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French Whines...


French Whines…

By: CS Fox


In The Devil’s Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce once said “Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.”


My week had been a solid week of great wine. I was on a trip which departed from Paris, where I was starting a new semester next week. My first semester abroad. Everyone I knew told me that to really enjoy France, you need to get out of the metropolitan areas and see the countryside. So that’s the first thing I did. I booked a bus tour that went for five days out into France’s vast backyard… looking for the best wines.


“Visitez de nombreux domaines viticoles,” the flyer boasted. Translated through my tourist dictionary it meant to see the vineyards and wineries of France. I’m absolute rubbish with the language myself, but that was my reason for this trip, to study French in France. Where better to learn it, right? So that’s where I found myself now. Comfortably seated on a tour bus, languidly staring out the window to the bumpy hills covered with grapes like patchwork quilts.


Every day was a little slice of paradise. We’d leave from a small Inn early in the morning and drive on to another just like it in some other quaint little town. Once you were there, you could walk about the old cobblestone streets and eat at splendid little sidewalk cafés, or make your way to the vineyards.


I was fortunate that our guide and most of the other tourists spoke French. This far out of the metro areas and nobody spoke any English, so I felt alienated quite quickly (not that I didn’t stand out in my khaki’s with a clunky camera hanging around my neck). I was also lucky that the majority of my tour group was about the same age as me. You see, my name is Andy and I’m 22 and going on my first semester abroad as a senior in college. To save up for this adventure, it took me the better part of a year, but as things have gone, it’s been worth every penny.


“Attencion,” the tour guide said in her accented English. “We’re almost to Colgneune. If you please, on our right is the Le Febure Viticoles, known for her antique wines. It’s rumored that there are bottles there aged and stored for more than two centuries!”


The mixed tourists ooh’ed and ahh’ed at the small brick house on the hill of which she spoke. I looked at it curiously, nestled above thousands of grape vines. Perhaps I could find a few nice bottles to send home and have laid down for a few years at my mom’s? “Certainly worth a look,” I said pleasantly with a smile.


The bus arrived at our Inn. It was a nice large house with two dozen rooms, all booked for those of us on the bus. We got off, checked in, put our bags in our rooms and headed out for more sightseeing.


As with most of the things this week, I took my time. I had made friends with a few of the guys and gals on the trip, and I walked with them checking out little shops, sampling the food, and just having a good time. One of the girl’s was fluent in French, so she handled the blunt load of translating for us.


At one end of the town was a nice cathedral. It was really something to look at, must have been around since the medieval days. Next to it was a small catholic school, classes in session by the look of it.


As the day wound down, and the sun began to hang, I told my friends that I still wanted to go to that Le Febure Viticoles and check out the wines. Most of the group, having been to vineyards every day for the past four days weren’t as excited to trek back down the road to get outside town to where it was. So, I parted with them, taking my pocket book of helpful phrases and starting off to the vineyard.


About two miles down the road, I found myself walking up to the nice little stone house. Green ivy and vines had helped color its bottom half green, where the sun had baked the upper half from red to a brown. It still had its rustic charm though as I went into the open-air barn where a few men were bottling wine.


“Afternoon,” I said politely as I walked up. I felt sure it was pretty obvious I was a tourist. I had on my camera and a hiking backpack; I even had on my boonie hat which as I’d found out two days ago, was like screaming “I’m American! See! Complete lack of style!” But eh… so what. Give me functionality over style any day.


“Bonsoir monsieur,” replied a burly looking worker. He wiped his hands of blue-red juice and offered a handshake. I shook his hand and thumbed through my booklet for some phrases I’d dog eared on the walk here.


“Excusez-moi, je ne parle pas francais... Um… J' ai besoin... d' aide pour choisir un bon vin.” Which if I played my cards right, should have said “Sorry, don’t speak French, but I’d like some help finding a good wine.” I said it and did my noble best to keep from offending them by my horrible use of their language. Somehow I felt that my stuttering vowels must have been like a rake on a chalkboard.


The man shook my hand again and then barked at another worker who took his spot at bottling. He motioned for me to follow and he led the way into a nice cool cellar. He was speaking a mile a minute, all of it in French of course, so I didn’t understand a word, except when he occasionally said “vin” which is wine. He gestured grandly at pictures hung on the wall. They were all the same picture really, but with a little variety of the person. The first was a man, then a man and his son; then that son a little older standing with a son of his, and so on and so fourth, all the way down the stairs. If I were to judge the generations of this family, by the number of pictures, I’d say this guy had wine in his veins since before America was recognized as a free land.


“Everything down here is wonderful! Best stuff in the country! Some of it is two centuries old! Beats the hell out of that grape juice in your California! Been making it over ten generations now, ever since my great great great blah blah blah” (you get the idea).


The cellar was just long rows of wine. Racks upon racks of wine. As I’d come to understand from reading, you couldn’t drink some yet. The better wines were set after they were bottled and would lay undisturbed for the better part of a few years depending on the wine. The only movement that came to them was when the bottle was turned every now and then to prevent sediment, or something of that sort.


He led me along some of the middle racks, pointing and blabbering about the dust covered bottles as if they were liquid versions of the Mona Lisa. One thing about the men who made wine in France, they took serious pride in their goods. He took out a bottle and handed it to me. It had a small picture of the vineyard on the front, and a label with the year 1967. I smiled as I looked at the bottle.


“Combien? (How much?)” I asked.


“140 euros.”


140 euros was close to $180 on my conversion chart. I looked at the bottle again. It was an awful lot for just one bottle. I decided against it and waved it off. The man shrugged and led me on to another few bottles, each progressively lower in prince, but not by much. Age demands high price as you might guess.


The man was starting to get aggravated by my waving off every bottle he handed me. We were down to 80 euro bottles, which was just above $100. It was still too much for me. I apologized the best I could and decided I’d better leave. The man took it like a slap in the face. He seemed like I might as well ask him for bottles of coca-cola instead.


He stormed off and left me standing in the laberynth of wine. I shrugged and started to pick my way back to the stairs before he found me again. He thrust another bottle at me, not saying a word. I took it and examined the cover. It read 1832.


“Holy jesus…” I sputtered. “How much? er.. Combien?”


“20 euros.”


I looked at him like he was mad. 20 euros? This couldn’t be real wine then. He probably poured antifreeze and ketchup in a bottle to sell off to the dumb American. I raised an eyebrow at him and repeated it. “20 euros?”


The man nodded and pointed to the date. I nodded back. “I see the date, that’s why I’m questioning you. How can you sell a bottle like this for 20 euros? This should be an heirloom for your daughter’s marriage or something,” I said accidentally reverting to English.


