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Caught!  Discovery can be liberating, but scares the "piss" out of anyone.

 

How do I begin the story, frustration, embarrassment, anguish, etc.?  There I was standing in the corner of the bedroom and she had me dead to rights.   I was standing next to her dresser with a pair of her pink panties in my hand wearing a diaper, yes a diaper.  How did it get to this point and what was to happen next.  I had no idea and based on her reaction I wasn’t very excited about the prospects of this dilemma.  All I heard from her lips was, “Oh my God, this is different and I’m dying to hear an explanation for this.”  

 

I guess you could say I had somewhat of a difficult childhood, but doesn't everybody? Why was it so difficult for me to handle the situation and what was I to do, I had no idea. My challenge has been with me for as long as I can remember. Dealing with this so-called curse had finally gotten to me and I didn't know what else to do, perhaps I wanted to get caught but oh well there I was.  Now what to do and oh I was scared.  I thought about running to the bathroom, but what was there, it was obvious that I could not hide this any longer.  

 

15 years earlier: I was invited by my aunt to go assist with some farming after all relatives are cheap labor and I wanted the money, I was 10 years old. I went on to stay with my aunt (my father’s sister) during harvest; it wasn't a bad gig actually. I was given my own room, which was great after all I had been sharing a room with my brother for a long time. This seemed like a great opportunity to become somewhat independent. Little did I know how this would start the ball rolling down I long pathetic pathway.  I had no idea it would become such a problem. You see, I wet the bed regularly till about age 7 and under a great deal of stress I was still having an occasional accident. I don't think my aunt knew that I did but boy I guess she was in for a big surprise. I usually only had my little problem when I was under stress, was extremely fatigued, or upset.  After age 7 I took every precaution I possibly could to keep that from happening by decreasing my water intake after late in evening not eating late and trying to empty my bladder is much as possible before sleep. The challenge was to keep it so that everyone never noticed it as a problem. I had learned through experience over and over again how to manage my little problem by changing behaviors as much as was humanly possible and had curtailed things for a couple of years.  Now I was in a strange environment I had never been in before which in itself created little bit of stress plus my aunt and uncle had a tendency to eat late. This started a cascade of behavior patterns that became significantly problematic. One night after working for hours and hours I was extremely tired and yes we had been outside most of the day, because of that we were somewhat dehydrated when we got home. I forgot my internal rule and drank a large amount of water late in the afternoon. I was also extremely exhausted when I went to bed that night, as you would guess, that evening or should I say early in the morning while it was still dark outside, I woke to a puddle and was helpless as to what to do. I couldn't hide it, I couldn't change the sheets, I couldn't get new underwear because all my underwear was in the laundry. This created even another problem that was to stick with me as well. When I got up that morning I tried to get into the bathroom as quick as possible after covering the bed hoping that it would not be noticed. I made it hiding my underwear in the garage. And I thought all was well accepted since I didn't have any underwear I had to go about my day commando. Well how traumatic can that be for a 10-year-old boy? Anyway I worked the whole day not really thinking much about it, I guess denial is as good as any reason to not think about it or hopelessness I guess would be a better way to describe it.

 

I got home, cleaned up a little and prepared myself for dinner. I thought everything was fine until after dinner I went back to my room and noticed that there were clean sheets and blankets on the bed. I just sat on the bed by myself trying to come up with a solution to my predicament. Well my answer came soon enough when my aunt came into the room and sat down on the bed next to me with a look of concern on her face. She said and I quote” we have to talk about something and I think you know what it is”. I said yes I knew and I promised her that I would never do it again, I promise that I would do everything I possibly could to prevent it from happening but she had another solution to the problem.  Since it was bedtime she marched me in to the bathroom and asked me to sit down on the edge of the bathtub.  She then stepped out of the room and shortly returned with a bag.  She set it down on the floor next to me and then began the conversation.  She began by telling me how she had to make very clear that she did not want to ruin the mattress in her guest bedroom.  And that something had to be done to protect it.  The most logical solution at that time was to create a barrier between the bedding and me.  For small children with the same problem they had to wear diapers and thus I was to do the same.  She then pulled a diaper from the bag she had placed next to me.  There was also a pair of plastic pants as well.  I was understandably in shock.  I begged her to not force me to wear it, but to no avail.  I will be honest, I cried.  I had to lie down on the cold floor of the bathroom next to the bathtub and she lifted my but sliding the diaper between my legs and pulled it up pinning both sides against me.  She then had me stand up and had me put my legs one at a time in the plastic paint.  I was then asked to go to bed because after all we had a long day ahead.  I sat on the edge of the bed in the dark staring at the emptiness.  I was so alone, my immediate family was miles away and I was in a strange house.  I vowed to not have an accident to prove that it would not be necessary to wear the symbol of weakness and immaturity again.  

