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Madelyn by dad2u

Later that morning, I found myself dribbling more often, and I really didn't want mom to find out. I tried everything, squeezing my legs together, holding my crotch, even hopping from one leg to the other, before desperately calling for my mother. This time she quickly got me to the potty. I was on the verge of losing control and was yelling at her to get the pull-ups off, unaware that I was the one preventing this from happening, by pressing the garment into my crotch with both hands. I was unsuccesful in trying to stem the flow, but mom just picked me up and sat me on the seat as I was. I soaked the pullup so badly that it was dripping from the crotch, into the toilet bowl. Surprisingly, mom wasn't upset. I did call for her, while I was somewhat dry, and mom reminded me that even though I did 'technically' wet the pullup, I was sitting on the potty at the time. We were both willing to call that one a draw ! I apologised to mom for all the work I was causing her, and thanked her for not being mad at me. We hugged, as I sat on the toilet, my pullup still dripping.

"Maddie, I think that you and I can see that this isn't going very well, so I have a suggestion, honey. Since this is obviously new, for both of us, I would like to delay your potty training for at least a month. From what I have seen, it appears that you really don't have the ability to feel when you need to go, until it actually happens. It would be really be helpful if we knew how long you can go between wetttings, and if you actually receive any warnings. I think the easiest way for me to explain this, is to go back to how I potty trained you, when you were a child. You were still in diapers, day and night, at the age of two, but the time between your wettings was starting to increase, and mommy didn't need to change you as often. Eventually, by two and a half years of age, you were ready to try daytime training pants. Mommy saw that you were able to make it to the potty almost every time, while at home. If we were out shopping, and there wasn't a restroom nearby when you told us you needed one, you were allowed to use your pullup. Those few occasions were never counted as accidents, but having to intentionally wet yourself, really bothered you. That is one of the signs that lets a parent know that their child is well on their way to becomming potty trained. What I would like to do now, is to put you back in diapers for awhile so I can get some idea of where we stand at the moment. We are all set on food and supplies for now, so there shouldn't be any reason for you and I to leave the house. I'm sure Erin can run a few errands if we needed her too. Once I start tracking your progress, I'll have a better idea of when you might be ready to try training pants, again.

"Madelyn, listen to me. I promise that you'll get through this. Now, would my little girl like mommy to give her a nice bath? "

" Yes mommy." I replied, without giving any thought to where all of this was heading. I could feel the burning in my face, but I couldn't take the words back. I wanted to run, but after sitting on the toilet for the entire time we talked, my legs were numb. I fought back the tears until we both heard more dribbles in the bowl. That was when I lost it. I was an emotional wreck.

My mother was by my side, without a moments hesitation. She knew that I had hit bottom, and she was here to pick up the pieces. Unwilling to leave me alone, while she went to get my supplies, she stripped me of my pullup and wrapped me in a beach towel. I just closed my eyes and buried my head in her shoulder as she carried me to my room. Quickly dumping what she needed into a bag, we headed back to the bathroom. Mom set me down on the bath mat while she started filling the tub. When it was a little more then half full, she added liquid soap to create some bubbles. It wasn't as if her youngest daughter needed them, but I'm sure she felt that it might help me to retain some modesty, at least while I was seated in the tub. Mom held my hand as I stepped in. The warm water felt nice. When she washed my arms, legs, shoulders, and back with a loofa mitt, I was in heaven. My eyes were tearing up, but it wasn't from soap bubbles. I had walled myself off from any form of intimacy, for most of my young life. This bath, and my mother's gentle touch were painful reminders of what I had missed out on, by pushing people away, even those closest to me. I tried my hardest to explain this to my mother, but in my current state of mind, I had trouble putting my thoughts into words. She promised me that that we would have that discussion at a later time, and for that, I was glad. Mom always knew I was a tough nut to crack, but today she found a chink in my armor and I knew that she wouldn't be backing down. Up until now, my bath was quite relaxing, but I knew that I wasn't through this yet. I could tell from the pause, that mom was just as nervous as I was. She had managed to wash every inch of my body, except for the areas that would be requiring the most attention, from now on. I knew that her biggest concern at the moment, was the emotional rollercoaster I had been on, for the greater part of the morning. What she didn't know, is that the closeness that I felt towards her at this moment, is something that I never want to risk losing, again. Without waiting to be asked, I got on my knees, placed my hands on the tub wall for balance, and spread my legs.

" It's ok mommy. I already know that I won't have any expectation of privacy, while I am learning to stay dry.

