I really like the "folding the arms" idea. Where
did you get that from ? "
" From school, Mommy.
The kids that get a Time Out have to sit or stand with
their hands folded like that.
" I'm hoping that
you didn't learn from personal experience ! mommy teased
Sarah
"I think I will have Jayme assume that
position every time we request a "diaper check. " mommy
suggested
Softening her tone, she hugged me for
being so cooperative and mentioned, that as far as she
was concerned, "my earlier meltdown" never happened.
" Why don't you girls curl up in a blanket together
on the couch, watch tv, and take some time to settle
down and enjoy each other's company. I think we'll send
out for Barbeque tonight.
" Is everyone ok with
that ? We all agreed !"
I told Mommy I was
thirsty, and asked if I could have a glass of water.
"Gee, I don't know sweetheart. I would hate to see
you spill it, on your nice blanket, " again winking at
me !
" If only there was a way to have drinks and
not have to worry about spilling them. Hmmm "
"
Can we get Jayme a Bottle ? " Sarah suggested.
"A
bottle ??? " Mommy questioned
"yes mom, like a
baby uses. "
" A Baby Bottle !! What an excellent
idea Sarah ! Do you think we should also get Jayme a
Binky ? It might relax her when she gets upset, or is
having a Time out" Mommy smirked
"Yes, I think my
little sister would like that when she is sad.
..Damn, mommy manipulated my sister, just like she did
me. I know she did it for my sister's benefit, but now,
at least I won't have to hide the bottle or my paci from
my sister, when I get them.
"I think we might
have some of those packed away, from when You were a
toddler, Sarah.
" Keep an eye on the Baby,
honey, while I go look."
In just minutes, mommy
was back with a surprisingly new Bottle and my very own
Binky.
" Those don't look like mine ?? " Sarah
stated
" You are right, sweetie. I bought these
for you, but you never got to use them because you
outgrew the ones you had. These are still in the
package. "
Sarah might be satisfied with that
explanation, but someday I am going to find out how
mommy pulled that one off.
It was shortly after
this That dinner arrived. Everything was set up in the
kitchen, ready to start, before mommy came to get me.
Mommy noticed that my diaper was quite wet but she knew
that I would be getting a bath after dinner, so she just
put an old folded bath towel on my seat before I was
allowed to sit. My chair was pushed forward, and mom had
a bib tied around my neck before I knew what happened.
mommy and Sarah had plates, I had my food cut up in
small portions and served in a bowl. I was given an
option, I could eat with my fingers, or use a spoon with
my left hand, something I had never done before. I
decided to try the spoon and wound up with half of the
food in my mouth and half of it caught in the bib, which
I later ate with my fingers. I had cleared my plate, but
at great cost to my dignity. I had sauce all over my
face and hands. I was looking around for my napkin when
Mommy noticed the problem. She thoroughly wiped my face
then hands with a wet towel, before getting my bottle of
milk out of the refridgerator. I noticed both of them
watching me, probably wondering if I'd figure it out,
but thirst won out over embarrasment, and I started
sucking. Both of them clapped as if I just passed some
monumental milestone... Oh well, slightly less then 3
months left :(
When the main course was finished and
the dishes cleared, dessert was served. ..sticky
pastries, mommy was really enjoying this, heck, so was
my sister. She broke out in giggles more then once.
My sister wanted to help me clean up but mommy reminded
her that I was headed for my bath right after dinner, so
I was fine for now. With the Kitchen done, and my sister
parked in front of the tv, it was bathtime for me. Mommy
started running the water as she removed my T shirt and
the shameful diaper, covering my bottom. Adding some
bubbles before the tub was too full, She helped me in.
She started to talk more now, that my sister wasn't
around. She thanked me for going along with her and
trying to bolster my sister's confidence, and explained
why she seemed to be stricter with me when Sarah was
around. She just wants Sarah to see that it's better to
be a Big Girl, then to follow my example and end up a
helpless baby. I promised to keep working with her on
this, because I was responsible for my sister's daytime
accidents. My bathtime has been a special bonding time I
have come to enjoy. Unfortunately, We all have to grow
up. Luckily, I don't, for almost 3 months :) Hearing the
water drain,
I know it's back to reality. mommy is
toweling me dry and soon I will be ready for bed, after
the time I get to spend with my sister.
Wrapped in a
thick bath towel I am quickly led back to my room, and
watch as mommy goes through the same nightly ritual. The
big difference now, is that none of my supplies are
hidden. While in diapers, there is no need for secrecy.
The changing pad, diapers, lotions, they're all right
there ready for me.
" Alright honey, Let's
get this overwith, your sister is waiting for you !"
I climb up on the pad and lie flat. After that, I
just do what i'm told. Lift your bottom up, lie down,
grab your knees, lie down, spread your legs, done.
Evening diaper changes never bothered me.
My sister
didn't learn about my bedwetting until recently. Now
there are no secrets. Tonight though, something isn't
right. My diaper feels different. Not wanting to delay
this process any longer, I remain silent. Mommy stands
me up, pulls a pink T shirt over my head, then clips a
short tether to my shirt.
"Here's your new
Binky, Sweetheart ! "
JAYME !!!! my sister
came to greet me. Like before, I am led to my designated
pad on the couch. Sarah snuggles up to me and Smiles !
You look pretty. Compared to the barbeque sauce I was
covered with at dinner, yeah I probably do, I thought,
momentarily feeling sorry for myself. One look at Sarah
and my sarcastic thoughts melted away. This girl is
totally enamored with her Big Sister role. Brushing the
hair out of my face, making sure I was warm enough,
would I like my bottle ? I said yes just for the thirty
second break I would get, until she returned ! Sarah
actually had me put my head in her lap while she held
the bottle for me. I was pretty sure at this point that
Sarah would never follow my footsteps, and end up in
diapers. She would more likely grow up, babysitting,
then having her own children someday. . The tv was on
but neither of us were really paying attention. All of
Sarah's attention was on me. Every time I looked up she
would smile at me. I actually felt kinda sad. I don't
recall ever looking at her in quite the same way. She
must have noticed my anguish because she set the baby
bottle down and replaced it with my paci. I couldn't
help crying, this little girl was more attuned to my
feelings then I ever was, to her's. She just kept
smiling and gently stroking my face as I struggled with
the guilt I felt for being such a selfish sister. A few
minutes later mommy came in to let me know it was time
for Bed. Sarah sat me up and gave me a huge hug and a
kiss on the cheek. I thanked her for the attention and
told her I looked forward to playing with her tomorrow.
As mommy headed off with me in tow, Sarah spoke up.
" Mom, Jayme's diaper is thicker tonight. "
"That's very observant of you honey!" Let me explain
why.
"Jayme, tends to wet heavily at night,
actually both of My Girls do ! Mommy Laughed
"Now that she has an earlier bedtime then you, and can't
use the potty, like a Big Girl, Her diapers have to hold
everything she can put in them and still keep her bed
dry until morning. Mommy added an extra pad to make them
more absorbent. Do you know what that means ? "
" It means to soak up, like a sponge does. " right ?
" Well, aren't you the little smarty-pants, Sarah !
" Mom's impressed !
" Let me get the Baby all
tucked into bed and then I can sit with you for awhile,
ok princess? "
" Ok ! Ni NI Jayme, see you
tomorrow ! "
The next morning, mommy came to wake
me a bit earlier then expected and I was Thankful. I
wanted to tell her about last night, my time with my
sister, my guilt, everything that came crashing down on
me.
and I wasn't sure a half hour would do it. Mommy
pretty much had it figured out anyway. Right now she was
concerned about me. She sensed the guilt I carried for
not always being the sister I should have been. Mommy
explained that Sarah is past all that.
"Sarah is
enjoying Her chance to be there for her sister, now. She
remembers all the times you were there for her, Jayme,
not when you weren't. Forget that part. Sarah only cares
about the special times you both shared, and so should
you. Over this summer, you two have the chance to really
learn about each other and to work as a team to see each
other through these rougher times. Honestly, by the end
of the summer I'm sure Sarah would really love to have
her Big Sister back. ... By the way, Sarah was 4 when
when she asked you "How does pee pee disappear when it
goes in your diaper ?" and you explained absorbency to
her. I hope you understand now, just how much positive
influence you have on that little girl. Your sister is
waiting for you, honey. lets go get some breakfast,
shall we ? "
I let mommy help me out of bed, and
walk me to the kitchen, knowing that I would be staying
in my nighttime diaper until after breakfast. My sister
got up to hug me and led me to the table. Apparently not
convinced, soley by the way it sagged, she gave a
squeeze to the crotch of my diaper, as I reached for my
chair. How cute she was, looking out for me like a
little mother. I was really hoping to spend some quality
time with her later, even if it is through the bars. I
know she has questions for me, she'll start to ask, but
then stops herself. I just hope I can answer them for
her, but I'm still trying to come to terms with all
these new feelings, myself.
