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I knew there was nothing I could offer in my defense. I had been partying a lot lately and was expecting the letter. Many of my professors had already expressed concern over my slipping grades during the second semester of my freshman year. My mom told me that she thought it was best if I repeated the semester next year since I seemed to be acting very immature for a girl my age. That was the beginning of what was to be a very long summer for me. My dad died when I was young and I think that had the biggest impact on me. I was only 5 when it happened but I know it left emotional scars. Mom dealt with occasional lapses in my potty training after that. I was able to start first grade with the help of training pants under my dress and plenty of spares at the nurses office. I rarely managed to stay dry at night, but mom never got too anxious over this, or the fact I still sucked my thumb when I got strssed. Bedtime diapers became our nightly ritual and bonding time. It was sometime during junior High that I found I enjoyed the occasional daytime accident. I always kept these "accidents" a personal thing, too embarrassed to risk having anyone find out. When I started high school and discovered parties and drinking, I soon learned what role alcohol had on my continued wettings. My friends from school, through the years knew I was accident prone, so when I would find myself wet after drinking too much at a party, they weren't too surprised. I managed to stay free of daytime accidents during high school but still looked forward to partying and the inevitable wet pants on weekends.

Mom kept me in pullups at night when I was younger then switched to goodnights as I got older. Around the time I turned 15, my nighttime accidents slowed down but the plastic mattress pad stayed on my bed, and a rather full bag of Goodnites remained in my closet, since I could still fit in them. Everytime that mom caught me sneaking in with wet pants on a Friday or Saturday night, She would make me wear Goodnights to bed for a week. Mom was always pretty tolerant of my accidents while growing up. I think she wanted to hang on to her little girl after my dad passed away, and I now see that I took advantage of that by causing her all the extra work over the years. When mom finally decided I was wetting my pants way too often for a girl in high school, she told me that I was going to be back in Goodnights for the first two weeks of summer vacation. That didn't sound so bad to me, I had worn them to bed many times for a week straight. I went ballistic when mom told me I was going to be in them around the clock, and that I had to use them whenever I needed to pee. I remember struggling with her as she removed my clothing, and made me step into them. I tried to pull them down but ended up tearing the side. That was the first time my mom ever spanked me. True to her word, I spent the next two weeks in them. I was allowed out of them only when I was being changed, bathed or allowed the toilet once daily for a BM. The hardest part of this ordeal for me, were the few incidents that happened in public. Twice, they leaked from holding myself to the point where my bladder gave out. One accident was a messy one while I was out food shopping with my mother. I suspect that one was from eating something that didn't agree with me, as I rarely had loose BMs, unless I drank too much the night before. What made it even worse was that we already had half of our shopping in the basket so I had to follow mom around the aisles until we were finished. I got quite a few stares before we were out of there. After my punishment was up I was able use the toilet, but still wore "protection" for another week, as I transitioned back to using the toilet. I didn't have to worry about drinking because I was grounded for the rest of the summer. I returned to school that fall, kept my grades up and managed to stay out of trouble, for the rest of high school. I started college, and did quite well my first semester. By now, mom had eased up a bit and I found myself falling back in with the wrong crowd. Mom knew something was up when I started to wet my bed again after doing well, for the past few years. Fortunately for me, the Goodnites no longer fit, but the plastic mattress protector was still in place. I found myself in trouble shortly before Spring Break. My grades were seriously dropping until I found myself on academic probation. Mom decided to pull me out of school at this point, as I was just wasting everyone's time and her money. She informed me that since I couldn't be trusted to act like an adult, while away from home, I certainly won't be treated like one now. I was again grounded, as expected, and ran to my room to sulk. I spent the whole day in there, only comming out later in the afternoon to use the toilet. Mom tried to get me to come sit with her, but with a now empty bladder I figured I could hold out until dinner. I knew that I wasn't dealing with this maturely, but mom did imply I wouldn't be treated as an adult, so why should I bother ? Mom knocked on my door and gave me a chance to respond before she came in. She told me dinner was ready and she would really like me to join her. I was relieved that she gave me a way to accept, and also save some dignity. We talked between bites, neither of us mentioning anything about my punishment, and that was fine by me. I helped with rinsing the dishes and dinnerwear and mom loaded the dishwasher.

I didn't know what to expect the following morning, when mom led me to the bathroom, shortly after breakfast. I was told to stand in the corner, with my hands at my side, while she explained what was going to happen, as this was the official start of my punishment.

"I still have some last minute details to take care of and I would rather you not be in the way. You need to wait here for me to undress you before you can take your shower. "

Her plan was for us to visit grandma for an early lunch, before going shopping. Mom said that she needed to buy me clothes that were appropiate for my maturity level. She couldn't help but laugh as I crossed my arms and pouted at her comment, unaware that I just validated her decision. I had hoped that spending the day together, would help me to make amends with her. In my heart, I already knew I had lost any chance of that happening.

"You might want to use this time to reflect back on some of the many bad choices you made that led to this intervention, Kayleigh. " Mom closed the door as she left.


I felt badly over the trouble I had caused everyone. I knew that people tried to warn me, but I didn't want to hear it. All my teachers offered help, Mom and grandma, tried the hardest, but I didn't listen to them either. I just wanted to believe that I was capable of making my own adult decisions, but the trickle of urine running down the legs of my sweatpants, said otherwise. Any semblance of maturity that I struggled to hang on to, was now gone, and all I could do was cry for my mommy. I felt even worse that I had let her down. I just wanted to earn her trust and respect back. Mom came in a few minutes later, and stripped me down. My loss of control didn't go unnoticed, nor did the tears of shame as I sucked my thumb for comfort. I expected her to be mad, but all she did was smile. Mom told me to shower quickly, as we needed to get moving. I had no idea what to expect this afternoon, but I did know that she usually followed through on her threats when I made her this mad. I showered as quickly as I could, then headed back to my room, worrying about what this day had in store for me. When I walked in I saw the clothes she had set out on my bed. Mom smiled, but didn't say a word as she removed the towel I was wrapped in, wiped a few spots I had missed on my shoulders, and back, then motioned for me to raise my arms. She had my shirt on, before I noticed that my bra was missing. I never actually needed one, but the few padded ones that I did have, helped me to feel older.

"Mom, You forgot something. Where is my bra ? " I pointed out.

"Sorry kiddo, but the only padding my little girl needs to be wearing .....is on her Bottom ! So lets take care of that right now, before you have another oopsie ! "

I didn't see the Goodnites on my bed, so I picked up the jean skirt, to see if they were underneath.

" I'm sure you outgrew those pull on pants you used to wear, but that's ok. I have something that is better suited for you now, and you won't have to worry about leaks when you are out in public.

Noticing my confusion, mom gently tapped my arm and pointed to the other side of my room.

I turned to see a changing pad, powder, lotion and a disposable diaper, clearly large enough to fit me, spread out on the carpet. I was inconsolable when I realized mom intended my punishment to be more then just a grounding. It had been three years years since I had to wear the Goodnights 24/7 for a week. I hadn't even considered that there were real diapers, that would actually fit me. I was so traumatized that I started shaking to the point where mom actually had to grab hold of my arm to keep me from falling.

"Please don't make me do this, please..." I kept pleading, between sobs

Emotionally overwhelmed and unable to react, mom literally walked me across the room and sat me down on the pad. This was quite a contrast to the struggle we had when she made me wear Goodnites at 15, and I think she was surprised by my submissive demeanor. Mom knelt down next to me and pulled me in for a hug, while the tears streamed down my cheeks.

"This is something you need to accept, sweetie. I think you realize that your not emotionally ready to be on your own right now. You just let mommy take care of her little girl, until you get stronger."

Mom prompted me to lie back on the pad, after my tears subsided. I was silently thankful when she popped a paci in my mouth, as it always provided me some comfort when I was younger.

" You are being such a good girl for mommy, Kayleigh. I really appreciate that, honey ! "

I remember closing my eyes and sucking on my paci like it was the most natural thing for a girl my age to do. Mom tapped me on the thigh, her cue for me to lift my bottom. Once she pulled my shirt up out of the way, the diaper was slid into place and positioned. I felt her lightly tap my belly, and I lowered my bottom onto the padding. This was the moment I dreaded, since being pulled from college and learning that I would be punished. The moment, that 20 minutes ago had me so afraid to move, that I helplessly dribbled in my sweatpants, while a toilet was only 3 feet away. All of that anxiety was gone, the second mom leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, and wiped the tears from my eyes. I was now safe at home and, in my mother's arms. It's where I needed to be and it's what my family wanted. Mom and grandma never turned their backs on me after all that I had put them through, over the years.

I watched silently, still too embarrassed to speak as mom went about getting me ready. We acknowledged each other with smiles and I obediently followed any instructions I was given.
Mom was careful to make sure that I was adequately protected from diaper rash, just as she had done when I was younger. Unfortunately, Desitin ointment and Johnson's Baby powder, each have a very distinctive scent. Being older now, I started to worry that someone might put the pieces together. Once she had me all taped up, she sat me up and held me tightly. I was extremely embarassed, having to be put back in diapers at my age, but the attention I was receiving from her was strangely comforting. Mom helped me up and dried my tears with a tissue while I dealt with the flood of memories from when I was younger. I ran my hands over my padded bottom and realized that this diaper fit well enough that it might not be visable to others. I worked up the courage to ask Mom if I could wear a pair of my larger cotton briefs over the diapers, to hide them, but she wouldn't allow it.