Now mom was the one with teary eyes. Pleased with my willingness to deal with the challenges that lie ahead, mommy hugged me tightly.

After I was thoroughly dried and wrapped in a beach towel, I was once again, carried off to my room. This time I happened to notice that mom must have flipped my stained mattress earlier, and a heavyweight zippered mattress protector had been added. Mom set me down on a towel, while she gathered up my changing supplies. I complied with every request as mom positioned the diaper under me, and got me powdered. I'm sure that she understood why I chose not to watch as she pulled the diaper into place, and taped it up. The cute little T-shirt that I used to wear with shorts, didn't even reach my diaper. I had already accepted that most of the liberties that I had as an adult would be gone, now that only Mom and my sister, would be the ones responsible for my care. Standing up, I noticed right away that my diaper had considerably more padding, and none of the girlish, 'fade when wet' designs that my pullups did, but that didn't surprise me. I had already assumed that these diapers were not going to be changed after every little wetting. These diapers were intended to protect the furniture from leaks, and keep me comfortable during the day. At bedtime, They would be responsible for keeping my sheets and blankets dry, through a night of multiple wettings. These diapers that mom put me in, were neither cute nor discrete.

I felt so little, when mom took my hand and led me towards the kitchen. I was ecstatic when she came right out and asked,

" Would my little girl like to help mommy make our lunch ? "

What little girl wouldn't want to help their mommy, in the kitchen ! Secretly, I welcomed this distraction. Having my mother put me back in diapers, at fifteen years old, was hard to accept. Hearing her refer to me as her little girl, just made it easier. I was now given the opportunity to return to those early years, and the simple enjoyment that I got from running around the house, in only a diaper and shirt. I embraced this chance to revisit my childhood, and to forget all the disappointment that I struggled with as an adult, if only for a moment.

Mom supervised as I washed my hands in the sink, than gave me a rag to dry them. With that done, she tied an apron on me. After setting a pot of water on the stove to boil, mom asked me to set the table, which I gladly did.

"Just two place settings, Maddie. Your sister wasn't planning to be home, until later."

" I'm pretty sure pasta is ok with you ? You manage to have it for at least one meal a day !" mom laughed.

Pleased with the job I was doing, mommy showered me with praise. I couldn't help giggling when she reached out to hug me, and snuck in a few tickles. I had barely finished telling her that this was the happiest that I had been in years, before I broke down and cried. Mom sat down and pulled me into her lap. She held me close and quietly rocked me, allowing me to work through my emotions, by myself. It wasn't long before I had pulled myself together and wanted to get back to my cooking. I was glad that mom gave me the space that I needed. I thanked her with a kiss on her cheek. She knew that for the moment, I was again at peace with myself. She also knew that she would be learning more about me, over time. My "little" mindset definitely made it easier for me to open up to her. As a child, I could speak my mind, without embarrassment or concern for social filters.

I added salt to the now boiling water, Then reached for the box in the kitchen cabinet. I realized that there wouldn't be enough for both of us, so mom sent me to get a new box from the pantry, while she stirred the sauce. When I passed a mirror, on the way, I saw the adult version of me in the reflection. When I turned, and looked over my shoulder, there was no hiding the huge diaper peeking out from behind my apron. I smiled, knowing that I was starting to like this new look.

With the table set and the water ready, it was time for the noodles to go in. I sat quietly with mommy, getting up every few minutes to stir the pot, so they wouldn't stick.

lunch was delicious, but even I couldn't mess up pasta ! Mom made us both some coffee and we talked for awhile, enjoying each others company. Mom brought up the conversation that I started during my bath, but never finished. I was able to explain to mom that I really tried to fit in at school, but I lacked the confidence that others seemed to have. To make matters worse, I had convinced my mother to let me attend a boarding school that was a few hours from home. I just wanted to to be like my sister. She was away for her first year of college, and I was starting my freshman year at high school. It had been a struggle for me, but I did manage to get passing grades in all my classes. I also competed in volleyball, despite my smaller size, and frequent injuries. In short, it wasn't my finest moment. I just wanted to get by without drawing any attention to myself, something that I believe started years ago. Although I was potty trained at the usual age, I did have a recurrence of daytime accidents when I was five, and found myself back in pullups for awhile. I also went through a period of bedwetting at ten. This wasn't a nightly issue, but the inability to predict when it might happen, was enough for me to decline any invitations I received from my friends, for sleepovers. I found myself losing friends, after continuously rejecting any of their attempts, to include me. I wanted to be like everyone else, but every time someone got too close, I would find myself pushing them away. I was falling back into my old habits again. I was glad that I had a single room in my dorm, and didn't have to worry about a roommate finding out about, my more than occasional wetting accidents. When I came home for Christmas break, I had less stress and that resulted in fewer accidents. Mom never knew about the Goodnites that I secretly wore to bed at night, or during the daytime, if I felt overwhelmed and prone to accidents. When it was time to return to school, I considered telling mom that I wanted to finish the year at a local school, and live at home, but I never got the nerve to tell her. The night before I packed for school, mom told me how proud she was of me, being on my own, meeting new people, and experiencing new opportunities. I didn't want to let her down. Needless to say, I was relieved when she told me that she would prefer I went to a local school next year, and I gladly agreed. All I needed to do was get through the next four and a half months. By the time summer break came, I was done trying to hide my problem, and told my mother everything.