The man looked at me confused and just repeated 20 euros. I shrugged. He had shown me around his stock and I’d declined everything thus far, maybe he was doing me a good turn?


“Can I try a sip?” I asked. He stared blankly. I made a little motion with my hand and the bottle like I wanted to try a drop. He shook his head no and extended his hand for money. Since he’d been nice to me, and I wanted to at least have something, I gave him 20 euros, which he accepted with no happiness and led me back upstairs. I figured I could at least show the bottle to my companions and maybe get them to taste it before me should it be poisonous.


I left down the road once again for the Inn. The sun was going down now and I figured it’d be a good idea to meet with everyone before nightfall.


As I was walking, a funny thing happened. The bottle, which I had stored in my backpack, began to make a weird sloshing sound. I stopped for a second and took off my backpack and realized the damn cork had fallen out. There was wine all in my backpack.


“Oh great, wine from the civil war era… and its all over everything. Let’s see, ruined my phrase book, ruined my travel papers, oh my journal too. And look, passport. Least its mostly laminated.” I said a little less then happy. Stupid wine, this was that guy’s payback. I sat and took inventory of the bag. 85% of the things in it were virtually ruined, or at least soggy enough that even after they were aired out, they’d be all purple and crinkly. I took out the offending bottle, it was about half empty. I stuck it on the road while I finished cleaning out my pack.


“I need to f***ing drink now,” I said aloud as I crumpled up some of my journal notes where the ink had bled with the wine. All the days previous to this were now a blue smear on paper. I grabbed the bottle and gave it a good sniff. For being older then Michigan (home state) it sure smelt pretty good. I poured out a drop on my tongue. It tasted like pure grape flavored heaven. Maybe I really had bought an heirloom? I sniffed again and licked another drop. Whatever it was, it didn’t taste bitter like I suspected poison might, and it still had that alcohol feel, so I knew that if I drank enough of it, it might actually do what wine should.


I upended the bottle and gulped down the last two mouthfuls left in the bottle. It was like letting pure ambrosia pour down your throat. It was so good, that if it was poison, I might as well have let it kill me because I’d never find a sweeter beverage after that.


I threw the bottle in the grass, and piled all my stuff into a stack of books and papers. I left my backpack unzipped and started back down the road with the papers bundled in my arms. The sun was down now, and the sky had changed from purple to a slowly shadowing blue. On the back roads like these, there weren’t any street lights, so I was going to have a little difficulty with my walk, but luckily it wouldn’t be that far.


I kept walking until the road started to move. I stood still for a minute, but the road was still moving. It was wobbling left and right, the way a fish would swim upstream. “That’s… not right,” I said to myself, running my hand through my hair, knocking off my boonie cap and dropping my books. My hand felt weird too. “Am I drunk?” I said staring at my hand, it was looking a little fuzzy, and when I moved it, twelve copies of it moved a frame too slow.


I took a few steps forward, but if anything, the road wasn’t wobbling any more, it was slithering. I was close to the town, I could make it, just a little further. Suddenly, I was moving forward without telling myself too. I was falling. I hit the pavement at an angle, shoulder out. I rolled over somehow into a ditch alongside the road… face in the grass. Darkness took me.


I felt cold… and wet. Wet like a flower covered with dew in the morning. My head felt like it had been donated to a train wreck, than returned to me. I tried to move, but commands from my brain failed my body. Someone was talking in French to me. It was a soft voice, somehow full of compassion. At the same time, it sounded worried. It sounded panicked.


“My god, she’s alive! I must get her inside… who could have left her in a ditch like this?”


Weightlessness… I was being carried. There was an arm around my back, and another under my knees. It felt like every part of me was made of solid lead. I tried to speak but all that got out was little bits of wind past my lips.


“Don’t worry child… I’ll find out whatever has been done to you…” Angélique could see the young girl trying to move her lips and caught a slight odor. “Are… are you drunk?” She kept rushing to her house. No doubt about it, the girl’s breath smelt of vin. Her clothes were also wrong too, making her seem even more slovenly. They looked like an adults’, but this girl couldn’t be past her teens.


I was inside now. I’m not sure where, but the arms that had carried me had brought me out of the cold. I felt my head and torso hit linen, and a few moments later, I felt my legs and arms, but it seemed they were on a time delay.


“Looks like the poor thing has wet herself… What an awful awful state… to be blitheringly drunk and to have fallen in a ditch in a complete state of utter miss-dress.” Angélique started to undress the girl and ran to get a cold cloth.


The darkness crept from the corners of my eyes once again. It was taking over the already blurred shadows of the room. Soon, things faded out.


Angélique tended to the girl well into the night. The poor thing was running a fever now but at least she was in fresh clothes. She’d dressed her in a night shirt, although meant for someone Angélique’s size, it was at least better then the saturated stuff she’d been wearing before. Still this girl was an oddity. As the school teacher, Angélique knew every teen this child’s age in Colgneune. Was this girl a young runaway from another town? A little runaway with a drinking problem?


The pounding in my head woke me before the sun did. I groggily brought my hand up to paw at my forehead. At the same moment I attempted to open my eyes, but regretted it when I was met with bright golden light. I groaned and covered my eyes till the throbbing stopped.


I slowly opened my eyes once more and let them adjust to the room. It was a modest house, with wood floors and hazelnut colored furniture. There were fresh flowers about and a general clean order to the place. I did my best to remember how I’d gotten here.


I started to roll out of bed, but came upon a shock. Looking down at the blanket, I saw a large wet patch. It looked like someone had spilt a large glass of water on my lower half. I lifted up the blanket and found white sheets the same way, only… the patch was a little more yellow… then it hit me. It wasn’t water. My eyes popped open and a gasp escaped my lips. I threw off the sheets next and found a girly nightshirt in the same state.


“What in the name…” I stared down at my lower half… It was… it was wet. Had… Had I wet the bed? My eyes wandered a little farther, and I noticed something else out of place. My legs didn’t seem long enough. Not only that, they weren’t covered with short hair like they were supposed to be.


I brought my hands to my face. My head was throbbing again, and it wasn’t going to get better. I could feel I didn’t have my normal stubble, my face was smooth, more then smooth. I kept feeling on up, till I reached my hair. I didn’t have my spikey short hair, I had long silk hair. My hand kept tracing it all the way out till I could hold a long straw-colored strand of it before my eyes.


I burst from the bed, tripping, hitting a dresser, bumping the door upon, basically flying like a blind bat out of hell. I saw a bathroom at the end of the hall and made for it. Inside I looked up into a mirror, it was a little high on me.