Well four more days
have gone by and I'm getting more comfortable with the
routines. Sarah has been my saving grace through all of
this, and she's only " Big Sister" for the duration of
my punishment, so she's making the most of it. I noticed
she goes off to her room to play by herself while mommy
is around to spend time with me. When mommy is cleaning,
Sarah takes over watching me. I don't know if my sister
planned things this way, but it means I spend less time
alone in my playpen. I really can't complain though.
There were some more "firsts" this week and I welcomed
the seclusion. Two days ago I got constipated. mommy had
me stretch out on the couch with a baby bottle filled
with warm apple juice. It did offer some relief from the
discomfort. A few hours later she had a friend run to
the pharmacy for her. Mommy told me she had something
that should help fairly quickly. I was willing to try
anything by then.
" I think we would be better
off doing this in your room, Jayme. " Mommy suggested
Mommy actually carried me to my room, not that
i'm very heavy, but she hadn't done that in years. I
stood quietly while she covered my bedding with a
plastic backed sheet and helped me up. She had me lie on
my side while she removed my diaper. I was asked to roll
on my tummy if that wasn't too uncomfortable. A rolled
up pillow under my thighs took the pressure off my
stomach.
" Now Honey I want you to relax, this
might be a little ackward for you, but we have talked
about "firsts" and I don't think you have experienced
this before.
The medication mommy has for you is
called a suppository. It will go in your bummy and take
about fifteen minutes to dissolve and start working. I
will use a little baby oil to help it slip in easier."
" Are you ready sweetie ? "
" Yes mommy,
I said rather unconvincingly. "
" That's my Big
Girl, This is the first of two, and here is the second."
" All Done! What a brave girl you were ! "
"
Lets roll you over so mommy can get you diapered."
"Sweetie, mommy is going to slip a pair of your new
plastic panties over your diaper. I want you to stay on
your back now until everything passes, then I can get
you cleaned up in the shower.
"The panties,
hopefully should prevent leaking on the way there. "
A little while later it was obvious that the
medication was working. I got a little scared when my
tummy started growling something fierce. Mommy assured
me that this was normal, while encouraging me to hold on
a bit longer. Finally my body took over, and in the most
unladylike way, I erupted. Way past embarrasment at this
point the only option left was to laugh. Mommy laughed
too. She couldn't believe those demonic sounds were
comming from someone so tiny. My relief though, was
instantaneous, and I couldn't stop hugging her. Not
wanting me to be alone that night, mommy asked if I
would be comfortable sleeping in the playpen, while she
slept beside me on the couch, and I agreed. I was now
able to walk myself to the bathroom. Mommy had me step
in the shower as she peeled off the plastic panties.
They were in remarkable shape. We both knew we wouldn't
be so lucky with the next layer. Mommy, again had me
stand, legs apart, with a trash bag lined waste basket
under me. I held the diaper up and mommy pulled the
tapes. On three I let go and we each grabbed our nose! I
moved to the shallow end of the tub and tied the bag
while mommy ran the water. When it was comfortably hot,
she sprayed me clean. I then relaxed with a quick bath.
Mommy got me dried and diapered and suggested that I
wear the plastic panties because I might wet heavier
tonight with all the drinks I had, and could also pass
any poopies that might be left. I quickly agreed. I was
hugged and tucked into my little fortress for the night.
The next morning I awoke an hour later then usual. mommy
was still asleep on the couch, and Sarah, still in her
nighttime diaper, was holding my hand through the
bars... I later learned from mommy that Sarah was
holding my hand in case I got upset, waking up to a
poopy diaper. I told mommy I knew I had messed myself
but, I pretended I wasn't aware of it because I didn't
want my sister to find out. I have more admiration for
my 'lil sister every day, but I'm finding it hard to
believe she's only 6 !!
Thinking back over the
past days, mommy realized that I only had two messy
diapers since this whole incident started. At first she
just assumed my body was adjusting to all these changes
in my life. After my bout with constipation, she was
convinced that I was intentionally holding myself, so
she needed to put a stop to that. Mommy knew that I was
usually a morning person when it came to that bodily
function. My breakfast that morning consisted of a bowl
of oatmeal with molassas, and sliced banana. My morning
bottle was filled with prune juice. When I had finshed
my breakfast, mommy addressed Sarah and I.
" I
know you want to play with your little sister, but mommy
would like you to give Jayme a half hour alone in her
playpen, after breakfast each morning. This way she can
have some privacy to make a messy in her diaper before
mommy changes her. After she's back in a clean diaper,
you two can play together."
Some days I was able
to go rather quickly, other days took longer and we lost
out on our time together. Mommy, thought for a moment
then told my sister and I what she decided.
"Little girls just don't potty on a schedule. They wet
and mess in their diapers whenever their body decides,
so that's what our little girl is now expected to do.
After breakfast, I would be changed out of my nighttime
diaper, cleaned, and padded up for the morning. We were
now free to play and whenever I felt the urge to wet or
make a messy, I did. Now that I wasn't being held to a
schedule, Sarah seemed to be keeping a closer watch on
my bodily functions. She usually ignored my wettings,
but she would bring me to mommy fairly quickly when I
had a messy one. Mommy preferred to deal with those
sooner, no need to risk getting a rash or worse, an
infection. The high fiber breakfast, baby bottle of
prune juice and the excercise from playing usually
resulted in a messy diaper change, well before
lunchtime. That kept mommy happy, and me, from getting
constipated, again.
Mommy decided this might be
the time to switch me over to my new cloth diapers. I
followed her to my room and watched as she layed
everything out on the bed and started folding diapers. I
wondered how mommy was able to get everything ready so
quickly. How would she know about folding them so that
they would fit me...? I learned that she used to use
them on me, before Sarah was born.
"I may have to
adjust them a couple of times, honey. " You are a lot
bigger then the last time I padded you up in cloth !"
mommy teased
I hopped up on the bed and
positioned myself on the pile. Mommy pulled the front up
and was happy with the fit. She had me lift my bottom up
as she centered a thin disposable liner under me. I
couldn't help but blush when she explained it's purpose.
Mommy pulled the sides up and pinned everything snuggly.
The plastic panties were slid up to my knees, them mommy
swung my feet over the edge of the bed and helped me to
stand. There was no doubt that cloth diapers were a lot
thicker in the crotch then my disposables were, but they
were quite comfortable. Mommy pulled the plastic panties
up and gave me a few pats on my bottom, which I heard
more then felt ! My first few steps felt akward but I
quickly got used to them. I looked in the mirror and saw
that the pink plastic panties closely matched my pink
and white T-shirt but the diapers were noticeably
bulkier and I wondered if my sister would tease me.
Mommy stayed with me as we went to find Sarah. I had
worried for nothing as my sister hugged me and said I
looked adorable. We spent most of the morning playing
together in the family room. Mom reached into my playpen
and checked me a few times, relieved to find they were
holding up well. I noticed that they felt wetter more
then the disposables did, especially when I shifted
positions or sat down.
Mom had finished her
cleaning and joined my sister and I. It was still well
before naptime but I felt content lying in my playpen
listening to the tv as Sarah and mom watched a movie
together.
Curled up under a blanket, I closed my
eyes, sucked on my paci, and daydreamed about my new
life. I'm sure Sarah thought I was sleeping, because
when mommy got up to get a snack, I heard my sister walk
towards me. Lying as I was, inches from the bars, my
diapered bottom was too tempting for Sarah to pass up. I
half expected she was up to something when I felt her
little hand, slide under the blanket, comming to rest,
on my diaper. It became apparent she was just checking
the condition of my diaper. She pinched a few spots to
check for wetness, patted other areas to check for
messes, satisfied that I wasn't in dire need of a
change, she gave her approval with a few pats to my
bottom and returned to the couch. At least I didn't have
to participate. I couldn't help but smile at this
amazing little girl.
Eventually I was able to
earn mommy's trust to where Sarah and I could stretch
out on the living room carpet and color, work on a
puzzle board , or just be kids. Mommy did insist I kept
a folded bed bed pad under me until she was sure my
cloth diapers were secure enough to protect the carpet.
This didn't happen every day, just when mommy wasn't so
busy with house cleaning and laundry, that she could
check up on us periodically. I think mommy relaxed her
guard because she was happy to see us bonding again.