" No BabyGirl, we are not going to cover your diapers and pretend you're all grown up. That's what you have been doing for the past three years, playing 'grown up' and getting so drunk that you would
piss yourself in public, without an ounce of shame. All of that is behind you now. Your drinking days are over, you are once again grounded, your party crowd, back at school, are out of your life. I will hold on to your cell phone until I decide that you have earned it back. Your life for the rest of summer is going to be quite different now, and you need to embrace that.


" So how long do I have to wear diapers for this time, a week? " I asked, as mom walked over to my bed, sat down and invited me to sit on her lap.

" Let mommy explain everything to you Kayleigh, and then you can ask questions, ok sweetie ? "

Mom hugged me tightly as I struggled to come to terms with all this. I sobbed quietly as I listened to mom explain everything.


"right now, you just need to accept that you wear diapers, and that you have no choice in this matter. The sooner that you come to terms with that, the easier this summer will be for you, honey. Mommy feels that you need this time to be a little girl again, and to have the childhood you lost out on. After your daddy died and mommy had to return to work, you missed an important part of those younger years. I am actually looking forward to having my little girl back, and watching her grow into the smart, confident, mature woman that I always knew she could be."

" For at least the next five months, You will be expected to use your diapers for all bodily functions, so don't even think about using the potty. After the summer, you will graduate to training pants until you can manage to keep them dry in the daytime. Getting you dry at nightime may take a bit longer, but That's still too far off for you to to worry about. I'll bet it won't even be a week before you are just as comfortable, parading around the house in your little diaper, as you were in Big Girl panties. You will adjust to all these new changes in your life, honey. You have all the time in the world right now, and you have the support of family."

" Whenever you are at home, your diapers must remain visible. You can wear a shirt, as long as it doesn't cover them. Mommy also needs to see them, while I relearn my little girl's potty habits, and figure out a changing schedule. This is important because when we are away from home for extended periods, diaper changes might not always be practical. I will allow you to quietly let me know if you feel that you need a change, but I still have the final say on the matter, being wet never really bothered you before, am I right? "

"We will just be doing short times away from home for now, honey. You have No reason to stress out, mommy will watch out for you. I really want to keep this punishment within the family, so I need you to promise that you will behave yourself and try to make the best of this situation. Any outbursts that you have in public will just draw unwanted attention to yourself. Wait until we are alone, and then we can discuss any problems rationally. If you choose to make a scene, just know that I will NOT hesitate to pull your little skirt up and spank your padded bottom, regardless of who's watching. I hope you would never let it come to that, honey. I'm sure you already realized, that mommy is just trying to make this a little easier for you.

" I have also decided that dressing you in clothing that is age appropiate for someone a bit younger, might make this punishment easier for you. People have always thought you were younger, then you are, just based on your size. I think that people might be a bit more understanding of a child having a rough day, then they might an 18 year old, pitching a fit. Let mommy fix you up nice and pretty, and see what you think, Ok? "

Mom sat down next to me on my bed and fixed my hair in twin ponytails, removed what little makeup I missed during my shower, then held out a jean skirt for me to step into. I just stared at the mirror, trying to convince myself that that no one would be able to tell that I was diapered underneath my short skirt. What I really saw, was a girl who looked to be only 10 or 11 years of age, smiling back at me. Mom was busy getting things ready for our visit with grandma, then a quick shopping trip to get a few outfits for my "new" look. I watched her grab two extra diapers from the pack of Attends, along with travel sized containers of wipes, powder and ointment, and pack it all in a very discreet black Side Shoulder Bag, which I would be responsible for.

"You want to be a Big Girl, and carry your own diapers ? " she teased, handing me the bag

"When we go out honey, as long as you conduct yourself as a proper young lady, I can't imagine anyone would discover your secret. You look so adorable !"


I was thinking about the predicament I got myself into when I realized I would soon be needing to potty. I knew better then to ask my mom if I could use the toilet, so I asked if she would change me before we left the house if I used my diaper, now. Mom told me that we really didn't have the time. I was reminded that wet or messy diapers are just something that I need to get used to, and that they can happen at anytime, regardless of where we are.

I panicked when she told me she would change me at grandmas, before we went shopping, if I needed it. I wasn't sure I could handle the thought of my grandma knowing I was back in diapers, again, even if she did know about all the other times. I fought the urge to go most of the way there. When mom had to break unexpectedly, for a car that ran the intersection, both fear, and the force of the seatbelt against my bladder, proved too much, and I wet myself. As soon as I felt the warmth between my legs, I started crying. Mom knew what happened as soon as she heard me. She told me she would explain it to grandma and assured me that everything would be alright. Reaching under the car seat, mom handed me a folded changing pad.

" Here honey, take one of these with you, We'll keep the other here in the car in case we ever need one to protect the seats from a leaky diaper, or if I need to change you in the car."

When we walked into the house, grandma knew I had been crying and came over to see what was wrong. Mom told her I had a wet diaper that needed changing. I just stood there quietly, too ashamed to look up as my grandma tried to console me. I realized she already knew about everything. She said she would get lunch ready while mom got me cleaned up and back in a nice dry diaper. Mom motioned for me to head upstairs. I felt better knowing I would soon be out of this wet one, even though a new one would be replacing it. As I started up the stairs, grandma had noticed two tiny crescent shaped stains on the back of my skirt, where my diaper had leaked, and told mom she would launder it while we had lunch. A growing pressure in my tummy, suddenly reminded of something else. I was a morning person when it came to having a BM and that I hadn't had one yet. Mom had already spread out a bath mat on the floor and placed my changing pad on top of it. She took the bag from me and had my skirt off before I got up the nerve to tell her I would need to potty soon. I pleaded with her to allow me to use the toilet for BMs, like she had in the past, even though I had already been told not to ask.

" I extended you that courtesy the last time, Kayleigh, because I was hoping that we would never have to go through this again. ..Yet, here we are."

"Mom, please," I whined. "I don't want to have to 'use' my diaper while we are out shopping."

"Then go now, sweetie. Use the diaper you're wearing, then mommy will change you. " I suggested.

"Can you leave, so at least I can have some privacy? " I asked sarcastically.

"You were so cooperative this morning, honey. Are you sure you want to start with the attitude now ? You might just find yourself going to the mall in your wet skirt and that leaky diaper you're wearing, if you aren't careful. "

" I'm your Mother, Kayleigh, The same person who will be changing your wet and poopy ones. So, for the entire time you are being kept in diapers, and then training pants, don't expect to have any privacy. Little Girls don't get that priveledge."

"Here are your two options : Stay in the diaper you have on and try having some coffee with lunch, that usually helps to 'move things along'. Mom smiled.

" Or, I can just change you into a new one now and we can deal with a poopy diaper while we are at the mall.

" What's it going to be?

" The first one... I sobbed, watching mom pull a pair of clear plastic panties out of my bag.

"I know this is hard for you sweetie, but your diaper is quite wet. You either wear these to protect grandma's furniture, or I'll put you in a clean diaper right now, mom explained.

I stood there quietly sucking my thumb, while she had me step into the plastic panties, and slid them up over my sagging diaper.

That's my Good Girl. Now that wasn't so hard, was it, honey ? Everything will go so much easier for you this summer, If you just listen to what mommy tells you. I know what's best for you right now.

I grabbed the wet skirt and headed downstairs. Grandma was very understanding as I stood there teary eyed, my stained diaper now clearly visible through the plastic panties. Mom quietly explained to her why she hadn't changed me.

Grandma said she understood my concern and made me a nice strong coffee, hoping that it would help. I appreciated her being so understanding but it still upset me that grandma would soon know that her 18 year old grandaughter, would be dropping a load in her diaper. Grandma hand washed, then rinsed my skirt out in the laundry room sink, before tossing it in the dryer. I sat quietly on the folded towel that was protecting the chair, while I picked at my lunch. A short while later, I could feel the cramping as the coffee did it's job. I wanted to get my mom's attention without being too obvious. I was starting to fidget, but I couldn't bring myself to ask, and certainly didn't want to mess myself at the table.

Why couldn't I speak up for myself ? I wondered.

I was relieved when mom asked if I was ready to head upstairs, I quietly nodded. Mom took my hand and led me towards the stairs. I was probably being over dramatic, trying to walk with my thighs squeezed together. At this rate, climbing up the stairs would take forever. Apparently mom wasn't having any of it. When I paused at the bottom step, mom was tugging my arm to get me moving.

" I'm not going to make it to the bathroom, mommy. I whined.

" You're wearing a diaper, Kayleigh. That IS your bathroom !

" Last one to the top is a LOSER ! Mom challenged me !

Because she was holding my hand the whole time, I was forced to follow. I still don't know who actually won ! I just remember laughing so hard that everything else on my mind, at that moment, didn't matter. I don't even know at what point in the race, I lost my battle, but I didn't even care ! I was too busy enjoying this little victory.

" I'm glad we don't have a staircase at home. " mommy laughed,

"I couldn't imagine myself doing this every time my little girl needed to poop ! We were both laughing.