Starring back at me was not a 22-year-old, no, staring back was a blonde haired young girl. I pulled the hair out of my face and stared at the gaped mouth reflection. It… was a mean trick… I leaned in turning my head, the reflection did the same. I turned the other way, staring as deep into those unfamiliar green eyes as I could. Who are you… I was grasping… hoping…. needing to find me; because I certainly wasn’t here now.


I let out a scream. The type of scream you’d see in a movie. Tears came to my eyes as I backed away from the mirror.


“What’s happening to me!” I yelled in a foreign, girlish voice. I heard a startled response in another room down the hall. A young woman came out running to me.


“Are you okay?! Oh no, I shouldn’t have left you alone like this in a strange house…”


She was trying to console me in French, but I couldn’t understand a word of it. She had long brown hair, and a pretty face, but it didn’t penetrate my extreme state of shock. She tried to hug me close but I backed away. Her eyes looked at me worriedly.


“You… oh poor thing… looks like you wet yourself again… just how much wine did you drink last night?”


We stood in a stand off. Tears kept coming, she kept staring. Eventually my well had dried up and I was standing still with a heavy tearful, yet dry shivering. The woman put her hand on my shoulder and did her best to look concerned.


“What… what happened to me? What did you do to me?” I choked out. The woman looked at me strangely.


“You’re… you’re American? Maybe that explains the drinking. Do you speak French? I can’t speak English.”


I heard “parlez-vous français?” somewhere in her speech. I knew that phrase. I answered “no parlez-vous français…”


The woman nodded and took my hand. She walked us back to the room I’d been in and let go of my hand. She stripped the bed of sheets and the blanket and put them in a basket in the hall. She came back and pulled the nightshirt off me. I shrieked in surprise, although I shouldn’t have been. I was… well equipped as a girl. I couldn’t really tell what age because I didn’t know developmental stages of girls, but I could see I was somewhere in the middle of it.


The lady came back in with another night shirt and a fresh pair of panties. She handed them to me as I blushed and ran back off the bathroom. I don’t know why I did… I think it was because… I needed to cry again. Which I did.


There was a knock at the door. I opened it while drying my eyes with my balled hand.


“Poor thing. Whatever you went through last night, looks like you had a hard time of it. Would you like some breakfast?”


“I… I don’t understand you.”


The woman looked a little pressed. She realized a little fuller that communication between us would be difficult.


“Venez avec moi (come with me),” the lady said. She grabbed my hand even though I still didn’t understand what she wanted.


We went downstairs into a nice kitchen. The place was a little small and over crowded with books. The living room, den, kitchen, library and study seemed to occupy the main floor of the house as a single room. The lady led me over to a table and had me sit down, while she went to a fridge.


“I guess it won’t really do much good to ask you what happened last night since you can’t speak French huh?” she looked for an answer.


French gibberish, I stared at her blankly.


“Thought as much… well,” Angélique pointed to herself, “I’m Angélique.”


The pointing and the phrase “Je suis,” coupled with the name Angélique was fairly self-explanatory. Her name was Angélique. I pointed to myself. “Je suis Anthony.”


“Anthony? Anthony is a boy’s name. No, tell me your real name.”


Angélique didn’t look satisfied with my answer, in fact she was shaking her head. I realized my name didn’t really match my new gender. I shrugged and tried to think of something French. The only thing that came to mind was that stupid song.


“Je suis Alouette,” I said.


“Alouette? Oh how cute, named after a bird! That does suit you well you little drinker. You gave me a hell of a scare last night.”


I think Angélique somehow thought that if she talked at me long enough, a light switch for the French language would just flip on and I’d be able to talk to her just like any one else of her countrymen… er… women as the case may be.


Angélique made me some buttered toast and orange juice. She made herself some after she’d set a plate down before me. I was famished so I tore at it like a jackal on the Serengeti.


“Good god, I’d heard American’s were snobbish, but never little animals.”


Her eyes staring at me in mild shock told me that I should probably eat the food a little slower. I slowed down and she started too eat too. I took a moment to think my situation over. Somehow I wasn’t in my own body anymore, that or my body had been transformed into a young girl. My company led me to believe I was still in France


“Oh crap! My bus! They leave in the morning!” I looked outside. It was morning now. They’d be looking for me, my friends would be wondering where I was last night.


“What’s wrong?”


I jumped up from the table and made a bee line for the door. I felt a hand grab at my nightshirt.


“You can’t go out like that! You’re just in a nightshirt. It’s not proper! I can’t in good conscience let you run out and get another bottle of wine.”


“Let me go! I have to get to my friends… I have to get to English speakers so I can straighten this nightmare out!!!”






French Whines… Deux

By: CS Fox



“Let me go!” I yelled at Angélique.


“Calm down, calm down. I think your still hung-over Alouette.”


“Why won’t you let go of me?”


For a brief moment I think she understood me. She forced me back into the chair and tugged at my shirt, as if to show it to me. I looked at it, then at her, then at myself. Maybe my original thoughts that she was trying to keep me in captivity were wrong? Looking at myself a little more, I realized she was trying to keep me in for modesty sake; I was only in a t-shirt and panties after all.


A loud knock stemmed from the front door. It made the two of us jump a little. Angélique crossed the room and opened the door. I was at an angle so that I couldn’t see who was there, but I got up and leaned over to see whoever was there.


“Bonjour Angélique,” said a round short man. He was a jolly sort of pudgy and had a ridiculous handle bar mustache. He also looked to be a policeman of sorts.


“Bonjour Monsieur Badeau.”


“Have you by chance seen a young American man? His name is Andy and he was here in town with a tour group before he went missing last night.”


“An American? No, can’t say I’ve seen an American Man… but strangest coincidence, I did find this young girl… Apparently she’s American.”


I heard the name Andy and immediately perked up. This officer was looking for me. When Angélique said something back to him, they both turned to me. I didn’t know what to say, I sort of froze and waited for them to make a connection. I know I’d told Angélique what my real name was, and maybe she’d pick up on the way I’d said it first.


“Is this the American girl?” Monsieur Badeau asked.


“That’s her. Was lying in the ditch by the back road out of town.”


“Hmmm, she’s not from the tour group then. They’re group is all college age so she’s not old enough. Wonder where she came from?”


“Why don’t you ask her? She apparently doesn’t speak a word of French.”


“Well my English isn’t great, but I’ll give it a shot.”


The man stepped up to me. He smelt kind of like cloves and didn’t look very clean kept. His uniform said “Police,” and had little bright yellow patches and stuff on it. He leaned down to me the way Santa might if he had to ask what you wanted while standing up.


“Where from you?”


I think he wanted to know where I was from. My mind suddenly grasped the idea he might know a little English.


“I’m Anthony! I was in the tourgroup! Help me! I’ve been hit with medieval witchcraft or something! I swear I was a guy yesterday!” I was talking so fast I was panting. Angélique looked at me a little surprised at my outburst. The officer did too.