Sometimes she would take a break and watch her favorite
tv shows while we enjoyed our time together. I thought
about mommy sleeping on the couch, the night I wasn't
feeling well, and started to hatch a plan. I was hoping
that my sister and I could sometimes have our naps
together in the family room. I had my playpen and Sarah
could sleep on the couch. I whispered my plan to Sarah
but she didn't think mommy would let us. We quietly
worked out our stratagy, and I was ready to confront
mommy.
" What are you two squirrels up to ? " she
asked
With all the whispering and giggles I knew
mommy would be om her guard.
" mommy ? Do you
think Sarah and I...ummm could maybe have some of our
afternoon naps together here ? I mean, I will sleep in
my playpen and...ummm Sarah could sleep om the couch,
like you did."
When mommy didn't answer right
away I knew she was trying to find a way to shut this
idea down.
" Sarah can get kind of restless while
she sleeps, Jayme. I wouldn't want her falling off the
couch, and hurting herself. "
" She could use her
Sleepover bag on the floor next to my playpen, " I
suggested
" Well sometimes while you two nap in
your rooms, mommy likes to watch her shows on tv. I
wouldn't want that to disturb your sleep. " mommy
countered
My sister, who remained absolutely
quiet through this debate, chose this moment to speak
up.
"That's ok mom. Your tv shows Put Us To Sleep
! "
mommy was speechless !! She had to concede to
my 6 year old sister !!
That, I'm sure, was the
very moment mommy realized we were allies for life. Sure
our roles will again reverse, at the end of summer, but
we are a Team now!
The following day was
another "first" for me. Mommy got me up for breakfast as
usual, then, I was taken to the bathroom where mommy got
me undressed while the tub was filling. I had come to
love my baths with mommy. They were usually the
highlight of my day, our bonding time. Morning baths
were usually quicker then my evening ones so when I was
quickly dried off and led to my room, it was just like
any other morning. After mommy had me powdered she
grabbed a disposable diaper and slid it under me. This
was the the first clue I should have noticed. Mommy then
went to my closet and removed an outfit I never saw
before. It was a pair of denim shortalls, like I used to
wear a few years ago. Knowing that I was only allowed to
wear clothes when we were going out as a family, I got
nervous. Mommy had to have noticed this, as she offered
an explanation. We have all been housebound long enough.
We were nearly out of food, low on diapers, and it was
too nice a day to spend it indoors. I was a bit
panicked, to say the least. Why didn't mommy tell me
this before ? Mommy had me step into the shortalls and
she pulled them up, fastened the buttons and attached
the shoulder straps to the bib. I went to the mirror to
check them out and they appeared to fit me perfectly.
Mommy told me that they were actually a size larger, to
accommodate the thick disposable diapers I now wore just
for public outings. I bent over in front of the mirror
and was happy to see that my diaper didn't show and the
shortall also muffled any noise when I walked. Mommy
mentioned that there was enough room to wear my plastic
panties, if I was worried about leaks. I asked her if I
could try them, just to see, so she helped me to
undress, slip on the panties, and step back into the
shortalls. Unable to notice any difference in the
mirror, I chose to wear them. I think the biggest reason
for keeping them on, was acceptance. I now wore
"panties" under my shortalls. It didn't matter to me
that they were plastic, or covered a disposable diaper.
I was still wearing Panties ! I hugged Mommy and thanked
her for this surprise. I know that my family is trying
to help me through this tough time in my life. I want to
show them my appreciation by doing everything that is
expected of me. I would be lost if not for them. I
wasn't sure what this afternoon would be like, but with
mommy and Sarah beside me, I probably didn't need to
worry. I had a small pack that I used to carry my books
in, during the school year. It has a strap so you can
sling it over one shoulder. I was curious why mommy had
it when we were ready to leave. Sarah was still off
doing something so mommy took advantage of this moment
to hand me my bag.
" Here, be a Big Girl and
carry your own diapers !" she Laughed
Mommy
always knows how to put me at ease. When Sarah showed up
we headed for the car. Opening the rear door Mommy
helped Sarah into her carseat and strapped her in. I was
called to the other side of the car and started to open
the front door but was told that "little sisters" have
to sit in the back seat where their Big Sisters can keep
an eye on them. Mommy adjusted my seat, and belted me
in. I ignored the indignity meant for my sister's
benefit, afterall, Sarah has done so much for me !
Our first stop was a pharmacy. Mommy got us both out
of the car, plopped Sarah on her hip and we headed in.
She obviously knew her way around here, grabbing a
shopping cart, before heading straight for the diaper
isle. I was asked to put one bag of my attends-small in
the cart while mommy grabbed two packs of my sister's
diapers. Making her way down the isle, she added wipes,
powder, and barrier cream. Stopping in front of the
binky display, mommy asked me if there was one that I
liked. My first reaction was to look around to see who
was watching. Seeing no one, my heartbeat slowed. I
thought mommy was teasing me but she was serious. I
asked Sarah to help me choose and we both agreed on the
same one ! With that settled, we headed to the checkout.
No strange stares with a cart full of diapers, I guess I
got through this visit unscathed. We have two more stops
to make, well three if you count lunch. The next one I
am fearing the most. The dreaded shopping center. This
is the one I find most worrisome. There are usually a
lot more people in these stores, you have to reach up or
bend down, to grab items. People bump into you with
carts, kids running everywhere, not a place I enjoy
comming to, and now I'm here with much more at stake.
Mommy dragged us to go look for T shirts, the only grown
up piece of clothing I'm allowed to wear at home these
days. We spent awhile there going through everything and
I was able to get the few that I had wanted. My sister
even found some that she loved. Just down from my
sister's size they had infant and toddler sizes. I heard
mom laugh as she went through some of them.
"I
wish they had these in your size Jayme " mommy joked
while she held each one up. SLIPPERY And her favorite,
CAUTION
WHEN LOADED DIAPER !
WET !
I was
able to appreciate a good laugh, now that no one was
around to hear. I knew she was just trying to lighten
the mood and teach me to find the humor in otherwise
tough situations. Mommy helped me realize that I can get
through this summer, and be a stronger person for it. We
were just about to head to the cashier lines when mommy
remembered promising me a stuffed animal of my own. At
the toy department there were so many to search through,
that mommy left Sarah and I to decide, while she got a
few things for me to keep on hand for my playpen, so I
wouldn't get bored. I finally decided, with Sarah's
approval, on an adorable pony that was just the right
size to cuddle up with, and waited for mommy to return !
My love of horses didn't go unnoticed when mommy
appeared with a new puzzle board, three puzzles and a
coloring book, all featuring horses ! I hugged mommy and
my sister for these wonderful gifts.
After mommy
had Sarah all strapped in her carseat, she walked me
around to the passenger side, pausing to ask me how my
diaper was holding up. I told her I didn't think it was
wet, but I really wasn't sure. Mommy helped me into the
car and fastened my seatbelt. Standing next to me, I was
blocked from anyone's view by mommy and the partially
closed door. She was able to slip her hand past the leg
cuff of my shortall and officially state that I was dry.
Mommy suggested we get the food shopping out of the way
first, then we could order drive through and head
straight home. Once she had me buckled in, we were on
our way to the final store. Mommy knew the store pretty
well and we went through each isle rather quickly,
pausing just long enough to snatch an item or check out
the specials. Another shopper almost bumped into us and
stopped to apologize. Mommy and her talked for a few
moments before she noticed Sarah holding my hand. "
" And who is this little cutie holding her big
sister's hand? " she asked, looking at Sarah
"
I'm Sarah, the Big sister. This is Jayme, my little
sister. She wears diapers and I don't ! she smiled
" What a little tease, that one !" The lady
chuckled, as she went on her way.
Now I know what
mommy meant by akward moments. I'm sure the lady didn't
believe Sarah, but my blushing might have had her
wondering !
Mommy told Sarah it wasn't nice to tell
anyone about my diapers.
" That is a family
secret Sarah. Jayme doesn't tell anyone you wear diapers
too, at night."
" I'm sorry sissy. " Sarah said,
fighting back the tears .
I picked her up and
hugged her. We're Good, munchkin ! But let's just keep
our secrets to ourselves, ok ?
It was at this point
that I actually felt a twinge from my bladder and
whispered to mommy.
" That's excellent sweetie!
Let me set the timer function and I want you to try and
hold out for as long as you comfortably can. Let me know
when you feel yourself .... you know, and I will stop
the timer. Over the rest of the month we should find the
times getting longer."
later, when we were
standing in the checkout line, mommy saw me blush. She
held up the cell phone, looked my way, and I nodded.