I broke off the conversation with my mother when I started to feel some cramping and assumed that my now full tummy, and the strong coffee may have prompted this urgent need to go. I also realized it's been three days since the last time I went. I decided to tell mom, hoping she might possibly allow me to use the potty, knowing that she had just given me a bath. I was about to learn that's NOT how diapers work.

"I have to go potty, mommy ! " The flatulence alone, emphasized my need for urgency, but I mistakingly thought I needed her permission.

" Maddie, you don't need to ask mommy, every time you need to wet or make a messy.

" I don't ? " I asked, confused.

" No sweetheart, you don't ! That was only for when you were in pullups, and mommy needed to quickly get you to the potty. You are wearing diapers now, so all I need to know is what happened, and when, so I can keep track of everything."

"Oh, ok ! Wait ! I'm still not sure I understand, Mommy."

I was really getting frustrated now, and the noisy reminders that my body kept sending, only added to my embarrassment. Mom pulled her chair over so that we were facing each other. She wanted to explain everything, so that there wouldn't be any doubt as to what was expected of me.

"I thought you understood me the first time, so I apologise for the confusion. I switched you to diapers for a reason, sweetheart. Girls who are having trouble keeping their panties or their beds dry, both of which you are having issues with lately, need to stay in diapers, until they are ready for potty training. Mommy understands that this is hard for you, but wearing and using your diapers for awhile will at least allow you to have a break from the disappointment and frustration of all the accidents you were having in pull-ups. Using your diapers, whenever you need to, is what Mommy expects from her little girl. You don't need to ask me for permission. If you make a messy, just tell me, and mommy will change you right away. Mommy will check you throughout the day for wet diapers, and they will only be changed when I decide they need to be. If you can feel yourself wetting, I would appreciate it if you let me know, so I can keep a record of the times. This could help us see if we are making any progress. Now, regarding Erin, I was considering letting you wear some shorts over your diaper, when she was around, but I have decided against it. There will be occasions when mommy might need to run errands or do a shopping, and your sister will have to watch you. Part of that responsibility, involves changing any messy or very wet diapers, that you might have. Keeping your diapers visable when we are at home makes it easier for us to check or change you, when we need to. Besides, you just look so adorable in them. Mom smiled ! "

"Remember, Erin has seen and changed your cute little hiney, many times over the years. You know that she has always been very supportive of her little Maddie Bear !"

"Now that my little girl is back in diapers, bathrooms are off limits, unless Mommy or Erin are bathing or changing you. I can see that you are wet, so If you have finished making a poopy in your diaper, I'll take you to the bathroom and change you."

" If you feel that you need some privacy to make a messy, I would suggest that you quickly go and find a chair to squat behind because that is what you did as a child !"

