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Mixed Blessings

They finally came! Could they have taken any longer? Well, I guess it wasn't that long, but I was going crazy waiting! I finally got those tapes that everyone has been talking about. The bedwetter tape, full incontinence tape, and the other relaxation tape. I know alot of people bought them, and they never worked, but they did for a few, and I wanted to be one of those few! Here, let me back up for a minute.

My name is Al, I'm 19, and just moved out a few days ago. This has been a day I've been waiting for, I'm living on my own, and have no one to worry about finding any of my stuff! I ordered these tapes that are supposed to let you start wetting the bed at night a few weeks ago, and they just got here today! I bought some of those new attends, I heard they work the best at night as far as disposables go. It's been my dream for many years to start wetting the bed again, and here, with these tapes, I hope that dream will become a reality! I waste my time watching the clock, waiting for bed time. Finally the clock says 10pm, a bit early, but close enough. I pull out a diaper and put it on.

I take the bedwetting tape, put it in the walkman, and lay down to sleep. I roll around quite a bit trying to get to sleep for about 20 minutes, listening to the tapes. Finally, my brain submits to the suggestions on the tape, and I fall asleep.

I wake up relatively early, about 8:30am. I find the walkman on the floor beside the bed, unplugged. Must of pulled free of the cord when it fell. Well, it's the best explenation I can come up with being this groggy. Then it hits me like a dropped anvil! I sit up and try to sense if I'm wet. I can't tell.

I might be, I haven't tried these new diapers before, but heard they were good, they felt comfortable at least. I undo the tapes and take a peak. My heart sinks a bit, still dry. well, I knew they took a little while to kick in, hard to expect it to work in one night. I tape the diaper back on, and walk to the dresser. Pull out a pair of jeans, and a T-shirt and get dressed.

It's a Saturday, and I have nothing to do. I laze into the TV room and flop down in front of the TV to see whats on. Damn, wheres the flicker? After a bit of rummaging I find it under the cushion, where else. Sometimes wish those damn couch trolls could find something better to keep hiding on me.

I surf the 30 some odd channels for a few hours until hunger over comes me.

I pick myself up and head into the kitchen, open the fridge. A cold pizza, coke, cheese wize, Oh. Not realising it right away, I notice I have to go pee.

I decide I can hold it a bit longer, and if not, no loss, I do have a diaper on! I grab a piece of pizza from the box and toss it into the open microwave.

Set it on 1:00, high, and hit cook. While waiting i grab the coke and pour a glass. Listening to the sound of the pop pouring out makes me take clear notice of the pressure on my bladder. But, I ignore it anyways. I put the warmed, stiff pizza on a plate and sit back down on the couch in front of the TV.

About a half an hour later, the pressure on my bladder becomes a constant feeling. I decide that know is as good a time as any to let it go. I still haven't mastered the "just letting it go" yet. Funny seeing how I've been doing the diaper thing for 6 years now! I've been getting better though, I've come quite a ways from the first time.

It was back at my old house, I was cleaning out my closest when I found an old diaper. Without thinking, I went into the bathroom and put it on.

Thankfully I was still with it enough to have the sense to go into the bathroom and lean over the toilet. I started to wet (after MUCH work) and it leaked very quickly. I stood there for about 5 minutes trying desperatly to pee, but I just couldn't get it to go. Finally, just as I was wearing down, I went. It must have been the lost energy was just the right amount to let me relax (if you could call it that) to let it out. From the moment I found the diaper, to the moment I was standing there, in a wet diaper for the first time in 9 years, I had no thoughts of anything but wetting in the diaper. Now that it was out, I had time to let what I had just done sink in. Knees shaking and mind twisting I quickly got out of the diaper and threw it away. I took a bath and went into my room.

The whole thing up to that point took about 20 minutes, little did I know then how much those last 20 minutes were going to change my life. I sat in my room after the bath listening to my mind grind. Trying to think of one logical reason why I did what I did. To this day I haven't thought of one. I couldn't understand why, that moment I touched the diaper, pulled it out, and realised what it was, shut off every part of my brain that wasn't saying, try it, use the diaper! Now, here I am. 6 years later, on my own for the first time in my life, and in Canadas biggest city. This from a kid that grew up on a small island that wasn't on most maps! I started to try and relax, to let it flow. But, this was the first time I'm using these diapers! Whenever I try a new diaper, I remember those feeling I had that day with the old diaper. It makes it harder then usual to wet. I can feel the urine starting to work its way down as my bladder relaxs. <Knock> The sound from the doors catchs me off guard, instinctivly stop the flow before it really bagan. Now, new thoughts ran through my mind. Who's that? I'm not expecting anybody, hell, I know barely anyone! The diaper! I take a quick glance around, no time to take it off. Can you see it? look around, no, not really. Good, can you hear it? Yeah, but I'm listening for it too, ok, walk as little as possible, ok, let them in. (all this flashed through in about three seconds). I walk to the door and open it a bit.

Hello? Standing in front of me is this butiful face. It takes me back! I reply in a stamered, confused, basically male infatuation voice, "oh, Hi!".

"Just a sec" I lean back, close the door, and undo the chain lock, and open the door all the way.

"Come in, how can I help you?". She walks in with a walk that makes you take notice of her legs without thinking! Not like a model, but just with a distinctly feminine gait.