"You ready to get this overwith so we can go have some fun shopping ? " mom asked, trying to keep my spirits up. I took my position on the pad and mom went about her job, as I sucked on my thumb and counted the tiles on the bathroom ceiling. The only thing mom asked me to do, was to hold my knees so she could clean my bottom, a little more thoroughly. Mom, noticing that my left hand was already 'in use', grabbed my paci out of my bag and popped it in my mouth. Now both my hands were free to help out. I wish mom didn't have to use the desitin, but I guess she's just looking out for me. Mommy told me she appreciated how cooperative I was during my change, and I hugged her.

Mom thought the plastic panties did such a good job keeping my diaper from getting the chair seat wet and that maybe it would be a good idea to put them back on, at least while we were away from home. Mom let me finish dressing myself after I was securely diapered. She followed me as I headed downstairs. When grandma asked about the herd of giggling elephants charging up the stairs, mom left me to explain. I thanked them both, for making this a little easier for me. Grandma came right out and asked me if I would be willing to help her daily with my cousins while my mom was at work. Normally I would have jumped at the chance to help, but I already suspected that mom wasn't about to trust her "little girl" to stay home alone for the summer. It was fairly obvious to me, that I was just another kid in diapers for grandma to babysit. I thought she was trying to save me some embarassment by calling me her "helper" but at least I felt safe with her caring for me. The option was mom paying some stranger, who could easily be someone own age, looking to make some money over the summer before returning to classes.

"Listen to me Kayleigh. We both know that you're a smart girl, despite that dark cloud that seems to follow you. You probably figured out that your mother really didn't know what to do with you while she was at work. What you didn't know is that I was the one who approached your mother first, and asked if she thought you would want a job here for the summer. I have my hands full just keeping up with Angela, let alone her 2 year old sister Ava. I got a break from them today because their mother wanted to have a three day weekend to go on daytrips with her girls. The truth, Kayleigh ? I am so happy to hear that you accepted. I always intended for this to be a job and to pay you for your help, which I have no doubt you'll earn, with Angela ! I thought 20.00 a day. you are here from 8am 'til 4pm, 5 days a week. that is 100.00/wk 400.00/mo 2000.00/ for the 5 months. How does that sound to you? "

" That sounds Wonderful, Grandma !" Thank-you so much !!!

" That's not all sweetheart, wait 'til you hear the benefits package ! Free meals, snacks and drinks ! Paid Nap Time and Sick Time ! a Medical plan that includes unlimited diaper changes, treatment of diaper rash, constipation and unlimited bandaids for minor owwies! Unfortunately, we don't have coverage, should you get carpal tunnel syndrome from prolonged use of the Fisher-Price Computer keyboard !"

Mom and I couldn't stop laughing at grandma's humor !!

On a serious note, Your room can also serve as an 'in-house quarantined room' should you not be feeling well that day, or arrive with a cold, and don't want to infect others.
You'll be able to signal me on the monitor with the "page" button, no need to speak, especially if the kids are are around and might hear you. I'll routinely check in on you whenever the kids are distracted, that way they won't have to know you are here, and can't disturb you. You can sleep or quietly watch tv with headphones. You'll have a mini 'fridge for drinks or healthy snacks. I want you to be comfortable here. This is your second home .....and your first place of employment !!


The last time I saw Angela was right after her sister was born. The families used to see each other on holidays but as I got older, we kind of drifted apart. Grandma told me that last summer wasn't too bad but this year the girls were 2 and 4 years old and the oldest was recently put back in diapers after she started having accidents, jealous of all the attention her younger sister was still getting. Now with me helping out, having a "big" friend might be just what she needed. Grandma did mention that my diapers would stay a secret between us and that made me feel better. I could tell my mom was happy with my decision, obviously she was at a loss about what to do with me while she was away each day. I hugged my grandma and told her I would see her on monday. I was glad to have the weekend to come to terms with my new life..

Mom and I discussed the kinds of clothes I would need, and since I would be playing with my niece, wearing a short skirt or dress wouldn't be too practical. She said I needed something that would hide my diapers and be easy enough to change quickly. I found some overalls, coulottes, and even some longer skirts, that were fine, if I wore them with Spankies or a body shirt with snaps that hid the diaper's waistband. I was set to go! I did balk at the idea of trying things on while I was wearing a diaper until mom agreed to stand guard outside the dressing room, only peeking in once I had each outfit on ! I spent a lot of time checking things out in the mirror before finally telling mom I didn't know which ones to leave behind. I hugged her when she told me I didn't have to leave anything behind if I was serious about wearing them. I removed the last outfit and was getting ready to put my skirt back on, when I felt the urge to pee. I nervously looked towards the curtain and saw that it was tightly closed. I put my thumb in my mouth and relaxed enough to wet my diaper. Relieved to be done with that, I got my skirt on, gathered my new clothes, and joined mom. We took our time, looking around while heading to the registers. As we passed the baby isle, mom quietly asked me to choose a few bottles in whatever colors I preferred, and add them to our cart. She also suggested I choose a few more pacis to replace my thumb when I was away from home. I instantly turned red thinking mom had seen me in the dressing room. At that moment mom knew something wasn't right. I knew she wasn't trying to embarrass me when she quickly looked around before reaching her hand under my skirt and giving the crotch of my diaper a little squeeze. Confirming just a little dampness, she assumed that was probably the reason for my embarrassment. Her full attention was now on me, and the silent tears running down my cheeks. Mom hugged me and assured me that everything would be ok. With the tears gone, and some confidence back we headed to the checkout lines. It wasn't until we were back in the car, that I explained to mom what really happened and she understood the reason for our confusion. I was complimented on how well I dealt with everything, and didn't panic. I thanked mom for her understanding and for all the great clothes I now had. When we got home, mom helped me to carry everything to my room, and while I was arranging my closet, she was getting all my diaper supplies ready. With everything set for me, I walked over to mom, stopping just long enough for her to slip my plastic panties off, before taking my place on the changing pad, and popping my thumb in my mouth. She had just started to remove my diaper when she saw the new paci. Mom pulled the front of my diaper back up, and had me hold it in place with my free hand, then headed off to rinse the paci in the sink. Once my thumb was pulled from my mouth and I was handed my paci, the change commenced. I mentioned that In just one day I had a new wardrobe, a new job, and a new start.
"And now, a new Diaper !" mom added, as she fastened the last tape.


It was still rather early in the afternoon, and mom asked if there was anything that I would like to do. I was never much of the athletic type but I did ocassionally jog with her in the past or excercised with her at home, to the workout videos, but, I wasn't about to suggest either. I told mom that I was still getting used to my new life, and that today's outings had worn me out. Mom asked if I wanted to take a nap, I knew I needed one, but I couldn't manage to tell her what I was feeling. I think mom knew I was getting anxious, because she hugged me and asked what I was feeling right now.

" I'm so tired mommy, but I'm afraid to be alone in my room right now.

" I think we can solve that problem pretty quickly, sweetheart. let's go get some pillows and blankets. We can camp out right here in front of the TV and watch a movie. Hopefully it will help you to relax, then you can fall asleep with mommy right next you ! Mommy folded a few blankets, side by side for us to stretch out on, then fluffed up a few pillows. mom went to the kitchen for some snacks, then scrounged up a few other things. I watched as she spread out a pad for the food bowls, handed me my stuffed Bear and had me step into my plastic panties before pulling them up into place.

"Just a precaution sweetie, ok? No reason to get upset, This way I don't have to disturb you if you fall asleep, ok ? she kissed me on my cheek !

The final trip from the kitchen was for our drinks. Mom had a sports bottle and I was handed one of the new baby bottles I had chosen. Since I had already accepted binkys or my thumb as comfort items when I got stressed, baby bottles now joined my list of 'old friends. I was asked to choose the movie and I picked the Lion King. I was on my tummy, enjoying my bottle and watching the movie while mommy rubbed my back. With mom and my bear watching over me, the stress of the day, was quickly Fading. I awoke a few hours later to find mom was still next to me and my bear, safely tucked in my arm. She paused the sound on the tv while she checked to see how I was. I told her that I slept well and didn't feel anxious or stressed anymore. I rolled onto my back and stretched my arms out while I yawned. This presented mom the perfect opportunity for a diaper check.

" I'm glad that nap did wonders for your frame of mind, honey, but it sure didn't do much for your poor diaper ! " mommy laughed. Not to worry, everything stayed dry !
I was really starting to enjoy the attention I was getting but I still found it confusing to some degree. I was punished for wetting my pants but now, rewarded for wetting my diapers. I wanted mommy to explain this to me. She stated that what was acceptable behavior for me now, as a "child", wasn't acceptable when I was an adult. I tried to argue that i'm still the same person and mom agreed that in age, I was. Because of things in my past, I continued to grow in age, but not in maturity. Being treated and dressed younger now makes it easier for me to understand that I would be lost in the adult world at the moment. I seem to fit into my "young adolescent" life so much easier, based on my childish appearance, but some of my issues go back even further, to preschool years. This is literally where I stopped maturing socially. Mommy explained that my life right now was a chance for me to replace those missing pieces, a chance to gain my confidence, and self esteem, before rejoining the adult world. Mommy also explained that my time in diapers now, was just a learning and healing period as I moved on in life and NOT a place where I could hide from the real world. Mom told me that I was expected to take my job seriously, as I really was a clever young lady. She had all the faith in the world that I could help Angela, and in doing so, would also help myself. Five days a week Kayleigh, you get to be a Big Sister to your cousin, and to help her with her problem. You will have grandma for support, and if things get too tough, you can always think ahead to the cuddletime you and I have set aside for every night. I really think that the diaper under your clothes will help you balance the Big Girl time with your little girl side.