When we finally cleared the checkout and headed to the
car, my sister was exhausted, I was soaked and mommy was
elated. Twelve minutes was a great start. The three of
us decided to skip the fast food and just head home. My
sister was so tired, that mommy had to carry her in. I
was asked if I wouldn't mind bringing in the packages
from the car, as she needed to get Sarah on the potty,
then diapered and ready for her nap. I brought in three
packages and had two more still in the car. During my
final trip, as I opened the car door and reached for the
packages, I loaded my diaper. This was the first time it
happened without warning, and that scared me. When I am
around mommy or my sister I usually just hide behind a
chair and squat. Some days when I'm feeling especially
"little," I don't even attempt to hide what I'm doing,
but it's always been of my choosing. This time really
wasn't.
After the grocery and shopping bags were
unloaded and mommy had put my sister to bed, she
returned. While helping her put groceries away, I was
again praised for being able to hold myself, at the
store, for as long as I did. Mommy went to the
refridgerator and got my bottle. Pulling out a chair,
she motioned for me to sit in her lap while I drank it.
I knew that once I sat down, the cleanup would be a lot
worse but I didn't want to lose our special time
together. Mommy immediately noticed my hesitation and
stood up to hug me. "
" What's wrong sweetheart
?" she asked sincerely
"I made a messy, mommy " I
sobbed. It happened when I was getting the shopping
bags.
" That's nothing to get all upset about,
honey. You have had lots of poopy pants, and it's never
bothered you this much before.
" But I didn't
even know I had to go. It just happened. No warning. I
promise mommy. I'm telling the truth I cried. I probably
won't ever be able to potty train. I cried"
" Of
course you will Sweetie ! You had a very stressful day
today and it's not unusual for our bodies to react
differently under those conditions. I'll bet you are
just emotionally exhausted from all the new feelings you
experienced today . Let's just put it out of your mind
for now, and let mommy get you all cleaned up! Shall we
?"
" Here, lets take your shortalls off so I
can check, ok ? "
Once I was down to just my
plastic panties and a shirt, I quickly got into my
"check" position, straight back, head up, legs apart,
and arms folded and againt my tummy.
" No need to
be so formal when it's just you and mommy ! "
"I
just want to stay in the habit for when Sarah checks
me."
"She hasn't been too demanding, has she ? "
"No mom, just the opposite. She always caring and
gentle with me, like You Are ! And she's always smiling
and complimenting me. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I
look forward to her "checks" !
" I'll let her
know that she's been getting Rave reviews, but if it
keeps up, I may be out of a job !! We were both laughing
at Mommy's comment.
The plastic panties sagged
from my well soaked diaper, but it wasn't until she
pulled the panties down a bit that the smell became
obvious.
"Now mommy understands why you didn't
want to sit ! Lets go get my "Big" Girl all cleaned up,
then we can cuddle for awhile."
Mommy grabbed a
plastic bag and a handful of paper towels and we headed
off to the bathroom.
" Here, you wipe your tears,
and I'll wipe the other end !" mom teased, Handing me
one of the paper towels.
I couldn't help but
laugh at that. Mommy always knows the right things to
say in these situations. I only hope I can be like her
when I have to help Sarah, someday.
Mommy cleaned
me, then padded me up in nighttime cloth diapers and
plastic panties. I was carried to the couch in the
family room. Now I was more then happy to curl up in her
lap and enjoy my bottle, and our Mommy/Baby time
together. After my bottle was finished, mommy sat me up
and started to pat my back. I was just as surprised as
she was when her efforts actually produced a burp ! We
both giggled.
I guess mom was on a roll now,
after getting me relaxed again.
" Remember honey,
Your Family Will Always Stand Behind You."
I
smiled at her, taking comfort in that thought. (I should
have known better !)
"....unless of course you
happen to be wearing a poopy diaper, ..... then we'll be
Standing upwind Of You, ....and at a safe distance ! "
Mommy was finally able to make me laugh, but she
wasn't going to let me off that easily !
" We'll
still be able to shout back and forth to each other,
...or text, !!! "
By now, we were both laughing
uncontrollably , and afraid of waking Sarah.
"You handled some akward situations really well today,
Jayme ! I think that little sister of your's is after My
job now ! Mommy might have to reel her in a bit ! "
"Jayme, I'm not sure if you remember, honey, but
when we first talked about venturing out in the world, I
told you that Babies wet and poop themselves whenever
the need arises.
Then I asked: "Are YOU prepared
to do that in the checkout line of a crowded store ?
Well, today you did just that !! "
" OMG Mommy !
" I really DID !
"Yes you did, sweetheart ! mommy
was very proud of you !
" I can't wait for the
next time we go out !
"I will miss all the
attention when I become a Big sister again. " I told
mommy, instantly regretting it.
" Honey, I
don't expect our time together to go away simply because
you are daytime potty trained. I would miss these times
myself."
" You will again become a Big Sister to
Sarah, and during the daytime you can be there for her,
she needs her role model, her Big Sister to look up to."
"After you or I put Sarah to bed, I will have
time to get my other 'lil bedwetter all diapered up for
sleepies." mommy winked !
" ....You know Jayme,
after you are at peace with your childhood and the loss
of your daddy, it's quite possible that the bedwetting
might stop. If you find our nightly bedtime ritual too
hard to give up, I'm sure we could find a way to hang on
to it, as long as you are a happy, healthy, and
productive teenager..... OH WAIT !! There is no such
thing ! " Mommy teased.
"You will always be
welcomed to curl up on my lap with your bottle, or
binky, If you still want to. If you are feeling more
"grown up," then we can spend the time talking. That
will be Your Time, Jayme. You get to decide how to spend
it, ok ?
" From now on, mommy will always make
sure there is time for both of her girls !"
"Now,
while you are enjoying your Naptime, mommy will have to
start preparing an early dinner for all of us. Would you
like to nap in your room, or your Playpen, sweetie ? "
" My playpen please, mommy. I'm happiest in this
room. "
I had no problem falling asleep,
especially with my new equus friend, 'piebald' snuggled
under my arm. The stress of the day had worn me out, but
mommy's words of encouragement were the only thoughts I
focused on. I was happy, knowing now that the dream life
I was presently experiencing wasn't going to abrubtly
end when summer faded. I actually looked forward to
being a Big Sister again and being there for Sarah, like
she has been, for me. I am not as afraid now to take
some chances, and I want to keep pushing my limits. I
know I have family who supports me, and I have my
"little" side for when I feel overwhelmed. Mom and I did
talk on a few occasions about school in the fall. Part
of me wants to stand up to the people who bullied me,
but another side would rather start fresh, at a
different school. Still time to think about that choice.
My last option was the safest for me, homeschooling. If
mom had asked me at the beginning of the summer, I would
definitely have chosen homeschooling. Now, I would have
to pass on that. Homeschooling, for me right now would
be giving up, taking the easy way out, social suicide.
Last year I would have sold my soul to stay home, do
homework at my leisure, doing homework online, while in
diapers! The new me wants to take some chances, make
friends, experience what life is about. If someone told
me three months ago that I would feel this way now, I
wouldn't be able to comprehend that idea. I think it's
pretty obvious what my choice for schooling this fall
will be... A New School ! a chance to start over, to
take what I learned from the past, what I am learning
from the present, and adapting all of that for the
future. I know I could make friends, I spent my summer
learning how to Be a Friend. There is so much more for
me to learn, but I'll get there. I just need to have
patience with others, and more importantly, patience
with myself. .......speaking of patience, .....Isn't
dinner ready yet ?!!!!
The following
morning brought some really nice weather and mommy asked
if I had my heart set on heading out somewhere in the
car or would I rather play in the yard with Sarah, then
go do something as a family tomorrow or the next day. I
chose the yard. I woke up earlier with butterflies in my
tummy at the prospect of venturing out again so soon,
but didn't tell mommy. I believe that she already sensed
my apprehension, because the next few days were quiet
ones at home. I was allowed to play in the back yard
with my sister more often now, with the nicer weather. I
didn't even bother to wear longer shirts anymore. My
cloth diapers, plastic pants, and a short T-shirt were
the only clothes this Baby Girl needed ! Sometimes I
just wanted to feel babyish. The yard was fairly well
secluded, with all the wood fencing so I could play and
be myself without a worry. With all the area we had,
there are more then a few places to hide if someone
wanted. Sarah decided we would play hide and seek and
that I would be the one to hide, while she counted. Well
hidden behind a large barrel, I felt the effects of my
high fiber breakfast, kicking in. Knowing that it would
shortly end up in my diaper anyway, I saw no reason to
be uncomfortable. I just let it happen. Mommy expected
messy morning diapers, so liners were routinely added to
my after breakfast diaper changes. It took Sarah awhile
to find me, but she eventually did. We were trying to
decide what to do next, when I tagged her, yelling YOUR
IT, as I ran off ! It was really hard, trying to run in
my wet and messy diaper. I had to keep one hand on it
the whole time, just to keep it in place. I couldn't
stop laughing ! Just the thought of what I looked like,
running bow legged, trying to keep my loaded diaper from
sliding down my legs, as Sarah gained ground on me. I
had a feeling she knew I needed to be changed. I assumed
the "diaper check" position and sucked harder on my
binky to steady my nerves. For Sarah, this was the
signal to perform her Big Sister duties. Already aware
that I was wet, from the yellow stains, Sarah went
straight to my backside, and gently tugged on the
waistband of my plastic panties, confirming her
suspicions. She took my hand, smiled up at me
reassuringly, and led me towards the house. I hope my
sister appreciates my willingness to help her to perform
her "Big Sister" duties just as much as as I respect her
for accepting and helping with my Baby side. Mommy was
right, we can help each other, and learn a lot about
ourselves, in the process.
