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Jayme's Second chance. by dad2u *

" Jayme, "I don't want you to feel badly about this, but for the remaing two weeks of school, you will have to start wearing a daytime diaper under your school clothes.
I can't keep showing up at the nurses office with a change of clothes because my 12 year old daughter has been having so many wetting accidents. Before you throw a fit, sweetie, I have no say in the matter. The school is insistent on this, so lets just keep everyone happy and deal with this problem responsibly. When the nurse suggested wearing some type of "protection," I mentioned that you and your younger sister, both wear diapers for bedwetting. I thought that your nighttime protection might be too thick to wear under clothing, so she suggested a brand that was thinner and easier to hide, that some other students wore.

" I picked up a few bags to get you through the rest of the semester. Tomorrow, I will take you to school myself and will discreetly drop off the diapers with the nurse. ok? She will expect you to check in with her whenever you need to potty. Don't wait until you've wet yourself. She can remove your diaper so you can use the toilet there in her office."

"I don't want you trying this on your own. You need to see her. I do not want to get any more calls from the school, because you won't cooperate.

I managed to covince mommy to let me out of daytime diapers when summer vacation started and I was home and a toilet was always nearby, but that didn't last very long .
One day I was watching tv and felt the initial urge, but I was too engrossed in my movie to let her know. Eventually she looked in and caught me sitting there, legs crossed with my hand on my crotch. Without saying a word, she grabbed my free arm and pulled me off the couch, and dragged me off to the bathroom. It was hard to keep up with the small steps I was taking to mitigate the damage. Reaching the bathroom, it was quite obvious that I didn't make it. Mom decided that I would use up the remaining daytime diapers from school, that were quietly returned to me on the last day of classes. I didn't have any trouble staying dry for the rest of the day, but I can't take credit for that. She was in full mother mode, sneaking diaper checks and dragging me off to the bathroom every 1/2 hour, careful to make sure Sarah did't find out that I was diapered under my clothing. Before bedtime, she even had me sitting on the potty, while she spread out my changing pad and nightime diaper, on the bathroom floor. Mommy wasn't leaving any chance for an accident before I was securely padded.

Once I used up the rest of my "school" diapers, there was no hiding my daytime accidents from my sister. Mom reached her boiling point when Sarah started having "accidents" herself, probably after seeing me in wet pants so often. This is the point where my life really started to fall apart. One morning after breakfast, she suggested that Sarah and I get dressed and play in the back yard. She hoped to get her cleaning done without us getting in her way. We had already decided to build a playhouse, out of some empty appliance boxes that we had in the garage. I even borrowed one of mom's serrated dinner knives to cut out the windows and doors. I had already started to get dressed when mom told me to go potty now, as she didn't want us running through the house with dirty shoes. Once I had returned from the bathroom, mom reminded Sarah to do the same. While my sister was momentarily distracted, mom took advantage of this time to rush me to my room where she quickly removed my jeans and panties, and put me in a diaper. I was reminded to come see her when I needed to use the bathroom. Mom told me to finish getting dressed while she went to help my sister. Unable to get my Jeans over my nighttime diaper, I eventually chose matching sweat pants and shirt. We both headed outside and started planning where to build. Being the oldest, I took charge and started laying things out. I was quite warm and comfortable even with the cooler morning temperature. it took about 45 minutes to build the three main sections. We dragged everything into place, arranged them how we wanted, and I started to cut out the doors and windows that Sarah had marked. Most of The appliance boxes we had for this project were big enough for Sarah to stand in, once the roof was in place. I spent a lot of time squatting while I worked, cutting out all the doors and windows. I was in the main section cutting out a skylight in the roof when I felt some pressure and assumed it was just gas. Checking to make sure that Sarah wasn't watching, I let one rip. Huge mistake. My sister, who was just on the other side of the box heard me and poked her head through a window. There I was, red faced and still in a squatting position. Even if I hadn't just soiled myself, my posture and embarrassment definitely suggested otherwise.

"Did you have an accident Jayme ? " she asked

"NO, I didn't. Sarah" I lied

When I saw my sister running towards the house I knew she didn't believe me. All I could do now is fight back the tears and wait for the fallout.

In less then a minute, both of them were running towards me.

" Jayme, Sarah said you had an accident, did you cut yourself with the knife ? " mom asked worriedly.

" No mom, I'm fine " I said unconvincingly

" Will someone please tell me what's going on here ? "

" Mommy, I'm pretty sure that Jayme had an accident in her pants. "

As mom headed towards me, I slowly started backing up. Mom knew I was getting ready to bolt. We've played this game before, and just like the last time, I would probably lose this round too. I turned to run, but mom got the jump on me and grabbed for the loose fabric on the sides of my sweatpants. Running was no longer an option, with my pants around my ankles. I just held my shirt down with my hands to cover my shame.

" let go of your shirt !" mom ordered.

I was only given a few seconds to comply before mom grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head, to where I couldn't see or get my arms free on my own. With one hand, mom had me immobilized as her other hand landed two smacks on the back of my thighs. Once my shirt was off, I was so embarrassed, standing there in only a diaper and training bra. I knew that my sister was watching everything. I'm sure that the pee stains on the crotch of my diaper were obvious enough but when mom had spanked me, she immediately knew the full extent of the damage.

" OH My god, Jayme, when is this going to stop ? Now your pooping yourself as well ?

" Mommy is tired of all the accidents you've been having. I thought you might ask to use the potty today, if mommy to put you in a diaper. That's probably what would happen to any other child who would rather wet and soil herself then use the potty.

" I was hoping you would make the right choice. I even told you use the bathroom, just before I diapered you earlier. Now I'm sorry that I didn't follow you in there, to make sure you actually did.

" Mommy won't have to worry about making that mistake again. I have seen all I need to see.

" Is there anything you would care to tell me ? "

" I'm NOT a child. I cried ! It just happened, I don't know why. " I sobbed

" You can't possibly expect me to believe that it just magically appeared. "

"I know, Jayme. Maybe the tooth fairy put it in there, to get back at you for that time you left a dog's tooth under your pillow, hoping to pass it off as your own ! " Mom teased.

My sister, who just stared silently until now, couldn't stop laughing at mom's comment. I can't really blame her though, I brought this on myself.

" I'm sorry honey, but you have had more then enough time to correct this problem. I have to take charge now. This has been going on way too long.

" Bedwetting is one thing, Neither of you have any control over that at the moment, but eventually you will both stop having nighttime accidents.

Noticing the look of surprise om Sarah's face, Mom had to explain that also.

"Yes Sarah, Jayme also wets her bed every night, and mommy still needs to make sure she is properly diapered at bedtime.

" Both of you girls are too old to be having daytime wetting accidents, but pooping your pants, without a valid medical explanation, is just being lazy.

" Jayme, I really think you need some time to decide if you are ready to grow up and start acting responsibly. At your age, you should be helping out with chores around the house, cleaning your own room, putting your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, helping out with Sarah, and being a good role model for your younger sister. Despite my patience, you have not attempted one thing on this list. I was willing to overlook all of that, not wanting to put any additional pressure on you, but I refuse to overlook these accidents any longer. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings honey, but most 3 year olds have better daytime potty skills then you do. We both know it's not a medical issue, previous testing ruled that out. I even had you try counselling, but you would just refuse to to open up whenever the conversations got personal.

" I don't have the patience, nor the energy right now to start potty training you again. It's also quite obvious that you aren't ready to make that commitment, honey. This has to be something you want for yourself, or you'll just be wasting everyone's time. I just don't see that motivation on your part. What's most troubling for me is that you don't even seem bothered by all of this. You shouldn't be having accidents in your pants simply because you are too lazy to pause a movie, or to take a break from playing, like you should have done today. Think about the bad example you are setting for your sister. I gave you every chance possible to turn this situation around and become a better role model for Sarah, but you continued to disappoint me. If my eldest daughter wants to continue wetting and pooping herself like a defiant toddler, then that's exactly what you'll be doing for at least the rest of this summer.

" What does that even mean ? " I nervously asked.

" It means that until the end of summer vacation, 3 months from now, your little hiney is going to stay in diapers. I have been quite patient with you, but nothing else seems to be working. Now, there will be a lot less laundry, puddles, and ruined clothing, for mommy to worry about. We also won't have to cut our trips short because you soaked your pants in public. Remember, once I put you back in diapers, you'll have no choice but to use them. Your heavy night disposables should keep your outer clothing clean and dry. Only Big Girls get to use the potty, so your bottom won't be sitting on one for quite some time."

" Do you understand me Jayme ? The only time that tushy of your's won't be padded, is when I am bathing, or changing you. If I ever suspect that you are trying to remove your diapers, the paddling you'll receive will make today's swats seem like Birthday Spanks. Mommy is done playing games with you, kiddo.

" Can I tell you when I need to go, mom ? " I asked, sobbing

" Of course you can, honey! ....But you will still have to do it in your diapers. "

" Mom Please, I don't want to wear diapers in the daytime." I cried

" You didn't complain when I put you in a diaper earlier, this morning ? And when your sister asked if you wet or pooped yourself, did you own up to it ? "

" How about when I gave you a chance to tell the truth, did you ? "

" No need to respond sweetheart. We all know the answers to those questions.

" .... I'll try harder this time, Mom. You'll see. "

" No Jayme, we are done with the promises, you never kept any of them. For the rest of summer, all mommy expects from her little girl, is lots of wet and messy diapers.

" I'm sure there are people your age and older that have similar problems, and deal with it responsibly. I'm just asking you to deal with your "accidents" the same way, by accepting and using your diapers.

"Mom, NO.... I'm 12 years old. I'm too old to be wearing diapers.

"No honey, 12 years of age is too old to be wetting and messing yourself, just because you are too lazy to use the toilet. That's why mommy decided that you need to stay in diapers.

" Can I change myself ?

" Are You Kidding Me ? Jayme. If I can't trust you to use the potty, I'm certainly not going to trust you with that responsibility. I told you earlier what will happen if I see you tampering with them.

" Jayme, Listen to mommy ! During the last two weeks of school, when they insisted that you start wearing a diaper to classes, you didn't have any choice. It kept everyone happy, you no longer posed a health issue to others, people didn't need to follow you around with a mop. That's all I am asking for. Now you can continue to wet and mess yourself whenever you feel like it, but It's going to be in your diapers, Not Big Girl panties.

" Can I wear Goodnites or training pants, instead ?

" No Jayme, Goodnites did't work in the past, remember ? Now that you are older, they simply won't handle your heavier wettings, or poopy accidents, like this one." mom replied, patting my bottom, that mysteriously appeared in your diaper. And, before you ask, training pants are for Big Girls who use the potty, but still have occasional wetting accidents.
Little Girls, like you, who have frequent wetting and pooping accidents, and rarely make it to the potty, need to stay in diapers until their mommies think they are old enough to be potty trained. "

" Honey, This is ALL ON YOU, no one else. If you actually used the potty this morning:

1) you most likely wouldn't be facing a whole summer in diapers, right now.
2) You and your sister would still be having fun, working on your playhouse together.
3) you wouldn't have this, umm, ...load in your pants."

" It's called 'cause and effect. " Here is an example: " Your decision NOT to use the toilet, when you had the chance, resulted in you wetting and messing youself, just over an hour later."

"See how that works ? All choices and decisions we make in life have consequences. As adults, we have to consider what consequences might result from our actions. This is something most kids don't do because that part of their brain hasn't fully developed yet. Sadly, some decisions that kids make have had serious or even fatal consequences. Fortunately for you, honey, I'm pretty sure no one has ever "passed away" from diaper rash ! ....And before you try to blame this on your young brain's inability to predict the outcome, I must point out that, given your past pants wetting experience, surely by now, you have figured out that no one is able hold their bladder forever. Jayme, I want you to remember this conversation, and try to learn from it. We all make mistakes, or wrong choices, that's a normal part of growing up. Please don't make the same mistakes over and over, ok ? Learn From Them."

" Jayme, I really hope this isn't how you want to start junior high and the beginning of your teenage years ? You need to make sure that you don't become so comfortable with using your diapers, that you find yourself wet or messy, without prior warning. If that happens, your school will again insist that you are diapered, when you start back to classes in the fall. You have the perfect opportunity now, to help yourself over the next three months. Work on your bladder control. Try holding yourself to the point where it gets uncomfortable, then let your diapers deal with it. You have to use your diapers regardless, so you may as well use them to help strengthen your bladder and bowel control.