"Hi." she says, bringing my attention up from her legs and onto her butiful face! I don't usually take notice of girls like this. And I can't think of any one reason why I am with her. The long, curly red hair? Maybe, brown eyes, maybe. Nice smile, familliar smell? I'd say it's everything about her! "I saw you come in last night, I live upstairs.

Haven't seen you hear before, just get here?". Suddenly two thoughts go through my mind like a shot gun shell, "damn! the diapers! I was carrying them home last night!" and the other, hitting with equal force, "Oh shit! You moron, you're still wearing a diaper!". She caught me off guard enough to make me forget about the diaper under my jeans and the continually building pressure between my legs! "Hi. Ya, I moved here a few days ago.", my brain spits this out indepentant of my now preocupied mind.

The one thats jammed with the two main thoughts of how stupid I am to be wearing diapers right know, and the other of how to get them the hell off! Although, at the distress of my brain, it concludes that neither can be changed now, so deal with what you've got! Ok, There's a butiful woman sitting across from me, she wants to talk. I want to talk to her too, but I also want to/need to pee! Sure I could just say, can you hold on a minute? I gotta go to the bathroom. Yeah, one minute after she walked through the door, I don't think so! "So, whats your name?", my brain spurts out, once again independent of my still preoccupied, caos usually called my mind.

"Laura, Laura Waters". Waters, great, it had to be that! Hearing that name Waters I feel the thump on my bladder. I finally free part of my brain so that I can lead my brain into a semi-intelligent converstaion.

"Laura eh? Nice name!" oh ya, that was brilliant! "Thanks, and yours is?". She asked her innocent, save the world voice.

Oh shit, my name, "Al, Al Matthew's".

"you have nice name too.", Did I see that coming or what? "Thanks!". Ok, You want her to leave, but you want her to stay. Do I listen to logic or hormones? I can sit here and talk to her for hours on end, and wet myself, ya, that'd impress her! Ok, I can ask her to leave, sure, she'd take that right wouldn't she! Think damn you! "So, do you live alone?"

"Yeah" replying in a solomn, pity me, voice. I used to have a roomie, but she got home sick and left after two weeks. I've been here for three! I was going to look for another roomie, but my parents offered to just wire me whatever extra it was going to cost me for the apartment."

"Oh, you didn't want another room mate?", Asking not only to keep her talking, and here, but to see how she likes people in general. It's been an annoying trait of mine since for as long as I started liking women. I always ask stupid questions to annalize them.

"Doesn't matter I guess", She answered, sortof looking away, "I have reasons to like having my privacy. But it's nice to have a friend to talk to."

"Feel free to talk to me anytime". Ok, thats it, I screwed it up! I might as well just asked for her to stay the night! "Thanks." She looked at me in the eyes and smiled when replying.

"Wow, ok, so you got lucky! Don't push it, remember, you ARE wearing diapers, and you are about to explode, you haven't gotten out of this yet! We talk for about 45 minutes, she's telling me about her familly in Alabama, her sadly missed terrier, pepsi, "Ah man", he love of horror movies, and every other detail that a guy has to memorize about a woman. It's know 2pm. I haven't gone to the bathroom in almost 16 hours! I have to go so bad it hurts but can't say anything because my hormones have taken control! "Well, I should be going home, talk to you later?" she asks.

"Sure! See ya later then", please go, ahhh, ya, we'll talk tomorrow! The thoughts that tear through you mind! I get up to walk her to the door. I can feel every nerve ending in my bladder screaming at me! "Bye!" she sings in her butiful voice as she leaves. The only reason I notice is because my hormones still flood my body, but I can feel them too leaking into by now very full bladder! I just about let it go and that same bit of reasoning clicks in, "Um, you're wet know, you'll flood the basement!".

Translated, that means get to a toilet, the diaper, no matter how wonderful, will not hold what's about to come! I jolt for the bathroom, unziper the jeans, and start at the tapes by the time I make the 5 second dash to the bathroom! I get the tapes off, and get the diaper out of the way just in time.

I feel like I'm running a urine marathon! In hindsight I thank the little voice up there, saved me once again. I also make a mental note to suggest to those guys on the Internet a good way to leak if thats what they like! I pull the diaper back on, and thanks the guy who invented re-fastenable plastic tapes! For the rest of the day I ponder two things, Laura, and my damn luck! You couldn't have much worse timing to need to go pee, and be wearing a diaper.

Nonetheless though, I was extremely lucky that I didn't let go. Its funny, One of my dreams is to wet uncontrolably, and here today I almsot had the chance, but, today was the last time that I wanted it to start! Ugh! Come night fall again I pick up the walkman and put it on. It's a bit easier to fall asleep tonight, actually, It must have taken no more then 5 minutes! During the night I had excellent dreams. I can't remember the specifics, but it sure left its mark! Before I really wake up I can feel a smile on my face.

I come to and notice the walkman still on the bed, and running. Its back near the beginning of the tape, the part where it gets you relaxed. I press the stop button and get up like a horse after being drugged.

I check my diaper, damn, dry, and my morning started off so good too! I still hadn't used the diaper yet, I was too nervous yesterday of her stoping over again. I decide that it'd be same to do the same today. Although, After looking at the diaper that I've had on since two nights ago, I decide to throw it out. Its all bunched in the middle, and I doub't it'd work any more. I toss it into my garbage can in the back of my closet, and pull out another Attend.