I spent the following two days loung‌ing around the house, in just my diaper and a short shirt, as I was expected to do. Mom was getting pretty good at predicting my diaper changes while at home. Right now I just napped, watched tv, listened to music while exercising, or played video games. All the entertainment electronics were in the family room so I pretty much stretched out on the floor there. Mom could easily keep an eye on me and preferred I was there instead of hiding out in my room. I barely noticed the the diaper checks, immersed in my music or absorbed in a movie. I even laughed when she told me I just snored through a couple of diaper changes! Mom made an effort over the weekend to make sure we had plenty of mother/daughter time together. I really looked forward to curling up in her lap with a bottle or my paci as we watched movies together. Other times we would talk openly about pretty much anything, and I found that it really did get easier with time. I could share my feelings with mommy and knew that she appreciated the trust I had in her to be there for me. With mom working weekdays and my job starting on Monday I wasn't sure how much time we would have in the evenings, but Mom was determined to find a way. She asked me what I thought about choosing a different activity for each weekday night, but I thought games or projects were better for the weekends. I told mom that It really helped me, looking forward to our weeknight cuddletime, talking or watching a movie together before I was tucked into bed, so it was settled.


Mom did have me drinking (8) 8oz cups of water a day in addition to the few sodas and juice drinks I also had. She wanted me hydrated for a number of reasons. She wanted my body to get used to wetting my diapers on a somewhat regular basis, and not holding myself. Then she wanted to prevent me from getting constipated, since messy diapers were something I hated, from my toddler days up until, well .... my present situation. After a few spilled drinks and a recent unidentified stain on the family room carpet. I was relegated to a six foot square absorbent pad with a waterproof backing and All my drinks, even water, now came delivered in baby bottles. It was a small concession to keep mom happy !


My biggest concern was still messy diapers at Grandma's house, so I told mom about my concerns. Obviously a messy diaper would be hard to hide from the other children so mom suggested I just get up a little earlier on weekdays and have enough time to deal with this at home before we left. I was surprised when mom woke me up at 6 am saturday morning. Still in my wet nighttime diaper, and only partially awake, I was helped to the kitchen. She had set out my breakfast along with a strong cup of coffee so that we could see what my weekday routine would be like. After breakfast she suggested that she could shower first so I could have more time. I quietly watched tv and waited for the inevitable to happen. When mom returned, I still hadn't gone and this only left us a half hour before we would have had to leave. I wouldn't have time for a bath at this rate. Mom suggested that we condition myself to go in the early evening when she picked me up after work as I would be home and not have to worry about time. I was just worried because I had always been more of a mid morning person and I didn't want to think about about my first few days away from home. I finally felt the need to go around 9am. Mom saw me getting restless and told me she would go do some laundry and give me a few minutes to myself. I got off the sofa and squatted down behind a chair, popped my thumb in my mouth and waited for the inevitable to happen. I had just finished, and was standing up from behind the chair, when mom came around the corner at the same time ... A W K W A R D !!

That night when mom got me ready for bed she added a booster pad to my diaper, and the plastic panties. I wondered why she did that but couldn't bring myself to ask. Before I climbwd under the covers, she offered me a teaspoon of medicine.

"What is it?" I asked, as I swallowed the contents in the spoon.

"It's just a mild laxative." mom told me

"But I don't want to poop myself while i'm sleeping." I whined.

"you most likely won't, Kayleigh." she replied "It shouldn't take effect until morning, but the extra pad is just in case, alright ?" "We'll get this figured out honey." mom assured me.

I appreciated that my mom was trying to find a way for me to avoid dealing with messy changes, away from home. When she woke me up on sunday morning, I stood up and immediately noticed something shifting in my diaper.

" Eww ! Eww ! Eww ! I cried, hopping from one foot to the other ! It's touching me ! Get this diaper off of me ! I screamed.

Mom grabbed my hand and pulled me in close enough to secure me with one arm, while the other one tugged at the waistbands of my plastic panties and diaper.

" it's just the extra pad that got all bunched up, honey. You didn't poop yourself, " .....Yet.


" But, I'm guessing all the hopping around probably sped things up a bit ! Mom laughed.

I was led to the kitchen, still embarrassed over what happened. Breakfast was on hold while we talked for awhile. Eventually I felt the need to go and asked to be excused from the table. I quickly headed to the other room before anything happened. Even mom heard me laughing when I squatted behind my favorite chair, only to find myself standing on a large puppy's Wee Wee pad, with a Huge Poop emoji sticker in the middle of it! In spite of my earlier embarrassment, then loading my diaper in front of my mother, We were both able to appreciate the humor this morning provided !


Relieved to know I would have plenty of time now to deal with my BM, before getting showered in the mornings. Mom removed my messy diaper and cleaned me up while she explained that the pad on the carpet was just a precaution for leaks, as my diapers were already soggy from my nighttime wettings, and the sticker was just a reminder for me to hang on to my sense of humor when things got tougher ! She had me rediapered and all dressed with time to spare. I started to freak out at my noontime change, when she found I had a tiny messy accident. Mom, taking things in stride, calmly suggested we try a smaller dose of the laxative before bedtime that night. Sunday morning was a huge success for me. I made it through breakfast and was still able to go before I showered. I didn't have another messy accident at all that day.

Monday morning was another repeat of Sunday in that I was getting used to the routine and mom thought that by the following weekend I might not even need any laxatives at bedtime. When I finished showering I returned to my room so mom could dress me. After she had me diapered, she took time to put my hair in two low ponytails. I saw her grab a pair of pink panties out of my drawer. Mom saw the disappointment in my eyes when I realized they were plastic. She told me it was just a precaution, this was my first day, and neither of us really knew what to expect, so wouldn't it just make sense to be prepared? I smiled as I stepped into them and let her pull them up. Mom is always looking out for me ! I chose the bibbed overalls as they covered my diaper the best. When we arrived, mom informed grandma that she probably wouldn't be dealing with any messy changes as we were trying to take care of those in the morning before arriving. I was glad to see the children weren't there yet so that we were able to bring all my supplies in from the car. Grandma said she would put everything in my room while I spent a few minutes with Mom before she had to leave for work. Mom hugged me, reminding me to behave myself.


"Kayleigh, an opportunity like this, doesn't come often. I want you to do your best to help your grandma with your cousins, ok ? Grandma will make sure you are attended to but she really needs to stay focused on the kids. Mommy makes sure you get plenty of personal attention at home, so make sure you do your part to help grandma with the children. What you learn here this summer will help you later in life. Make us all proud, honey !

I learned how a normal day there usually worked as grandma explained the children arrived around 8:30, had breakfast, got cleaned up then played until the 10:30 morning diaper check. Lunch was at noon, after which they got cleaned up and ready for nap time. Naps were usually 1 1/2 - 2 hours. She told me that when they were in the playpen or napping she would have plenty of time to attend to me. She told me she wouldn't check my diaper herself unless I had chosen to take a nap too. The rest of the time I could just quietly tell her if I needed a change. I told her mom had me go 3-4 hours in a diaper before changing me and I hadn't leaked. This made me feel better, I knew grandma wouldn't embarass me. We talked about the various things I could do around there to help her, but said that dealing with Angela would be my primary job. She reminded me that the kids were due to arrive soon, and asked if I needed to be changed first. I told her that mom changed me just before we left the house, but secretly, I knew I was already a little damp. I just wasn't sure about having someone else changing me and wanted to put it off as long as possible.


My aunt and the kids arrived just a bit after 8:30 and my aunt asked grandma if she hired a new helper ?

"Auntie ! It's me, Kayleigh ! "

"I thought you were away at college sweetie, but you look like you're barely old enough for junior high. " My aunt said jokingly !

"Kalie took some time off from college to help me. She had a tough second semester so she is using the time to get caught up, before starting back in the fall." Grandma covered for me.


My aunt was pleased to see I would be helping grandma with the children especially Angela, seeing that she had already latched on to me, declaring me her new friend ! We got them fed and cleaned up in record time, grandma told me. After that Angela dragged me off to the playroom to color with her while grandma attended to her sister. I was stretched out on the floor, flipping through the pages to find the right picture, when I felt a tickle between my legs. I didn't wet much but I also hadn't felt the need to go. I was wondering if my body just accepted that I now wore diapers. I looked over at Angela, her little fingers trying hard to stay within the lines. I immediately noticed the bulky diaper peeking out the waistband of her pants and was glad that I chose overalls. I watched as she stopped coloring briefly, stared out the window like she was deep in thought, then returned to her coloring. I asked if she needed to go potty and she calmly replied "nope." I was sure she just went in her diaper so I went over to her and slipped my hand down the back of her pants. She never took her eyes off her coloring as I felt the warmth and wondered how she could be so nonchalant about it. I asked her if she knew she was wet and she just said, yup.

" Would you like me to change you? honey? " I asked.

" No, I'm ok. " She ended the conversation.

I could not believe this didn't bother her in the least. I started to doubt that this was for attention, as everyone thought, and wondered if Angela secretly enjoyed being wet like I had, before I was put back in diapers. I left her to work on her picture while I went to tell Grandma.