Mommy happened to be
standing at the door when we got there.
" MOM,
the baby dropped a log in her diaper !" Sarah stated,
matter of factly. Mommy and I were laughing so hard that
we were tearing up !
" Where did you ever hear
that, Sarah ? " mom asked
" One of my friends at
school told me that's what her mommy says when her
little brother poops his diapers." she answered.
" Well, your mommy would prefer you said 'made a
messy' it's more ladylike. Ok honey ? "
Geesh, 6
years old and growing up faster then I am ....!
"Your timing was perfect, girls. lunch is just about
ready, but it can keep until I get miss poopy pants
here, all cleaned up."
" Sarah, honey can you
wash your hands, then set out napkins and silverware on
the table, for mommy ? "
"Mommy got me ready in
record time. She was just as hungry as I was.
"Who knew that being a Baby was just as hard as doing
housework ? " I teased
I guess you are right,
sweetie ! Mommy has this video of you to prove it!!!
Mommy showed Sarah and I the video of us playing tag
and the way I was running, while trying to hold my
loaded diaper up! ALL of us were crying from laughing so
hard. It was even funnier then I imagined !
" At
least the cloth diapers give your sister a little bit of
an advantage in Tag Games now ! " Mommy pointed out, as
Sarah smiled !
We had an enjoyable lunch together
and mom told my sister that she has been doing an
excellent job, caring for her little sister, which had
her beaming !
" You two obviously enjoy playing
together out there. Sarah, do you have any ideas how we
can make the back yard even more fun for you and your
little sister ? "
Mom was really encouraging
Sarah to step up to bat, but she seemed to draw a blank.
I didn't want to speak up, this was her time to shine.
Finally Sarah mentioned a sandbox and I cheered her
suggestion. Sarah asked for me to choose something but
not wanting to take this moment from her, I decided to
stay in "little sister mode". An Elephant ! I exclaimed,
trying to buy my sister some time. Everyone laughed.
"I don't think I could afford to feed an elephant,
Mommy stated. Lets try something else, something smaller
......that doesn't eat !"
" I know ! How about a
swimming pool ? " Sarah suggested
" Another
excellent choice, honey. You are just full of great
ideas !! " Mommy smiled
" any suggestions from
you, Jayme ? " mommy asked.
" Can't have a pool
without FISH ! " I stated. We all cracked up ! My sister
might have the best ideas but I was the one who got all
the LAUGHS. I smiled to myself !
After lunch, ALL
of us were ready for naps. My poor sister looked like
she was going to crash during dessert. Mommy just picked
her up and carried her off to her room.
I had
finished eating and decided to pick up the dishes and
silverware. Rinsing everything off in the sink first, I
then placed them in the dishwasher, before wiping down
the table. This unselfish act was something that "big"
Jayme would never have done without a bribe. My "little"
mindset had me helping out more often lately, simply for
my mommy's adoration. I quietly went to the family room,
popped my binky in my mouth and climbed into my playpen.
When mommy returned to the kitchen, I saw her look in
the dishwasher then at the rest of the room. When she
grabbed my bottle out of the 'fridge and headed towards
me I saw the Biggest smile on her face!
"Are you
really tired right now kiddo ? If not, would like you to
come sit with Mom for a bit ? "
I was there in a
heartbeat ! Mommy thanked me for helping out in the
kitchen, but I knew there was more on her mind. Mommy
had noticed how my sister and I were interacting
earlier, outside and at lunch and she told me that she
couldn't be happier. She knew I was encouraging my
sister to assert herself at lunch. After talking to
Sarah, while getting her ready for her nap, she realized
that I was letting Sarah take control more often,
outside as well. When I told mommy that I was ok with
Sarah looking out for me, and that we were both getting
what we needed at this time in our lives, she
understood. I told her that I Love the attention that I
get from both of them. I am at peace with myself right
now. I am quite happy being the baby at home or out in
our yard, and when we go out in the world, I'm happy
knowing that the Big Girl image that people see, is
secretly diapered. Mommy was now teary eyed. Her two
girls had quickly figured out reciprocal relationships,
and I was learning to balance the adult side with my
"Little" side. Mommy assured me that she would get us
both, the sandbox and a pool, for all the hard work we
have done. She had me curl up in her lap as I nursed my
bottle, and we enjoyed this intimate time together.
After my bottle was finished she kissed me on the cheek
before helping me into my playpen. She washed my bottle
out, refilled it, and handed it to me as she headed off
to her own room for a nap.
" Does the new pool
come with Swim Diapers ? " I asked. Mommy couldn't help
but laugh !
Two days later, we had just
finished breakfast when there was a knock on the door.
Mommy and Sarah went to see who was here, while I
remained seated in the kitchen. No chance I'm getting
up, still wearing my well soaked nighttime diapers.
Sarah came running back to inform me that the people
were here to set up our new pool and sandbox, and Mommy
was wondering where we thought the best spot might be. I
told Sarah that I would choose a sunny spot for the pool
and a shady spot for the sandbox and she agreed with me.
Sarah ran off to tell mommy. Fortunately there were many
spots that fit our criteria, so any requirement that
mommy had would ultimately choose the final location.
Everything was settled ! A spot for the pool that had
afternoon sun and a morning shady area for the sandbox,
and both spots were easily visible to mommy from
multiple windows! With all the construction going on,
Mommy didn't want us going outside and possibly getting
in the way so she suggested we could sit or stretch out
on a blanket and watch everything through through the
sliding glass doors that faced the yard. Sarah thought
that was great, but obviously I didn't. Mommy noticed my
disappointment, and immediately knew why. "
"Jayme, mommy is going to make an exception for you
today since you have been doing so well, dealing with
your punishment. How about I change you into a
disposable diaper, and let you cover it with a pair of
shorts or your baggy sweat pants ? "
My sister
was just as happy for me as I was. We couldn't stop
jumping up and down and hugging each other ! I promised
Sarah I would be right back, as I followed mommy to the
bathroom. She quickly cleaned my diaper area with the
shower sprayer, dried me off and rushed me to my room. I
was lotioned, powdered, and diapered in record time ! I
pulled up my plastic panties, then mommy slipped on a
pink shirt, and fixed my hair in ponytails, a look I
have come to appreciate when I am feeling "little".
Hurrying to get back to my sister and the progress in
the yard, mommy quickly stopped me, pointing at my
knees. Looking down, I started to laugh when I realized
a disposable diaper under clear plastic panties,
probably isn't the fashion statement I want to be making
with a yard full of construction workers! Mommy laughed
too when she realized that this wasn't an oversight on
my part. I had simply acquiesced to mom's " no pants"
rule. I decided on a pair of loose fitting shorts that I
had. They were comfy but didn't do the best job of
concealing my padded bottom, but from a distance, my
secret was safe. Sarah and I stretched out on our tummys
with our elbows on some pillows and quietly watched the
progress. Everyone was working on the pool and it soon
started to take shape. It was bigger then I expected and
appeared to be around three feet deep. I guessed that
Sarah's head would be above the waterline when she was
standing. I could easily teach her how to swim in there
! With the pool construction now underway, I saw four
men carrying the frame of the sandbox towards us and
started to panic.
" OMG ! What do I do ? " I
cried
Sarah took charge and scooted herself
towards her edge of the blanket and encouraged me to
slide towards her. This left enough blanket on my side
for us to cover with.
Once my heart stopped
racing, I acknowledged My sister's ability to make
decisions quickly.
" Good Call sis ! " I said as
I hugged her, and planted a kiss on her cheek !
The sandbox was set up about thirty feet from where we
were, and easily had shade for a good part of the day.