I put it on, and relish the feeling of a fresh diaper for a few minutes.

Finally I get up, make breakfast, and watch more TV. I wait all day, and use the toilet, just incase.

Well, it's night again, she never stopped in, what a waste of a day! Once again I start my new ritual. I pick up the headphones, rewind the tape, and press play. Before I realise it, even quicker then last night, I'm asleep. If nothing else this tape is letting me get a good nights sleep! At about 3am, I wake up. Slowly at first. I never did wake up quickly! While in this half awake/half asleep state I realise that I have to go pee. I decide to get up and go to the bathroom, but as soon as I make my first move, It starts to flow! As soon as it starts I become fully awake! I can't believe this! I started to wet, and I didn't really try! Even though I've reached full conciousness, it's too late. I've hit the point where the stream can't be stopped. So I lay there for a minute until I finish. I wanted to see if they were going to leak, knows as good a time as any! I lied there for about ten minutes, shifting positions, laying still, but no leaks, good. I decide to get up and get a change. I throw the old diaper in the garbage in the closet, and to my suprise, I need minimal cleaning. I grab another diaper, and go back to bed. I put the tape back on, and am quickly asleep.

When I wake up, I check the diaper, dry, no real suprise though, there wasn't much left after last night. I decide to stay dry today, incase Laura stops in again. It's monday and there won't be much happening. Class doesn't start for another week or so. At around lunch I happen to look out the window to the parking lot. I noticed Laura walking in from her car. She looks as butiful from a distance as she does up close. She is carrying a box, and a few bags, can't see what any of it is though. I keep putting off getting my new glasses. Shes getting close enough that I can almost make out the box shes carrying. Just before shes close enough, she notices me and winks! It catches me by suprise again, I didn't think she'd see me! I wink back. She starts to walk up the stairs to her apartment. Before I could reel back from the suprise she had already gone up the stairs. I never got to see what was in any of the bags or box. Oh well, it was probably just groceries.

I play it safe for a while, and decide not to wet again. Isn't this ironic? my biggest joy about moving here was the freedom I'd have to wear diapers! Now, I've spent the last three days not using them! 7:30 blinks on the microwave, when she called. We talk for awhile and she says that she won't be stoping over today, but probably will tomorrow. Her classes started today, well, it was a short, "meet the profs" thing. We talked until about 8:30 or 9:00pm about pretty much everything. Shes the type whos voice make you want to open up and tell her everything, well, almost everything! Come night I start my now familliar routine, get in bed, put the walkman on, press play, and quickly fall asleep. Just before I doze off my mind dwells on the night before, hope for at the least a reocurrence, maybe better! One thing for sure though, the tapes were doing something! At about 3:30am, I wake up groggy, and confused. The urge to go pee woke me up again, but know, the urge was leaving. I start to go back to sleep, but then it hit me. The needing to go pee leaving wasn't the only sensation I had, I WAS peeing! Realising this brings me fully awake. Damn, these diapers are good! Up until I moved here, I only got to use cloth. I was used to when you go, you feel it! These really did pull the wetness away! My attention turned back to me actually peeing, but it's over, I have already finished. Again, no leaks, good. I debated just going back to sleep, but decided to get changed, I never really liked wet diapers anyway, go figure! I get up and grab another diaper and head for the bathroom. I change diapers, throwing the wet one into the garbage in the back of the closet. I put on another, and go back to sleep.

It's morning, dry. No wonder. I spend the first few hourse of the morning dwelling on whether I can stay asleep all night. Hopefully! At about 2pm, Laura stopped in. I didn't have time to take the diaper off, but I didn't have to go. I was playing it safe again, and feeling bad about it.

"I got off school early today. Second day and they already are letting us out early!" she starts.

"Really? Come on in" I half suggest, half beg. As soon as I see her I can feel the hormones starting to flow. She sits down on the couch and we have an "interesting" conversation! I'm no expert at women by any stretch of the imagination, but if that wasn't flirting, then I have no hope at a relationship! The whole time she kept moving a bit, almost in an attempt to get closer to me. I of course did the same in return. If it weren't for the fact that the couches were apart from each other, we probably would have started touching! Ah, maybe I'm paranoid! All I know is that I couldn't stop looking at her butiful face! The whole time she was here I had forgotten that I was wearing a diaper! It wasn't until I got up to walk her to the door, and hearing the crinkling of the diaper that it came back to me! I tried to ignore it, hopeing she would, if she could hear it.

Almost three hours had past, 5pm. Great. Shes gone for the day. I have a slight feeling of need to go, but decide to wait until night time. I've come so close to staying asleep, that I decide to let the first true accident happen at night. Finally night does come, and I go through the routine, hoping that I will stay asleep tonight! So far has been so good! Morning, well, I didn't wake up during the night. Thats my first clear thought, quickly followed by the wondering if the diaper is wet. Yep! I think so! I don't want to get my hopes up though. I feel the bottom of the diaper. The first thing I notice is the plastic outer cover, a bit warm, normal either way though, I did sleep in it! But the obvious gel-feel beneath the plastic is a definite give away! I pull the sheets down, and check for a wet spot. There is none! Ok, this day is just getting better! I sit back down on the bed and give my mind a chance to straighten things out. Ok, for the first time ever, my dream has come true! I went to bed dry, and woke up wet! This is what I've been hoping for all my diaper life! I pick up the walkman and pop out the tape, and just look at it! I owe this to a piece of megnetic tape! I put the tape down and go get a change.