“What… did she say?


“Is this girl right in the head? She said that she was the man I’m looking for? She said her name’s Anthony?”


“Hmm… she did say that name to me earlier... But… I really must tell you, she was really drunk last night. I picked her up and she was just a mess. Still kind of is this morning.”


The officer looked at me again.


“Please no lie mademoiselle. We missing a man, not a girl.”


“I’m not lying! I’m Anthony!”


“She says she’s Anthony.”


“Her name’s Alouette, I have no idea why she keeps saying that.”


“She may know what happened to the young man though. You said she’d mentioned his name earlier?”


“Yes, before you came in when we were having breakfast.”


“How else could she have known it?”


“Maybe she met the young man? What time did he go missing?”


“He just never came back last night. His friends last saw him around 6pm in the afternoon.”


“I picked this girl up around 8pm. She had been drinking really heavily. From the state she was in, I’d say she had probably been drinking long before 8. Maybe she met him in her stupor?”


“Well, if you could, keep her here and get her to sober up. Maybe she can help us find this young man. For now, I don’t think she’s going to be any help to us.”


“I’ll see to it that she cleans up a bit.”


“Try to keep her here. If she knows something, or worse, if she was involved in his disappearance, we’ll need her for questioning.”


“Oui Monsieur Badeau, I understand.”


The officer tipped his hat to Angélique and looked at me one more time.


“Don’t go!! I’m Anthony!” I said jumping out at him. Angélique caught me by the shoulder and kept me in. The man looked at me like I was a threat for a moment, then shook his head like he felt pitty for me.


“Take care of this poor girl, she’s still not right.”


And with whatever French he spewed, he left and Angélique shut the door behind him. I felt like my ship had just left harbor and I was standing on the dock. How could he not believe me? I struggled to get Angélique’s hand off my shoulder and get out the door after him.


Her hand clamped down, and I felt tears come to my eyes again as I started yelling once more “Let me go! I’m Anthony! I’ll miss the bus!” I was trying to push my feet forward, but Angélique brought her other arm around my waist. My tears came heavier now and I still tried to yell it. I don’t know why I was crying. I think it was because I was suddenly helpless, and the voice that was yelling was not mine. It was the voice of a young girl, and my mind didn’t want to accept the fact that I was the speaker of it.


“You’re not well Alouette, please stop yelling that foolishness.”


My body gave up its fight, and I surrendered to my tears and a hug from Angélique. I softly hit her shoulder, just repeating “I’m Anthony… I’m Anthony…” But even my mind was registering how ridiculous it sounded in my feminine voice. Her hand patted my back, and the other gently stroked the back of my head. The tears eventually stopped coming and I just let my head lean against her shoulder. She pushed me back a little and looked into my eyes.


“Certainly do cry a lot, no? Poor girl…”


I looked away and stared at the floor. Angélique sighed and took my hand, leading me back upstairs.


“Take a long bath, it will clean you up a little better and help you sober up. I’ll figure out what to do with you afterward.”


Angélique brought me to the bathroom and started the running water in the old style porcelain tub. I just stood like a zombie. Whatever spirit had been in me to run before was gone now with that good cry. Angélique left to a closet in the hall and came back with some towels. By now the tub was full of hot water. She put the folded pile of towels on the floor.


“Just come get me when you’re done.”

I looked at her blankly once more, still no idea what she was saying. She pointed at the water, then pointed at me, then the towels, then herself. She left the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I stood for another moment not really sure what I felt like doing, but in the end I took off the night shirt and panties and gingerly got into the tub. After having pissed myself last night, I really wanted to take a bath anyways… and maybe it would help rid me of this horrible headache.


I found a new problem with the bath though. Like everything else I’d done this morning, it felt like I was doing it with a stranger, or doing it for the first time. This body was absolutely foreign to me. It was weak where it should have been strong, it was soft where it should have been rough. It was every which way it shouldn’t have been.


The remnants of man in me, was even curious to explore this new body, but at the same time repulsed by the idea. As stupid as it sounds, my new body was only like 14 or 15… and it just felt… well it felt wrong. Just flat wrong. I washed those parts of me in the same way someone did a chore they hated doing; quickly and with as little enthusiasm as possible.


Afterwards I just laid in the tub. I was wishing this was all a dream. Some bad dream where I was liable to wake up any minute… but I knew it wasn’t a dream. It was too real, I’d felt Angélique’s hand on my shoulder earlier, I felt the hot water around me now… It couldn’t be fake. What’s worse, was the officer’s affirmation that Anthony…er.. I.. was missing. So it wasn’t like I just up and disappeared, my body was turned into this one.


Eventually I got out of the tub and pulled the plug. I dried myself off with a towel and wrapped it around my body. I wasn’t really sure what to do with my hair. It went a little ways past my shoulders and I’d never had so much hair in my life. I was used to just running my hand through it like five times and poof, it was dry. Not sure what to do now, I tried to dry it off with another towel, and that worked somewhat, but didn’t get me too far.


I opened the door to the hallway and Angélique poked her head out of the room I’d been in down the hall when I woke up this morning. She was changing the linens. It made me blush a little because I knew why she needed to do it. I trudged slowly down the hall to her, holding my towel up.


“All clean?”


“Blah blah blah to you too.”


Angélique rolled her eyes. She may not have gotten the words, but she got the tone. She plucked the towel from me. I quickly covered myself with my hands as she went and got some clothes from another room.


Now I felt thoroughly stupid standing naked. Angélique came back in the room with some clothes, girls clothes of course. Rather then be naked I took them. I slipped on another pair of panties, slightly big on me of course. Then a t-shirt, also slightly big, and a pair of pants. The pants were corduroy jeans, and lavender purple. For some reason they seemed to fit fairly well on me. I tucked in my shirt, but being as big as it was, it still bagged over the edge of my pants.


I caught a look at myself in the mirror, or rather I caught a look at Alouette in the mirror, because as far as I was concerned, that girl wasn’t me, it was just my temporary insanity. Still I looked at the girl and she looked ridiculous, just like a girl who’d borrowed her big sister’s clothes.


A phone started to ring. Angélique left me standing and admiring the mirror, while she went downstairs to answer it.


“Oh Monsieur Badeau…? Oui, I can have her to the station. Sure, be right there.”


Angélique came back into the room and took my hand once more.


“We’re going to the police station.”


She said something Police, so I cheered up, thinking that maybe my ship hadn’t left yet. Angélique led me out her front door by her hand again. I felt a little uncomfortable being pulled along like a child with her hand. I tried to tug away, but she increased her grip. She didn’t want me running off or even walking on my own I guess.