Sarah thought it was huge, and I had to agree. Each side
was at least six feet ! It really looked inviting ! They
spent a good part of the day working on everything and
we watched most of it. I said most of it, because mommy
checked in on us, only to find us napping. Nuzzled
together with my arm around Sarah, mommy didn't have the
heart to carry us to our rooms. She did however, take a
picture, although she wouldn't know the significance of
that moment, until later. Knowing that Sarah wasn't
"dressed" for bed, and the possible consequences, mommy
decided to just leave us alone. .... Nothing that the
washing machine can't fix ! I was the first to wake up
and looked around to see what progress was made.
Everything appeared finished, there weren't any workers
in sight. I didn't want to wake my sister but then I
wondered if mommy had diapered her while I was asleep. I
felt around the blanket that Sarah was sleeping on and
everything seemed dry. I then felt around her bottom,
and noticed she wasn't wearing a diaper ! There was only
one possibility. Sarah had her very first dry nap ! I
woke my sister gently, careful not to startle her, or
cause her bladder to tense up. She finally came around
and sat up. "
"Did I fall asleep ? " she asked
worriedly
"We both did Sarah, but you Woke Up Dry !!!
Maybe she thought I was teasing her, but she put her
hand between her legs to check for herself. No wet
spots, no diaper, and the same clothes she was wearing
before the nap !
We went to hug each other but I
stopped myself. Maybe we better go find mommy and give
her the good news first. You can use the potty, then we
can celebrate and I won't have to worry about hugging
you so hard that you'll pee ! We both laughed as we went
to find her. Mommy didn't waste any time getting my
sister on the potty. I didn't know how long we had
slept, but mommy figured from how much she peed, a
diaper wouldn't have held it all anyway ! Checking the
clock, mommy thought we were out for at least four hours
!
"That's almost half a nights sleep, honey. What
a great start."
Mommy asked if we wanted to go
check out the new yard, and we both quickly agreed.
While Sarah was getting her shoes on, mommy discreetly
asked if I wanted my diaper changed but I declined.
"This is my sister's Big moment, I don't want her
feeling badly because she was dry and I wasn't. "
"You may be wearing a really saggy diaper, kiddo, "
Mommy wispered " But you are still Mommy's Big Girl !"
She kissed me on the cheek.
The three of us
went out to admire our new play area. It was quite
impressive. The pool was still filling up and it might
be awhile before the sun warms it, and we can use it.
The depth was perfect for Sarah, when she stood against
the outside wall, her head was over it. It also had two
ladders to get in and out from. Around the perimeter was
a walkway with white stone. This would keep us from
tracking any dirt in. Mommy also got some really comfy
lounge chairs that we can stretch out on if we wanted to
take a break and dry off. Both the lounge chair area and
the sand box had provisions for umbrellas. In short,
this was every kid's dream. We headed over to the
sandbox, admiring the nice deck around the edge where we
could sit, keep our drinks, scoops, pails or whatever
else we needed. Mom suggested we could go shopping and
pick out the accessories we wanted, tomorrow morning.
After that, we had the rest of the day, barring naptime,
to play ! Sarah and I looked at each other and smiled.
Yup, we can live with that ! Mommy walked me to my room
and changed my soggy diaper then informed my sister and
I that she was going to prepare dinner. I climbed into
my playpen and started to write a list of items we would
need for the sandbox. Mommy was in the kitchen and Sarah
was helping her by setting the dinner table. It was at
this time that I noticed a poopy diaper was in my
foreseeable future. Taking advantage of my "alone time"
I dealt with the task at hand. It wasn't long before my
sister looked in on me.
" I have a messy diaper
that needs to be changed, Sarah. " I quietly told my
sister.
I saw her smile before she left to inform
mommy. I was surprised that Sarah took me at my word and
didn't bother to confirm for herself, as It certainly
wasn't obvious by any odor at that point. Maybe she saw
me finally start to take responsibility for myself, that
first proactive step towards potty training. Maybe she
was encouraging personal growth in me, using the same
subtle ways I used on her. Sarah quickly returned to let
me know that mommy would attend to me just as soon as
she got dinner in the oven. I held out my arms to give
my sister a hug, which she gladly returned. When I
whispered, Thanks, she squeezed me harder. No other
words were needed. We understood each other perfectly.
Once cleaned up, I joined my sister on the couch
and the three of us watched tv while dinner was cooking.
We ended up watching movies after dinner. Mommy even
extended our bedtime tonight, mostly because we napped
longer then usual, but I would like to think it was also
because we had each other's backs today. I am really
glad mommy didn't wake my sister to diaper her. She
needed this little boost to her confidence. I just have
to be ready for Sarah if she has an occasional setback.
Mommy had Sarah take extra potty breaks because off all
the snacks and drinks we were chugging down. At bedtime,
we hugged each other and said goodnight. As mommy was
getting Sarah's diaper and jammies ready for her, I
quietly told her not to get upset if she wasn't dry in
the morning, afterall, we both overdid the drinks. Mommy
had to change me before bedtime because I was also
knocking down the sodas during the movies. The following
morning, I joined my sister for breakfast.
"I was wet, Jayme. " Sarah sadly informed me.
" You weren't wet honey," mom corrected. Your diaper
was just damp. You usually drown them !!
"
considering how much you drank last night, I would
consider this morning, a success !
Mommy defused
that situation well, she even got Sarah giggling, but
come to think of it, that's the same way she's always
been there to help us.
I was bathed after breakfast
and diapered in a disposable, as we were going shopping
this morning. It felt kinda nice to dress up again, and
venture out. Especially with my new found confidence,
well, mommy and Sarah watching my back for me! We got to
the store pretty close to opening, so it wasn't too busy
yet. We zero'd in on the department we wanted and mommy
watched as my sister and I meticulously
studied every
piece we chose. We explained to each other in great
detail how each tool was to be used ! I could tell mommy
was getting bored.
"You're building sand castles,
girls, not the Sistine Chapel !! Her humor was lost on
Sarah, but I got the reference !
Pleased with
what we accomplished, and fearing mommy's impending
meltdown, we collected our tools and headed towards the
checkout. When we got home, mommy helped me get
undressed while Sarah used the potty. Mommy noticed my
diaper wasn't all that wet so she gave me the choice to
keep it on until I had a messy, or she could put me in
cloth diapers. I chose to keep the disposable for now.
Mommy helped me get my T-shirt on then pulled my plastic
panties back up, and patted my bottom, sending me off to
play. Sarah and I found the sand really held shapes
well. It might be from the morning dampness but it was
easy to work with. We decided on a castle with towers
and walls. Sarah would build the towers by packing the
sand in the pails then inverting them in place. After
she had the four towers done, I showed her how to use
another "form" to build the walls. While she worked on
walls I started on the finer details with assorted tools
we chose for the job. After about an hour, we had a
pretty respectable looking castle taking shape. Mommy
came by to admire our work and bring us some drinks and
orange slices to snack on.
"Sarah, mommy's not
trying to do your job, I know you would have brought
Jayme to me if she was messy. Her disposable diaper from
this morning's shopping trip was only slightly wet when
we got home, so I gave her the option to stay in it
until she made an oopsie. My concern is that it's
getting warmer outside now and she's still in the same
wet diaper. I think it's best to go ahead and change her
now, and not have her risk developing an unpleasant
diaper rash. If you two have your heart set on swimming
a bit later, I better give her another bottle of prune
juice lnstead of the fruit punch , just to hurry things
along !. Why don't you come with us Sarah, you can have
your drink and cool off in the house while I attend to
your sister."
Mommy got me cleaned up and into
another disposable, knowing that the prune juice will
speed things up. Sarah and I headed back to the sand box
to finish our castle and wait for the inevitable to
happen.
I couldn't help but notice her staring at me
while I played with the sand with one hand and nursed my
bottle with the other. I had seen her like this before,
and she could never seem to get the words out. I really
hoped today would be the same because I wasn't very good
with answers when I'm put on the spot. We smiled at each
other when we briefly made eye contact, but I just
looked down at our castle. Moving dirt around with my
hand helped to relax me a bit, but Sarah just sat there,
quietly watching me.
" WHAT ? I asked...maybe a
little louder then I meant to.
"Do you like being
a baby? " she asked me.
" I don't have much
choice now, do I ? I'm being punished, remember?
" Mommy punished you for pooping and all the wetting
accidents you had in your pants. I thought only babies
do that.
" There is a lot that you might not
understand right now but I really want to try and
explain it anyway. At school I was different then
everyone else. I never fit in, I could never make
friends, and I was always being picked on. Some people
can stand up for themselves, others, like me, can't. You
can think quickly Sarah, like when the guys building the
sandbox were walking over. I got scared and I froze. You
were the one who knew what to do. I don't do well under
pressure. I get angry at everyone, and then I get angry
at myself. I realize that I am very immature for my age.