The day passes without incident. At around 12:20pm, I feel the urge to go again. After a quick thought, I decide that Laura probably won't be home until sometime later, and the diaper held the wetting last night, so, why not.

Instead of the usual holding it, I just ignore it. Nothing happens right away, but by around 1, I have pretty much mastered the "ignoring it". Its alot harder then it sounds. I don't try to push it, but I don't try to stop it either. Unfortunatly though, getting my long learned toilet trained reflex to stop the flow automatically aren't that easy to control. Shortly after one, while sitting on the couch watching TV, a strong urge hits. My reflexes try to take control, but I stop them, and it flows. Its nice, I didn't push, but I still had to make a mental effort to stop it from stopping. Oh well. At least I have last night, and hopfully many nights to come! Laura called on the phone, but never stopped in. We talked about this, that, and the other thing. Didn;t really matter though, so long as I was talking to her! Its night again. I grap the tape off the dresser and pop it back in the walkman, almost knaocking the others onto the floor. This is starting to be my favorite time of the day! Well, its morning again, and sure enough (thankfully) I'm wet again! God how I love those tapes! This goes on for the rest of the Week. I wake up wet every morning, and play It safe during the day, except when I know Laura won't be home. On Sunday my supply of diapers runs near empty. I decide to ration what I have left for night time, just in case, but I'll try to stop on the way home tomorrow from college, and pick up another package.

Monday morning. I wake up early, about 6:30am. I wasn't sure if I'd be wet this morning where I woke up early, but the now familliar feeling of the warmth and the gel-like feel of the diaper tell me that I am wet! Quite wet in fact! But still, like every night before, the bed is still dry. The diapers haven't leaked yet! Although this morning it feels quite full! I must have been full during the night! No matter though. I get up, and go into the bathroom. I undo the tapes and am shocked at the weight of the diaper, before I can compinsate for the unusual weight, It slips and falls on the floor with a half flop, halp thump sound! I figure to hell with it and leave it there while I get a shower. The whole time in the shower I debate whether or not to wear a diaper to school. I finally decide to. Besides, if Laura hasn't noticed yet, then chances of someone at school noticing are pretty slim! Shes sat right beside me know, and din't notice! After I get out of the shower and brush my teeth, hair, and all the other things that make up my morning routine, I go back into the room, carrying the wet diaper. I toss it into the garbage, and pull out a new one. I lay it on the bed, open it up, and position myself on it. I pull it up, tape it together, (bless the quy that invented refastenable tapes!) and pull my pants up. I take a look at myself in the mirror to see if anything is showing, nope, not really! Good. I grab my wallet, and head to catch the bus.

Ok, heres the first major obstical. This is my first real time wearing diapers in public, well, this much public! No one notices, or at least says anything to me on the bus, good. Now the Subway, fine too, hey, this isn't too bad! I start thinking about how small my class is though, and get a bit nervous. Theres only going to be 24 other people in my class! Oh well, its too late know. I don't have any underware, and only a couple of a change in my bookbag.

I get of the subway, and walk to the school. Okay, the hard part, do I remember where the class is? With a little trouble I find it again. The whole time being careful not to bump into anybody! No since pushing my luck! I drag through the first few hours. Mostly its just a "hello, I'm so and so" deal.

Not much to worry about. Lunch time comes, no one noticed, actually, neither did I really! I figured it would be on my mind all day, but it wasn't! I stumble onto the cafeteria and order fires and a Coke. So far I hadn't met anyone, so I just take a seat for myself in the corner. I grab a book out of my bookbag that I've been reading. Its really good, called "Midnight At The Well Of Souls", Jack Chalker wrote it. It's not diaper related, but still one of my favorite books! The end of lunch hits almost as it had seemed to begin, guess thats what happens when you start reading! I head of to my afternoon class, and settle in for more "Hi, I'm <blah> <blah>"! Oh well, I should be happy, soon it will be study this, and were going to have a test on...! At about one the Coke makes itself known in a strong way! I got so caught up in my book that I forgot to go to the bathroom! To tell the truth, I hadn't gone since I woke up! I decide to try and hold it until break. I know I have a change, but to be honest, even while putting them in the bag, I never seriously concidered wetting at school! 1:45, remember that thought of not going at school, well, if the Coke has its way, I'll be glad I did bring that change! The break is still another 45 minutes away! If I make it that long, it'll be a miracle! 2:10, oh man! It hurts I have to go so bad! Now theres no way I can get out to go to the bathroom. They made it clear that when you come in, you stay in until break! 2:15. I just couldn't hold it any longer! I tried, but as soon as I was asked a question, the short interval were my brain went "what?", I stopped concentarting on staying dry, and thats all it took. First just a few drops, I tried to stop the flow, but it was like a crack in a dam. The drip's got closer together, the it was a small stream. I fight it with everything I can but it just keeps getting harder! the small stream gets faster, then quickly all my energy and fight is gone and it all pours out uncontroalbly until it is empty.