 

I hardly slept at all that night, and was quite sleepy when I awoke, but darn it, I did not wet the bed.  I had hoped that by not doing so I would be allowed to sleep without the diaper the next night, but I would later discover that would not be the case.  Then came the next humiliation in the form of my cousin’s underwear, oh by the way she is a girl.  Yes I was given a pair of yellow panties as my only choice of underwear after all I was being punished for wetting mine.  This was getting worse by the day.  I had to wear her panties all day and I will always remember the pair.  A nylon pair with a bit of lace on the waste band and the legs.  Quite feminine really but given my age and lack of significant sexual development for my age they cause minimal discomfort.  I reluctantly wore them all day and could hardly wait to get back to the house hoping that I could return to my own, however by the time we finished dinner again I was headed back to the bedroom hoping that my clothes would be restored.  I was mistaken and on the edge of the bed was that same bag I saw the night before.  My heart sunk and I just sat down on the floor with my head in my hands, leaning against the side of the bed.  Things were seemingly hopeless and sure enough I was correct and my aunt came in to present me with my reminder of how important it was to preserve her precious bedding.  I was once again forced to go into the bathroom and lie on the floor.  This truly “sucked” and I was miserable.  What was I to do, surely I could convince her that I could be relied upon to keep dry through the night if only I could prove to her over time that I could.  I vowed to do whatever was necessary to prevent this from happening again. And for a few days I was successful, but she never did become open to the suggestion that I could be left unprotected.  I was however allowed to wear my own underwear as long as I had clean ones.  I had to wear my cousins on only the few times whenever I wet the bed, but at the time once was too many.  This was just getting worse by the night.  I was required to wear the diapers every night throughout the harvest and ultimately wet the bed about every 3-4 days, which sucked.  

 

My cousin eventually found out even though I tried as best I could to keep it a secret.  After all trying to isolate myself nightly was hard for her to understand.  She just wanted to play like a normal kid would do so she would often come to my room after dinner usually after I was diapered.  I would do my best to hide that I was wearing one, but the bulk was obvious.  Lucky for me she was somewhat sympathetic.  She was only 2 years younger than me but given that girls mature faster than boys at that age we were about the same size.  Lucky for me she never found out that I was indeed wearing her underwear on occasion since it was decided that as punishment I was to wear her panties if I wet the bed.  

 

The harvest finally ended and I went back home to my house and family.  I breathed a sigh of relief when we walked through the door and I immediately started resuming my normal activity at home with my brothers.  I had hoped that my aunt would not share the information about what happened at her house, however that was not to be the case.  My mother and aunt spent a great deal of time at the dinner table talking about something and while they were talking I noticed the familiar bag sitting by the door.  My heart sank.  I went outside to think things over and to be alone walking through the trees by our house.  We lived in a beautiful area inside the quaking aspen forest several miles from town and I loved to be a kid exploring the area, finding whatever way I could connect with nature.  I walked for an hour or two through the trees just thinking.  I needed to prepare what I would say to my mother when confronted.  I decided I would make her a deal.  I would do everything I could to keep it from happening to include not sleeping, not drinking any water, anything to keep from wearing the diapers.  This was making me angry just thinking about it.  I stormed around the forest pounding on tree trunks.  Finally I summoned the courage to return to the house and I was glad that my aunt and family had left so I did not have to say goodbye to her at that point.  I now felt somewhat betrayed and did not want to say anything to her at that moment, plus I was afraid of what she had told my mother.  I did however miss saying goodbye to my cousin who did seem a bit more understanding.  