After daddy died I was afraid to grow up. I didn't want
to let go of the past. I just wanted to stay a kid.
"Since my punishment started have you seen me angry,
Sarah? "
" No Jayme, I haven't.
That's
because I know you and mommy are watching out for me. I
don't have to stress out. I don't have to make important
decisions. I need this time to learn to be stronger.
Right now I am learning this through you and mommy. I
watch how each of you deal with problems, deal with
relationships, and I try to be a better sister to you
and a better daughter to mommy. I love that you look out
for me and because of that I realize that you have needs
too. Sadly, I can't be a Big Sister to you right now,
but I can certainly be your best friend. We help each
other. Right now, Being the "baby" is helping me to grow
up the right way. I care for both of you and I am so
sorry for acting the way I used to. You and I are closer
then we ever were, Sarah, and I want things to stay that
way, especially when I become a Big Sister again !
"You can be our baby, Jayme, if that is what you
need to get better. Mommy and I will take good care of
you !
"You are an amazing young lady, Sarah. I
want to grow up to be just like You ! "
The
rest of our summer went pretty much the same way Sarah
and I took full advantage of the perfect summer weather
we were having. We usually spent the morning playing in
the sandbox while we waited for the sun to warm the
pool. Mommy appreciated this routine because my cloth
diapers and plastic pants allowed me to get my morning
"messy change" out of the way, and protected the sandbox
from wetting accidents. Mommy did get me swim diapers,
as promised, but preferred that I didn't tax the
filtration and chlorination system with daily "pool"
poopings. Mommy made sure that Sarah and I both
understood that if I did need to use them, I should
quickly go have mommy change them. I was also allowed to
wear my skimpy bikini top with the swim diapers. I would
slide the leg bands up as far as I could and pull the
waistband down, low on my hips, tucking the excess
material under the leg and waistbands. This allowed the
reusable swim diaper to fit like a bikini bottom and
eliminated " diaper tan lines" as we stretched out on
the lounge chairs and soaked up the rays !! Mommy
commented on her "toddler's" ingenuity some weeks later,
when she noticed my tan while bathing me !
I
would often see mommy watching us through the window
while we played. It wasn't out of concern, it was
admiration for how we were there for each other. True to
my word, Sarah learned to swim this summer, and mommy
was there to watch as my sister swam laps, all by
herself. I glanced at my mommy, the smile on her face
and the tears in her eyes spoke volumes. My confidence
soared that day as I realized that there was so much
more I could teach my sister. I even found myself
regularly doing household chores without having to be
asked, and I was never happier ! I still remember the
look on mommy's face when I asked her if she could teach
me how to wash my own cloth diapers and plastic panties,
and she did ! Of course, she jokingly reminded me that I
could only touch them if I wasn't wearing them at the
time ! She spent awhile talking about all the positive
changes she noticed in me, and how pleased she was with
my new appreciation for home and family. Teary eyed, she
told me how years ago, when I was almost four, I showed
up one morning with my fisher price vacuum cleaner and
asked her to show me how to vacuum the carpets ! Now I
was the one with tears in my eyes. I don't think anyone
of us saw this as the summer I was punished.
"Jayme, I wanted to talk to you about some clothing
ideas. I'm sure you wouldn't want to wear your shortalls
everytime we go out for the rest of summer, besides
that, hopefully, you will soon start potty training . We
need to add some clothes that will hide your training
pants, and the occasional diaper, to your wardrobe.
Skirts might hide the diaper lines, some even have built
in panties that might help keep a diaper from sagging.
You could wear a onsie, or leotard that would hold your
diaper up and also keep the waistband hidden if you
wanted to wear loose fitting shorts over it. Mommy also
considered getting you an easier to conceal daytime
diaper, but that would probably mean more frequent
changes when we are out of the house. The reason I am
bringing this up now, is that one of Sarah's friends
from preschool asked her if she wanted to come over for
her Birthday party a week from this Saturday, and I
already set it up with her mother. What I would like to
do honey, is have a mommy/daughter day out shopping for
your new clothes. I's going to take some time because,
trying everything on is the only way we will know what
you can wear. I will also reasearch daytime diapers,
online, and get some samples of different diapers and
training pants to have on hand. Are you up to this,
sweetie ? We can size things to accommodate your
nighttime diapers, then we will know that daytime
diapers or later, your training pants won't be
noticeable. Now, I have a tough question to ask you, but
I would like to explain things first. Mommy has a
friend, Karen that has a clothing shop that specializes
in sportswear. She would be a huge help to us in
deciding what our best options are. Jayme, are you
comfortable with me explaining to her that you wear
diapers? I would tell her it was for medical reasons. I
know she would keep your secret between us." Without
Karen's help we would be trying store after store, and
who knows how many people would find out
" Yes
mommy, I trust your decision. Will she actually see my
diapers?
"I have to be honest Jayme, I don't
know for sure. She may need to take some measurements."
I could ask her first, I suppose."
' No mommy,
there's no need to ask her. I know you only want to help
, and I trust you to do what's best for me. It will be
another "first" right mommy ?
"Right BabyGirl !
Another step closer to our goal." mommy high five'd me !
It was three days later that the samples arrived,
and we went through them together. She had chosen 6
different brands of diapers, and 3 brands of training
pants, and purchased 4 samples of each brand. I was
allowed to sample 1 of each diaper over the next few
days to narrow the field down. Most of the 6 diaper
brands did fairly well containing the more frequent but
smaller volume wettings I was having now. As my capacity
and holding time improved, a thinner diaper might not
hold up very well with heavier wettings. Mommy told me
she didn't mind changing her little girl more often if
the thinner diapers made me less self conscious,
especially when we would be away from home. I promised
mommy I would continue to try my hardest to make her
proud of me after all she has done to see me through
this tough time in my life. Mommy spoke with Karen to
confirm our Saturday planned visit to the store. It was
Karen who brought up the topic of measurements. She
asked if mommy could take the body measurements before
we met up so that she could put some clothes aside for
me to try on. I was measured that night after my bath,
nakie, then in my nighttime diaper, and the next day in
one of the thin diapers and the training pants.
Everything was marked down and emailed to Karen.
When Saturday finally arrived I was both excited and
nervous. It helped when my mother told me it was ok to
refer to her as mom while we were together and away from
home. I was really glad to have the opportunity to wear
awesome clothes that didn't call attention to my
diapers, but I was also trusting my most intimate secret
with someone I didn't really know. I do trust mom
though, and she promised me that her friend wouldn't let
me down. When I was introduced to Karen, I found that I
was immediately at ease around her. Karen assured me
that I would be quite pleased with the outfits that she
set out for me to try. Mommy and I followed Karen to a
large private fitting room with mirrored walls,
comfortable seats, our own little kitchenette. I was
starting to wonder how models dealt with all the
emotions I was feeling.
Karen explained to us
that all her choices had one main objective, and that
was to protect my modesty. After that, she comsidered my
body type, what colors worked well with my complexion,
even my favorite colors, if they would work with her
primary choices. I didn't know buying clothes could be
this hard ! She told us she had 6 basic outfits for me
to try on, but with the option to mix and match pieces,
I could end up with with a whole new wardrobe. I was on
top of the world ! This was more then I could ever
imagine !! Karen explained that she assembled basic
outfits around the level of protection I was wearing.
There were choices for my heavier protection level, many
more options for thinner daytime protection or training
pants, pads, and eventually Big Girl panties. When I was
asked what protection level I was wearing at the moment,
I froze... I could feel the tears welling up, before
mommy spoke for me.
" Her heaviest nighttime
protection. She didn't need it of course, but we did
have a two and a half hour drive down here. I was
fearful of getting off the freeways and getting lost,
just to find a bathroom, if she needed one. I was the
one who insisted that she be protected. Jayme is a very
responsible girl, but she knows her mom just can't help
looking out for her."
Karen agreed that we
should probably handle the toughest first. I think Karen
sensed my apprehension, and realized the ride down here
probably took it's toll on my diaper, because she
pointed to a private bathroom on the other side of the
room, if "we" needed to 'freshen up.' Even I could read
through the lines on that one, as mommy grabbed my bag
of samples, then my hand, and headed off. Thankful at
least for a dry diaper on my bottom, and short T-shirt,
we headed back. I was a bit nervous at first, who
wouldn't be. Karen kept me engaged in conversation as
she worked her magic and I actually started to enjoy my
first experience at modeling ! She had me posing,
bending, turning around, while mommy and her checked to
see how well the outfits concealed my diapers. I was
also able to see myself in the mirrors, and I was amazed
how well my nighttime diaper was hidden. Karen said I
had a gymnist's body type and the pleated tennis skirt
allowed the diaper to accentuate my 'lil hiney ! I wore
a pair of spankies over my diaper so even if my skirt
got caught in a breeze or I bent over, she explained,
nothing embarrassing showed.