My heart started racing like a 1/4Mile drag cars engine! 15 whole minutes until I could make it to a bathroom. I had hoped no one had noticed, well, how could they really? But the thoughts were there nonetheless! No strong smell, good. That was one thing I forgot the watch for was smell. 10 minutes left, then it hits me! I hadn't gone this much before, did it leak? I try to check, taking inoccent peaks, trying to feel anything on my legs. Nothing so far, but I can't see whats under the seat. I could feel the wetness get pulled into the bottom layer, and turned into a gel. 5 minutes left, Oh man! With this much wetness its probably going to sag! Hopefully not much. Still no smell either, at least no smell that you'd contribute to wetting. Three minutes, come on! We have 15 minutes for break. I'll give everyone else a chance to leave, then carefully get up. Huh? Oh yeah! I didn't even bring a jacket, I REALLY hope its not leaking! Finally! The bell rings. I wait until the other students leave, just taking my time at putting my books away. The professor waits for a second, then just asks me to close the door on my way out. Good, everyones gone. My knees are shaking I'm so nervous! I really hope it didn't leak. I take the weight off of the chair and lift up a bit, enough to rub my hand against my pants to see if they're wet... Can't feel anything. I stand up. The diaper pulls down a little bit, but its a snug fit, it's not saging much. I take a look, no, can't see anything. Ok, time to dash for the bathroom. I take a catious step, then a second. Trying to notice anything that might give me away, no, not really, good. I head down the hall and into the bathroom. There is a number of people there, but thankfully there is one free stall! Its the furthest one from the door. I walk in quickly. I sit on the seat, lower my pants, and undo the tapes. I don't want it to land on the floor, in case anyone can see under the stall wall. I lift up a bit, and pull it out from under me, roll it up, and set it down beside the toilet, facing the wall. To my suprise, it wasn't as wet as I thought it was. It must have just been the fact that I was so self- concious at the time! I clean my self up as best I can, and put a new diaper on. I flush the toilet, to keep people from wondering, and pull my pants back up, gather the used diaper into my bookbag. I walk out of the stall, hoping that no one would be left, but to no luck. There was still 2 people in, and I wasn't about to pull a wet diaper out of my bookbag! I head of to my last class, and rough out the rest of the day. You can't smell the diaper because of the powder or whatever in it, and It's rolled up and taped, so it won't leak. Fianlly the end of the day comes, Even though no one can see it, it still makes me nervous to have a wet diaper in my bookbag! I stop at the local drug store and looked around until there were only a few people around. I quickly grabbed a small package of attends, and head for the cash register. I put them on the counter, and the lady gave me a quick wierd glance, but then just asked me to pay for them, and said to come again.

I make it the rest of the way home, and go straight for the garbage to jetason the wet diaper. For the first time, I have a chance to think about what happened. It was the first time that I had wet during the day against my best efforts, but it was understandable. I have tried waiting until I had to go real bad, but before I was always able to hold it, until right near the end, then I'd (for some reason I can't figure out) would go to the bathroom and go in the toilet, today though that just wasn't an option! Before I threw out the diaper, I really got to feel it. It was wet alright, but not at all as wet As I thought it would be! Oh well, it must just be that these diapers are really good at absorbing wetness. I make a mental note to go to the bathroom at lunch tomorrow! Laura stops in at about 8. and we talk for about a half an hour, but then I tell her goodnight, and feed her some dumb story about having to get up early tomorrow. The truth is though, I just can get of my mind what today was like! By bed time I had changed once more. I grab the last diaper out of the bag, and throw it, and the wet diaper into the garbage, grab the walkman, and go to sleep.

Tuesday morning, wet once again! I love that feelng! I run through my morning routine, getting a change, shower, brush teeth, hair, and all that stuff, and head to school. At lunch I get caught up in my book again, and forget to go pee, but I am able to hold it until The end of school. I get caught up in the crowd on the way out of the school. I don't want to shove through the people in case of being bumped into, not so much because of the fear of being noticed, but by now, my bladder is strectched to full! If I get bumbed into, I could wet again, and I don't want to push my luck! Despite a mad dash for the bus once free, but I still miss it. Damn, ok, now what? I have 15 minutesto kill until the next bus! So, I decide to start walking, at least that will keep my mind off the building urge between my legs. I'll still have to catch the bus, but if I just stand around, I'll go crazy! Surely, about 15 minutes later, the bus passed again. By now the pressure was unbearable. I pay the driver, and take the first free seat. The bending to sit is almost enough to make me go, but it doesn't. Alright, switch to the subway, then the second bus, then home. Ten more minutes. I can't help but cringe at the thought.

I make it to the subway, then the second bus. Bending to sit down on the bus seat causes a couple of drips, but I'm able to stop it. Finally, the bus reaches my stop! Getting up causes a couple of more drops, but I just stop for a second and am able to stop the flow just before it begins. I run across the driveway and dash for the door, THUMP! The door's locked! The suprise causes even more drips, but once again, under extreme strain, I'm able to stop it. I could just let it go, but I've got to at least wait until I'm inside! I'm not used to locking the door, where I used to live, you never had to lock your doors. I fumble for the key, unlock the doors, and run into the house and strait for the bathroom. I dropped my bag in the hall on the way and run into the bathroom. I struggle with the button on my pants, but finally free it.