"I will take care of changing my BabyGirl when I feel you need it, so no asking. Hopefully, spending a summer in diapers will encourage you to work towards training pants, and be done with this nonsense.
I would prefer to start you potty training right before school starts, but in case we don't, I'm sure the school nurse won't mind handling your diaper changes, like she did before vacation. "

" Am I the Big Sister now, MOM ? Sarah asked

" It looks that way honey, but lets save the "Mom" for special occasions ok? I don't need you growing up on me overnight, while I'm busy with your sister, who apparently refuses to grow up, at All.

"This is going to be a tough summer for Jayme and she's going to need our support. Jayme was always a wonderful Big sister to you, when you were younger, so I expect you to show her the same kindness. Remember, Big sisters are supposed to teach by example. Make sure you don't have potty accidents, or else we might have a hard time convincing Jayme to give up her diapers so she can start potty training at the end of summer. Why don't you watch tv or play in your room for awhile, honey. Mommy needs to get 'lil potty pants to the bathroom, so I can bathe her and have her smelling pretty again. Then, I will see how you are doing before I have a talk with your sister, ok? " honey

The rest of my day was a blur. Mommy rinsed my bottom off with the hand held shower then ran the bath water, adding bubbles that she used for Sarah's baths. The warm water relaxed me as did Mommy's gentle touch as she sponged my back. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but with everything I had been through this afternoon, I wasn't exactly feeling grown up, anyway. When my bath was over. Mommy helped me out of the tub and dried me off. I watched as she folded a towel in half lengthwise, then again in thirds, crosswise, before placing it on the floor at my feet.

" What are you doing mommy? " I asked nervously.

" I wanted to give you a little time to settle down before we check on your sister then go to your room to have a little talk before your punishment officially starts. The pad is just to protect the carpets when we leave here, since I don't have you in a proper diaper yet.

She then got a larger beach towel, had me spread my legs and centered the folded pad in between my legs while I stood. I was asked to hold it in place, front and back, as she wrapped the beach towel snuggly around me, protecting my modesty and holding the pad in place.. She was very gentle with me, even speaking in the way she did when I was younger. ....that was when I started sobbing. Still seated on the side of the tub, she pulled me into her lap and hugged me. We stayed that way until I settled down, then we headed to my room, stopping momentarily to check in on Sarah. Entering my room she placed a changing pad on the edge of my bed and sat me on it. Mommy then pulled a chair over for herself and sat facing me.

" Jayme, I know this isn't easy for you but I need you to be honest with me now. Why are you having all the accidents? They started at school but after awhile you started having more of them at home. We confirmed that it wasn't medical, and you never appeared as concerned about it as I was. I had to assume that you probably knew the answer. At that point I was heartbroken at the thought that all of this could possibly be deliberate. I tried to confront you a few times about this but you would always shut me out. The times that I noticed you had accidents were also the times you seemed most content with yourself. It was only when I thought back to the loss of your dad and the birth of your sister, 3 months later, that pieces started to fit. Almost overnight you became mommy's little helper. I considered that maybe you lost out on an important part of you childhood. I now have to wonder if the immature behavior, bedwetting, and daytime accidents are somehow related to this.

All I could do was cry. Mommy hugged me tightly and we both cried. I don't want to grow up mommy.

"I miss the attention I got from you and daddy. If I grow up. I'll lose all that. My past will be forgotten."

" I'm so, so sorry sweetie. I should have seen this as a cry for help before it got to this point. You used to talk to me when you were younger, why didn't you just come to me ? This must have been so hard for you to deaL with all by yourself. Honey, from here on, just promise me that you will come to me sooner and we will work problems out together."

"I may have a way to fix everything if you are willing to try. This will be hard for you, Jayme, I need you to understand that. You have given up all of your "Big Sister rights and priviledges. All important decisions in your life will now be made by mommy. I will explain everything to you and your sister shortly. Are you prepared to accept this ?

"Thank You Mommy, I promise I will do my best as long as you and Sarah help me through this. We have been trying to help you Jayme, and over the next three months, you will also learn how to help yourself."

" Sarah thinks you are going to be punished for your accidents, and for appearance sake, you will be, so I would like to go ahead with that as planned. The only difference is, this won't be just a punishment in our eyes. This will be a chance for you to get some maturnal attention that you missed out on. I would think that by the end of summer, that 'need' will be satisfied enough for you to be able to work through this and move on with your life. I would love to have my Big Girl back. Sarah seemed just a little too quick to step up to the role of "Big Sister" so I'm curious to see how she handles it. If Sarah is this determined to take over your position. I can almost guarantee she won't have any more wet pants during the daytime. For that reason, She also needs to be included, in small ways, so she can feel needed. I cannot and will not Ignore her just because you demand more attention. I may appear a bit stricter with you when Sarah is around, for her benefit. Your "punishment" is going to require more of my time, for awhile, and I don't want your sister to feel left out. Sarah needs to see this as a real punishment, and NOT the kind of attention that she would want for herself. This is going to be Baby Boot Camp, Jayme. You better be up to it.

Mommy removed my bath wrap and damp "dribble pad" before diapering me in one of my nighttime disposables and adding a cute pink midriff shirt that did nothing to hide my diaper. She then made two side ponytails with my hair, and dragged me to the mirror. I cried when I saw the child I always imagined myself as, smiling back at me. I was sniffling as I hugged mommy. Sarah would definitely think that I was upset with my diaper punishment, As soon as mommy grabbed my hand I got nervous and started to cry, wondering how Sarah would react to seeing me like this. My sister came running over when she saw me and gave me the best hug I ever had. Noticing the tears I was trying to hold back, Sarah looked concerned. I'm convinced my sister felt badly for what I was going through. Mommy gave my sister and I a chance to get comfortable, sitting together, before going on to explain what I could expect during my summer punishment.

" This is what I have planned for you, Jayme. I want you to see this is a learning experience, not just as your punishment. The hardest thing for you to come to terms with, will be the loss of ability to make decisions for yourself. As a "preschooler" your daily schedule will be decided for you. When I get you up in the morning, when I bathe you, put you to Bed at night, your naptimes, playtime, feeding time, even when I change your diapers. All of these important activities happen when I tell you they will, you have no say in this. Children need structure and they do well with routines. They come to expect what's next. You will still get to make some choices, like how to spend your playtime, what books to color, or toys to play with. If you are being really good, mommy might let you choose your favorite meal, sometimes. I will decide when you have earned it. Your first weeks will understandably be the hardest, while you adjust to all these changes in your new life. Remember honey, it is ok to cry if you feel overwhelmed. That is what little girls do. I think that not having to stress over your wetting accidents will be a huge burden lifted. Starting today, your sister and I will expect you to wet and poop in your diapers. That is what they are for, so there won't be anymore "accidents. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of, you are just doing what any, not yet potty trained girl, would do. On the subject of diapers, mommy has also decided that, while at home, you will wear cloth diapers and plastic panties. It is going to be too expensive to continue using your current nighttime diapers, with all the changes you are going to need over the summer. I will make sure you have disposable diapers on hand for when we leave the house. Mommy will place an order for your cloth diapers, liners, and plastic pants, later today. For now, we'll just keep you in your nightime disposables until your new ones arrive."

" Now, on the topic of routines, here's what I have chosen. You will have the same schedule as your sister had. Your bedtime will be at 8pm on the weekdays, 9pm on weekends. Sarah's bedtimes will be 1/2 hour later then yours if she wants. You will have your dinner with everyone else at 5pm, Bathtime is 6pm. Mommy will get you up in the mornings at 8am for breakfast. You will stay in your nighttime diapers, unless of course you are messy. Once breakfast is over, we will head to the bathroom and I will change you out of your diaper and give you a quick bath. When I get you diapered, you and your sister can then watch cartoons in the family room or when it is warm enough, play in the backyard, while mommy cleans up around the house. While at home, you will wear only your diapers, plastic panties and a T-shirt, that doesn't cover your diaper. I want to be able to check when you need to be changed. Keeping your diapers exposed will help reinforce that you need them now, and that you should be comfortable with wearing them. Your sister also has to get used to seeing you in them. If you are in the back yard playing, you may wear a longer shirt to cover your diapers, but to honest, with the fence, the yard is pretty secluded. If we are out shopping you can choose between sweat pants, short skirts or shorts. I think by now you know what to expect with the routine at home, Lets talk about those times when we are going to be away from home. You have had more then a few accidents in school and at home in diapers, so I won't be overly concerned about them unless something becomes obvious. You can let me know if you used them but I will be checking for myself too. Your clothes will hide your diapers, so no worrying about that. "

"If you need a diaper change while we are out, or your sister needs to use the bathroom I will try to find a family bathroom, or private changing area, but, If people do find out, just tell them you have a medical problem. If you leak or have a poopy accident, sweetie, it's not the end of the world. We'll get through all of this as a family. Now, some things I have considered for at home: I never had any intention of making you a baby, I would consider you to be a preschooler, who stubbornly refuses to potty train, so for that reason you won't be sleeping in a crib, or fed in a high chair, and you won't be wearing baby clothes, other then your diapers. You will however have a playpen, for two important reasons. First, you need a safe place for whenever your sister or I can't be around to supervise you, Or you are being punished with a timeout. Second, It can be a place for you to go if you feel you need some time alone. While in there, your sister can't disturb you unless you choose to interact with her. If you are lying down, or actually napping, she will know Not to bother you. Do Not Abuse this priviledge. Sarah and I will respect your privacy but this isn't going to become a way to hide from us. I thought the family room might be the best place for it, but you can have me move it if you want. I imagine at first you will probably want some "quiet time" to get used to all these changes in your life and we will try to respect that. You could also take naps in your room instead of the playpen. Well I think that about covers things for now. Try your best to get through the next three months. Sarah will be your "Big Sister" for awhile. Enjoy having your sister to play with or your days at home will be very boring. Let her read to you and do a lot of the things you used to do with her. I'm sure this will also give her the chance to learn what it's like to care for a child, should she one day decide to try babysitting, when she is your age.

I will also be handling all diaper changes myself. I know you enjoyed getting her diapered and tucked into bed at night, but you aren't her Big Sister for the time being, and because she isn't actually your Big Sister, she won't be around when I am changing your diapers. If she knows that you're wet or messy, or you tell her you are, she has the right to let me know, but ultimately, I am the one who decides when to change you.'

" You just need to have patience with each other. This is just as new for your sister, as it is for you. Learn to talk to each other. If something is bothering either of you, discuss it, and learn how to compromise. Jayme, now that your comfort and companionship is entirely dependant on other people, I hope you will come to understand that, and be more aware of their needs, also. This can turn out to be an excellent bonding experience for both of you. Remember, either one of you are welcome to talk to me about anything that you can't work out together.

"Sarah sweetie, mommy needs to talk to Jayme, then put her down for a little nap. I'll be back in a few minutes then you and I can talk, ok? "

"yes Mommy. Can I give sissy a hug first ? "

" Of course you can ! I think your little sister would really appreciate one right now. "

I felt much better now that I saw how concerned that both, mom and my sister were for me. Mommy took my hand, and we headed to my bedroom.

" lets see how your diaper is holding up after everything that has happened. It doesn't seem too wet sweetheart, would you like mommy to change it anyway ?"

" No mommy it's ok for now. "

" Jayme, I would like to discuss some things with you, while we are alone." Becoming a little sister for the summer isn't going to be all that easy. That's why I want your full attention on what mommy is going to tell you now. We aren't going to hide in our home this summer, just because you are being " punished, " mommy winked ! We will be leading otherwise normal lives, doing all the things we always did, shopping, errands, visiting friends and taking daytrips. The only difference this summer is that you will be doing all this while in diapers. You will get to experience the same situations that babies face every day, honey. You will however be reacting to them with an adult mindset, not a childs, and that could be upsetting to you."

"If a baby's diaper is exposed when they bend over in a store, they don't care ....How would you handle that ?"

"Babies wet and poop whenever the need arises. Are you prepared to do that in the checkout line of a crowded store ?"

"If you do happen to wet yourself and your diaper leaks, are you going to freak out on mommy ?"

"What I am trying to show you sweetie, is, there will most likely be other situations where you will find yourself out of your comfort zone. Mommy will help you through them, the best she can. I can't prepare for everything, nor am I going to try. You will just need to keep an open mind. I will help you deal with a crisis when we get to one. You are really going to learn a lot about yourself this summer, honey. I'm willing to bet you are a lot tougher then you give yourself credit for." My poor baby just needs to find her confidence. I'm PROUD of you for taking these small steps backwards, in order to gain a Big step forward."

MY mommy hugged me !

" Rest for a little while, I need to talk to your sister then put her down for a nap too. When she drifts off, I'll come see if you are awake, then we can talk some more, ok ?" Mommy kissed me on the cheek !