I found myself laughing again, because I can still remember back then, sneaking off and hiding behind chairs, at five years of age. It frustrated mommy to no end, when I continued to mess in my pullups, but had no problem using the potty to tinkle. To this day, I'm convinced that the only reason I made that decision, was because mommy insisted on staying in the bathroom with me, whenever I had to potty. Having an audience just made it harder for me to perform. I quickly finished my coffee and hugged mommy. She couldn't help laughing when she saw me holding my bottom, while I race walked to the family room. Honestly, I think she enjoyed having her little girl back. Scanning quickly, I decided on the large recliner at the far corner of the room. It looked inviting. When the chair was slightly reclined, it provided adaquate privacy, along with the two corner walls. I crawled into the space and sat down, It felt strangely comforting, like an old friend! Satisfied that I was well hidden from view, I popped my thumb in my mouth and waited for the poop fairy to arrive ! I knew that squatting seemed to be the most conducive position for a bowel movement, since millions of toddlers can't be wrong! It wasn't long before a more urgent cramp, signaled that I had finally run out of time. I quickly got into my squatting position. I was so grateful that my body accepted that I had to use my diapers now, and wasn't allowed to sit on the potty. It would have been much harder on me emotionally, if I actually had to struggle, just to soil myself. Although the cramps were now gone, I was constantly reminded of the rather large load in my diaper, that shifted with each step that I took. When I returned to the kitchen, mom grabbed a plastic shopping bag and followed me to the bathroom. I felt her hand cupping the seat of my diaper, when she noticed how low it was sagging. I panicked the moment she asked me, when I had gone last. I didn't want to lie, but I was too afraid to tell her the truth, so I did what any child would do, when put on the spot. I cried, knowing that for now at least, the subject would be dropped. When mommy plunked me down on the changing pad, it almost seemed deliberate. I knew that the cleanup would be extensive, now. I probably should have been honest with her in the first place. Aware that this was my life now, I closed my eyes, hooked my index finger over my nose and popped my thumb in my mouth. I tried my hardest to ignore what was going on around me. Mom spoke to me softly, praising me for my cooperation and how well I was doing, while not actually expecting me to respond. I was so happy to finally hear a new clean diaper being unfolded, that I opened my eyes to watch. This was a huge milestone for me, and I'm sure that Mom was just as shocked. I had decided that it was better to accept all of this, than to lay there, feeling sorry for myself. Mom sat me up and we hugged !

"Maddie, the next time Erin or I need to go to the store, remind us to get you some pacis. I would prefer that you use one, instead of your thumb. Let me get you a clean shirt, honey. This one seems to have picked up the odor from your messy diaper."

" This is a learning experience for both of us, sweetie. I don't want you stressing about potty training now. I know that you had a lot to deal with as a child, and even later as a young adult. That is all behind you now, as mommy
is giving you this time to work things out. Let us take care of you. You don't need to be someone that you aren't. Mommy and Erin understand that. This morning started out hard for you, but we got through it together, didn't we ?
Mommy knows that you need this time to heal, to learn, and to grow stronger. Would you like mommy to continue to care for her Little Girl, like I did today? "

All I could do was cry as I hugged mommy. This was the first day in years that I haven't felt alone.

" I'll take that as a yes. " mommy smiled as she held me tightly.

Like our talk earlier, I was again at ease. I know Mom is looking out for me. The attention that she gave me during my diaper change, was just as comforting as the bath I was given, a few hours prior. As mom was helping me with a clean shirt, we both heard my sister announce that she was home. Mom knew I was nervous, Erin had missed out on many of the conversations that we had recently. She already knew that mom was putting me in pullups, but she wasn't yet aware, that by mid morning, mom had decided that I would be better off in diapers. I had pushed my comfort zone so many times today, that once more, wouldn't matter. I decided to ask her if she would like to watch tv with me. Erin was on the phone with a friend when I poked my head in the room. When she saw me standing there in just a diaper and a cute top, I got nervous. She quickly cut her phone call short, and smiled at me.

" Maddie, would you like to come tell me what I missed, while I was out ?" My sister asked, smiling.

I entered the room and walked over to my sister, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. I turned to sit down, but stopped myself, worried that Erin might not want me sitting on her bed, while I was in diapers. She sensed my apprehension and patted a spot right next to her.

"I don't think we need to worry about leaks with those Big Girl dipees !" My sister joked, putting me at ease.

Over the next hour, I was able to explain everything to my sister, school, the events of the morning, and how I felt about myself. Erin knew right then, that mom had made the right decision. The wetting issues were just a tiny part of a much larger problem. Erin understood that my regression was a way for me to learn to trust and interact with others, develop relationships, and to accept and be happy with who I am.

I was so pleased when Erin agreed to watch a movie with me and It wasn't long before I wiggled my way over to my sister. I was quite comfortable with my head on her lap and my body curled up in a fetal position. The last thing I remembered before dozing off, was Erin massaging my bottom through the diaper, and how safe and relaxed I felt. At dinnertime, mom came up to the family room amd saw for herself how content I looked, curled up with my thumb in my mouth, fast asleep on my sister's lap. Knowing that the stress of the day, had taken a toll on me, Mom decided to just save my dinner in the refridgerator, and let me sleep. Mom had my sister carry me to my room while she went ahead of us, to turn down the covers and fluff the pillows. My sister was the first to notice that I had already wet myself, and asked Mom if I needed to be changed. Mom decided that my little wetting wasn't enough to warrant a diaper change, and possibly waking me.