 

I slowly entered the house hoping that no one would notice me that all would just be forgotten and for the rest of the afternoon and through dinner nothing was said.  I started to relax and felt like there might be a weight off of my shoulders.  Little did I know what was in store later.  My mother actually was quite understanding during our conversation later.  We discussed what she and my aunt had discussed for a while and she asked me what I wanted to do.  This was a surprise compared to what my aunt had said.  I of course didn’t want to wear a diaper any more and voiced that determination to her.  She made me a deal that if I proved that I did not need them then she would not force me to wear them.  My father on the other hand felt that a heavy hand was in order choosing to use a belt on me if ever I did wet the bed again.  (As  a person who now works in health care, I cannot understand why  some “die hards” feel that physical punishment is a way to get over genetic issues, but that’s another story!)  She bless her heart was willing to gamble and let me sleep without protection, and perhaps due to decreased stress associated with staying at my aunt’s house I was able to stay dry for several weeks.  It was awesome and I truly felt that I had licked the problem.  Trouble is that I started to let my guard down and experiment with less preventative measures to include drinking water later in the evening and not getting out of bed when I felt the urge during the night.  Needless to say I wet again.  Now what? My mother obviously confronted me with an option to wear the diaper again.  She stated that it would probably be in my best interest to wear one again due to the stress it caused for me to try so many things to prevent it from happening.  Her argument made complete sense if you think about and her argument was after all valid.  I was stressing about things every night.  I needless to say consented.  I then began wearing one every night again.  This time however it seemed to be the logical choice.  I did not like it, but my mother made a great argument.  With no big deal made about it, I continued to wear purely out of logic and I began to have longer and longer times where I would go without wetting the bed.  In fact I was routinely not having wet nights for 2-3 weeks at a time and was close to asking to try without again.  The biggest and best issue is that my mother left the choice up to me.  I was close, then all hell broke loose.

 

My mother and father were not getting along very well and it appeared that divorce was imminent.  We were then forced to move to another state and my mother was also forced to get a job as a social worker.  She was gone every day for work.  We had to come home from school alone and wait for mom to come home daily.  It became such a challenge that my mother’s sister moved in with us to help out with house hold management.  Not a good decision for me because this made for a very difficult and what was soon to become perverted.  With the stress of moving and the difficulties my parents had had, I began to wet again which was problematic.  Yes I was again forced into diapers and was wearing daily.  My other aunt (my mother’s sister) soon discovered the situation and began a tirade on me with humiliation and eventual untoward behaviors.  My aunt began coming in to my room nightly to see if I was wet, which originally seemed to be in my best interest.  You see she started out trying to get me up to go the bathroom.  This however changed over time.  After a few weeks, she would come in and not only check to see if I had a wet diaper, but she also would reach in to my diaper to touch and eventually start fondling my penis.  This became somewhat disconcerting and you would imagine.  Over time the routine would be to see if I was wet and if not she would reach into my diaper and fondle my member nightly.  If however I was not dry she would leave me alone and return to her bed.  

 

What would you do with this situation if you were a 10 year old boy?  I learned that to keep her from fondling me it was in my best interest to wet myself before she came in to the room.  I never did tell my mother about what was happening, because she was under enough stress.  I now had a learned behavior with positive reinforcement to wet my bed nightly.  I then did that which made my mother very concerned, but she hoped that I would eventually grow out of it.  

 

During that time, I had my first orgasm in a diaper.  I was very upset after my aunt had spent what I thought was a extraordinary long time caressing my penis thinking I was asleep, but even at my tender age, there was an obvious reaction to her fondling and as I became fully erect, she left the room.  I was not doing well that night and began slowly to rock myself to sleep tears running down my cheek, gently sobbing quietly so as to not wake any one.  As I was rocking back and forth I felt a feeling I had never felt before grow steadily until yes, I had what I later realized was an orgasm.  Given my sexual immaturity, there was no discharge, but it felt terrific.  I was also very relaxed afterward and was able to go to sleep.  I did not wet that night either.  Now I had a secret.  I learned a survival technique and directly correlated this to diaper wearing.  I then spent the next few weeks developing strategies where I could either masturbate in my diaper or wet it depending on how I wanted to deal with the intervention of my aunt.  This lasted until she finally moved out at the end of her high school senior year.  She then went on to college and left our house.  The seeds of diaper desires had however been planted in what now was very fertile soil so to speak.  