While Sarah napped, mommy got me up and we went to the Family room. We agreed on this location for my playpen because it gave me a great view of the TV, the couch, and across the room to the kitchen. I was happy with just seeing the TV, but I think Mommy wanted to be able to keep an eye on me from the other locations. I helped mommy retrieve the playpen, from the garage, and we set it up. It had't been in use for almost three years.

"Once Sarah learned how to climb out, I just folded it up and stored it away. I never thought I would be setting it up again, much less putting my twelve year old daughter in it." mommy laughed

I remained quiet as mom went to get some lysol and a few rags and asked me to wipe everything down. After starting with the top rails, I worked my way down each of the vertical bars . I tried wiping the pad through the side bars but that was akward. Mom saw me and told me to just climb in and work from the inside.

" You are going to be spending a fair amount of time in it this summer, honey. You may as well get used to the view from in there ! "

One more reminder of my new status, but on the positive side, I might just need a quiet place to stay if my sister gets too bossy in her new role. Mommy lined the bottom with a cushy blanket and added a few others to cover with, drape over the top, to block out light, or hide under, if I needed a little privacy, to make a messy, she teased ! Three pillows completed her contribution. Mommy then gave me a stuffed Bear that my sister wanted me to have, for company, but just until I got one of my own ! Mommy said that along with my own Stuffed animal, she would get me a few things to amuse myself the next time we went shopping. She also needs to find me some clothes to go out with. Clothes that will hide my diapers, and still allow for easy diaper changes in public restrooms. I would have a few days at home to adjust before we tackle that. " mommy assured me,

I started to climb out when mommy stopped me.

" Why don't you try having a little nap in it, sweetie. Mommy has some housework to finish anyway. "
"This will be your "spare room" for at least the next three months, you don't need my permission to use it. However, there is one exception. If mommy puts you in your playpen, then you need to stay there until I let you out. It will be the the same as being sent to your room. Mommy is the only one who gets to decide when your 'Time Out' is over. I summoned the courage to take that step backwards to my childhood. It was surreal, 12 years old and voluntarily climbing into My playpen. I almost wish mommy had put me in there kicking and screaming. That would be the kind of behavior expected from someone my age. Maybe I am giving into this whole experience too willingly. Maybe I haven't been verbal enough. Maybe I should just rip this diaper off and call it quits. Then it dawned on me. Before today, when was the last time mommy said she was proud of me ? And with that thought, ...I climbed in. It was actually quite spacious, I giggled. Moving things around, I found that I could sleep quite comfortably, stretched out diagonally. It was nice and cozy under the blankets, staring up at the ceiling. With nothing worrying me, I quickly drifted off. I'm not sure how much time went by, but when I finally came around, I was pretty sure of the outcome. I had wet considerably and didn't want to leak, which was very close to happening. Finding mommy would be the responsible thing to do. She was cleaning the bathroom, a room I'm not allowed to be in, except when she is bathing me. I was almost there when she heard the footsteps and popped her head out the door. There I stood, bed haired, diaper sagging halfway to my knees, and clutching my bear. She couldn't help but laugh.

" Sorry sweetie, But you just look Way Too Adorable !! "

Mommy walked me to my room and spread the changing mat out on the floor this time.

"Did your playpen get wet, honey ? " mommy asked

" No mommy, I was careful when I woke up and came looking for you right away."

She had me stand over the mat and hold the diaper up while she undid the tapes, then lowered the diaper into the waiting pail. She cleaned me up while I was still standing, then had me lie down on my waiting diaper so she could powder me and tape it up. A few pats to the front of my diaper brought me back to reality, as mommy pulled me in for a hug.

" Keep up the good work, BabyGirl !"

" I'm hungry ! Lets go see how that Big Sister of your's is doing. "

Mommy said we could send out for food if Sarah and I could agree on a place, ....something that never quite worked out in the past. I think Mommy was pushing to see if our solidarity could survive the test of time, ...or at least a day !

When we got to Sarah's room, we could hear her talking to her stuffies, as she calls them. When she saw me, she flew out of bed, nearly knocking me off balance, as she jumped into my arms.
My left hand caught her squarely on the bottom of a squishy diaper.

" ...Guess I wasn't the only one who woke up soggy after naptime, " I confessed

" You slept with my Bear, sissy ! " Sarah exclaimed

" I was still cuddling him when I woke up, Sarah !!

" Let mommy get you cleaned up and then you can get your Big Girl panties and the rest of your clothes on by youself " I told her as I handed her off to mommy.

" Thank You, Jayme. I need you to go and quietly wait in your playpen, for mommy. You can watch tv, read, or play, so get what you need, first. Once you climb in, mommy wants you to stay in there until I tell you otherwise. We talked about this earlier. Is that understood? honey ? "

" Yes mommy. " I said, while fighting back the tears.

" Your sister will be along shortly, after I get her cleaned up, and we have a little talk."

I hugged my Bear for comfort and walked back to the family room. I couldn't understand what just happened. Mommy, who had been so caring and affectionate during my diaper change, just sent me to my playpen. Grabbing the tv remote I walked over and obediently climbed in. I turned the tv on hoping to distract the thoughts but I couldn't see through the tears. My playpen, that had been so much fun to set up and decorate, while bonding with mommy, ...... now felt like my prison. Too upset to watch tv or play, I started to think back on the conversations mommy and I had earlier. I did remember her mentioning she might seem a bit stricter with me when my sister was around. Maybe that's all this was. I tried to find some comfort in that but only got more distressed.

It was almost an hour before my mommy and sister joined me and I was struggling with my emotions.

"I have a few more things to finish before we decide on dinner so Sarah will keep you company. You need to be a good girl and remain in your playpen for a little while longer. If you want to play with your sister it will have to be through the bars. She can't be in there. Playpens are just for toddlers.

I didn't respond to mommy.

" lets see how your little sister's diaper is doing, Sarah. " mommy announced

Mommy cupped her hand on the crotch of my diaper, feeling for weight or a doughy texture, then she turned me around and tugged at the waistband a few times, and sniffed for messy accidents, all the while, ignoring me but quizzing Sarah on different aspects of the process, like I wasn't even there. That's when something in me snapped.

" I am perfectly capable of letting you know when I need my diaper changed ! I stated adamently, before realizing that I had never once asked mommy or the nurse at school to change me when I had wet.

" I'm not sure you are, Jayme. Regardless, that's not how this works. I will still be checking you, and I have been teaching your "Big Sister" how to perform diaper checks, herself.

"Lose the Attitude, unless you want to end up over my lap."

" I'm not letting my sister check anything. " I screamed, without any thought to the consequences.

Mom calmly walked over to my playpen, stood me up and gave me two flat hand slaps to the back of my thighs, like I received earlier, but noticeably harder.

" You don't get to make those decisions, Jayme. Only mommy does. "

I threw myself down on the playpen floor and had a full blown temper tantrum, kicking and screaming, hitting my pillow, even wetting myself, without knowing, at the time. Mommy and Sarah, I later learned, watched to make sure I didn't hurt myself until it was over. Totally exhausted now, they left me to sleep it off.

Two hours later, I woke up. I remember being upset but didn't fully understand the extent of everything that happened until later.

"Are you ready to cooperate and be a good girl, Jayme ? "

"Yes mommy, I'm sorry. " I'll be good.

"Softening her tone, she invited me over to the couch. Mommy held my hands as I stood facing her. Sarah quietly got up from her seat and positioned herself beside me.

" Show mom and your sissy what you learned, honey"

My sister had me turn so that I was facing her, and she took my hands in hers while she smiled up at me for a few moments then politely asked me to copy what she was doing. Right hand on your Left elbow, Left hand on your Right elbow, kinda like you are hugging yourself, now just let your arms rest against your tummy !

" Good Job ! Now I need you to spread your legs just a bit more. Can you do that for me, please ? "

" Jayme, stand up straight, and eyes forward, honey. You don't need to watch your sister, she knows what she's doing. " Mommy corrected Jayme

" If you cooperate, I'll get this overwith quickly, Jayme. Thank You ! That's perfect."

I felt Sarah's hand lightly cupping the crotch of my diaper to check for wetness

" Jayme's definitely wet, It's just a small area, and the rest of her diaper is dry. " Sarah stated.

I shook my head in denial but didn't say a word, not wanting to make Mommy mad.

Almost through this humiliating ritual, my eyes followed Sarah until she disappeared behind me.

" Last part, Jayme Mommy announced."

I felt my sister tugging on the waistband of my diaper, then I heard her sniff a few times. That usually signaled the end of a diaper check, but this time there was a second even more thorough inspection to my backside, before I was officially finished. Sarah hugged me and thanked me profusely for being so cooperative. Now was Sarah's big moment, mom's assessment and critique.

" Sweetheart, mommy thinks you did an awesome job. You knew your sister was already upset from earlier and you dealt with that in the proper way, Gaining her trust and putting her at ease by talking softly, maintaining eye contact, holding her hand, reassuring smiles, complimenting her, these are ALL great ways to put someone at ease, and to show them that you're only trying to help. The "folding the arms" was a nice touch you added ! Since you had already had her trust, she never questioned why she had to do that. It did however keep her hands out of the way, while you went about your inspection. It also subtly reminded her, of who was in charge.

You checked her diaper for wetness quickly and efficiently but when it came to checking for a messy diaper, it seemed like you weren't really sure.

"Can you explain why, Sarah ? "

When I checked the first time I thought she had a poopy diaper. To know for sure, I had to peek the second time, and saw she was clean. I just assumed that she Tooted !

"Jayme can you step over here for a second, please ? " mommy asked

" I noticed that Too, Sarah, you were right. And yes Jayme, you are wet, sweetie. "

" I'm guessing that you probably wet yourself, and passed gas during your little temper tantrum. I think it's pretty safe to say that if you hadn't pooped your diaper so thoroughly earlier this morning, I most certainly would be dealing with the worst diaper blowout of my life. When kids get so emotionally worked up, like you did, every muscle in their body contracts and it's not unusual to lose control of their bodily functions.

" Let's try not to have any more of those, ok ? I know that this summer will be hard for you, and you may not always agree with me, but you just need to trust Mommy. Your sister and I just want to help you, Jayme, but you need to be willing to do your part too.

! Excellent presentation, honey. Congradulations ! You passed your test, you are now a qualified diaper checker !

" Sarah, I really like the "folding the arms" idea. Where did you get that from ? "

" From school, Mommy. The kids that get a Time Out have to sit or stand with their hands folded like that.

" I'm hoping that you didn't learn from personal experience ! mommy teased Sarah

"I think I will have Jayme assume that position every time we request a "diaper check. " mommy suggested

Softening her tone, she hugged me for being so cooperative and mentioned, that as far as she was concerned, "my earlier meltdown" never happened.

" Why don't you girls curl up in a blanket together on the couch, watch tv, and take some time to settle down and enjoy each other's company. I think we'll send out for Barbeque tonight.

" Is everyone ok with that ? We all agreed !"

I told Mommy I was thirsty, and asked if I could have a glass of water.

"Gee, I don't know sweetheart. I would hate to see you spill it, on your nice blanket, " again winking at me !

" If only there was a way to have drinks and not have to worry about spilling them. Hmmm "

" Can we get Jayme a Bottle ? " Sarah suggested.

"A bottle ??? " Mommy questioned

"yes mom, like a baby uses. "

" A Baby Bottle !! What an excellent idea Sarah ! Do you think we should also get Jayme a Binky ? It might relax her when she gets upset, or is having a Time out" Mommy smirked

"Yes, I think my little sister would like that when she is sad.

..Damn, mommy manipulated my sister, just like she did me. I know she did it for my sister's benefit, but now, at least I won't have to hide the bottle or my paci from my sister, when I get them.

"I think we might have some of those packed away, from when You were a toddler, Sarah.

" Keep an eye on the Baby, honey, while I go look."

In just minutes, mommy was back with a surprisingly new Bottle and my very own Binky.

" Those don't look like mine ?? " Sarah stated

" You are right, sweetie. I bought these for you, but you never got to use them because you outgrew the ones you had. These are still in the package. "

Sarah might be satisfied with that explanation, but someday I am going to find out how mommy pulled that one off.