“Time to get up sleepyhead” mom said softly, as she gently nudged me the following morning. I awoke from the best sleep that I had in ages. My diaper felt a little heavier than usual, but between the full night's sleep, and the movie I managed to sleep through, I was in this diaper for over twelve hours. As mom pulled my covers down, we were both amazed that my nighttime diaper had done its job, well. The diaper held everything that I gave it, which was substantial. I couldn't help but smile. This was way better than waking up to a cold wet bed.

"I'm pretty sure that your diaper might leak, if you try to stand up, so I'm just going to change you now. You will definitely be more comfortable while you have your coffee and breakfast. "

Smiling, I added " And Erin won't have to know that I wet myself during the night. "

" .....About that, Maddie. I'm afraid that she already knows. You fell asleep on her lap while you two were watching a movie. She noticed that you had wet your diaper, while you were sleeping."

"She won't tease you, honey. She saw for herself, that you really can't control the wetting, and that you have had to struggle with this by yourself, when you were away from home. She really wants to help out with your care, if you are willing to let her."

I was willing to let my sister help. We were always kind of competitive with each other and that had strained our relationship. Right now I needed Erin more than she needs me. I asked my mother if she was up yet.

" Your sister left early this morning to go help a friend move. I was with her when we looked in on you earlier. You were fast asleep and looked so adorable ! She gave you a kiss on your cheek. After having a quick breakfast, she grabbed her coffee and was off.

" Will she be back later? I was hoping to spend some time with her."

" She was planning to spend the night there, and hopefully finish the following morning, but it could take longer. There's no reason you and I can't have fun together, is there ? " I asked.

I could tell that Maddie was disappointed but I wasn't about to leave her brooding in her room all day.

" Mommy has to run a few errands. Would you like to keep me company ? "

" I can't go anywhere, dressed like this ! " I screamed, pointing at my diaper as I stood up.

" I totally agree with you, Maddie ! Big Girls need to wear pants or dresses over their diapers, when they leave the house !" I barked right back at her !

My youngest was feeling sorry for herself and I wasn't going to put up with it. She was just starting to get some fire in her, and I didn't want that flame to go out.

" So why don't you explain your concerns to me, honey "

" I'm fifteen years old and I'm wearing a stupid diaper ! " I screamed. It was embarrassing for me to admit to something, that was so clearly obvious.

" That's true, sweetie. Would you feel better walking around in wet pants, or leaving puddles everywhere you go ? "

" Listen to me. You are just one of millions of people who suffer from wetting issues, and you need to learn how to deal with that little problem, responsibly. "

" People are so absorbed in their own lives and issues, that they can't be bothered with other people's problems. You might happen to notice a diaper bulge on someone, but that's only because you're now aware of that. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't confront them on it because that would raise questions about your own experience, wearing diapers. Honey, my point here is simple. NO ONE CARES. People who need to wear diapers can lead active lives too, so don't think for a second, that I'm going to let you wither away in your room."

"Why don't we go through your closet and see if you have anything that will hide your little diaper ! Are you up to that ? "

I told mom that I was. I have a bad habit of throwing these little pity parties when I get frustrated. Thankfully, mommy is always there to shut them down ! It took a good hour before we finally settled on an outfit. It was a denim bibbed jumper that she paired with a longer short sleeve shirt. The longer shirt made sure that my diaper wouldn't be visable at the lower cut sides of the jumper. Now that I had one outfit that I was comfortable with, mom promised that we would go shopping for more clothes at a later date. I was told that if I got bored over the next few days, I could sort through my clothes and organize them by fit. Basically, which outfit for each level of protection I need at that time. Diapers for now and Training pants later. Any clothes that I have outgrown, would be donated to a charity.

With the clothing out of the way for now, I was asked about any other concerns. I really didn't have any, as far as at home, but now that mom is preparing me for trips away from home, my biggest fear is messy diapers. Mom explained to me that I didn't need to worry about that. I was expected to use my diapers for messes at home and those occasions were always deliberate. I had excellent bowel control, so if I could get that taken care of in the morning, I shouldn't have to worry for the rest of the day. Mom found other natural ways to insure that I could get that overwith by mid morning, but we both knew that a strong coffee at breakfast, would usually help to speed the process along.