Of course I couldn't
pass up this opportunity to bend over, hike up my skirt
and flash my mother, which had us all laughing ! I had a
few more options for the nighttime diapers, then it was
time for the thinner daytime diapers, and even more
possibilities they offered. During one outfit change,
with the thinner diapers, mommy noticed that I had wet a
little bit. Since I had several more outfits to try on
within this "protection level" she could either change
me or, as she pulled them from her purse, have me slip
the clear plastic panties over the diaper for insurance.
Karen thought that was the best choice because they
wouldn't add any appreciable bulk to the now slightly
swollen diaper, and she was curious to know if a wet
diaper would be noticeably less discreet then a dry one.
When I suggested that my mother take me to the bathroom
and try pouring a bit of water in the diaper to simulate
a bit heavier "accident", my mother and Karen were both
shocked.
"Seems a bit extreme, Karen laughed,
but I do agree with you Jayme, it would definitely show
us where our limitations are."
I smiled at the
compliment !
" Well mother, are you up to the
challenge ? " I asked !
" I think it would be an
invaluable piece of information to know at what point
your "modesty" may be compromised. Let's go do this,
just leave the outfit here so we don't have to worry
about spills.
Mommy got a cup from the dispenser
and partially filled it with warm water. I held the
waistbands of the pants and my diaper out of the way so
mommy could do her part. She had me turn around and
repeated the process on my backside. We gave the water a
few minutes to be absorbed, then returned. Karen could
see through the plastic panties that the diaper was
noticably thicker now so she helped me
to get
dressed and we got back to work. She had me go through
different poses and even some cheer moves that were a
bit more demanding. Both of them were quite happy with
the outcome, the thin diaper was pretty near "limit" but
there was no visible "diaper outline". We all agreed
that this was an extreme case and Mom mentioned to Karen
that I would never allow my diaper to get to that point
before changing it. I smiled at that !
Karen informed us were going out to lunch for my big
debut, and asked me which outfit I would like to wear !
Mommy and I chose the same one, soley on looks. When
Karen informed us it was geared to the thinner diapers,
mommy hedged on letting me wear it. When karen suggested
a new thin diaper and the plastic panties, mom agreed on
one condition, I needed to limit the drinking to sips of
water while at lunch. I can replenish myself later, on
the ride home, if I needed to. I quickly agreed to that
before she could change her mind ! Karen helped me to
get ready, after mommy changed me. Just one more little
detail to take care of Karen informed us. She made a
quick call on her phone. A few minutes later there was a
knock on the door. Time for the finishing touches, Karen
smiled, unlocking the door. Karen had arranged for a
beautician to do my hair and makeup. My new wardrobe,
Lunch, now a professional, here to handle my makeup. I
broke down in tears as I hugged Karen then mommy.
"Get all the tears out now, Karen smiled. No crying
after your makeup is applied !! "
Lunch was
amazing, they took me to a rather trendy restaurant.
People I didn't even know, looked at me and smiled when
I walked by. I couldn't help but smile back ! A few even
waved. I guess clothes Do make the Girl ! All I know is
that I felt special today. I have never received this
much attention before, without being in trouble for
something !
After lunch, we returned to the store
to box up my new clothes and get ready for the trip
home. When mom grabbed my folded shortalls out of the
"samples" bag, I knew it was time for Cinderella to
leave the ballroom. I headed to the bathroom, with mom
right behind me. Mom pulled out a nighttime diaper that
she had discreetly hidden in the clothes. I knew better
then to argue, because the one I initially arrived in
was almost to the point of leaking, and the thin one I
was currently wearing, although remarkably still dry,
would never last a possibly longer drive home. While mom
used the bathroom, I thanked Karen for this most special
afternoon. Karen looked around quickly, and seeing no
one, she quietly confided in me.
"You are an
amazing young women, Jayme. I want to Thank You for
suggesting the "water test" ...as it will be named ! I
will now be able to put other people's minds at ease if
they have any concerns, Thanks to You !
You
trusted me with your biggest secret, so I will trust you
with mine. I have had unreliable bladder control since I
was just a few years older then you. Back then we didn't
have very discreet products to deal with bladder leaks,
so I vowed to one day help others with these problems.
My contribution is with my clothing designs. If I ever
need a model with your measurements in the future, would
you be willing to help out ? It would just be an
occasional job, if you and your mother agree ! You two
can discuss it later, and your mom can let me know ! "
On the ride home, I mentioned the work that
Karen might have for me at some point, and Mom told me
how proud she was of me. She thought today would be hard
for me, as up until now, the "diapers" were a family
secret, and today, that "circle" grew. I told her I was
scared at first, but I knew that Karen was trying to put
me at ease. I thanked mom for comming to my defense when
I froze on the "protection level" question, and for
taking the "blame" as to why I wore a nighttime duty
diaper, for the ride down !
" We're family,
Jayme ! We look out for each other, That's what family
does! You and your sister help each other, you two have
never been closer, then you are right now! And that
won't change when you two swap roles. Your
transformation over the past few months has been
extraordinary. You are there for others, you have more
confidence, you speak up for yourself, and most
important, I have never seen you Happier. I have never
been prouder, Sweetheart ! I know you won't be too
hungry after that lunch, so we can have a later dinner
tonight, and you get to choose ! "
I loved
our afternoon together !! What a wonderful support
system I am gaining.
Summer vacation was now
in it's final weeks and I was faced with a few important
questions to decide. Sarah has been doing well with her
bedwetting, only two minor wettings in the past few
weeks.
I was still waking to wet diapers each
morning. but unknown to mom, they weren't All accidents.
I had been practicing "holding" myself during the
daytime as mom suggested back at the start of vacation
when I ended up in diapers, fulltime. I did have the
ability now to hold on long enough to safely make it to
a bathroom, so I decided to bring up the topic of potty
training with mom.
All the personal "growth" I
experienced this summer, didn't prepare me for this !
" Mom ? I'm almost thirteen and I think I'm ready to
potty train !"
Mom and I just stared in shock at
each other, then we both broke down laughing ! I mean,
seriously ! What mother is prepared to hear that from
her soon to be teenaged daughter !
After collecting
ourselves, I had the opportunity of explaining my
decision. Once mom learned that I was serious and had
been practicing holding myself on my own, she was
ecstatic.
Mom had disposable training pants on hand
so we discussed the way training would go. It was agreed
that the daytime training would be the main goal. Mom
thought that would be enough to focus on for now. I
would still wear diapers at bedtime, and I could
continue wearing a swim diaper in the pool, even though
I haven't had a messy in them for ages! Mom figured I
would have enough to worry about with keeping my
training pants, clean and dry during the day. Mom had
found a watch online that would beep at preset
intervals, as a reminder to use the potty. I was told
that this would be my responsibility, but that Sarah or
her would take charge if I didn't take my potty training
seriously. Anxious to prove myself to both of them, I
held up my part of the bargain. After a few weeks I no
longer needed the watch to tell me what I could now
feel. I had more then sufficient "holding time" to find
a bathroom. I wore "just in case" training pants long
after I gained full control. They provided me some
security during tougher times, and reminded me of the
two special people I had back home, that looked out for
me :) For years, mom occasionally padded me up at night
if I wanted and sometimes I would wet them before
falling asleep or upon waking, but that was my decision.
I would rinse them out in the shower then sneak them
into the washer so my sister wouldn't find out. The few
time Sarah did see them folded with the laundry, mom
would just tell her she used them for dusting rags ! I
could not understand back then how three quick months
could change my life so drastically.... Now I know it
wasn't time that changed me. It was my family's LOVE.
True to my word, I was once again a Big Sister to
Sarah, and we were inseparable. I started to take her
with me on babysitting jobs when she was eight. She was
a natural with children. She has the same compassion for
them that she has always shown with me. Four years later
I had graduated High School and started working as an
aid in a childrens hospital. Sarah was 12 now, and the
most requested babysitter in our area. Whenever we
weren't working, Sarah and I would spend time with each
other, often talking about the summer that changed us
both. We each understood that what we learned from each
other has certainly shaped our lives. Sarah at the age
of six showed an uncanny abilty to take charge of
situations that left me panic stricken. She always
watched over me but encouraged me to make choices or
decisions for myself. She also realized that I did the
same for her on many ocassions, by forcing her to take
charge in a crisis. After all, she was MY Big Sister at
the time ! Sarah and I both have so much to be thankful
for. We were able to help each other and in doing so,
are in a better position to help other children who
might be facing similar situations.
Mom is extremely
proud of both her Girls !
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