It was shortly after this That dinner arrived. Everything was set up in the kitchen, ready to start, before mommy came to get me. Mommy noticed that my diaper was quite wet but she knew that I would be getting a bath after dinner, so she just put an old folded bath towel on my seat before I was allowed to sit. My chair was pushed forward, and mom had a bib tied around my neck before I knew what happened. mommy and Sarah had plates, I had my food cut up in small portions and served in a bowl. I was given an option, I could eat with my fingers, or use a spoon with my left hand, something I had never done before. I decided to try the spoon and wound up with half of the food in my mouth and half of it caught in the bib, which I later ate with my fingers. I had cleared my plate, but at great cost to my dignity. I had sauce all over my face and hands. I was looking around for my napkin when Mommy noticed the problem. She thoroughly wiped my face then hands with a wet towel, before getting my bottle of milk out of the refridgerator. I noticed both of them watching me, probably wondering if I'd figure it out, but thirst won out over embarrasment, and I started sucking. Both of them clapped as if I just passed some monumental milestone... Oh well, slightly less then 3 months left :(
When the main course was finished and the dishes cleared, dessert was served. ..sticky pastries, mommy was really enjoying this, heck, so was my sister. She broke out in giggles more then once.
My sister wanted to help me clean up but mommy reminded her that I was headed for my bath right after dinner, so I was fine for now. With the Kitchen done, and my sister parked in front of the tv, it was bathtime for me. Mommy started running the water as she removed my T shirt and the shameful diaper, covering my bottom. Adding some bubbles before the tub was too full, She helped me in. She started to talk more now, that my sister wasn't around. She thanked me for going along with her and trying to bolster my sister's confidence, and explained why she seemed to be stricter with me when Sarah was around. She just wants Sarah to see that it's better to be a Big Girl, then to follow my example and end up a helpless baby. I promised to keep working with her on this, because I was responsible for my sister's daytime accidents. My bathtime has been a special bonding time I have come to enjoy. Unfortunately, We all have to grow up. Luckily, I don't, for almost 3 months :) Hearing the water drain,
I know it's back to reality. mommy is toweling me dry and soon I will be ready for bed, after the time I get to spend with my sister.
Wrapped in a thick bath towel I am quickly led back to my room, and watch as mommy goes through the same nightly ritual. The big difference now, is that none of my supplies are hidden. While in diapers, there is no need for secrecy. The changing pad, diapers, lotions, they're all right there ready for me.

" Alright honey, Let's get this overwith, your sister is waiting for you !"

I climb up on the pad and lie flat. After that, I just do what i'm told. Lift your bottom up, lie down, grab your knees, lie down, spread your legs, done. Evening diaper changes never bothered me.
My sister didn't learn about my bedwetting until recently. Now there are no secrets. Tonight though, something isn't right. My diaper feels different. Not wanting to delay this process any longer, I remain silent. Mommy stands me up, pulls a pink T shirt over my head, then clips a short tether to my shirt.

"Here's your new Binky, Sweetheart ! "

JAYME !!!! my sister came to greet me. Like before, I am led to my designated pad on the couch. Sarah snuggles up to me and Smiles ! You look pretty. Compared to the barbeque sauce I was covered with at dinner, yeah I probably do, I thought, momentarily feeling sorry for myself. One look at Sarah and my sarcastic thoughts melted away. This girl is totally enamored with her Big Sister role. Brushing the hair out of my face, making sure I was warm enough, would I like my bottle ? I said yes just for the thirty second break I would get, until she returned ! Sarah actually had me put my head in her lap while she held the bottle for me. I was pretty sure at this point that Sarah would never follow my footsteps, and end up in diapers. She would more likely grow up, babysitting, then having her own children someday. . The tv was on but neither of us were really paying attention. All of Sarah's attention was on me. Every time I looked up she would smile at me. I actually felt kinda sad. I don't recall ever looking at her in quite the same way. She must have noticed my anguish because she set the baby bottle down and replaced it with my paci. I couldn't help crying, this little girl was more attuned to my feelings then I ever was, to her's. She just kept smiling and gently stroking my face as I struggled with the guilt I felt for being such a selfish sister. A few minutes later mommy came in to let me know it was time for Bed. Sarah sat me up and gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I thanked her for the attention and told her I looked forward to playing with her tomorrow. As mommy headed off with me in tow, Sarah spoke up.

" Mom, Jayme's diaper is thicker tonight. "

"That's very observant of you honey!" Let me explain why.

"Jayme, tends to wet heavily at night, actually both of My Girls do ! Mommy Laughed

"Now that she has an earlier bedtime then you, and can't use the potty, like a Big Girl, Her diapers have to hold everything she can put in them and still keep her bed dry until morning. Mommy added an extra pad to make them more absorbent. Do you know what that means ? "

" It means to soak up, like a sponge does. " right ?

" Well, aren't you the little smarty-pants, Sarah ! " Mom's impressed !

" Let me get the Baby all tucked into bed and then I can sit with you for awhile, ok princess? "

" Ok ! Ni NI Jayme, see you tomorrow ! "

The next morning, mommy came to wake me a bit earlier then expected and I was Thankful. I wanted to tell her about last night, my time with my sister, my guilt, everything that came crashing down on me.
and I wasn't sure a half hour would do it. Mommy pretty much had it figured out anyway. Right now she was concerned about me. She sensed the guilt I carried for not always being the sister I should have been. Mommy explained that Sarah is past all that.

"Sarah is enjoying Her chance to be there for her sister, now. She remembers all the times you were there for her, Jayme, not when you weren't. Forget that part. Sarah only cares about the special times you both shared, and so should you. Over this summer, you two have the chance to really learn about each other and to work as a team to see each other through these rougher times. Honestly, by the end of the summer I'm sure Sarah would really love to have her Big Sister back. ... By the way, Sarah was 4 when when she asked you "How does pee pee disappear when it goes in your diaper ?" and you explained absorbency to her. I hope you understand now, just how much positive influence you have on that little girl. Your sister is waiting for you, honey. lets go get some breakfast, shall we ? "

I let mommy help me out of bed, and walk me to the kitchen, knowing that I would be staying in my nighttime diaper until after breakfast. My sister got up to hug me and led me to the table. Apparently not convinced, soley by the way it sagged, she gave a squeeze to the crotch of my diaper, as I reached for my chair. How cute she was, looking out for me like a little mother. I was really hoping to spend some quality time with her later, even if it is through the bars. I know she has questions for me, she'll start to ask, but then stops herself. I just hope I can answer them for her, but I'm still trying to come to terms with all these new feelings, myself.

Well four more days have gone by and I'm getting more comfortable with the routines. Sarah has been my saving grace through all of this, and she's only " Big Sister" for the duration of my punishment, so she's making the most of it. I noticed she goes off to her room to play by herself while mommy is around to spend time with me. When mommy is cleaning, Sarah takes over watching me. I don't know if my sister planned things this way, but it means I spend less time alone in my playpen. I really can't complain though. There were some more "firsts" this week and I welcomed the seclusion. Two days ago I got constipated. mommy had me stretch out on the couch with a baby bottle filled with warm apple juice. It did offer some relief from the discomfort. A few hours later she had a friend run to the pharmacy for her. Mommy told me she had something that should help fairly quickly. I was willing to try anything by then.

" I think we would be better off doing this in your room, Jayme. " Mommy suggested

Mommy actually carried me to my room, not that i'm very heavy, but she hadn't done that in years. I stood quietly while she covered my bedding with a plastic backed sheet and helped me up. She had me lie on my side while she removed my diaper. I was asked to roll on my tummy if that wasn't too uncomfortable. A rolled up pillow under my thighs took the pressure off my stomach.

" Now Honey I want you to relax, this might be a little ackward for you, but we have talked about "firsts" and I don't think you have experienced this before.
The medication mommy has for you is called a suppository. It will go in your bummy and take about fifteen minutes to dissolve and start working. I will use a little baby oil to help it slip in easier."

" Are you ready sweetie ? "

" Yes mommy, I said rather unconvincingly. "

" That's my Big Girl, This is the first of two, and here is the second."

" All Done! What a brave girl you were ! "

" Lets roll you over so mommy can get you diapered."

"Sweetie, mommy is going to slip a pair of your new plastic panties over your diaper. I want you to stay on your back now until everything passes, then I can get you cleaned up in the shower.

"The panties, hopefully should prevent leaking on the way there. "

A little while later it was obvious that the medication was working. I got a little scared when my tummy started growling something fierce. Mommy assured me that this was normal, while encouraging me to hold on a bit longer. Finally my body took over, and in the most unladylike way, I erupted. Way past embarrasment at this point the only option left was to laugh. Mommy laughed too. She couldn't believe those demonic sounds were comming from someone so tiny. My relief though, was instantaneous, and I couldn't stop hugging her. Not wanting me to be alone that night, mommy asked if I would be comfortable sleeping in the playpen, while she slept beside me on the couch, and I agreed. I was now able to walk myself to the bathroom. Mommy had me step in the shower as she peeled off the plastic panties. They were in remarkable shape. We both knew we wouldn't be so lucky with the next layer. Mommy, again had me stand, legs apart, with a trash bag lined waste basket under me. I held the diaper up and mommy pulled the tapes. On three I let go and we each grabbed our nose! I moved to the shallow end of the tub and tied the bag while mommy ran the water. When it was comfortably hot, she sprayed me clean. I then relaxed with a quick bath. Mommy got me dried and diapered and suggested that I wear the plastic panties because I might wet heavier tonight with all the drinks I had, and could also pass any poopies that might be left. I quickly agreed. I was hugged and tucked into my little fortress for the night. The next morning I awoke an hour later then usual. mommy was still asleep on the couch, and Sarah, still in her nighttime diaper, was holding my hand through the bars... I later learned from mommy that Sarah was holding my hand in case I got upset, waking up to a poopy diaper. I told mommy I knew I had messed myself but, I pretended I wasn't aware of it because I didn't want my sister to find out. I have more admiration for my 'lil sister every day, but I'm finding it hard to believe she's only 6 !!

Thinking back over the past days, mommy realized that I only had two messy diapers since this whole incident started. At first she just assumed my body was adjusting to all these changes in my life. After my bout with constipation, she was convinced that I was intentionally holding myself, so she needed to put a stop to that. Mommy knew that I was usually a morning person when it came to that bodily function. My breakfast that morning consisted of a bowl of oatmeal with molassas, and sliced banana. My morning bottle was filled with prune juice. When I had finshed my breakfast, mommy addressed Sarah and I.

" I know you want to play with your little sister, but mommy would like you to give Jayme a half hour alone in her playpen, after breakfast each morning. This way she can have some privacy to make a messy in her diaper before mommy changes her. After she's back in a clean diaper, you two can play together."

Some days I was able to go rather quickly, other days took longer and we lost out on our time together. Mommy, thought for a moment then told my sister and I what she decided.

"Little girls just don't potty on a schedule. They wet and mess in their diapers whenever their body decides, so that's what our little girl is now expected to do. After breakfast, I would be changed out of my nighttime diaper, cleaned, and padded up for the morning. We were now free to play and whenever I felt the urge to wet or make a messy, I did. Now that I wasn't being held to a schedule, Sarah seemed to be keeping a closer watch on my bodily functions. She usually ignored my wettings, but she would bring me to mommy fairly quickly when I had a messy one. Mommy preferred to deal with those sooner, no need to risk getting a rash or worse, an infection. The high fiber breakfast, baby bottle of prune juice and the excercise from playing usually resulted in a messy diaper change, well before lunchtime. That kept mommy happy, and me, from getting constipated, again.

Mommy decided this might be the time to switch me over to my new cloth diapers. I followed her to my room and watched as she layed everything out on the bed and started folding diapers. I wondered how mommy was able to get everything ready so quickly. How would she know about folding them so that they would fit me...? I learned that she used to use them on me, before Sarah was born.

"I may have to adjust them a couple of times, honey. " You are a lot bigger then the last time I padded you up in cloth !" mommy teased

I hopped up on the bed and positioned myself on the pile. Mommy pulled the front up and was happy with the fit. She had me lift my bottom up as she centered a thin disposable liner under me. I couldn't help but blush when she explained it's purpose. Mommy pulled the sides up and pinned everything snuggly. The plastic panties were slid up to my knees, them mommy swung my feet over the edge of the bed and helped me to stand. There was no doubt that cloth diapers were a lot thicker in the crotch then my disposables were, but they were quite comfortable. Mommy pulled the plastic panties up and gave me a few pats on my bottom, which I heard more then felt ! My first few steps felt akward but I quickly got used to them. I looked in the mirror and saw that the pink plastic panties closely matched my pink and white T-shirt but the diapers were noticeably bulkier and I wondered if my sister would tease me. Mommy stayed with me as we went to find Sarah. I had worried for nothing as my sister hugged me and said I looked adorable. We spent most of the morning playing together in the family room. Mom reached into my playpen and checked me a few times, relieved to find they were holding up well. I noticed that they felt wetter more then the disposables did, especially when I shifted positions or sat down.