 

I then spent the next several years doing things that would make it so I could wear diapers whenever possible.  I was the oldest of my family and my siblings were spread over several years.  Thus as they came along they obviously wore diapers and my mother was fond of cloth.  Often there was a messy diaper found in the toilet.  I saw them there and knew that I had to hold it waiting for my mother to rinse it out.  You see we only had one bathroom in our house.  I often wished that I had one on just so that I could at least relieve myself on occasion.  I therefore would “borrow” a diaper from my brother’s drawer and use it, then hide it in his pail later just so I could relieve the pressure in my bladder.  Pretty soon I would also sneak one into my room to wear at night as well.  This behavior lasted until I went to high school.  I was small for my age and wrestled 98 lbs as a freshman in high school and 105 as a sophomore.  Therefore I could easily wear a child’s diaper with extra large baby plastic pants without difficulty.  I was able to hide my fetish for years.  I hid the fetish throughout my college days and never really had a roommate so that no one would find out about my issues.  

 

Well then I met the girl of my dreams, beautiful, fun and we hit it off immediately.  We dated for over a year and decided to marry.  I thought that by being married we would not have any reason to deal with things as before and I actually though that all would be forgotten and that I had in fact “grown out of” my fetish.  Wow was I wrong.  I soon discovered that there were triggers that would take me back to the insecurities I dealt with as a child.  I found myself getting more and more of a desire to wear diapers again particularly when there was a lot of stress in my life.  I thought that perhaps I could remain strong and avoidance and keeping myself busy with daily activities would keep my mind off of diapers and panties, but as anyone knows when dealing with this issue it just doesn’t go away.  

 

My job began to become more stressful and challenging, which caused me to wet the bed a couple of times when I had had a little more than I should have to drink.  This was quite disturbing to my wife waking up to a wet bed.  Then it got worse and I did it when I was not drinking.  I immediately resorted to the same protective behaviors I had before by dehydrating myself and not drinking late at night.  The plan worked, but I had no relief in the future to be seen.  Then my wife went to visit her mother and as I knew things were not getting better so I went looking for answers.

 

I then began to explore the Internet and found a secret society of diaper wearers and adult babies out there and all the resources available to those of this interest.  I never got into the adult baby realm, but diapers became more and more desirous.  I eventually broke down and bought my first cloth diaper and pair of plastic pants.  I began to wear them only when my wife was away and visiting her mother or out of town.  This was difficult due to needing to wash up afterward, but through creative planning I was able to time things so that I could have sufficient time to get things all cleaned up before she would come home.  I would usually wear a diaper and then afterward I would take a shower and put a pair of her panties on to rest and feel the soft silkiness on my genitals.  I preferred ones that she had been wearing the day before.  This went on for a long time and I thought that things would potentially keep going like this forever, however I guess that it was inevitable that I would eventually get caught.  So it happened.  

 