Since it was still rather early in the day, mom decided to put the errands aside for now. She told me that it was a perfect day for us to go for a walk around the neighborhood. I was excited. I was now confident in my clothing, and myself, for the moment. This would be a perfect warm-up to our afternoon shopping adventure. Mom made us both a strong coffee and we decided on a route. I googled our neighborhood and we planned out a one mile hike. We have done a mile quite often in the past, but I could never keep track of our times, since Mom was always stopping to talk to everyone ! Even today, she stopped to chat with a few people along the way and just like mom said, aside from exchanging small talk, not one person stared at my bottom. We had just reached the halfway point when I felt a trickle in my diaper. I told mom and she noted the time. I wasn't worried, my diaper was in good shape when we left. I knew there would be more dribbles before we got home, since the coffee was catching up with me. Mom seemed nervous when she told me that her coffee was doing the same. I couldn't help laughing when I realized, that I wasn't the one panicking, now ! The moment we saw our street sign I saw the relief on my mother's face. There was still a few hundred yards to go. I noticed a fullness in my tummy and knew right away that the strong coffee was responsible, just like the other day. This was great news to me. I now had the ability to get my messy diaper, overwith in the morning, from now on. Mom had to struggle with the key, to get the door unlocked. When the door was finely opened, I calmly walked in, hiked up my jumper and openly squatted in the middle of the room. I couldn't help giggling when I heard mom cussing, because she couldn't get the key out. Giving up on the situation, mom just left the door open as she flew past me. I'm sure that her focus was on getting to the bathroom in time, not on me squatting in the middle of the room, without a care in the world! With my 'business' now, out of the way, I managed to get the key out, and close the door. Mom was just comming out of the bathroom, when I handed her the key.

" I'm guessing my little girl needs clean 'undies' ? " mommy asked.

" Uh-huh " I Smiled.

" Did Mommy ? " We both Laughed !

We had a small snack while we talked about our little walk this morning. Mom was happy to learn that I was quite comfortable venturing out in public, despite wearing a diaper under my jumper. I knew that my clothes would keep my secret, and that Mom was ready to help me, should any situations come up. I helped mom by doing the dishes, wiping down the table, and sweeping the floor, while she prepared a shopping list.

" Let me see if we need anything, as far as your diapering supplies. " Mom said as we headed to my room.

Fortunately, I did have plenty of diapers left. I couldn't imagine standing next to my mother in a checkout line, while she purchased diapers that were blatantly marked, For Teens. It was rather quiet when we arrived at the store, and mom reminded me to just handle myself like I did on the walk this morning. We did encounter more people in the store than we did on the walk earlier, but just like mom told me, people are preoccupied with their own lives. Mom got her shopping out of the way first, before heading towards the baby department. The wipes, powder, rash ointment, and disposable bags, that were added to our shopping cart, could very well have been for a child. I was discreetly asked to choose a few pacis that I liked. When she caught me staring at the baby bottles, I couldn't help smiling as she told me to grab two of those as well. Mom saw that I was happy as I added the items to our cart. She knew that these trappings of my childhood were important to me for now, as I struggled with my past, hoping to eventually move on in life. Now that my personal supplies were taken care of, Mom suggested we check out a few places for a couple of outfits to hold me over until I could thoroughly sort through my closet. Diapers or not, I wasn't about to pass on this offer ! I was amazed by how well I was handling everything today. This morning's outing really helped my confidence to soar. Even now in busier stores, I felt comfortable. We talked to a store clerk, who asked for my size, and what type of clothing I would be looking for. Mom just stood there and let me speak for myself. When the saleswoman returned with a few outfits that she selected, I knew that I would have trouble deciding. Mom asked the lady if I could try them on, and she directed us to the changing rooms. Thankfully, mom followed me in. I was at ease when I saw that the room had a door and not a curtain, and that the door could be locked from the inside. Mom helped me out of my clothes and quickly checked my diaper, which only had a tiny damp spot. Mom wanted to make this easier for me so I just let her dress me. After seeing each of them in the mirror, it was impossible for me to decide on one. Mom agreed to buy both outfits, if I would be willing to take on a few more chores around the house. The hug that I gave her, sealed the deal. To Mom, it wasn't about the money. Today I had taken a big step forward and pushed my limits. Mom knew that I would be willing to do more activities away from home, with either her, or my sister, now that I had abandoned my self imposed isolation. Mom and Erin helped me to see all the wonderful opportunities I would have missed out on, if I continued to hide from life.

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