Apparently Angélique lived in a little home just inside the borders of town. It was a nice white brick house. Somewhere half-way up its face they had tried to do some type of siding, but didn’t finish the job on the lower half. At least the entire thing was white, with a black shingle roof.


We walked up the winding roads that led to the center of town. The place was built on a generally sloping hill, so that if you wanted to get to the center of town, you were walking up hill no matter which direction you came of.


As we neared the top of the street, I could see Le Febure outside of town. My mind shot back to the wine and I realized that maybe it had a part to play in my new body.


“That’s the place!! That damn ancient wine may have messed me up!” I said pointing at it with my free hand. Angélique tugged me a little rudely.


“Yes that’s the vineyards… I think you drank enough vin last night though. Try to keep away from it for a while, your too young to drink that much anyways.”


I think she didn’t like me and the idea of a winery. I didn’t point at it any more, but I kept my eye on it as we continued up the hill.


We came to a police station. It looked more like a barber shop in a row of townhouses. We both walked up the front steps and went into the small office.


“Bonjour Angélique,” said an officer behind the main counter. He smiled and then looked at me suspiciously. “Inspector Badeau will be right with you. Go ahead and head to his office. Oh and Angélique?”


“Oui Monsieur Rousseau?”


“How’s my Sophie doing in school?”


“Needs work on her mathematics, but otherwise, one of my top.”


The officer smiled at their exchange of words and waved us to an office in the back. We walked back and found the man who had come by Angélique’s house earlier. There was also another man next to him, a taller man who seemed a little older, and getting that horseshoe baldness going.


“That boy was located. They found him this morning at the hotel, after having scared all his friends half to death. Apparently he drank a little too much last night and passed out in the wrong room at the hotel.”


“Is he still around? I want to give him a piece of my mind, I bet he got this poor girl drunk!”


“No, he left already. Their tour group was already really behind in their schedule… Why, did the girl say that the boy did anything to her?”


The three looked at me. They had talked a little bit and stared at me as if I had an answer to a question never asked. The tall man spoke up in very good English.


“My name is Inspector Vachel Facet. How are you feeling?”


The sound of my language spoken so well almost made me want to hug the man.


“My head hurts, but otherwise fine.”


“That’s good… Now, last night. Did Anthony… do anything to you?”


“Do anything to me? What are you talking about? I am Anthony!”


The tall man translated my statement and the three of them looked at each other hesitantly.  Inspector Bedeau spoke up.


“I questioned Anthony before he left this morning. He said he didn’t see a girl last night, and Javier said he’d sold wine to the boy, but that when he was at Le Febre he was alone. Fact is, no one in town has seen an American girl of this age and she wasn’t part of that tour group,”


“Where is she from then? A girl this old doesn’t just walk out this far into the country on her own? You think maybe she took a train?” asked Inspector Facet.


They’re eyes were on me again. Questioning me, I realized every time I said my name was Anthony, I didn’t look very sane.


“I um… Why what happened that would make you think. Something… happened to me?” I asked. I was trying to get information, without backing down and saying I wasn’t Anthony.


“Monsieur Anthony left on the bus a half hour ago. We just wanted to make sure that you were all right so that we didn’t have to get the bus back here.”


My heart dropped and my stomach flipped. “I… left? But but, how can that be?” I felt my knees get weak, and I started to topple. Angélique caught me before I completely hit the ground.


“I don’t think she’s well, she’s been like this all day,” Angélique said. Inspector Facet plowed on.


“Where are you from Alouette?”


I let the name thing go, but still took a few deep breaths before answering. “Lansing, Michigan.”


“What are you doing in France?”


“Here to study.”


“How old are you?”




That answer didn’t bode well. He explained to Angélique and Inspector Bedeau. They all looked at me like I’d told a bad joke.


“How old are you really?”


“What do you mean how old am I really? I’m 22.”


“Okay, you’re very close to being rated clinically insane. You are not 22, you are not a boy named Anthony. Do you want a mirror to confirm these facts?”


The word insane carried weight with it. I realized where this might go. I also realized how I must look telling them the things I was with the body I was in. I sulked my head. Time to make a story…


“Okay fine, my name is Alouette. I’m from Michigan, 15-years-old, and just woke up thinking it’d be fun to try and pull a joke on all of you.” I tacked on as much sarcasm as I could. Once again he translated and this time they looked a little relieved, but also a little more unhappy.


“Where is your family?”


“No family.”


“So you’re an orphan?”


“Sure, why not.”


“This is serious Alouette. You do realize you’re on your own right? There’s no one checked into any of these hotels that we haven’t already talked to today. There’s no other American that could plausibly be from your family.”


“Looks like I’m up sh*ts creek huh?”


I could tell he was getting a little impatient with me, but somehow I didn’t care. They didn’t want to believe the truth, so why not just be an ass in spite?


“Be serious. What the hell are you going to do?”


“Run away and join the circus.”


He looked about ready to slap cuffs on me. He turned to Angélique.


“Did you find any identification, any money, anything about this girl when you picked her up?”


“I don’t think she was wearing her own clothes. Her clothes were kind of big and didn’t have anything in the pockets.”


“You said she was drunk too, right?”




I was really starting to dislike my inability with the French language, it was like I was not part of the conversation that probably controlled a very important part of my immediate future. The three of them turned to me once more after they had conferred with each other.


“Where did you get wine last night?” Inspector Facet asked me.


“Le Febre.”


“Liar, I talked to Javier this morning. He said he only sold to Anthony, and more specifically that you weren’t with Anthony.”


“No, he sold wine to me, I can swear my life on that.”


“Javier is godfather to my son. He was in my grammar school with me. His word is bond.”


“Look, that’s where I got my wine. I’ve got a wicked headache now… Okay? No one is going to come for me, my bus left this morning, what do you want from me?”


“I don’t know what to do with this snobbish little American. She’s probably some sort of gypsy liar. Just roaming around saying whatever she can to cause trouble.”


“Should I deport her to a juvenile center in Paris?” Inspector Bedeau asked.


Angélique interjected. “No! She didn’t really do anything wrong. Think about it, she’s had a rougher time of it then you think. She’s got no one for her, and she was reduced to lies like these, don’t you feel as sorry for her as I do?”


“Perhaps you’re right, but what are we going to do with her?”


There was silence for a moment and I got a little uncomfortable. I think they thought I was absolutely crazy. To a point I didn’t blame them. I felt I should act quick.


“I uh… have amnesia. It happens… after having wine...”


Inspector Facet explained again, the other two looked a little more concerned now. They looked at me like this crude story was much more digestible then me being a 22-year-old male.