"She's always doing that, even when I have tried to remind her to go potty, she would just wet herself." Grandma informed me.

I would like to try and see if I could get her potty trained and was surprised when Grandma told me that she would welcome my help. When I returned, Angela asked me where I had gone and I was caught off guard. Thinking quickly, I told I had to go potty ! She calmly told me she didn't have to use the potty, she just uses her diaper like her sister. I could feel my ears burning as I told her Big girls use the potty, not a diaper ! I saw her pause to think about this briefly before picking her crayon back up. I also saw grandma standing in the doorway listening to everything, and decided that I embarassed myself enough, for now.

The rest of the morning went by quickly. Around 10:30, grandma announced that it was time for her girls to get their diapers changed. I must have blushed 10 shades of red. I was relieved when Grandma came in and handed me a bag, asking if I would take care of changing Angela's diaper. I took the bag from her and set it down beside Angela. Inside I found the changing pad and spread it out next to her. I went about cleaning her up and fastening the new diaper while she chatted away aimlessly. I was even more convinced that it wasn't the attention Angela had wanted. She seemed totally oblivious to any attention I had given her. After she was dressed again I carried her into the kitchen and set her in her booster seat. I blushed as I slid my chair out and saw the folded towel on it. I didn't know if grandma recently set it there or just forgot it from the other day, but I didn't want to risk asking. I sat down and quietly ate a sandwich while making sure Angela finished hers. I took a drink from my glass while I watched Angela with her sippy cup. After lunch, grandma announced it was time for afternoon naps. I carried Angela while grandma led the way with Ava. The room had two cribs. Following grandma's instructions, I removed Angela's socks, and pants, leaving her in just a shirt and her still clean diaper. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, before I tucked her in the crib. Grandma changed her sister before she was also put down for a nap. I waited with them while grandma went to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of milk, and a stuffed amimal for each of them. She turned on the monitor and left the door part way open, then took my hand and led me to my room, further down the hall. I walked into the bedroom and immediately saw all my supplies on the dresser. On a table next to the dresser, were 4 packs of Attends, size small.
Across the room, was a set of bunk beds with railings. I stood there, not sure what to do as grandma removed the railings then turned to me and started to unbuckle the straps of my overalls. Overcome with embarrassment, I had to hold on to grandma's shoulder as I stepped out of them. Grandma commented on how cute my pink panties were as she slipped her hand down the back of them and saw that I was in desperate need of a change. I saw the disappointment in her face.

"Kayleigh, your diaper is soaked. " she said. "I'm going to have to rinse out your plastic panties now."

"You need to tell me when you need changing, honey, unless you would rather I just start checking for myself, ok?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer her. She came over and was about to remove my plastic panties when I spoke up.

"Umm.....do you think it would be... I mean, couldn't I just change myself ?" I whispered.

" I'm sorry sweetie" grandma replied. "Your mom made it quite clear that you were not allowed to remove or change your own diapers so I'll have to take care of your diaper changes, myself. "

I just stood there, fighting back the tears and hoping that Angela wouldn't find out that I wore diapers too. Grandma reached into my bag and retrieved my paci, hoping it might help me get through this.

"We'll get this overwith quickly." she promised.

Spreading out a changing pad, Grandma pointed to the lower bunk and I quietly took my place. I closed my eyes and lifted my bottom up so she could remove my plastic panties. I was afraid the others would hear as she undid the tapes to my wet diaper. I tried my best to cooperate so she wouldn't have to tell me what to do next. It took a bit longer then I would have liked, as she spent a lot of time applying desitin to my irritated skin, while I just sucked on my paci. After she had me back in a clean disposable diaper, I was surprised when she pulled a chair over and sat down next to me. Pulling out a tissue she wiped the tears from my eyes, and suggested I try to have a little nap too. Still embarassed by the diapering, I asked if It would be ok to sleep on the top bunk and grandma pulled me in for a hug.

"Kayleigh, I know that this is a very hard time for you and that you have no say in the decisions that your mother has made for you. Your mom and I both know that the path you were following, with the drinking and partying, was self destructive. We both want better for you, honey. We are both trying to help you right now. Over the summer you will come to understand that. Now, you already know that I won't go against any of your mother's rules, regarding your diapers, but I don't recall her saying anything about which bunk you sleep in, so I'll leave that for you to decide. "

"Ok precious ?! "

I hugged my Grandma before I scooted up the ladder and slid under the covers to preserve some modesty. She kissed me on the cheek then put the the railing back up. Grandma told me she would be right back and returned moments later with a little teddy bear and another bottle.

"I know you aren't a baby," Sweetie but I know the paci's and bottles seem to give you some comfort. Perhaps it reminds you of your childhood and those simple, happy times in your life. If they do, then cherish that. Having a paci or stuffed animal to cuddle with at home or when you are alone, is nothing to be ashamed of. Just because we grow up, doesn't mean we have to leave our past behind. Keep what you cherish most and find a way to take it with you through life's journey. She took my paci out and clipped it to my shirt then offered me a baby bottle of water, which I accepted. She then handed me the teddy and gave me a kiss on the cheek and promised she would get me up and attend to me first, then I could help her with the children. I watched her turn on the monitor that was next to my bed before she left.

I guess it was the emotional morning that tired me, but the next thing I remember was grandma waking me up about an hour and a half later. I was still clutching the teddy as she told me Angela was awake and asking for me to take her to the potty. When I climbed down the ladder, grandma saw that I was a little wet but probably in need of going again as I had finished all the water in my bottle. When I walked, I noticed the diaper crinkled more without the plastic panties covering it and I got worried.

"Can you take my diaper off, please? it's really noisy and I don't want Angela to hear it " I said as I was reaching for my overalls.

"I think we better just leave it on for now, honey, it shouldn't be too bad with your clothes on, and I'll attend to you shortly. " Grandma told me.

I was pretty sure that she suspected I would be tempted to use the toilet. I got Angela to the bathroom and removed her diaper before sitting her on the potty. I was surprised to see she was dry after her
nap and wondered why she just didn't use her diaper this time. I saw Angela scrunch her face and realized that she also didn't like using her diaper for messy accidents. When she finished she wanted to get up but I suggested she wait a minute until she tinkled too. I could tell she wasn't too keen on that idea. Eventually I heard the sound of her going and I praised her for getting both in the potty like a big girl. Our celebration was short lived as I realized I was starting to dribble in my own diaper. I hoped Angela couldn't tell what was happening as I carefully got her off the potty and cleaned her up. I carried her back to her room and told grandma she had one girl she could be proud of, as I started to feel sorry for myself. Grandma helped me get both girls dressed and settled in the playpen before turning her attention to me.

Back in my room she removed my overalls while she asked me about Angela's success. I told her everything that happened, including my losing control while waiting for Angela to use the potty. Grandma apologized for waking me up like she did, but she thought I would have wanted to be there to help Angela, which I really did. Grandma gave me a big hug after taping my diaper on and pulling my plastic pants up. She told me that I had more success with Angela in one day then she had in months. I told her that it seemed to me that she didn't like to mess in her diaper, so I probably wouldn't have to worry about that, and just concentrate on the wetting issues.

I thanked her for taking care of me and not making me feel badly for getting myself in trouble like I had.

" Grandma, I have something else to tell you. It's really hard for me to talk about this, Mom doesn't even know. The only reason I want to tell you now, is because it may be of help with Angela. This morning when Angela wet herself she told me she knew she was wet and it didn't bother her at all. I know she hates messy diapers, I do too, but getting her to use the potty for pee pees might be harder to accomplish. I know this because, this IS me. I started to enjoy wetting myself, when I was only 1 year older then Angela. I thought it would help me to hang on to my childhood, after daddy died, but I never outgrew that urge. As I got older, I found myself doing it, just for the adrenaline rush I felt, every time I came close to getting caught. Eventually I got bolder and it progressed to having accidents around friends. When they accepted me for who I was, the drinking and the wetting accidents got way out of control. I'm done with drinking and partying, Grandma. Maybe after a summer in diapers, and some serious potty training, I'm sure I'll be ready to give up wetting accidents too. Grandma hugged me and we both cried. I know you have given serious thought to how everything just got out of hand for you this past year and that you want to turn your life around over this summer. I hope that you continue to move forward, like you have certainly done today. I would really like for you to tell your mom everything that you just explained to me, honey. she really needs to hear this and it would be much better comming from you. If you are too nervous to discuss it in private, you are welcomed to tell her later today when she picks you up. I can be here with you to make sure everything goes well.

"I would like that grandma. I would be more comfortable handling it that way.

My mom arrived to pick me up a bit earlier that evening. She told me later that she was concerned about how I was adjusting to everything and had left work as soon as she could. When she saw Angela hanging on to my leg, unwilling to let me go, she told me she would just talk to my grandma for awhile until the children got picked up. I felt really happy that Angela looked up to me that way and I was sure that I might be just the influence she needed to potty train. I started to wonder what they were talking about. Did grandma mention that I had asked to change my own diaper? or that she put me down for a nap with a bottle and a stuffed animal. I thought about all sorts of things like this as I played with Angela. When their mom came to get them, she saw for herself that Angela had found a new friend and thanked me for spending time with her. I saw the smile on my mother's face when she learned that I not only made the best of my situation today but was also able to be there to help someone else. With my cousins now gone, grandma brought up the discussion we had earlier. I really didn't have to say much as grandma recalled everything perfectly. Mommy held out her arms for me to come sit with her, and I practically jumped in her lap.