My wife was headed out of town on a trip to visit her mother again and after she left with her bags, I waited for as long as I could stand.  I then snuck in to the bedroom closet where I kept my supplies, pulled out a cloth diaper I purchased with a pair of yellow plastic pants and pinned the diaper on; then slid my legs into the plastic pants pulled them up around my waist and went to the laundry basket pulling out a pair of my wife’s pink panties.  Then I saw out of the corner of my eye she was standing behind me with her hands on her hips.  There was obvious anger in her eyes and exasperation as well.  I just stood there and then began to stare at the floor.  I didn’t know what to do.  The ball was obviously in her court.  What next?  I was so nervous I wet myself right then and there in front of her.  She obviously knew it happened based on my reaction.  Then it happened she started to laugh.  I didn’t know how to take the reaction.  All she said was “Would you mind explaining yourself?”  I said I didn’t know what to say.  She then just asked “WHY”  “It’s a long story and it might take a while.”  I said sheepishly then I asked if she really wanted to know and if she had time right now because she was supposed to be headed to her mother’s house.  She said she forgot one of her bags and had to return and that yes she had to leave soon, but didn’t want to miss out on this story for anything.  I asked her what she wanted me to do and if she wanted me to get cleaned up before we talked, but she stated that it was obvious that I wanted to continue to wear the diaper even though I was wet at the time and she would just listen and then make a decision what to do.  “What about the panties??  I asked.  She just shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed.  She asked me to sit down and get cracking.  I then began at the beginning and told her everything.  She just sat there listening and had no real reaction I could read.  After I finished she just sat there.  I really needed to pee again and was getting very uncomfortable.  My wives noticed and said just go ahead and use the diaper, as that is what it’s for.  I had a hard time releasing because of the situation, but the need was too overwhelming and I was able to fill my diaper again, only this time it was much too much for the diaper to hold and it leaked out of the seam around the legs leaving a wet spot on the bed.  This was tough and I tried to hide it from my wife.  She could see that I was embarrassed about something.  She asked me to stand and see what was the problem.  She just stood there staring at the spot on the bed with her hands on her hips.  She began to shake her head and I knew I was in trouble.  

 

She told me to clean up and meet me in the front room after a shower that she needed to think for a bit while I was in the bathroom.  That was the most difficult shower I ever had and I spent a long time in there because I was afraid at what was going to happen.  My diaper was in the sink waiting for what I needed to do with it later.  I was so uncomfortable that I was actually shaking.  What was she going to say and ultimately what was she going to do?  Would she think this was so disgusting that she would leave.  I have never been so scared in my life.  Was this fetish going to cause me to lose the one person I cared more for than anything or any one in my whole life?  I tried to come up with a solution and a promise to not ever do it again just like the promise I had made to myself over and over again throughout my life.  I knew inside that that was not ever going to be a solution, as it had never worked before. When I finished the shower, I dried off and slowly walked to the front room wearing a towel.

 

She walked over and sat down on the couch and I slowly sat down on the chair opposite the where she was sitting in and just stared at the floor.  She was staring out the window in our living room.  The room had a bay window overlooking a small valley with a mountain in the background.  We had spent a great deal of time growing a great place there with some animals and acreage.  It was our dream home.  I knew what she was thinking about doing and it scared me.  She slowly looked at me and asked me to return to bring all my “supplies” out for her to look at.  It was obvious the complete honesty would be the only option at this point.  I went back to our closet and gathered all that I had which included 5 cloth diapers, some liners (I frequently overflowed), several pull on plastic pants of various colors with some blue and yellow diaper pins.  I walked slowly back to the living room and put them down beside her on the couch.  She asked if that was all I had and I told her yes.  She slowly unfolded everything, looked each item over carefully and then sat back in the couch staring out the window again.  

 

It seemed like an eternity before she even moved and I needed to go to the bathroom again as would be expected.  I was getting uncomfortable, was about to get up and go to the other room, when she asked where I was going.  I told her that I would be right back, and she asked that I stay for a bit to talk.  I stated that all I was going to do was go to the bathroom.  She told me to hold it for a minute until she was done talking, but she could not find the words to say.  I asked to step out for a minute, but she insisted.  I sat down on the corner of the couch opposite to where she was sitting and she asked me to sit down on the floor. I sat down on the floor and she moved in front of me holding one of the diapers and pins.  She looked me right in the eye and asked “why”  I wished that I had an idea as to “why”  I didn’t know myself.  Why did this become such a problem and what was going on inside my head keeping this curse alive?  I was at a loss as to what to say and all I could say was “I wish I knew and I had no idea”.  I put my head in my hands and began to sob uncontrollably.  I though for sure that I had lost her forever with what had happened and was sure that I would need to make arrangements for a life alone.  She sat down beside me and much to my surprise she reached over and put her hand on my shoulder then lay her head on my other shoulder.  I reached back and gently brushed her cheek and she kissed me ever so lightly on the back of the neck.  I asked the question that was burning into my soul, “What now?”  She touched my lips and stopped my speech.  She then motioned to the floor to have me lie down.  