Mom had finished her cleaning and joined my sister and I. It was still well before naptime but I felt content lying in my playpen listening to the tv as Sarah and mom watched a movie together.
Curled up under a blanket, I closed my eyes, sucked on my paci, and daydreamed about my new life. I'm sure Sarah thought I was sleeping, because when mommy got up to get a snack, I heard my sister walk towards me. Lying as I was, inches from the bars, my diapered bottom was too tempting for Sarah to pass up. I half expected she was up to something when I felt her little hand, slide under the blanket, comming to rest, on my diaper. It became apparent she was just checking the condition of my diaper. She pinched a few spots to check for wetness, patted other areas to check for messes, satisfied that I wasn't in dire need of a change, she gave her approval with a few pats to my bottom and returned to the couch. At least I didn't have to participate. I couldn't help but smile at this amazing little girl.

Eventually I was able to earn mommy's trust to where Sarah and I could stretch out on the living room carpet and color, work on a puzzle board , or just be kids. Mommy did insist I kept a folded bed bed pad under me until she was sure my cloth diapers were secure enough to protect the carpet. This didn't happen every day, just when mommy wasn't so busy with house cleaning and laundry, that she could check up on us periodically. I think mommy relaxed her guard because she was happy to see us bonding again. Sometimes she would take a break and watch her favorite tv shows while we enjoyed our time together. I thought about mommy sleeping on the couch, the night I wasn't feeling well, and started to hatch a plan. I was hoping that my sister and I could sometimes have our naps together in the family room. I had my playpen and Sarah could sleep on the couch. I whispered my plan to Sarah but she didn't think mommy would let us. We quietly worked out our stratagy, and I was ready to confront mommy.

" What are you two squirrels up to ? " she asked

With all the whispering and giggles I knew mommy would be om her guard.

" mommy ? Do you think Sarah and I...ummm could maybe have some of our afternoon naps together here ? I mean, I will sleep in my playpen and...ummm Sarah could sleep om the couch, like you did."

When mommy didn't answer right away I knew she was trying to find a way to shut this idea down.

" Sarah can get kind of restless while she sleeps, Jayme. I wouldn't want her falling off the couch, and hurting herself. "

" She could use her Sleepover bag on the floor next to my playpen, " I suggested

" Well sometimes while you two nap in your rooms, mommy likes to watch her shows on tv. I wouldn't want that to disturb your sleep. " mommy countered

My sister, who remained absolutely quiet through this debate, chose this moment to speak up.

"That's ok mom. Your tv shows Put Us To Sleep ! "

mommy was speechless !! She had to concede to my 6 year old sister !!

That, I'm sure, was the very moment mommy realized we were allies for life. Sure our roles will again reverse, at the end of summer, but we are a Team now!

The following day was another "first" for me. Mommy got me up for breakfast as usual, then, I was taken to the bathroom where mommy got me undressed while the tub was filling. I had come to love my baths with mommy. They were usually the highlight of my day, our bonding time. Morning baths were usually quicker then my evening ones so when I was quickly dried off and led to my room, it was just like any other morning. After mommy had me powdered she grabbed a disposable diaper and slid it under me. This was the the first clue I should have noticed. Mommy then went to my closet and removed an outfit I never saw before. It was a pair of denim shortalls, like I used to wear a few years ago. Knowing that I was only allowed to wear clothes when we were going out as a family, I got nervous. Mommy had to have noticed this, as she offered an explanation. We have all been housebound long enough. We were nearly out of food, low on diapers, and it was too nice a day to spend it indoors. I was a bit panicked, to say the least. Why didn't mommy tell me this before ? Mommy had me step into the shortalls and she pulled them up, fastened the buttons and attached the shoulder straps to the bib. I went to the mirror to check them out and they appeared to fit me perfectly. Mommy told me that they were actually a size larger, to accommodate the thick disposable diapers I now wore just for public outings. I bent over in front of the mirror and was happy to see that my diaper didn't show and the shortall also muffled any noise when I walked. Mommy mentioned that there was enough room to wear my plastic panties, if I was worried about leaks. I asked her if I could try them, just to see, so she helped me to undress, slip on the panties, and step back into the shortalls. Unable to notice any difference in the mirror, I chose to wear them. I think the biggest reason for keeping them on, was acceptance. I now wore "panties" under my shortalls. It didn't matter to me that they were plastic, or covered a disposable diaper. I was still wearing Panties ! I hugged Mommy and thanked her for this surprise. I know that my family is trying to help me through this tough time in my life. I want to show them my appreciation by doing everything that is expected of me. I would be lost if not for them. I wasn't sure what this afternoon would be like, but with mommy and Sarah beside me, I probably didn't need to worry. I had a small pack that I used to carry my books in, during the school year. It has a strap so you can sling it over one shoulder. I was curious why mommy had it when we were ready to leave. Sarah was still off doing something so mommy took advantage of this moment to hand me my bag.

" Here, be a Big Girl and carry your own diapers !" she Laughed

Mommy always knows how to put me at ease. When Sarah showed up we headed for the car. Opening the rear door Mommy helped Sarah into her carseat and strapped her in. I was called to the other side of the car and started to open the front door but was told that "little sisters" have to sit in the back seat where their Big Sisters can keep an eye on them. Mommy adjusted my seat, and belted me in. I ignored the indignity meant for my sister's benefit, afterall, Sarah has done so much for me !

Our first stop was a pharmacy. Mommy got us both out of the car, plopped Sarah on her hip and we headed in. She obviously knew her way around here, grabbing a shopping cart, before heading straight for the diaper isle. I was asked to put one bag of my attends-small in the cart while mommy grabbed two packs of my sister's diapers. Making her way down the isle, she added wipes, powder, and barrier cream. Stopping in front of the binky display, mommy asked me if there was one that I liked. My first reaction was to look around to see who was watching. Seeing no one, my heartbeat slowed. I thought mommy was teasing me but she was serious. I asked Sarah to help me choose and we both agreed on the same one ! With that settled, we headed to the checkout. No strange stares with a cart full of diapers, I guess I got through this visit unscathed. We have two more stops to make, well three if you count lunch. The next one I am fearing the most. The dreaded shopping center. This is the one I find most worrisome. There are usually a lot more people in these stores, you have to reach up or bend down, to grab items. People bump into you with carts, kids running everywhere, not a place I enjoy comming to, and now I'm here with much more at stake. Mommy dragged us to go look for T shirts, the only grown up piece of clothing I'm allowed to wear at home these days. We spent awhile there going through everything and I was able to get the few that I had wanted. My sister even found some that she loved. Just down from my sister's size they had infant and toddler sizes. I heard mom laugh as she went through some of them.

"I wish they had these in your size Jayme " mommy joked while she held each one up. SLIPPERY And her favorite, CAUTION

I was able to appreciate a good laugh, now that no one was around to hear. I knew she was just trying to lighten the mood and teach me to find the humor in otherwise tough situations. Mommy helped me realize that I can get through this summer, and be a stronger person for it. We were just about to head to the cashier lines when mommy remembered promising me a stuffed animal of my own. At the toy department there were so many to search through, that mommy left Sarah and I to decide, while she got a few things for me to keep on hand for my playpen, so I wouldn't get bored. I finally decided, with Sarah's approval, on an adorable pony that was just the right size to cuddle up with, and waited for mommy to return !
My love of horses didn't go unnoticed when mommy appeared with a new puzzle board, three puzzles and a coloring book, all featuring horses ! I hugged mommy and my sister for these wonderful gifts.

After mommy had Sarah all strapped in her carseat, she walked me around to the passenger side, pausing to ask me how my diaper was holding up. I told her I didn't think it was wet, but I really wasn't sure. Mommy helped me into the car and fastened my seatbelt. Standing next to me, I was blocked from anyone's view by mommy and the partially closed door. She was able to slip her hand past the leg cuff of my shortall and officially state that I was dry. Mommy suggested we get the food shopping out of the way first, then we could order drive through and head straight home. Once she had me buckled in, we were on our way to the final store. Mommy knew the store pretty well and we went through each isle rather quickly, pausing just long enough to snatch an item or check out the specials. Another shopper almost bumped into us and stopped to apologize. Mommy and her talked for a few moments before she noticed Sarah holding my hand. "

" And who is this little cutie holding her big sister's hand? " she asked, looking at Sarah

" I'm Sarah, the Big sister. This is Jayme, my little sister. She wears diapers and I don't ! she smiled

" What a little tease, that one !" The lady chuckled, as she went on her way.

Now I know what mommy meant by akward moments. I'm sure the lady didn't believe Sarah, but my blushing might have had her wondering !
Mommy told Sarah it wasn't nice to tell anyone about my diapers.

" That is a family secret Sarah. Jayme doesn't tell anyone you wear diapers too, at night."

" I'm sorry sissy. " Sarah said, fighting back the tears .

I picked her up and hugged her. We're Good, munchkin ! But let's just keep our secrets to ourselves, ok ?
It was at this point that I actually felt a twinge from my bladder and whispered to mommy.

" That's excellent sweetie! Let me set the timer function and I want you to try and hold out for as long as you comfortably can. Let me know when you feel yourself .... you know, and I will stop the timer. Over the rest of the month we should find the times getting longer."

later, when we were standing in the checkout line, mommy saw me blush. She held up the cell phone, looked my way, and I nodded. When we finally cleared the checkout and headed to the car, my sister was exhausted, I was soaked and mommy was elated. Twelve minutes was a great start. The three of us decided to skip the fast food and just head home. My sister was so tired, that mommy had to carry her in. I was asked if I wouldn't mind bringing in the packages from the car, as she needed to get Sarah on the potty, then diapered and ready for her nap. I brought in three packages and had two more still in the car. During my final trip, as I opened the car door and reached for the packages, I loaded my diaper. This was the first time it happened without warning, and that scared me. When I am around mommy or my sister I usually just hide behind a chair and squat. Some days when I'm feeling especially "little," I don't even attempt to hide what I'm doing, but it's always been of my choosing. This time really wasn't.

After the grocery and shopping bags were unloaded and mommy had put my sister to bed, she returned. While helping her put groceries away, I was again praised for being able to hold myself, at the store, for as long as I did. Mommy went to the refridgerator and got my bottle. Pulling out a chair, she motioned for me to sit in her lap while I drank it. I knew that once I sat down, the cleanup would be a lot worse but I didn't want to lose our special time together. Mommy immediately noticed my hesitation and stood up to hug me. "

" What's wrong sweetheart ?" she asked sincerely

"I made a messy, mommy " I sobbed. It happened when I was getting the shopping bags.

" That's nothing to get all upset about, honey. You have had lots of poopy pants, and it's never bothered you this much before.

" But I didn't even know I had to go. It just happened. No warning. I promise mommy. I'm telling the truth I cried. I probably won't ever be able to potty train. I cried"

" Of course you will Sweetie ! You had a very stressful day today and it's not unusual for our bodies to react differently under those conditions. I'll bet you are just emotionally exhausted from all the new feelings you experienced today . Let's just put it out of your mind for now, and let mommy get you all cleaned up! Shall we ?"

" Here, lets take your shortalls off so I can check, ok ? "

Once I was down to just my plastic panties and a shirt, I quickly got into my "check" position, straight back, head up, legs apart, and arms folded and againt my tummy.

" No need to be so formal when it's just you and mommy ! "

"I just want to stay in the habit for when Sarah checks me."

"She hasn't been too demanding, has she ? "

"No mom, just the opposite. She always caring and gentle with me, like You Are ! And she's always smiling and complimenting me. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I look forward to her "checks" !

" I'll let her know that she's been getting Rave reviews, but if it keeps up, I may be out of a job !! We were both laughing at Mommy's comment.

The plastic panties sagged from my well soaked diaper, but it wasn't until she pulled the panties down a bit that the smell became obvious.

"Now mommy understands why you didn't want to sit ! Lets go get my "Big" Girl all cleaned up, then we can cuddle for awhile."

Mommy grabbed a plastic bag and a handful of paper towels and we headed off to the bathroom.

" Here, you wipe your tears, and I'll wipe the other end !" mom teased, Handing me one of the paper towels.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. Mommy always knows the right things to say in these situations. I only hope I can be like her when I have to help Sarah, someday.

Mommy cleaned me, then padded me up in nighttime cloth diapers and plastic panties. I was carried to the couch in the family room. Now I was more then happy to curl up in her lap and enjoy my bottle, and our Mommy/Baby time together. After my bottle was finished, mommy sat me up and started to pat my back. I was just as surprised as she was when her efforts actually produced a burp ! We both giggled.