Just getting into the bathroom caused an increase in the pressure. It's like my brain went (toilet, Ah, safe to go), making it about ten times harder to hold back. I grab the zipper, and pull it down, reach up for the sides of the pants, and start to pull down. I pull down with such force and haste, that the top of the pants catch the top of the diaper, and the full force just applied to pull down my pants as quickly as possible is transfered to my bladder causing a painful ache to fill my lower belly! I shift my pants, and pull them down, just in time to see the blue strip appear.

I reach for the tapes, then realise whats happening. I wasn't fast enough.

The ache translated into increased pressure, and it was just too much. I stop, and wait to finish. Twice in two days. well, It wasn't really much I could do.

I just got caught up in the book, and too confident. Well, at least I WAS wearing the diapers, otherwise it could have been truely humiliating! Thats when I realised that this would have happened whether I was diapered or not! This is strange, I'm not usually this forgetful, especially over something like going to the bathroom! I get up and undo the tapes, pretty wet. These diapers must be good though! Back at my old home, when I still had to use cloth, having to go that bad would have almost definatly have leaked! Oh well, I'll keep wearing the diapers to school. No one noticed even when I wet yesterday in class! One thing for sure though, the books staying here! For the next week, Everything goes as it has been. I get settled in at school, and get to know Laura quite well. I keep listening to that tape, and sure enough wake up wet every morning! I decided to try and hold it until I get home before I wet, but if I have to go, I'll go. I can't take the risk of trying to take the diaper off to go to the bathroom. The tapes are too loud and too definable. As it turns out, I end up going every day at school. Only once though. I don't even try to hold back really any more. I figure that if I go at around lunch when the first real need to go arises, then I can last until I get home. Also, when I go when I first feel the need, there isn't as much there to tax the diaper.

By the end of the following week I have gone almost a months without a dry night. And haven't gone more then ten minutes (for a shower) without a diaper on! I'm still listening to the tape too. I want to make sure that the messages stick. I've also noticed, with the exception of the second night, the amount of wettness in the diaper each morning has been growing in volume too the point were I have a complete empty a night! Laura and me have gotten pretty close too. I almost told her about the diapers one night though, she was getting close, and I thought she was going to feel the diaper, but I (against my hormones wishes) kept her from feeling it.

Its Friday night, about 8pm, and Laura's knocking at the door. I let her in and we start talking about the usual, school, money, parties, and stuff. She says that there is going to be a movie on tonight, and wanted to know If I'd watch it with her. I say ya, why not. She tells me that its some old romantic movie she had seen a while ago, and was quite good. Hormone alert! Shortly into the movie she snuggles up beside and lays her head on my shoulder. The movie is actually quite good, and catches my attention. About an hour and a half into the movie, without me noticing, she put her arm around my waist.

Her hand is only just above by backside, and not to flatter myself, but her hand IS moving down! Then I hear it. The distinct crincle of plastic. The kind of plastic that cover diapers, particularly the one I have on right now! Feelings of loss, dispair, fear, fright, nervousness, everything floods my mind, all at one time, and all within one very long, drawn out second...

Then actual (although not rational) thoughts hit. To my extreme suprise, I didn't jump up, or say anything. Two seconds pass, still no reaction, from either of us. Three seconds, then four, five, seven, ten, twenty...

Nothing, she didn't notice! I tell her I'll be right back, and get up and start to walk to the bedroom.

She says alright, and lays on the couch. As soon as I'm in my room I close the door and pull down my pants to take the diaper off. I unzip my jeans, and drop them to my ankles. I step out of them as I walk to the bed and sit down. I lean over to take off the diaper when I notice something different. How did THAT happen? The blue strip was showing! Then I realised that the soft absorbent material was now a gel! Sometime during the afternoon, I had wet myself! I didn't even realise! My minds swirls like a tornado trying to think of what to do, how it happened, everything! I've got a wet diaper on, and a butiful girl in the next room! I don't have much other choice then to leave it on. It's not leaking, and she has already felt it, and didn't notice it, I don't think! I walk back into the room and sit down again. I sit on the couch, but a bit away from her. I definatly don't want her to think that I'm not interested. Hopefully she'll think I just didn't notice. Besides, I think her noticing me in a wet diaper would be a much worse turn off then just seeming not interested! We sit through rest of the movie. She made a few advancments, but nothing realy happened. After the movie she decided that it was time for her to go to sleep, so I walked her to the door. She said good night, and left.

I quickly headed back to the bathroom and reached to pull down my pants.

When I looked down to unzipper the pants, I noticed, not below the zipper, but just off to the left, where the edge of the diaper was, the jeans where an unmistakable dark blue. They had leaked! Not only that, I walked Laura to the door! She must have seen! But she didn't say anything? Maybe she didn't notice. Maybe she did and didn't think anything of it. But she felt the diaper too! She had to have put two and two together! But if she did, why didn't she say anything? Maybe she just didn't think about it! I mean, it's not every day you see a grown man wearing a leaky diaper! They hadn't leaked when I first noticed that I was wet? Maybe the sitting and moving squeezed them? I got a new diaper on and threw the pants in the wash. More thoughts, questions, comments, worries, anxieties flew through my head well after I had lied down to sleep. I shouldn't have left the diaper on that long. Hell, I should have got her to leave as soon as I knew I was wet. Speaking of which, how DID I wet? I didn't notice! I'm not incontinent. I can still hold it in.