" I thought this might have been tied to your childhood and the loss of your daddy, but I didn't know for sure. Your grandma and I are here to help you with that."

"Grandma also mentioned that you made significant progress with Angela today, and I was amazed. I always knew you had that potential in you.

" Kayleigh, I want you to understand this, so that you don't start second guessing yourself. It's the problems that are closest to us, that often prove to be the hardest for us to solve, mostly because we can't look at them objectively.

"What that means honey, is that it's usually easier for others to see what's what's going on with someone, then it is for that person to see. "

" For that reason, I want you to just let grandma and I worry about your needs this summer. I assure you that all the missing pieces, and unanswered questions, will fall into place.

" All you need to do is concentrate on helping Angela. Nothing else. If you have questions regarding her care, either of us are more then willing to help, honey.

" Can you do that for mommy?

I was relieved to know that I had both of them watching out for me, and even more important, that they had the confidence in me to be able to help my cousin.

My first day there ended well considering it is still a new experience for me to be dependant on others for my comfort, but trusting them with my darkest secrets, did have a cathartic effect on me.


I think mom got a little nervous, because she asked me why I hadn't said a word since we left grandma's house. I smiled, as I explained to her I was just planning out my strategy, regarding Angela.

" You are definitely my daughter, taking your work home with you ! " she Laughed

When we got home, mom quickly changed my diaper, then left to start on dinner. I folded my overalls and set them and a new shirt on the chair, ready for tomorrow. My socks and old shirt got dropped off at the laundry room on my way to the kitchen. I asked mom if she would like me to set the table, and she thanked me with a kiss on the cheek. After dinner I was rinsing dishes, wiping down the table. putting things away.. That's when mom yelled.

"Kayleigh, Stop ! Then quietly asked me, What is going on ?

" I don't want to lose our cuddletime. " I sobbed

" I wouldn't do that to you sweetie. We did leave grandma's a bit later then usual, but I wouldn't let that cut into our time together. Why don't you go get things ready, pick a movie, and I'll bring the snacks !

I think this is where mom saw the conflict in my life. The adult daycare worker who went out of her way to help others and to prove herself, turned into a scared and clingy little girl in the privacy of her home. I had known that for awhile and I just tried to keep everything in balance. At least now the diapers help to keep things in check. At school, I could never have an adult life, the partying and wettings squashed that. Right now I am happy. I am able to help grandma and my mom and I am able to be myself when I want, but it's tiring. I sometimes feel like a weathervane in a hurricane.

My time cuddling with mommy reminded me of what is really important in life, harmony. It's the only time that both my worlds can co-exist. That is probably why I am so afraid of losing it. I really want to tell mom but I know she would rather I just focus on my job.



Waking up early the following morning, I felt rejuvenated ! My evening with mommy had my world back in balance, and I focused on a plan for Angela. I couldn't very well talk to grandma with the kids present so I jotted down some questions for her to think about whenever she had a moment to herself. I caught mom smiling when she saw me making notes on the way to work and knew that confident Daycare worker Kayleigh was back ! If she thinks her world is confusing, she should try visiting mine sometime ! I laughed to myself. Mom actually got me to work earlier than usual and I was able to go over the questions with grandma personally. I told grandma I would like to set things up for tomorrow, Wednesday if that was possible.

" Someone's in a hurry I see ! "

I didn't mean it that way grandma, I'm sorry. I just want to show you and mom that I can do well, that I can earn my keep.

" Kayleigh, sweetie you don't have to prove anything to your mother and I, we already know what you can accomplish. Do this for yourself honey, so that YOU can see what you are capable of doing.

" Now, there are a few neighbors that have grandchildren that they watch, and I think a few are close to Angela's age. I can call them during naptime and set something up for 11 am tomorrow at the park.

" I see that today and tomorrow you want Angela to have a little more to drink in the morning so that she wets her diaper like yesterday ? "

" Yes grandma. and when we do morning changes at 10:30, I will ask her to use the potty first, to which she will say NO ! Then I will diaper her and see how long before she wets it. A practice run !

" what do you mean? Grandma asked "

" Just trust me grandma. This girl thinks like me. She doesn't know it, but she'll be well on her way to being potty trained tomorrow morning before lunchtime.

I hope I didn't make grandma too nervous with my new found confidence !


It was time for me to set up for breakfast, the kids will be arriving soon. I took some pride in knowing that on my second day of work I already knew the routines. Grandma's phone was ringing and she went to answer it while I filled bottles and sippy cups, to refrigerate. I couldn't help giggling while taking a sip from the bottle reserved for me. Apparently my aunt got tied up in traffic and would be delayed. This gave grandma the chance to lead me to my room for a diaper check. Actually, she didn't lead me, I offered my hand to her. She has been there for me as a friend, an advocate, and a mentor. She's the kindest person I know. Without the children in the other room, I was free to talk without anyone finding out I was getting my diaper changed. I would never say a word to either of them, but I found grandma's changes to be much more gentle and caring, and much less clinical. Just one of those useless facts you would never think about unless you found yourself on the receiving end, as I have.
I was only slightly wet but grandma suggested a new diaper, since I would be tied up with Angela until naptime so I agreed with her! We were just comming from my room when we heard the knock on the door.
Angela practically bowled me over, grabbing my leg to slow herself down. While the adults talked, I got the children seated and strapped in and set their cups out in front of them. My aunt said bye to everyone, then whispered in my ear that Angela never stops talking about me. We both smiled ! Once everyone was done eating, we got the table cleared and grandma had me take angela to the other room to color, while she attended to Ava. About 20 minutes later, grandma brought Angela a sippy cup with water, that she quickly emptied. Awhile later when she reached for it, finding it empty, I gladly refilled it for her. The morning passed quickly, and grandma soon showed up with Angela's diaper bag. I got Angela undressed and on her pad. It was easy to see that she was quite wet, even before I untaped her diaper. I got her cleaned up and was unfolding a new diaper when I saw grandma peeking around the corner.

" Why don't we try going to the potty, Angela ? " I asked

" NO ! " she said defiantly

I turned to look towards grandma just in time to see her shake her head with her mouth open ! Smiling, I proceeded to diaper Angela then made sure to refill her cup with water.

"She responded just the way you said she would, I'm impressed. grandma complemented me."

" Then you are really going to love tomorrow ! " I smiled

Keeping track of time and the number of drinks she put away, wetting herself tomorrow was a given. I just had to make sure she made it to the park first. When she started to get antsy, I knew she was close to losing the battle. I decided to tell her that I need to potty and left her alone for a few minutes while I filled grandma in on the plan. I decided it was best NOT to tell Angela ahead of time that there would be other kids there. She needed to be caught off guard and not wet herself before she left the house. Grandma still didn't know about the "special diaper" I would save that for the morning when I first arrive at her house. Returning to Angela, I saw that she had stopped fidgeting. That could only mean one thing. I checked her diaper and found it soaked. I had all the information I needed and tomorrow was Game Day ! I went to grab her changing supplies, and soon had her dry again. I smiled because I was sure she would have preferred to stay in the wet diaper. I quietly asked grandma to make sure that tomorrow, Angela needs to have has 6 pairs of Big Girl panties, one sundress, 3 or 4 pairs shorts or loose fitting pants, ones that she can slip down easily, on hand here.
I want start right in with her potty training, tomorrow. By noon, Angela should have a reason to learn, and shortly after that, the desire to.

I asked grandma if I could take Angela out in the yard to play. To tell the truth, both of us were tired of coloring. And we had some time to spare before lunch. It was nice being out of the house. We both stretched out on the ground and stared at the clouds, trying to decide what each one resembled. I looked over and saw Angela
smiling at me, and wondered what she was thinking. She would never tell. She's a lot like me in some ways, but I hope for her sake, there's a part of her that's very different.
I asked her if she was as hungry as I was, and we headed for the door.

" You girls get any excercise out there ? " grandma asked

We just looked at each other and laughed. We're both hungry if that counts !

Lunch was really good and I was hoping to spend some time talking to grandma while the kids napped, but I was feeling kinda sleepy myself. Grandma quietly reminded me she was going to call some of her neighbor friends to make plans for tomorrow morning at the park. She told me a few friends liked to talk on the phone, so she might be tied up for awhile. I should nap if I need to. Just like yesterday, I helped her cart the kids off to bed. This time, both girls needed their diapers changed. I asked Angela if she needed to go poopy before I diapered her and she said yes. I saw grandma smile as I carried Angela off to the potty. A few minutes later Angela was in a nice dry diaper, and receiving praise from both of us. Grandma went to go get their bottles and stuffed animals while I stood watch. With the kids secure and the monitor on, it was now my turn. This being my second day, I was well aware of the procedure. while grandma removed the railings from both bunks I got my overalls unbuttoned and slid down my legs. Grandma held my hand as I stepped out of them. My diaper was wet but not leaking today, so both of us were happy. I climbed into the bottom bunk and popped my thumb in my mouth while she went about her job. Once I was ready, she returned with my bottle and my paci that she clipped to my shirt.