I guess mom was on a roll now, after getting me relaxed again.

" Remember honey, Your Family Will Always Stand Behind You."

I smiled at her, taking comfort in that thought. (I should have known better !)

"....unless of course you happen to be wearing a poopy diaper, ..... then we'll be Standing upwind Of You, ....and at a safe distance ! "

Mommy was finally able to make me laugh, but she wasn't going to let me off that easily !

" We'll still be able to shout back and forth to each other, ...or text, !!! "

By now, we were both laughing uncontrollably , and afraid of waking Sarah.

"You handled some akward situations really well today, Jayme ! I think that little sister of your's is after My job now ! Mommy might have to reel her in a bit ! "

"Jayme, I'm not sure if you remember, honey, but when we first talked about venturing out in the world, I told you that Babies wet and poop themselves whenever the need arises.

Then I asked: "Are YOU prepared to do that in the checkout line of a crowded store ? Well, today you did just that !! "

" OMG Mommy ! " I really DID !

"Yes you did, sweetheart ! mommy was very proud of you !

" I can't wait for the next time we go out !

"I will miss all the attention when I become a Big sister again. " I told mommy, instantly regretting it.

" Honey, I don't expect our time together to go away simply because you are daytime potty trained. I would miss these times myself."

" You will again become a Big Sister to Sarah, and during the daytime you can be there for her, she needs her role model, her Big Sister to look up to."

"After you or I put Sarah to bed, I will have time to get my other 'lil bedwetter all diapered up for sleepies." mommy winked !

" ....You know Jayme, after you are at peace with your childhood and the loss of your daddy, it's quite possible that the bedwetting might stop. If you find our nightly bedtime ritual too hard to give up, I'm sure we could find a way to hang on to it, as long as you are a happy, healthy, and productive teenager..... OH WAIT !! There is no such thing ! " Mommy teased.

"You will always be welcomed to curl up on my lap with your bottle, or binky, If you still want to. If you are feeling more "grown up," then we can spend the time talking. That will be Your Time, Jayme. You get to decide how to spend it, ok ?

" From now on, mommy will always make sure there is time for both of her girls !"

"Now, while you are enjoying your Naptime, mommy will have to start preparing an early dinner for all of us. Would you like to nap in your room, or your Playpen, sweetie ? "

" My playpen please, mommy. I'm happiest in this room. "

I had no problem falling asleep, especially with my new equus friend, 'piebald' snuggled under my arm. The stress of the day had worn me out, but mommy's words of encouragement were the only thoughts I focused on. I was happy, knowing now that the dream life I was presently experiencing wasn't going to abrubtly end when summer faded. I actually looked forward to being a Big Sister again and being there for Sarah, like she has been, for me. I am not as afraid now to take some chances, and I want to keep pushing my limits. I know I have family who supports me, and I have my "little" side for when I feel overwhelmed. Mom and I did talk on a few occasions about school in the fall. Part of me wants to stand up to the people who bullied me, but another side would rather start fresh, at a different school. Still time to think about that choice. My last option was the safest for me, homeschooling. If mom had asked me at the beginning of the summer, I would definitely have chosen homeschooling. Now, I would have to pass on that. Homeschooling, for me right now would be giving up, taking the easy way out, social suicide. Last year I would have sold my soul to stay home, do homework at my leisure, doing homework online, while in diapers! The new me wants to take some chances, make friends, experience what life is about. If someone told me three months ago that I would feel this way now, I wouldn't be able to comprehend that idea. I think it's pretty obvious what my choice for schooling this fall will be... A New School ! a chance to start over, to take what I learned from the past, what I am learning from the present, and adapting all of that for the future. I know I could make friends, I spent my summer learning how to Be a Friend. There is so much more for me to learn, but I'll get there. I just need to have patience with others, and more importantly, patience with myself. .......speaking of patience, .....Isn't dinner ready yet ?!!!!

The following morning brought some really nice weather and mommy asked if I had my heart set on heading out somewhere in the car or would I rather play in the yard with Sarah, then go do something as a family tomorrow or the next day. I chose the yard. I woke up earlier with butterflies in my tummy at the prospect of venturing out again so soon, but didn't tell mommy. I believe that she already sensed my apprehension, because the next few days were quiet ones at home. I was allowed to play in the back yard with my sister more often now, with the nicer weather. I didn't even bother to wear longer shirts anymore. My cloth diapers, plastic pants, and a short T-shirt were the only clothes this Baby Girl needed ! Sometimes I just wanted to feel babyish. The yard was fairly well secluded, with all the wood fencing so I could play and be myself without a worry. With all the area we had, there are more then a few places to hide if someone wanted. Sarah decided we would play hide and seek and that I would be the one to hide, while she counted. Well hidden behind a large barrel, I felt the effects of my high fiber breakfast, kicking in. Knowing that it would shortly end up in my diaper anyway, I saw no reason to be uncomfortable. I just let it happen. Mommy expected messy morning diapers, so liners were routinely added to my after breakfast diaper changes. It took Sarah awhile to find me, but she eventually did. We were trying to decide what to do next, when I tagged her, yelling YOUR IT, as I ran off ! It was really hard, trying to run in my wet and messy diaper. I had to keep one hand on it the whole time, just to keep it in place. I couldn't stop laughing ! Just the thought of what I looked like, running bow legged, trying to keep my loaded diaper from sliding down my legs, as Sarah gained ground on me. I had a feeling she knew I needed to be changed. I assumed the "diaper check" position and sucked harder on my binky to steady my nerves. For Sarah, this was the signal to perform her Big Sister duties. Already aware that I was wet, from the yellow stains, Sarah went straight to my backside, and gently tugged on the waistband of my plastic panties, confirming her suspicions. She took my hand, smiled up at me reassuringly, and led me towards the house. I hope my sister appreciates my willingness to help her to perform her "Big Sister" duties just as much as as I respect her for accepting and helping with my Baby side. Mommy was right, we can help each other, and learn a lot about ourselves, in the process.

Mommy happened to be standing at the door when we got there.

" MOM, the baby dropped a log in her diaper !" Sarah stated, matter of factly. Mommy and I were laughing so hard that we were tearing up !

" Where did you ever hear that, Sarah ? " mom asked

" One of my friends at school told me that's what her mommy says when her little brother poops his diapers." she answered.

" Well, your mommy would prefer you said 'made a messy' it's more ladylike. Ok honey ? "

Geesh, 6 years old and growing up faster then I am ....!

"Your timing was perfect, girls. lunch is just about ready, but it can keep until I get miss poopy pants here, all cleaned up."

" Sarah, honey can you wash your hands, then set out napkins and silverware on the table, for mommy ? "

"Mommy got me ready in record time. She was just as hungry as I was.

"Who knew that being a Baby was just as hard as doing housework ? " I teased

I guess you are right, sweetie ! Mommy has this video of you to prove it!!!

Mommy showed Sarah and I the video of us playing tag and the way I was running, while trying to hold my loaded diaper up! ALL of us were crying from laughing so hard. It was even funnier then I imagined !

" At least the cloth diapers give your sister a little bit of an advantage in Tag Games now ! " Mommy pointed out, as Sarah smiled !

We had an enjoyable lunch together and mom told my sister that she has been doing an excellent job, caring for her little sister, which had her beaming !

" You two obviously enjoy playing together out there. Sarah, do you have any ideas how we can make the back yard even more fun for you and your little sister ? "

Mom was really encouraging Sarah to step up to bat, but she seemed to draw a blank. I didn't want to speak up, this was her time to shine. Finally Sarah mentioned a sandbox and I cheered her suggestion. Sarah asked for me to choose something but not wanting to take this moment from her, I decided to stay in "little sister mode". An Elephant ! I exclaimed, trying to buy my sister some time. Everyone laughed.

"I don't think I could afford to feed an elephant, Mommy stated. Lets try something else, something smaller ......that doesn't eat !"

" I know ! How about a swimming pool ? " Sarah suggested

" Another excellent choice, honey. You are just full of great ideas !! " Mommy smiled

" any suggestions from you, Jayme ? " mommy asked.

" Can't have a pool without FISH ! " I stated. We all cracked up ! My sister might have the best ideas but I was the one who got all the LAUGHS. I smiled to myself !

After lunch, ALL of us were ready for naps. My poor sister looked like she was going to crash during dessert. Mommy just picked her up and carried her off to her room.

I had finished eating and decided to pick up the dishes and silverware. Rinsing everything off in the sink first, I then placed them in the dishwasher, before wiping down the table. This unselfish act was something that "big" Jayme would never have done without a bribe. My "little" mindset had me helping out more often lately, simply for my mommy's adoration. I quietly went to the family room, popped my binky in my mouth and climbed into my playpen. When mommy returned to the kitchen, I saw her look in the dishwasher then at the rest of the room. When she grabbed my bottle out of the 'fridge and headed towards me I saw the Biggest smile on her face!

"Are you really tired right now kiddo ? If not, would like you to come sit with Mom for a bit ? "

I was there in a heartbeat ! Mommy thanked me for helping out in the kitchen, but I knew there was more on her mind. Mommy had noticed how my sister and I were interacting earlier, outside and at lunch and she told me that she couldn't be happier. She knew I was encouraging my sister to assert herself at lunch. After talking to Sarah, while getting her ready for her nap, she realized that I was letting Sarah take control more often, outside as well. When I told mommy that I was ok with Sarah looking out for me, and that we were both getting what we needed at this time in our lives, she understood. I told her that I Love the attention that I get from both of them. I am at peace with myself right now. I am quite happy being the baby at home or out in our yard, and when we go out in the world, I'm happy knowing that the Big Girl image that people see, is secretly diapered. Mommy was now teary eyed. Her two girls had quickly figured out reciprocal relationships, and I was learning to balance the adult side with my "Little" side. Mommy assured me that she would get us both, the sandbox and a pool, for all the hard work we have done. She had me curl up in her lap as I nursed my bottle, and we enjoyed this intimate time together. After my bottle was finished she kissed me on the cheek before helping me into my playpen. She washed my bottle out, refilled it, and handed it to me as she headed off to her own room for a nap.

" Does the new pool come with Swim Diapers ? " I asked. Mommy couldn't help but laugh !

Two days later, we had just finished breakfast when there was a knock on the door. Mommy and Sarah went to see who was here, while I remained seated in the kitchen. No chance I'm getting up, still wearing my well soaked nighttime diapers. Sarah came running back to inform me that the people were here to set up our new pool and sandbox, and Mommy was wondering where we thought the best spot might be. I told Sarah that I would choose a sunny spot for the pool and a shady spot for the sandbox and she agreed with me. Sarah ran off to tell mommy. Fortunately there were many spots that fit our criteria, so any requirement that mommy had would ultimately choose the final location. Everything was settled ! A spot for the pool that had afternoon sun and a morning shady area for the sandbox, and both spots were easily visible to mommy from multiple windows! With all the construction going on, Mommy didn't want us going outside and possibly getting in the way so she suggested we could sit or stretch out on a blanket and watch everything through through the sliding glass doors that faced the yard. Sarah thought that was great, but obviously I didn't. Mommy noticed my disappointment, and immediately knew why. "

"Jayme, mommy is going to make an exception for you today since you have been doing so well, dealing with your punishment. How about I change you into a disposable diaper, and let you cover it with a pair of shorts or your baggy sweat pants ? "

My sister was just as happy for me as I was. We couldn't stop jumping up and down and hugging each other ! I promised Sarah I would be right back, as I followed mommy to the bathroom. She quickly cleaned my diaper area with the shower sprayer, dried me off and rushed me to my room. I was lotioned, powdered, and diapered in record time ! I pulled up my plastic panties, then mommy slipped on a pink shirt, and fixed my hair in ponytails, a look I have come to appreciate when I am feeling "little". Hurrying to get back to my sister and the progress in the yard, mommy quickly stopped me, pointing at my knees. Looking down, I started to laugh when I realized a disposable diaper under clear plastic panties, probably isn't the fashion statement I want to be making with a yard full of construction workers! Mommy laughed too when she realized that this wasn't an oversight on my part. I had simply acquiesced to mom's " no pants" rule. I decided on a pair of loose fitting shorts that I had. They were comfy but didn't do the best job of concealing my padded bottom, but from a distance, my secret was safe. Sarah and I stretched out on our tummys with our elbows on some pillows and quietly watched the progress. Everyone was working on the pool and it soon started to take shape. It was bigger then I expected and appeared to be around three feet deep. I guessed that Sarah's head would be above the waterline when she was standing. I could easily teach her how to swim in there ! With the pool construction now underway, I saw four men carrying the frame of the sandbox towards us and started to panic.