Suddenly… I felt something bad. My lavender corduroys began to get a little clammy. Angélique looked on at me and her eyes bulged a little. I looked down and found a growing wet spot spread forth from my crotch. The two inspectors looked on and made a face like “ah, just as I thought.”


“She’s… well that’s the third time since I picked her up that she’s done that.”


Inspector Bedeau shook his head. “Poor girl… poor sick girl.”


“Would it be okay if I just took her to live with me for a little while?”


“I think that might be best,” commented Inspector Bedeau.


My eyes started to water as I suddenly felt like shrinking behind Angélique.


“Something tells me she’s been through a lot more then she wants to let on. Maybe she just needs a good home for a while.”


Inspector Facet smiled ruefully at me. “Do 22-year-olds wet themselves Alouette?”


I cried.










French Whines… Trois

By: CS Fox



Back during my days at the University of Michigan, which as Anthony, would have been only one month ago… I used to play rugby on Saturday mornings. It was great to beat the hell out of each other. It was also great to laugh at any girl who was making a walk of shame to her dorm early in the morning. Lots of the partiers always did, and lots of us guys always laughed.


Today… Today, I was the one making such a walk. I don’t even know what to think of it. It doesn’t even matter, I’m not really here anyways… Anthony has left the building people. Or more accurately, has left the body. Just call me Alouette.


Angélique gently squeezed my hand, I didn’t take much notice. I was pre-occupied and walking a little awkward because I was trying to hold down my baggy t-shirt over my wet corduroys.


“Your not great friends with the wash room are you? Do you always just wet yourself like this?”


She spoke to me while squeezing my hand again. I didn’t reply. I couldn’t understand her, and I wasn’t in much of a mood for talk anyways. Our little meeting with the police hadn’t gone how I’d hoped. Instead of arguing my case as a 22-year-old man somehow transformed into a girl, I had instead found that the man… that I… had left. I’d also managed to solidify myself as a 15-year-old girl in their eyes. It was backwards progress if anything.


We went down the hill towards Angélique’s house. About mid-street we took a quick detour to another house. I followed along in sort of a daze, till my mind picked up on the fact that there would be people in the house, and that people would look at me and see me with wet pants… and then make a judgment.


Wouldn’t that make a great first impression on town locals, ‘Hi, I’m the psycho American girl who pees herself!’ I started dragging my feet. “Don’t trot me around on display Angélique! This is mean!”


“Stop struggling I just need some advice from Madame Agnew.”


Despite my struggling, and ignoring Angélique’s inane admonishments, I was dragged to the front door. As soon as her hand hit the knocker, I quickly hid myself behind her. Maybe I could just hide there and die.


A young girl answered the door; she looked to be about my age. She had long brown hair and wore a big baggy sweater. Behind her was an even younger girl in a dress, she had a dolly in one hand and her thumb in her mouth. Both of them sort of leaned over so they could see around Angélique to me. I tried not to make eye contact.


“Teacher? What are you doing here? It’s Saturday. I um… don’t need to do my homework till tomorrow since it’s not due till Monday right?”


“Hello Papillon, and no, I’m not here to nag you about your homework. Although, if you have it done on Monday that would certainly be a surprise,” Angélique said.


The girl my age blushed.  “Then what are you doing here?”


“At least speak with a little more courtesy Papillon. I’m here to see your mom. Is she in?”


From what I could tell, Angélique knew the older child, and in their brief conversation so far, she hadn’t mentioned me, which relieved me a little. The girl my age turned her head and called out for her “Maman.”


An older lady came down the stairs with an infant on her hip. She looked a little raggad, but still pretty underneath the fatigue. “Oh Angélique, how nice to see you…” said Jeanne warmly. Then her eyes shot to Papillon. “Wait, what’s Papillon done this time?”


“Oh nothing nothing Jeanne. I just came to speak to you.”


“Well come in, you know your welcome to visit any time.”


“I um.. think I better not.”


Angélique stuttered for a moment and looked down at me. I gulped loudly realizing that it was probably time I reveal myself in my state of embarrassment. The lady, whom I assumed to be the mother of these three, followed Angélique’s eyes to me.


“Oh who’s that Angélique? Is she a new student of yours?”


“Actually she’s an American runaway. I’m going to be taking care of her for a while, till we can find her parents anyway.”


“A little girl like that? On her own? My goodness.”


“She actually um…” Angélique leaned forward and motioned for Jeanne to come closer so she could whisper.


It was bad enough that they were talking in French, but to have whispered stuff to each other in French too? What is this? Overlapping layers of security? I didn’t think it mattered, I knew what they were talking about… hell what they were talking about was starting to feel cold and uncomfortable under my shirt.


“My word, three times already?”


“Isn’t that awful? I’m not sure what to do about it.”


“Hehe so you thought to come to me? The girl with three children and ask advice?”


“I thought you’d know best,” Angélique said with a smile.


“And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”


“Do you think its coincidence?”


“No, she probably has poor potty habits. Let me pack you a bag. I’d say…” Jeanne looked at her daughter Papillon who was staring at her intently. Her mother’s whispering was opening that curious intent of hers. “Papillon go upstairs, and take your little sister.”


The girl my age frowned and wandered off with the girl behind her. Her mother waited till she was up the stairs and then started talking in a quieter voice to Angélique.


“Papillon would never talk to me for a year if she knew I’m going to tell you this, but she used to wet the bed till she was 10. I bet that’s the problem with this girl. Just diaper her before bed and keep her in some thicker panties during the day. Like trainers or something… or if it’s really bad, those disposable things at the market.”


“That’ll be great.”


“Here I’ll get some of Papillon’s old stuff, I’ll be right back.”


The mother left the doorway and went upstairs. Angélique turned around to me and crouched down.


“Désolé…” she said softly. I wasn’t really sure what she said or what to say back. I was appreciative that she hadn’t blown my spot to everyone, or at least she hadn’t done what I was imagining she’d do. I felt for sure she’d step behind me, push me forward and pull my shirt up so their was no doubting what she was whispering about… but then when she’d done the whispering and the mother sent the young girl away, I realized she was trying to help me.


The mother returned shortly with a brown bag. It was left over from a trip to the grocery store by the look of it. She handed it to Angélique and we left.


We walked in silence. I wanted to know what was in the bag, but if Angélique were to tell me I wouldn’t understand anyway. It was a short distance to her house and when we got in she had me bathe again. I got some more fresh clothes, but something odd this time, the panties she gave me seemed a little tighter, rather then looser like the other pair I’d worn. Also, they seemed a bit… thicker.


“Wow it’s already lunchtime. Are you hungry?”


I stared at her blankly. She tapped her chin with her forefinger and looked perplexed.


“Lunchtime… would you like food?” she asked while rubbing her tummy.