There was no logical reason for it. Not stress, I've been in much more stressful positions and not had an accident. Hormones? No, same reasons. Then what? Why did I wet? It wasn't the first time either. But the others were explainable. I couldn't exactly go to a public bathroom to go, I'd get noticed. I was lucky the few times I did try it! Hell, thats why I didn't even try holding it anymore, no reason. By the time I could get home, I'd have gone anyway. Around the house I wet because I want too. I could hold it, ifI wanted to. With that, I fell asleep.

The next morining was the same as the rest, wet. That was no suprise though, the tapes worked. I'd have to let DPF know that they had a satisfied costomer! Last night still bothers me. I was still continent. I could hold it. Couldn't I? It had been three months since I started listening to the bedwetting tape.

But it had also been two months since I last tried to stay dry. But two months isn't that long. There are people that have gone years continually in diapers with no lose. Besides, I have always had good control. On top of that, the bedwetter tapes only work while you are sleeping! Theres nothing I can do about it. It had to be a freak accident, and I wrote it off as such.

I decided that today I would try and hold it until I wanted to go. I know I can, but to proove it to myself. I still have a diaper on, but thats more out of habit and lack of underware. I have some somewhere, but it's been three months since I've worn a pair, and who knows where they've ended up! Sure enough shortly before lunch I feel the urge to go, and I did keep from going! So what about last night? Then, the doorbell went. When I opened the door it was Laura! Not that big of a suprise. She comes over alot, but not usually this early in the morning. She tells me that she left her purse here last night, and she was going into town and needed it. Sure enough it was were she had left it, beside the couch. We talk for about ten minutes, then she left.

About an hour passed before any thoughts of diapers or wetting come back into my mind. I think about last night and just can't explain it. Well, I can't dwell on it forever, I've already prooved I'm still continent. I have to go even n.... wait a minute. I run go to the bathroom and pull down my pants. What the HELL is going on?!? I'm wet again! But I was holding it just an hour ago! Then I realise that I was holding it while I was thinking about it. When Laura got here, I didn't think about holding it, I must have gone then. But that does not make sense! The rest of the day I try holding it, and I can, until something takes my mind off of wetting and diapers for more then thirty seconds, then I go, without any warning! By night have no more idea whats going on then I did the night before. I think about the tape, but no, like I already said, it's a bedwetting tape, it wouldn't make me loose waking control. So I deside to keep going. I still want to wet at night, just not during the day! At least not without me knowing! During the next two weeks I keep trying to hold it, and I still can, until something distracts me. It gets to the point where, even a minor thought, like thinking of which channel to watch, is enough to break my concentration.

Just over two weeks after this started, a Sunday, I was watching some bad show. The urge to go comes on, but before I can think "hold it back", the flow starts. Later on the same thing happened. As fast as the urge to go hit, I go! Shortly after supper I deside to sit down, with no distractions at all and try to do nothing but concentrate on keeping from going. After what felt like forever waiting, the urge finally came. For the first few seconds I held, and the urge left! I thought for a moment; ok, there, I can still hold it! But, thats all it took. In my short moment of victory, the urge came back, and I couldn't react in time. I went. Another week and a half goes by with this.

The urge coming on, then leaving with no warning at all. I just go.

Wednesday afternoon, the phone rang, and when I got up, and the diaper gave a mild pull down. I was wet. There wasn't even an urge. I was dry ten minutes before when I sat down, and when I stood up, I was wet! This was a blow to the ego. I have to check myself to see if I've wet or not. Within a couple of weeks, I don't even notice a wet diaper pulling down.

I have to make a concious effort to check myself whenever I can to see if its time for a change. This became a problem at school. I was no longer only wetting at around lunch. I was now wet two, three, somtimes even four time before I got home. On top of all that, I had to start carrying a backpack as a makeshift diaper bag. I'm still nervous about getting changed in the bathrooms, but what can I do? I have to go in the bathroom, and go to a stall and wait until I think that there is nobody in there, then quickly undo the tapes, roll it up, put on a dry, and chuck the wet.

Not to mention being unable to stop from wetting, I've had to hold back from Laura a few times now. We're still close, we kind of kiss and stuff, but nothing to big. I can't risk going without a diaper. I don't think she'd take to kindly to being wetted on! One night, about five months after having moved to Toronto and meeting Laura, we where watching a movie on TV, and fell asleep on the couch. The next morning Laura woke up first and went up to her apartment, then came back down, made breakfast, then straitened up a bit for me. When I woke up, Laura was sitting on the chair across from the couch, looking at me, and holding a diaper in her hand. I sat up so fast at noticing this that I must have beaten some world record! No thoughts entered my mind, it was blank, empty, just plain dumbfounded! "Whats with this?" she asked, not upset, more curious sounding.

"I, uh, I..."

"You wear them." she finished.

"When I saw the Attends package in the closet after I got up, I felt your backside." This was more of a comment then anything.

With that, the first thing I thought of was if I was wet or not. Not that it really needed to be asked. It had been almost five months since I was dry.

Without really thinking I glanced down between my legs, then looked back up quickly when I realised what I was doing. Sure enough, I was wet. What can I say? It's true.

"Do you use it?" she asked.

That took me a bit! "Uhh..." I started "Do you?" she asked again, not sounding hasty, just curious.