" OMG ! What do I do ? " I cried

Sarah took charge and scooted herself towards her edge of the blanket and encouraged me to slide towards her. This left enough blanket on my side for us to cover with.

Once my heart stopped racing, I acknowledged My sister's ability to make decisions quickly.

" Good Call sis ! " I said as I hugged her, and planted a kiss on her cheek !

The sandbox was set up about thirty feet from where we were, and easily had shade for a good part of the day. Sarah thought it was huge, and I had to agree. Each side was at least six feet ! It really looked inviting ! They spent a good part of the day working on everything and we watched most of it. I said most of it, because mommy checked in on us, only to find us napping. Nuzzled together with my arm around Sarah, mommy didn't have the heart to carry us to our rooms. She did however, take a picture, although she wouldn't know the significance of that moment, until later. Knowing that Sarah wasn't "dressed" for bed, and the possible consequences, mommy decided to just leave us alone. .... Nothing that the washing machine can't fix ! I was the first to wake up and looked around to see what progress was made. Everything appeared finished, there weren't any workers in sight. I didn't want to wake my sister but then I wondered if mommy had diapered her while I was asleep. I felt around the blanket that Sarah was sleeping on and everything seemed dry. I then felt around her bottom, and noticed she wasn't wearing a diaper ! There was only one possibility. Sarah had her very first dry nap ! I woke my sister gently, careful not to startle her, or cause her bladder to tense up. She finally came around and sat up. "

"Did I fall asleep ? " she asked worriedly
"We both did Sarah, but you Woke Up Dry !!!

Maybe she thought I was teasing her, but she put her hand between her legs to check for herself. No wet spots, no diaper, and the same clothes she was wearing before the nap !

We went to hug each other but I stopped myself. Maybe we better go find mommy and give her the good news first. You can use the potty, then we can celebrate and I won't have to worry about hugging you so hard that you'll pee ! We both laughed as we went to find her. Mommy didn't waste any time getting my sister on the potty. I didn't know how long we had slept, but mommy figured from how much she peed, a diaper wouldn't have held it all anyway ! Checking the clock, mommy thought we were out for at least four hours !

"That's almost half a nights sleep, honey. What a great start."

Mommy asked if we wanted to go check out the new yard, and we both quickly agreed. While Sarah was getting her shoes on, mommy discreetly asked if I wanted my diaper changed but I declined.

"This is my sister's Big moment, I don't want her feeling badly because she was dry and I wasn't. "

"You may be wearing a really saggy diaper, kiddo, " Mommy wispered " But you are still Mommy's Big Girl !" She kissed me on the cheek.

The three of us went out to admire our new play area. It was quite impressive. The pool was still filling up and it might be awhile before the sun warms it, and we can use it. The depth was perfect for Sarah, when she stood against the outside wall, her head was over it. It also had two ladders to get in and out from. Around the perimeter was a walkway with white stone. This would keep us from tracking any dirt in. Mommy also got some really comfy lounge chairs that we can stretch out on if we wanted to take a break and dry off. Both the lounge chair area and the sand box had provisions for umbrellas. In short, this was every kid's dream. We headed over to the sandbox, admiring the nice deck around the edge where we could sit, keep our drinks, scoops, pails or whatever else we needed. Mom suggested we could go shopping and pick out the accessories we wanted, tomorrow morning. After that, we had the rest of the day, barring naptime, to play ! Sarah and I looked at each other and smiled. Yup, we can live with that ! Mommy walked me to my room and changed my soggy diaper then informed my sister and I that she was going to prepare dinner. I climbed into my playpen and started to write a list of items we would need for the sandbox. Mommy was in the kitchen and Sarah was helping her by setting the dinner table. It was at this time that I noticed a poopy diaper was in my foreseeable future. Taking advantage of my "alone time" I dealt with the task at hand. It wasn't long before my sister looked in on me.

" I have a messy diaper that needs to be changed, Sarah. " I quietly told my sister.

I saw her smile before she left to inform mommy. I was surprised that Sarah took me at my word and didn't bother to confirm for herself, as It certainly wasn't obvious by any odor at that point. Maybe she saw me finally start to take responsibility for myself, that first proactive step towards potty training. Maybe she was encouraging personal growth in me, using the same subtle ways I used on her. Sarah quickly returned to let me know that mommy would attend to me just as soon as she got dinner in the oven. I held out my arms to give my sister a hug, which she gladly returned. When I whispered, Thanks, she squeezed me harder. No other words were needed. We understood each other perfectly.

Once cleaned up, I joined my sister on the couch and the three of us watched tv while dinner was cooking. We ended up watching movies after dinner. Mommy even extended our bedtime tonight, mostly because we napped longer then usual, but I would like to think it was also because we had each other's backs today. I am really glad mommy didn't wake my sister to diaper her. She needed this little boost to her confidence. I just have to be ready for Sarah if she has an occasional setback. Mommy had Sarah take extra potty breaks because off all the snacks and drinks we were chugging down. At bedtime, we hugged each other and said goodnight. As mommy was getting Sarah's diaper and jammies ready for her, I quietly told her not to get upset if she wasn't dry in the morning, afterall, we both overdid the drinks. Mommy had to change me before bedtime because I was also knocking down the sodas during the movies. The following morning, I joined my sister for breakfast.

"I was wet, Jayme. " Sarah sadly informed me.

" You weren't wet honey," mom corrected. Your diaper was just damp. You usually drown them !!

" considering how much you drank last night, I would consider this morning, a success !

Mommy defused that situation well, she even got Sarah giggling, but come to think of it, that's the same way she's always been there to help us.
I was bathed after breakfast and diapered in a disposable, as we were going shopping this morning. It felt kinda nice to dress up again, and venture out. Especially with my new found confidence, well, mommy and Sarah watching my back for me! We got to the store pretty close to opening, so it wasn't too busy yet. We zero'd in on the department we wanted and mommy watched as my sister and I meticulously
studied every piece we chose. We explained to each other in great detail how each tool was to be used ! I could tell mommy was getting bored.

"You're building sand castles, girls, not the Sistine Chapel !! Her humor was lost on Sarah, but I got the reference !

Pleased with what we accomplished, and fearing mommy's impending meltdown, we collected our tools and headed towards the checkout. When we got home, mommy helped me get undressed while Sarah used the potty. Mommy noticed my diaper wasn't all that wet so she gave me the choice to keep it on until I had a messy, or she could put me in cloth diapers. I chose to keep the disposable for now. Mommy helped me get my T-shirt on then pulled my plastic panties back up, and patted my bottom, sending me off to play. Sarah and I found the sand really held shapes well. It might be from the morning dampness but it was easy to work with. We decided on a castle with towers and walls. Sarah would build the towers by packing the sand in the pails then inverting them in place. After she had the four towers done, I showed her how to use another "form" to build the walls. While she worked on walls I started on the finer details with assorted tools we chose for the job. After about an hour, we had a pretty respectable looking castle taking shape. Mommy came by to admire our work and bring us some drinks and orange slices to snack on.

"Sarah, mommy's not trying to do your job, I know you would have brought Jayme to me if she was messy. Her disposable diaper from this morning's shopping trip was only slightly wet when we got home, so I gave her the option to stay in it until she made an oopsie. My concern is that it's getting warmer outside now and she's still in the same wet diaper. I think it's best to go ahead and change her now, and not have her risk developing an unpleasant diaper rash. If you two have your heart set on swimming a bit later, I better give her another bottle of prune juice lnstead of the fruit punch , just to hurry things along !. Why don't you come with us Sarah, you can have your drink and cool off in the house while I attend to your sister."

Mommy got me cleaned up and into another disposable, knowing that the prune juice will speed things up. Sarah and I headed back to the sand box to finish our castle and wait for the inevitable to happen.
I couldn't help but notice her staring at me while I played with the sand with one hand and nursed my bottle with the other. I had seen her like this before, and she could never seem to get the words out. I really hoped today would be the same because I wasn't very good with answers when I'm put on the spot. We smiled at each other when we briefly made eye contact, but I just looked down at our castle. Moving dirt around with my hand helped to relax me a bit, but Sarah just sat there, quietly watching me.

" WHAT ? I asked...maybe a little louder then I meant to.

"Do you like being a baby? " she asked me.

" I don't have much choice now, do I ? I'm being punished, remember?

" Mommy punished you for pooping and all the wetting accidents you had in your pants. I thought only babies do that.

" There is a lot that you might not understand right now but I really want to try and explain it anyway. At school I was different then everyone else. I never fit in, I could never make friends, and I was always being picked on. Some people can stand up for themselves, others, like me, can't. You can think quickly Sarah, like when the guys building the sandbox were walking over. I got scared and I froze. You were the one who knew what to do. I don't do well under pressure. I get angry at everyone, and then I get angry at myself. I realize that I am very immature for my age. After daddy died I was afraid to grow up. I didn't want to let go of the past. I just wanted to stay a kid.

"Since my punishment started have you seen me angry, Sarah? "

" No Jayme, I haven't.

That's because I know you and mommy are watching out for me. I don't have to stress out. I don't have to make important decisions. I need this time to learn to be stronger. Right now I am learning this through you and mommy. I watch how each of you deal with problems, deal with relationships, and I try to be a better sister to you and a better daughter to mommy. I love that you look out for me and because of that I realize that you have needs too. Sadly, I can't be a Big Sister to you right now, but I can certainly be your best friend. We help each other. Right now, Being the "baby" is helping me to grow up the right way. I care for both of you and I am so sorry for acting the way I used to. You and I are closer then we ever were, Sarah, and I want things to stay that way, especially when I become a Big Sister again !

"You can be our baby, Jayme, if that is what you need to get better. Mommy and I will take good care of you !

"You are an amazing young lady, Sarah. I want to grow up to be just like You ! "

The rest of our summer went pretty much the same way Sarah and I took full advantage of the perfect summer weather we were having. We usually spent the morning playing in the sandbox while we waited for the sun to warm the pool. Mommy appreciated this routine because my cloth diapers and plastic pants allowed me to get my morning "messy change" out of the way, and protected the sandbox from wetting accidents. Mommy did get me swim diapers, as promised, but preferred that I didn't tax the filtration and chlorination system with daily "pool" poopings. Mommy made sure that Sarah and I both understood that if I did need to use them, I should quickly go have mommy change them. I was also allowed to wear my skimpy bikini top with the swim diapers. I would slide the leg bands up as far as I could and pull the waistband down, low on my hips, tucking the excess material under the leg and waistbands. This allowed the reusable swim diaper to fit like a bikini bottom and eliminated " diaper tan lines" as we stretched out on the lounge chairs and soaked up the rays !! Mommy commented on her "toddler's" ingenuity some weeks later, when she noticed my tan while bathing me !

I would often see mommy watching us through the window while we played. It wasn't out of concern, it was admiration for how we were there for each other. True to my word, Sarah learned to swim this summer, and mommy was there to watch as my sister swam laps, all by herself. I glanced at my mommy, the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes spoke volumes. My confidence soared that day as I realized that there was so much more I could teach my sister. I even found myself regularly doing household chores without having to be asked, and I was never happier ! I still remember the look on mommy's face when I asked her if she could teach me how to wash my own cloth diapers and plastic panties, and she did ! Of course, she jokingly reminded me that I could only touch them if I wasn't wearing them at the time ! She spent awhile talking about all the positive changes she noticed in me, and how pleased she was with my new appreciation for home and family. Teary eyed, she told me how years ago, when I was almost four, I showed up one morning with my fisher price vacuum cleaner and asked her to show me how to vacuum the carpets ! Now I was the one with tears in my eyes. I don't think anyone of us saw this as the summer I was punished.

"Jayme, I wanted to talk to you about some clothing ideas. I'm sure you wouldn't want to wear your shortalls everytime we go out for the rest of summer, besides that, hopefully, you will soon start potty training . We need to add some clothes that will hide your training pants, and the occasional diaper, to your wardrobe. Skirts might hide the diaper lines, some even have built in panties that might help keep a diaper from sagging. You could wear a onsie, or leotard that would hold your diaper up and also keep the waistband hidden if you wanted to wear loose fitting shorts over it. Mommy also considered getting you an easier to conceal daytime diaper, but that would probably mean more frequent changes when we are out of the house. The reason I am bringing this up now, is that one of Sarah's friends from preschool asked her if she wanted to come over for her Birthday party a week from this Saturday, and I already set it up with her mother. What I would like to do honey, is have a mommy/daughter day out shopping for your new clothes. I's going to take some time because, trying everything on is the only way we will know what you can wear. I will also reasearch daytime diapers, online, and get some samples of different diapers and training pants to have on hand. Are you up to this, sweetie ? We can size things to accommodate your nighttime diapers, then we will know that daytime diapers or later, your training pants won't be noticeable. Now, I have a tough question to ask you, but I would like to explain things first. Mommy has a friend, Karen that has a clothing shop that specializes in sportswear. She would be a huge help to us in deciding what our best options are. Jayme, are you comfortable with me explaining to her that you wear diapers? I would tell her it was for medical reasons. I know she would keep your secret between us." Without Karen's help we would be trying store after store, and who knows how many people would find out

" Yes mommy, I trust your decision. Will she actually see my diapers?