“Oh… lunchtime. Yes, I’m hungry,” I said nodding my head. It seemed our best communication was cave-manish sign language. She took me downstairs and sat me at her kitchen table.


Once again I listened to a steady diatribe of French. It might as well have been elevator music. Bleeb-ba-dee-blah-blah-bleee… I mimicked her motor mouth with my hand while she had her back to me. She was chopping something up and probably telling me everything about herself, even though by now, she HAD to know that I didn’t understand any of it. Maybe she just liked to have someone to talk to, even if they couldn’t really properly respond back.


“So when I turned 23 I came back here to Colgneune. Toulouse was nice, but you just can’t beat the warmth and serenity of your hometown. Luckily, they needed another teacher at my old catholic school. I applied and got the position, and here I’ve been for the last 4 years. It’s quiet, but comfortable.”


Angélique turned in time to catch me looking boredly off into space and doing the talking hand thing. She frowned and roughly put a bowl of soup down in front of me. The noise of it on the table shook me out of a trance.


“What? Sorry, I just can’t understand you. How do you expect me to pay attention?”


Eating went by in quiet. I will say that Angélique is a good cook. In fact, as I sipped (more slurped) from my spoon, I took the time to actually really look her over. Something in my head told me I needed to look her over, but at the same time, I didn’t really see what was that interesting. She was pretty, but not more so then the other lady we’d stopped to talk to earlier. She was just, a nice girl… Not too old, like, motherhood age I suppose.


“Why are you staring at me?”

Her voice broke me out of yet another trance. I nervously looked down at my soup and went back to slurping.


“Maybe I took on too difficult a task. It’s not going to be easy taking care of someone who can’t understand me...”


Lunch didn’t last too long, and afterward we were just left staring at each other. Seems I was stuck with her, since no one believed my story, and the law enforcement thought me a crazy liar.


“Do you have a computer?” I asked on a random thought.


She shook her head no… I walked over to her phone and picked it up. Angélique looked at me crossly and then came over to hang up the phone for me.


I looked at her, “Can I make a phone call?”


She knew what I was asking. “Non. You’ll call some boy to come break you out so you can just hit the road again. Don’t you think its time you turned your life around?”


 I frowned and left the phone alone. Somewhere in town there was a phone or computer I could use. Maybe I could access my old e-mail or something to get help from my friends. Or maybe I could sneak out and get a phone card to call the US? I bet if I could reach my real parents, they’d at least listen to me if I told them things only Anthony would know. That would have to wait though; I didn’t have any money.


Angélique took my hand and led me across the room to two chairs by the fire place. She sat me in one and went to get a book from a stack on her desk. She put the book in my lap and sat down next to me. I looked at the title; it was apparently a grammar book.


“You want me to learn French?”


Angélique nodded and opened the book for me. She pointed at the first page, it had the alphabet and numbers 0-9. I shrugged, why not… this was why I came here anyway.


We got into the lesson. She would read something, and I would try to repeat exactly what she’d read. In this way, I was learning some of the basic soundings of the language. Small stuff like how “oui” which meant yes, came out as a “we” sound. It was the first stone of the foundation anyway.


We kept at it all afternoon, till I suddenly felt a little tickly feeling. I flung the book from my lap, startling Angélique and flew up the stairs. I made it to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I heard her come up the stairs a moment after me, lightly tapping at the door.


“Are you okay Alouette?”


I ignored the voice beyond the door. By some miracle, I’d managed to make it up the stairs to the bathroom before once more creating a pond in my panties. Not only that, but after I’d sat down, I was surprised to find that it wasn’t just pee that I needed to do.


The door opened and Angélique’s head poked through. I yelled at her for privacy, but I couldn’t mistake the quick happiness that was there at seeing me sitting the way I was.


“Look at you! You can do it!” she said coming into the room.


“Shut up! Whatever you’re saying, I don’t want to hear it!” I said trying to wave her off.


She walked up to me and checked my panties the way she would a preschooler. She frowned a little to find them wet, but was still happy that at least the majority of it was in the toilet. I on the other hand was a little bit less then happy. To me, it was like only predicting the rain after it had already started. I honestly would have probably just completely wet myself earlier if it had not been for the fact that I felt it first before it got too bad. Not only that, but I didn’t even feel the need to do number 2, but as I could tell now…  I did.


Angélique turned around and at least gave me a tiny bit of privacy in cleaning myself up. When I flushed and was pulling my pants back up, she wouldn’t stop with the praises, it was thoroughly embarrassing; I knew that it was inappropriate for her to be doing it to a girl of my apparent age.


“Let me get another pair of panties for you, those are wet.”


Angélique was holding her hand out to stop, so I stayed with my pants up to about my knees, frowning at whatever she wanted me to do. She left the room and came back just as quick with another pair of the smaller, yet thicker panties. I didn’t complain because my other pair was wet. Sadly, by my count, this was the fourth pair of clean panties I was putting on today after having wet another pair. Not a very noble record.


When I was fresh again, we went back downstairs and called it quits on the studying. Angélique babbled in French some more and grabbed her purse. I wasn’t sure what she wanted but I soon found that we were going to go out shopping. It was just about evening now as we started walking up into town.


Angélique was actually being pretty nice to me. She bought some clothes for me; nothing too fancy, just clothes that would fit and that I could wear. She let me choose them out, and of course I choose out the most boyish things I could find, but she didn’t seem to complain too much, as long as the clothes still came from the girl’s section of the small store. Oddly enough she didn’t have me buy any more underwear, which to me, was probably what I needed most, but oh well. Fitting clothes were nice to have.


We also stopped by the grocery store, where Angélique picked up a few things. I found myself wandering up and down the isles till I found a payphone towards the back of the store. I tried to get back there to use it, but when I did… I didn’t have any money or a calling card. Angélique found me a few moments later and called me over to her with a stern look on her face.


“You’re intent to call somebody aren’t you? Well I won’t have it.”


We went home and had dinner. It was a simple meat and potatoes meal, but it was good and I was glad for it. Angélique the windbag continued her optimistic overuse of French in the hopes I’d catch on, but I just ate and nodded politely. After a while I even started talking to her in the gaps of silence, hoping that maybe the reverse would happen to her with English.


The rest of the evening went by fairly fast. I sat in the chair by the fireplace and browsed through some of her books. They were textbooks of various kinds, and I could tell they were aimed at younger audiences. So I just looked at pictures and went page to page.


Angélique sat in the other chair and read from a novel. She seemed pleased at my reading the textbooks. I think her opinion of me, was that I was just an unscrupulous trouble maker, who probably hadn’t had any schooling… but the fact of the matter was, when it came down to the amount of schooling I’d had, I’d probably had a higher education then her. Still I read till I found it hard to read and myself yawning more and more frequently.