 

 I asked what was up and she put her hand over her lips shushing me, suggesting that no words were to be said.  I immediately was quiet when she grabbed the diaper and slid it under my buttocks and pinned it into place.  She then grabbed a pair of yellow plastic pants and slid them over my legs and pulled them over my hips after motioning me to lift them up.  She then lay down by my side , rolled me on my side facing the other way and reached around to hold me in her arms.  I told her that I still needed to go to the bathroom when she whispered, “I know” and It’s OK.”  “We can get through this together.”  I had to pee so bad so I let it go while laying there beside her and gently began to sob again.  I had no idea that she loved me as she did and I loved her more then than ever.  She reached down to my groin and felt the warmth of my diaper and said, we need to do something about this.  I told her to wait, as I was not quite ready to let her go just yet so we lay there for about 30 minutes just holding each other.  I really didn’t want the moment to end, but she stated that she needed to go to the bathroom, so she told me to wait there till she got back.  I lay there on the living room floor thanking my lucky stars that she was so understanding and then I heard the toilet flush.  She didn’t come back for what I thought was a long time.  I called to her and was about to get up and go to see what was keeping her when she told me to wait in the room and not come in to the bedroom.  So I sat back on the floor to wait.  After what seemed like an eternity she called for me to come to the bedroom.  When I walked into the room I saw all of her panties on the bed.  She motioned me over to her side at the foot of the bed and grabbed my hand and held on to my arm, gesturing at all her underwear and gently asked, “well?”  I reached around her and gently touched her hip and asked what ones she was wearing.  She called me a naughty boy and removed her pants.  There was my beautiful wife with a pair of yellow bikini briefs.  With a 26 inch waste and 36 inch hips she could make a pair of anything look good.  I slid them off of her hips revealing her sweetness and she stepped out of them and pulled my head against her thigh.  I began to kiss her thigh gently as a gesture of thanks when she began to sigh ever so subtly.  I reached that point where I knew she wanted more, but when I tried to take my diaper off she stopped me.  She said “Based on what I told her I needed to remove sexual pleasure from the diaper wearing if we wanted to get through this and she couldn’t enjoy intercourse with my present state.  I then offered to satisfy her in another way, which she accepted.  My tongue knew what to do and just where her sweet spot was located.  I will not go into details, but suffice it to say it was obvious that she was satisfied.  I then asked what was I to do.  I knew the answer.  

 

She reached down and handed me her yellow panties and motioned for me to go to the bathroom.  I set them down on the vanity and we both stepped into the shower together where she removed my diaper.  She allowed me to wash her off “everywhere” then she returned the favor concentrating on the area of most sensitivity with similar results for me that she had earlier.  We stepped out of the shower and dried each other off and kissed long and hard.  She reached over to the vanity and grabbed her used panties, we separated and she asked me to step into them.  I obliged and she pulled them up over my hips.  They were a little snug in certain areas, but surprisingly comfortable.  She kissed me again and took my hand leading me to the bedroom where she grabbed her panties from the bed putting them in her drawer.  She put on a new pair of panties, a pair of light blue ones with lace around the leg openings.  She then went put her clothes back on while I sat on the bed.  She came over to me kissed me again and then stated that she still needed to go see her mother as planned.

 

Her next comment was what set the tone for the future.  She said, “I still do not have a complete idea of what to do” but she said she would contemplate a plan of action while she was at her mothers for the next 2 days.  I said I understood and that I would be honest from now on.  She required of me to notify her of any diaper desires while she was gone and then suggested that I wear one nightly until she returned and she had a couple of pairs of panties in the hamper that I was free to wear while she was gone if I so chose, but that I was to inform her if I did so.  I agreed and she left for her mothers.  I just sat there on our bed staring at my new underwear with specific questions wondering what I was in store for in the near future.  I was soon to find out.  Now for the weekend to contemplate the future alone at home.

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