"I have to be honest Jayme, I don't know for sure. She may need to take some measurements." I could ask her first, I suppose."

' No mommy, there's no need to ask her. I know you only want to help , and I trust you to do what's best for me. It will be another "first" right mommy ?

"Right BabyGirl ! Another step closer to our goal." mommy high five'd me !

It was three days later that the samples arrived, and we went through them together. She had chosen 6 different brands of diapers, and 3 brands of training pants, and purchased 4 samples of each brand. I was allowed to sample 1 of each diaper over the next few days to narrow the field down. Most of the 6 diaper brands did fairly well containing the more frequent but smaller volume wettings I was having now. As my capacity and holding time improved, a thinner diaper might not hold up very well with heavier wettings. Mommy told me she didn't mind changing her little girl more often if the thinner diapers made me less self conscious, especially when we would be away from home. I promised mommy I would continue to try my hardest to make her proud of me after all she has done to see me through this tough time in my life. Mommy spoke with Karen to confirm our Saturday planned visit to the store. It was Karen who brought up the topic of measurements. She asked if mommy could take the body measurements before we met up so that she could put some clothes aside for me to try on. I was measured that night after my bath, nakie, then in my nighttime diaper, and the next day in one of the thin diapers and the training pants. Everything was marked down and emailed to Karen.

When Saturday finally arrived I was both excited and nervous. It helped when my mother told me it was ok to refer to her as mom while we were together and away from home. I was really glad to have the opportunity to wear awesome clothes that didn't call attention to my diapers, but I was also trusting my most intimate secret with someone I didn't really know. I do trust mom though, and she promised me that her friend wouldn't let me down. When I was introduced to Karen, I found that I was immediately at ease around her. Karen assured me that I would be quite pleased with the outfits that she set out for me to try. Mommy and I followed Karen to a large private fitting room with mirrored walls, comfortable seats, our own little kitchenette. I was starting to wonder how models dealt with all the emotions I was feeling.

Karen explained to us that all her choices had one main objective, and that was to protect my modesty. After that, she comsidered my body type, what colors worked well with my complexion, even my favorite colors, if they would work with her primary choices. I didn't know buying clothes could be this hard ! She told us she had 6 basic outfits for me to try on, but with the option to mix and match pieces, I could end up with with a whole new wardrobe. I was on top of the world ! This was more then I could ever imagine !! Karen explained that she assembled basic outfits around the level of protection I was wearing. There were choices for my heavier protection level, many more options for thinner daytime protection or training pants, pads, and eventually Big Girl panties. When I was asked what protection level I was wearing at the moment, I froze... I could feel the tears welling up, before mommy spoke for me.

" Her heaviest nighttime protection. She didn't need it of course, but we did have a two and a half hour drive down here. I was fearful of getting off the freeways and getting lost, just to find a bathroom, if she needed one. I was the one who insisted that she be protected. Jayme is a very responsible girl, but she knows her mom just can't help looking out for her."

Karen agreed that we should probably handle the toughest first. I think Karen sensed my apprehension, and realized the ride down here probably took it's toll on my diaper, because she pointed to a private bathroom on the other side of the room, if "we" needed to 'freshen up.' Even I could read through the lines on that one, as mommy grabbed my bag of samples, then my hand, and headed off. Thankful at least for a dry diaper on my bottom, and short T-shirt, we headed back. I was a bit nervous at first, who wouldn't be. Karen kept me engaged in conversation as she worked her magic and I actually started to enjoy my first experience at modeling ! She had me posing, bending, turning around, while mommy and her checked to see how well the outfits concealed my diapers. I was also able to see myself in the mirrors, and I was amazed how well my nighttime diaper was hidden. Karen said I had a gymnist's body type and the pleated tennis skirt allowed the diaper to accentuate my 'lil hiney ! I wore a pair of spankies over my diaper so even if my skirt got caught in a breeze or I bent over, she explained, nothing embarrassing showed.

Of course I couldn't pass up this opportunity to bend over, hike up my skirt and flash my mother, which had us all laughing ! I had a few more options for the nighttime diapers, then it was time for the thinner daytime diapers, and even more possibilities they offered. During one outfit change, with the thinner diapers, mommy noticed that I had wet a little bit. Since I had several more outfits to try on within this "protection level" she could either change me or, as she pulled them from her purse, have me slip the clear plastic panties over the diaper for insurance. Karen thought that was the best choice because they wouldn't add any appreciable bulk to the now slightly swollen diaper, and she was curious to know if a wet diaper would be noticeably less discreet then a dry one. When I suggested that my mother take me to the bathroom and try pouring a bit of water in the diaper to simulate a bit heavier "accident", my mother and Karen were both shocked.

"Seems a bit extreme, Karen laughed, but I do agree with you Jayme, it would definitely show us where our limitations are."

I smiled at the compliment !

" Well mother, are you up to the challenge ? " I asked !

" I think it would be an invaluable piece of information to know at what point your "modesty" may be compromised. Let's go do this, just leave the outfit here so we don't have to worry about spills.

Mommy got a cup from the dispenser and partially filled it with warm water. I held the waistbands of the pants and my diaper out of the way so mommy could do her part. She had me turn around and repeated the process on my backside. We gave the water a few minutes to be absorbed, then returned. Karen could see through the plastic panties that the diaper was noticably thicker now so she helped me
to get dressed and we got back to work. She had me go through different poses and even some cheer moves that were a bit more demanding. Both of them were quite happy with the outcome, the thin diaper was pretty near "limit" but there was no visible "diaper outline". We all agreed that this was an extreme case and Mom mentioned to Karen that I would never allow my diaper to get to that point before changing it. I smiled at that !

Karen informed us were going out to lunch for my big debut, and asked me which outfit I would like to wear ! Mommy and I chose the same one, soley on looks. When Karen informed us it was geared to the thinner diapers, mommy hedged on letting me wear it. When karen suggested a new thin diaper and the plastic panties, mom agreed on one condition, I needed to limit the drinking to sips of water while at lunch. I can replenish myself later, on the ride home, if I needed to. I quickly agreed to that before she could change her mind ! Karen helped me to get ready, after mommy changed me. Just one more little detail to take care of Karen informed us. She made a quick call on her phone. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Time for the finishing touches, Karen smiled, unlocking the door. Karen had arranged for a beautician to do my hair and makeup. My new wardrobe, Lunch, now a professional, here to handle my makeup. I broke down in tears as I hugged Karen then mommy.

"Get all the tears out now, Karen smiled. No crying after your makeup is applied !! "

Lunch was amazing, they took me to a rather trendy restaurant. People I didn't even know, looked at me and smiled when I walked by. I couldn't help but smile back ! A few even waved. I guess clothes Do make the Girl ! All I know is that I felt special today. I have never received this much attention before, without being in trouble for something !

After lunch, we returned to the store to box up my new clothes and get ready for the trip home. When mom grabbed my folded shortalls out of the "samples" bag, I knew it was time for Cinderella to leave the ballroom. I headed to the bathroom, with mom right behind me. Mom pulled out a nighttime diaper that she had discreetly hidden in the clothes. I knew better then to argue, because the one I initially arrived in was almost to the point of leaking, and the thin one I was currently wearing, although remarkably still dry, would never last a possibly longer drive home. While mom used the bathroom, I thanked Karen for this most special afternoon. Karen looked around quickly, and seeing no one, she quietly confided in me.

"You are an amazing young women, Jayme. I want to Thank You for suggesting the "water test" it will be named ! I will now be able to put other people's minds at ease if they have any concerns, Thanks to You !

You trusted me with your biggest secret, so I will trust you with mine. I have had unreliable bladder control since I was just a few years older then you. Back then we didn't have very discreet products to deal with bladder leaks, so I vowed to one day help others with these problems. My contribution is with my clothing designs. If I ever need a model with your measurements in the future, would you be willing to help out ? It would just be an occasional job, if you and your mother agree ! You two can discuss it later, and your mom can let me know ! "

On the ride home, I mentioned the work that Karen might have for me at some point, and Mom told me how proud she was of me. She thought today would be hard for me, as up until now, the "diapers" were a family secret, and today, that "circle" grew. I told her I was scared at first, but I knew that Karen was trying to put me at ease. I thanked mom for comming to my defense when I froze on the "protection level" question, and for taking the "blame" as to why I wore a nighttime duty diaper, for the ride down !

" We're family, Jayme ! We look out for each other, That's what family does! You and your sister help each other, you two have never been closer, then you are right now! And that won't change when you two swap roles. Your transformation over the past few months has been extraordinary. You are there for others, you have more confidence, you speak up for yourself, and most important, I have never seen you Happier. I have never been prouder, Sweetheart ! I know you won't be too hungry after that lunch, so we can have a later dinner tonight, and you get to choose ! "

I loved our afternoon together !! What a wonderful support system I am gaining.

Summer vacation was now in it's final weeks and I was faced with a few important questions to decide. Sarah has been doing well with her bedwetting, only two minor wettings in the past few weeks.
I was still waking to wet diapers each morning. but unknown to mom, they weren't All accidents. I had been practicing "holding" myself during the daytime as mom suggested back at the start of vacation when I ended up in diapers, fulltime. I did have the ability now to hold on long enough to safely make it to a bathroom, so I decided to bring up the topic of potty training with mom.
All the personal "growth" I experienced this summer, didn't prepare me for this !

" Mom ? I'm almost thirteen and I think I'm ready to potty train !"

Mom and I just stared in shock at each other, then we both broke down laughing ! I mean, seriously ! What mother is prepared to hear that from her soon to be teenaged daughter !
After collecting ourselves, I had the opportunity of explaining my decision. Once mom learned that I was serious and had been practicing holding myself on my own, she was ecstatic.
Mom had disposable training pants on hand so we discussed the way training would go. It was agreed that the daytime training would be the main goal. Mom thought that would be enough to focus on for now. I would still wear diapers at bedtime, and I could continue wearing a swim diaper in the pool, even though I haven't had a messy in them for ages! Mom figured I would have enough to worry about with keeping my training pants, clean and dry during the day. Mom had found a watch online that would beep at preset intervals, as a reminder to use the potty. I was told that this would be my responsibility, but that Sarah or her would take charge if I didn't take my potty training seriously. Anxious to prove myself to both of them, I held up my part of the bargain. After a few weeks I no longer needed the watch to tell me what I could now feel. I had more then sufficient "holding time" to find a bathroom. I wore "just in case" training pants long after I gained full control. They provided me some security during tougher times, and reminded me of the two special people I had back home, that looked out for me :) For years, mom occasionally padded me up at night if I wanted and sometimes I would wet them before falling asleep or upon waking, but that was my decision. I would rinse them out in the shower then sneak them into the washer so my sister wouldn't find out. The few time Sarah did see them folded with the laundry, mom would just tell her she used them for dusting rags ! I could not understand back then how three quick months could change my life so drastically.... Now I know it wasn't time that changed me. It was my family's LOVE.

True to my word, I was once again a Big Sister to Sarah, and we were inseparable. I started to take her with me on babysitting jobs when she was eight. She was a natural with children. She has the same compassion for them that she has always shown with me. Four years later I had graduated High School and started working as an aid in a childrens hospital. Sarah was 12 now, and the most requested babysitter in our area. Whenever we weren't working, Sarah and I would spend time with each other, often talking about the summer that changed us both. We each understood that what we learned from each other has certainly shaped our lives. Sarah at the age of six showed an uncanny abilty to take charge of situations that left me panic stricken. She always watched over me but encouraged me to make choices or decisions for myself. She also realized that I did the same for her on many ocassions, by forcing her to take charge in a crisis. After all, she was MY Big Sister at the time ! Sarah and I both have so much to be thankful for. We were able to help each other and in doing so, are in a better position to help other children who might be facing similar situations.
Mom is extremely proud of both her Girls !

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