"Thumbs are ok in a pinch sweetie, but paci's are better for your teeth ! She pointed out.

" Don't you want the top bunk, Kayleigh ?

" I'm fine here Grandma, I smiled

"Here's a little surprise I got for you. Your mom said they are your favorite. Grandma pulled out the most adorable, yet huge, stuffed bear! Now you have one at both your homes. "

I cried as I hugged her !

"You deserve it sweetie. I see the progress Angela has made, and it's only been two days.

" Sleep well, honey !


I'm not sure how long I actually napped, but I woke up feeling refreshed. I decided to go find grandma. Slipping my overalls on, I tiptoed past the girl's room and headed for the kitchen.

Grandma said I napped for 2 hours. I told her the girls appeared to still be asleep when I walked by the room.

"Playing outside must have worn both of you out. " she said

I had to cover my mouth so I wouldn't wake my cousins, from laughing too loud ! When I told her Angela and I stretched out on the ground and spent the entire time watching clouds go by, grandma now understood the giggling at lunch.

She mentioned that five families were going to show up at the park tomorrow at 11 am. I was informed that there were 12 kids and that at least half, were around Angela's age.

" I still don't understand how Angela wetting herself in front of the other kids is going to make a difference, when she'll be wearing a diaper ??? Grandma inquired

I guess you deserve to know, I teased. Diapers to Angela are a way for her to wet herself at will, and not have to worry about the consequences of wet clothing or the embarrassment of others discovering her secret. Her mom seems so preoccupied with her work that it's probably easier for her to just keep her four year old in diapers. Angela's a smart girl, she been able to delay potty training for the past year and a half, and she's convinced her mom that she wets because of the attention Ava is getting. Angela's actually the one who runs the family ! That's why she won't poop in a diaper, and hates to pee in a potty. Angela, like myself, enjoys being wet. The only difference is that she prefers her "accidents" to stay private, while there really wasn't any chance of hiding mine. Tomorrow, her diaper is going to let her down... and I'll be there to comfort her and convince her to allow me to help her potty train.

" You are right about my daughter. I told her she needs to be there for her children. She would be able to get by on the money from the divorce settlement, and not have to work while the children are this young. And I hear how Angela talks to her mom, she knows how to manipulate. That girl gets her way just like her mother did at a young age. You figured all this out in two days ?? "

"Mom had mentioned a few things from their childhood, but I figured out the rest from observing. I just have a softspot for Angela. Here are you and my mom, taking care of me at 18 years of age... Angela is 4, and You and I know more about her then her mom does.

" You never cease to amaze me Kayleigh. You have so much insight into people, I hope someday you finish up your schooling.

I reminded her of what my mom and her told me. It's usually easier to fix other people's problems then it is to fix your own. I assured Grandma that I would continue my education, just as soon I buried my demons.

" So tell me more about this diaper ? How is it going to let her down ? "

Angela will get changed tomorrow morning right before we leave the house. This new diaper will have a few modifications though. It will have lots of slits cut in the crotch, rendering it kinda useless for holding liquids. She will never know this, of course, even when I change her out of it. I'll convince her that she's a Big Girl now, and doesn't need diapers in the daytime and is ready to move on to Big Girl panties

" Speaking of Angela, I should probably check on the kids and I'm guessing you might be in need of a new diaper yourself. If they are still asleep, I will change you first. I gave grandma my hand and she led the way.

As it turned out, the children were still sleeping, so we continued down the hall to my room. Grandma removed the straps on my coveralls and slid them down, offering me her hand so I could step out of them. I glanced down at my diaper while she was removing the rails from the beds. I was glad it hadn't leaked because mom forgot my plastic panties today.
Grandma had me cleaned and padded before I realized that she was done. I started to get up but she pulled a chair over and asked If I would answer a personal question.
I mentioned to Grandma that mom told from the start, that while I was in diapers, I would have no privacy. At the time, it was referring to my body. Now, because you and mom are trying to help me, I don't think my thoughts should be private either. What would you like to know ?

" You mentioned that you and Angela like the feeling of a wet diaper. Can you explain that for me ? It started with nightime diapers at five years of age, Back then, the diapers were just a part of my childhood. After daddy died, I continued to wet at night, even after outgrowing the largest diapers and than goodnites. All those years, the diapers kept me in touch with my childhood. When they were gone, I started to wet my pants, trying to hang on to the same feelings. For awile, mom tolerated it. Eventually I wasn't able to get away with accidents at home so I would have them at parties, and as luck would have it, back then I usually wasn't the only girl to end up wet. I missed having wet diapers, Wet pants were a last resort, as I had to deal with the embarrassment. That's where the drinking came in. No more inhibitions. Had I known about adult diapers back then, I never would have had to start drinking. I didn't even know they made adult sized diapers until a few days ago when mom put my hiney in one. !

And in case you were wondering, I won't lie, a wet diaper and the maternal care still feel nice. I'm hoping that by the end of my "punishment" I might feel differently. If by chance I don't, than I'll have to find a way for my "little side" to share time with my adult side, even if it's in the privacy of my bedroom.

" Thank You for sharing your feelings with me Kayleigh. I think you have a clear understanding of yourself now, and also how everything progressed over the years.
Life is about balance and moderation. We talked about that before. Hang on to what you treasure from childhood, the memories or stuffed animals, it's All good !
This is your second home, and you will always have your room, a set of bunk beds, a Stuffed Bear, and a (hidden bag of diapers) on hand. Don't be afraid to visit whenever you feel the need to.
The Bear can commute back and forth with you if you prefer. He can spend weekends with you at your house, and not feel lonely !

" Lets get some pants on you before Angela sees ya ! " grandma joked

Grandma had to wake the girls up and we both got them changed and dressed. They slept for over three hours and she didn't want them so rested that they wouldn't be able to sleep later at home. I suggested a little walk around the block, and even offered to carry Ava, if she didn't want to walk with grandma, or got too tired and needed to be carried. Angela got a little indignant at that suggestion. Afterall, I was HER friend ! The look on her face didn't go unnoticed. I still had to admire her, she had a lot more attitude then I ever did at her age, but she wasn't a brat. She did respect people who stood their ground. Tomorrow will be a humbling experience for her, and I need to be ready to pick up the pieces. Angela noticed the park and wanted to check it out. I had to remind her that her mom would be picking them up shortly. I promised her that we will definitely bring them tomorrow. Ten minutes later we were back at the house we started from. Ava got tired of walking at the home stretch but grandma said she was fine with carrying her the rest of the way. We both caught the smile on Angela's face ! Back at the house, grandma had to change Ava again, but Angela's diaper was still dry after the walk so I asked her if she wanted to use the potty. I got the same resounding NO ! I worked on a puzzle with Angela, but that was a lesson in futility ! Four year olds don't understand that you can't make any piece fit in any spot, just by turning it continously until it decides to fit. ! I quickly suggested that we would color instead. I didn't want her going to bed that night, frustrated! As luck would have it, their mom showed up early, so my work day ended. I did go around collecting all the toys and putting everything away. My grandma called me to the kitchen, and my aunt handed me a bag.

" This is what grandma said that you needed Kayleigh, and Thank-You !!

I hugged my aunt and then the kids and promised to see them tomorrow. After they left I went through the bag and saw that everything I requested was in there. I told grandma that for now I should probably just keep the bag in my room so Angela doesn't get curious, and she agreed. Grandma saw the bond that Angela and I shared and mentioned that if anyone could get her potty trained, it would be me. I was pretty confident that I could help her but I told grandma my biggest concern is when she is home. Using the potty here really isn't going to make a difference if her mom decides to diaper her at home, for convenience sake. I know she will definitely need them at nighttime, but from the time she leaves here until bedtime, I hope she encourages her to use the potty. Anyhow, she will be using the potty here at least. That's for sure. After that, it's out of my control.

" All any of us can do, is offer to help, Kayleigh. After that, it's up to them to follow through. This isn't a one shot deal sweetie. You are going to be in that girl's life for years. You will have many chances to be there for her, and Ava, If Angela lets you ! Everything will work out, sweetie. Your aunt will have to deal with me if it doesn't !
Everything is all set for tomorrow, so put that out of your mind. I want you to go home tonight and have mommy give you a nice warm bubble bath, have a lovely dinner, then relax together. Both of you deserve that !

It was so nice to see mom walk through the door. I had been so focused the past few days, on Angela, that my 'little side' was feeling left out. I remember throwing my arms around mommy just as the emotional dam broke. Mommy just hugged me tightly and looked to grandma for answers. The poor girl is emotionally drained. She's been so involved with helping Angela. Every little detail has been worked out and tomorrow is the big day. She has done an amazing job. She just needs a little 'mothering' to clear her mind ! I was able to compose myself and hugged them both. I assured grandma that I would be ready to do my job in the morning. Mom and I had a nice ride home. I was told that the evening was mine and I could choose how we will spend it, with one exception, No shop talk ! she laughed. That was fine by me. I kinda had my mind on the bubble bath grandma suggested. I was also leaning towards food delivery, may as well give mom a break from cooking, she's going to be busy enough with me ! Before we even arrived home, I gave mom my answer. She thought I made an excellent choice, especially the No cooking part, which had me laughing. I was now asked to choose the dinner and the order of the activities. I had no trouble deciding, dinner first. We were both hungry. The last two choices I really had trouble deciding, and mommy wasn't going to help me out. I finally went with Dinner, cuddletime, then bubble bath. My reasoning was a big meal then a nice hot bath would put me to sleep before we would have a chance to cuddle ! Mommy told me she would have made the same choice that I did. Ending with a nice hot bubble bath would definitely be conducive to a great night's sleep !