"Well, yeah..". I answer. What kind of a question was that? We both just sat there, looking at each other for a minute. What was she thinking? Why is she not saying anything? why did I let myself fall asleep last night? "Why?" she started, "Why are you wering them?"

"I don't know." It was all I could say.

"Pardon? You're wearing a diaper and you don't know why?"

"Well, I know WHY, I just don't know WHY." That threw her for a loop, she didn't have to say it.

"What I mean is I need them, I just don't know why I need them." That didn't look like it helped.

"I can't help it, but I don't know WHY I can't."

"Oh." Oh? All that for 'Oh'! "How long?"

"Not long really, about five months." I can't believe this. I'm talking about diapers to Laura! "Just after I moved here, I started having night accidents. It progressed from there."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, know I need them during the day too. It only really got like that a month ago." Now I'm telling her how long I've been wearing them! "Did you get it looked at?"

"No. And I doubt I will either. If it gets worse, then maybe, but after reading about the tests they do! Heck, I was never to partial to doctors in the first place. Besides, some of those tests are more humiliating then having to wear those." Pointing to the diaper in her hand. I hate to lie, but I can't exactly tell her why I'm wearing them, or why I can't go to the doctor. It's not a complete lie anyways! I really have needed them lately.

We talk about it for a while, she asking questions that you'd expect, and a few you wouldn't. I recall that night a while back when she felt the diaper and ask her if she knew what it was. She said no, She says that until this morning she never really suspected anything. Eventually she brought up the topic of us. She asked if thats why I never really got close, because I was afraid she'd find out.

I said "yeah, thats pretty much it. I tell her that I've always been interested, but figured that you might not take me serious if you knew that I was an adult, and couldn't even keep from wetting himself." After that she just looked at me for a minute, then I asked; "Well?". She was taken back by that.

"I, well, sure..." she answered finally, and uneasily.

With that she came over and sat beside me. She looked nervous, but then again, I was probably a better shade of red myself. After a long look at each other, we kissed, a REAL kiss! It was better then I could have ever imagined! Her kiss matched her buty exactly.

Then she stopped, looked at me, and started; "Back in '92, I was comeing home from school." she started, "I was stopped at a red light when I heard a car come up behind me at a high speed. The driver was drunk out of his mind. He tried to swerve at the last moment and hit the back of my car on the driver side with the passanger side of his car.

He spun sideways and flipped over. He slid accross the road on his side and his trunk hit a telephone poll. He spun and flipped into the ditch and landed on his roof. I was spun 90 degrees into the intersection and was hit by a another car entering the intersection. He was paralyzed from the waist down, and I spent a year in re-hab with a broken pelvic bone, broken ribs, and a broken leg. The woman in the car that hit me in the intersection was pretty much unhurt. She broke her ankle, but her airbag and seatbelt saved her. After I was released, I still had to use a cain for a while. The doctor also said that I was likely to get arthritis later on." With that, she lifted her dress up to show the top of her legs. Under her panty hose was an Attends, and the blue line was showing! "When the pelvic bone broke, it punctured my bladder. They had to do surgery, and between the two, nerve damage occured." She paused for a moment.

"Guess that makes two of us." she finished with a half serious half joke tone in her voice.

"Oh." That was all that I could think of! Brilliant! "I think half the reason I never noticed your diaper before is because I too was nervous about you finding out about me. I was too busy worrying if you heard the crinkling of the plastic to hear yours!" Now it was my turn, "I guess that makes two of us!" We talk again for a while longer. Mostly recollecting times we were together both wondering if the other noticed. She even said that had a leak once. She was sure that I had seen it, and spent a sleepless night wondering if I had noiced or not. I told her that the exact same thing had happened to me! I kept using the tape for a month before I found out what happened. For at least five months I had been listening to the daywetting tape! It had to be at least that because that was the last time I took the tape out. I must have put the wrong one back into the walkman! I debated whether to keep listening to it or not, and I decided to keep it in. After the first success you were supposed to cut back, but I had kept with it for almost every night. Thats why I couldn't hold it at all anymore.

About a months after that, Laura moved into my apartment. We had been spending almost every day at each other place, and frequently nights too.

Heck, she even had a pack of her size small Attends at my place, and I my mediums at hers! When she moved in I stopped listening to the tape.

Come summer, we were still living together. We had gotten very close, and even concidered getting married. We decided to wait and see. It had almost been four months since I last listened to the tape, but I was still unable to stay dry during the day, let alone at night. I had even thrown out the tapes, and all the other DPF stuff. I didn't want her to find out, besides, I now had what I've always really wanted from DPF, to be unable to stay dry, and I had accomplished that. I also had the most butiful girl I could want at my side! There were times when it got frustrating, having to get changed in public, but then I thought of Laura. She had to do the same thing, had the same frustrations. We used each other as a crutch when either of us felt low for any reason.

At the start of December, I asked her again to marry me. She said yes! We set the date for New Years Day. It was wierd picking out a tux that was loose around the waist so that the diaper wouldn't show. Laura had it harder then me though, she had to find a dress that would not only cover her diaper, but also not be transparent! It started New years Eve, we had it timed so that just as the clock struck 12:00, we were saying "I do". Everything went perfect. When they said "You may kiss the bride", I felt like a school kid again, I was so excited I wet my diaper!

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