" Good Job, Smartypants ! So what's for dinner ?

" I thought I wasn't supposed to work tonight ?? I already wracked my brain on two decisions, You choose dinner, we like the same things anyway!

" Fine ! I'll choose dinner, but I ain't tellin'. Yer just gonna hafta wait. " Mom replied with her hands on her hips. A perfect impersonation of me at 10 years of age. I couldn't help but laugh !

"Honey, why don't you go to your room and strip down to your diaper and shirt. You can get your clothes all ready for tomorrow, then grab a diaper and your supplies and wait for mommy on your changing pad. I just need to quickly order dinner, so no eavesdropping ! " Mommy gave me a light smack on my bottom to scoot me along. I just knew this was going to be a perfect evening.

A few minutes later mom came into my room, informing me that dinner will be here in about 45 minutes, but she wouldn't spoil the surprise by telling me what she ordered. I think she knew something was up because I would never let her hold out on a secret.

"That mind of your's isn't still at work, is it ? She asked

I explained to her that it was, but not in the way I'm sure she thought. I just started talking to grandma today and before I knew it, everything just poured out. How it started, then progressed, right up until I finally spiraled out of control. I told mom that I wanted grandma to tell her everything that we had talked about. I know that I can talk to you too, mommy, but I never seem to find the right time. I find it hard to believe that last Friday at grandma's, I couldn't even open my mouth to tell you the coffee had done it's job, and I needed to poop. Now four days later, I some how found the strength to open up about my feelings, to start helping myself, and to even help others.

"How could you and grandma possibly know that I would respond in this way ? " I started sobbing.

" We couldn't know, honey. I just followed a Mother's intuition. It was your willingness to accept the nurturing, that provided the answers."

Mommy hugged me tightly and encouraged me to keep working towards my goals.

" Both grandma and I are so proud of you, BabyGirl ! "


After the the amazing night I had with mommy, I awoke refreshed and teeming with confidence. This is the day I'll have a chance to show myself, and others, just what I am capable of. I asked mom if she could drop me off at grandma's a bit earlier today, as I had some last minute details to take care of. Looking up to answer, mom couldn't help but laugh at the image seated across the table. Here was her 18 year old daughter in her soggy nightime diaper, sipping coffee and patiently waiting for her morning poopy to arrive, while using mommy's laptop to research information on the thought processes of a 4 year old. Even I could appreciate the irony in that. Ten minutes later I was squatting behind my favorite chair ! Mommy got me bathed and dressed and we headed to grandma's early enough to accomplish everything I needed to do. She hugged me and assured me that everything would go well today and I actually shared her optimism ! Grandma sat opposite me at the kitchen table and watched as I stretched out, and secured one of Angela's diapers on a piece of thick cardboard and carefully cut rows of tiny X's, small enough not to notice but large enough to do Their job. I was complemented on my patience and my eyesight ! I explaned to grandma that I would introduce Angela to the children at the park, then step back a bit to watch her interaction with others, while being close enough to help her when the inevitable happens. I told grandma I would cover for Angela with her new friends, and let them know that she would be back to play with them as soon as I had her cleaned up. I told grandma it was important for Angela to face everyone right away, and that I would make sure they accepted her, and that she was comfortable with them. I asked grandma if she was ok with me taking Angela back to the house myself, as I didn't want everyone to just leave if we were gone for too long, and she agreed. I thanked her for trusting me. I carefully folded the diaper and made sure that it was the only one in the bag for now. Next step was choosing a pair of pants or shorts that concealed the diaper but would would easily show any wetness. There was a nice pair of light blue pants that looked good, and if the diaper outline showed, there were a few longer shirts that would solve that problem. I had everything ready for her 10:45am diaper change. Four sippy cups of water would assure at least one diaper change before the the important one.

Eventually the kids had arrived and Angela was her usual happy self. Of course the first thing out of her mouth was a question, asking when we would be going to the park, but I had anticipated that, knowing that children around her age are just starting to learn the concept of time. I was able to keep her busy enough with other projects and games, that the time passed easily. By 9:45 and her third cup of water, I knew she more then likely was wet so I went to the kitchen and returned with the pad, a single diaper and a handful of wipes. I was pleased to see she was quite wet and would probably be wet again at the final change before we left for the park. I offered her the forth cup of water and she accepted it. Grandma was the one to announce that it was almost time to head to the park, and handed me the bag with her changing supplies. She stood there holding Ava as I removed Angela's damp diaper and cleaned her up.

" We are going to be at the park for awhile, would you like to use the potty first? " I asked, already knowing the answer.

I saw the smile on grandma's face when she heard Angela's reply. It was the one that sealed her fate

I distracted Angela by talking about the park while I taped her into her "special" diaper. I slid the pants up her legs then had her stand while I tugged them into place. Seeing that her blue slacks were loose enough to hide the diaper, I decided on a shirt that just covered the waistband of her pants. While still kneeling, I gave her a hug and told her she looked pretty. I saw that grandma and Ava were ready, so we headed out the door. I found myself being dragged most of the way as grandma and Ava faded into the background ! Everyone there came over to greet us, and I introduced Angela and myself to our neighbors. At first Angela seemed a bit overwhelmed by all the attention, but at least five children around her age came over to welcome her. Angela wanted me to follow as her new friends headed off to the swings. I saw that grandma and Ava had almost reached the crowd so I proceeded to the swings to be with my cousin. Slowly, the crowd made their way over and parents pushed the younger ones in the swings while the older ones took advantage of the larger swings, ladders and slides. Angela was the tallest of the kids, even if not the oldest and seemed to take charge of the group, a move which apparently the others were happy to oblige. I finally noticed that after about 45 minutes the group started to slow down. I really wasn't surprised. I was exhausted from just watching them. A couple of the parents had snacks that they offered the kids and most, were happy to accept. Angela was standing behind her friends when I saw the panicked look in her eyes and watched as the crotch of her pants developed a darker blue stain that progressed down the inside of both legs thoroughly soaking her pants and leaving puddles in the sand. It was one of the younger kids that noticed first, but soon everyone's eyes were on her. I ran to Angela and knelt in front of her, pulling her in for a hug. Not wanting to openly cry in front of her peers, she quietly looked to me for answers, while the tears ran down her cheeks. As I held her I looked to her friends and told them that Angela was so excited to make some new friends today, I think she forgot to use the potty before we left the house. I have to take the blame for this because I was supposed to remind her. Would it be ok if I quickly brought her home and cleaned her up ? I know she would still like to spend some time with her new friends. Everyone there agreed with me and were more then happy to wait for our return! Even Angela was smiling after learning that her friends were still there to support her ! I had her cleaned up rather quickly, got her in a pair of Big Girl panties, and put her in a cute little dress. I'm sure her friends would see her panties when she was on the swings or the slide, but I thought it would be important to Angela for her friends to see that she is a Big Girl, and today's mishap was just something that can happen to any child. I did my best to get back quickly and the kids had a good half hour to have fun and make plans for the next time they would all meet up. A few of the grandmothers suggested Tuesdays and Thursdays as park days for future outings. The one thing everyone did agreed on was Playtime was over for today It was time for lunch and naps! We all said our Goodbyes and left. I put Angela on my shoulders and carried her home. We had a great lunch and got the kids off to sleep. I told grandma that I was going to diaper Angela for her nap. I knew she needed that little security after what she went through today. For now, her Big Girl panties will just be worn at grandma's during the day. If her mom wants to follow through with the panties on weekends she can. But I don't want angela having accidents in them if her mom isn't diligent about half hour potty visits. If mom can't be there for her, then just leave her in diapers. Allowing her to have accidents in her Big Girl panties will just confuse her. Once the kids were put down for their nap, grandma took care of changing my "Big Girl" diaper! I passed on my nap today, still being on a high about how the morning worked out. Grandma complimented me on the speech I gave the kids, giving Angela a way to explain her mishap. I told grandma about the little scene that morning at the breakfast table at home, and mom's comments. You are an enigna, kiddo, That's for sure. But everything turned out just the way you said it would, and I find that amazing. We will have a little celebration, when your mom comes to pick you up, after the kids leave. We got the kids up from their nap a few hours later, and Angela was still dry and asking to use the potty ! I got her there in time and she peed a torrent. I Knew then, that Angela had better control then I realized. The only reason everything came to a head today was she mistakingly trusted her diaper to keep her secret. Grandma and I were relieved to learn that potty training Angela would now be easier with the knowledge we confirmed. When her mom came to pick them up, Angela unabashedly pulled her dress up and let her mom know that she wore Big Girl panties now ! I had the chance to hand her a paper I wrote that explained how I would like to proceed with her training and she hugged me and promised to follow through with everything. I told grandma we had another thing to celebrate tonight if their mom really does intend to keep the momentum going. I was surprised when mom walked in with a cake in her hands. Grandma obviously found the time to quietly message her while I was preoccupied ! I was on a "High" that night that far exceeded any thrill I ever received from drunkenly wetting my pants in public.

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