“I’m getting tired, and I can tell by your yawns that you are. What do you say we head up to bed?”


Angélique caught me nodding off. She piled the books on her desk again and led me upstairs. I was tired by now, so I didn’t really complain. Thinking a bit smartly, I went into the bathroom before heading to my bedroom, which Angélique was all smiles about. Unfortunately I didn’t have to go, but the thought was there at least.


When I got to what I assumed was going to be my bedroom for the time being, Angélique was waiting with the brown paper bag from that house we’d stopped at earlier. I raised a cautious eyebrow at her.


“Alouette, please sit here, I need to talk to you.”


Angélique was patting the bed next to where she was crouching. I slowly went and sat there.


“After working a number on this mattress last night, I’m going to listen to what Jeanne said and keep you in diapers tonight. Is that okay?”


I really wanted to know what she was saying here, it sounded important, but I still had no idea. When she was done talking, I nodded slowly. Angélique started to fish something out of the bag, it was bundles of cloth. She stood me up and pulled off my shirt and then unbuttoned my pants and let them fall to the floor.


“New pajama’s?” I asked while looking at the white cloth and being undressed. It felt a little awkward to have someone undressing me, but I didn’t really fuss about it. She slid my panties down and patted for me to lie down on the bed. I did so a little nervously. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get dressed while lying down.


She took a few layers of the cloth and started to fold it up. She lifted my legs and in that moment, I realized what it looked like she was doing, and then hit even harder that it wasn’t just looking like she was doing it, she was ACTUALLY doing it. She was putting a diaper on me.


“Now hold on!” I yelped trying to jump up. She caught me with her hand.


“Lay down, this will only take a minute.”


“Don’t you dare diaper me! I’m not a baby! The old me wasn’t! And even though this new body is younger, it’s not a baby!”


Angélique wasn’t taking my argument too well. She stopped for a moment and got up. She walked across the room and opened the laundry hamper and looked inside without touching anything.


“That’s 1, 2, 3, 4 pairs of wet underwear. Not to mention the sheets I put in the wash this morning!”


She was counting things off on her hand. I blushed; I knew what she was counting. She was making her argument against why I should be diapered tonight. She walked back over and pushed me to lying back down. I resisted, but let her push me all the way down.


She slid the layers under me and then neatly brought them up and pinned them on. She reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of plastic panties which she worked on over them. She pulled me up and off the bed. I brought my arm up and covered my chest, not really sure why, just felt I needed too, and I looked over at myself in the mirror.


I looked stupid. Mid-teen girl in a diaper. I was almost glad that I wasn’t a guy, because if I was caught like this as a guy, I’d never live it down.


Angélique brought in another long night shirt and put it on me. She pulled back the covers and insisted on tucking me in, just the way a mother would. I resented it a little, even more so because the plastic pants were a loud tell-tale, but at the same time a part of me knew that she was doing me a kindness. I’d probably still be at the police station if not for her.


“What about if I wake up and have to use the bathroom?” I asked.


She gave me the look of not understanding. I pointed at me, and then at the bathroom down the hall.


“You already went before bed right? You shouldn’t need to go then before I get you up tomorrow morning. We’re going to get up bright and early. I always go to church on Sundays, and I think the first step on the road to a healthy lifestyle for you, will be going back to church.”


“Never mind, sorry I asked,” I said as I rolled over. I was really starting to get fed up with even trying to get my point across.


She gently patted my head once and left the room turning out the light. I heard the door shut, and suddenly I was alone. The thought sort of scared me.


For the billionth time today, I started to cry. Now that I was actually alone, all of my thoughts ganged up on me. I really was alone. I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t have anyone who believed me. I was diapered because I couldn’t control myself. It was a horrible, rotten, nightmare…


I sobbed into my pillow, till somewhere down the way, my body gave out and went to sleep.


French Whines… Quatre

By: CS Fox



It started with singing. I heard a sweet voice floating from downstairs and steadily migrating upstairs. I groggily blinked my eyes open in time to see Angélique come into the room.


“Alouette, gentille Alouette
Alouette je te plumerai…
Je te plumerai la tte
Je te plumerai la tte
Et la tte… et la tte
Alouette, Alouette…


I quickly rolled over and flopped face down into the pillow. “Not funny Angélique, hear me? Non… not funny,” I mumbled into the pillow. Her spirits were high and she put her hand on my back, playfully shaking me awake.


“Its time to get up lil’ Alouette, the church bells will ring in two hours.”


“Speak French later, let me sleep now.”


Angélique pulled the covers back and they fluttered off like a parachute. I scrunched my knees up to my chest to guard against the sudden chill. Doing so made my diaper crinkle loudly and I cringed as last night came up into memory. I felt a hand being placed against my diaper. I immediately shot forward.


“Abuse abuse!” I yelled and looked back at Angélique.


“It’s a good thing I listened to Jeanne. We’d have lake pee in here if I hadn’t.”


I stared at her a little apprehensively for a moment. She pointed at my diapered butt. I turned over and patted at the front of it with my hand.


“Oh jesus it’s wet,” I said barely believing what my hand was feeling. My voice also cracked a little with that whiney sobby tone. Angélique nodded.


She took my hand and led me to the bathroom, starting the tub. She then left me to my own devices. I removed my clothes and took off the wet diaper, balling it up with the plastic pants and leaving it in a soggy pile by the door. I got in the tub and just floated a minute staring at the ceiling.


“Alouette… who are you?” I asked the ceiling. It hurt inside … I was already starting to think of Anthony as a separate person… I mean think about it, he’d left and somehow, I hadn’t. Was someone else being Anthony? Was some joker wearing me like a suit off in Paris right now? The thought was hideous.


“Alouette… who are you?” I asked again. My mind made up other answers. Maybe a girl had switched bodies with me. I had hers, now she had mine. That was possible. Or maybe it was like a bad episode of a sci-fi TV show, and I’d hit split infinity and broken into two people. One being the regular me, the other… being my polar opposite?


Actually scratch all that, it all sounded insane. Under the same guidelines I could really just be some 15-year-old girl who got drunk so often she developed fake memories that by chance coincided with a visiting student. In any case, none of it mattered, what did matter was the here and now. Right now, I am a girl. Right now, I can’t change or ignore that. Right now I have no friends and no one to believe me. I wanted to cry again.


I washed myself with the same unfamiliar care. I was just going to take basic care of this body, because I didn’t expect to use it very long. This was a temporary shell for my consciousness, and it would never take over. I toweled off once more, with the same awkwardness of wet hair. I found Angélique in my room laying out clothes on the bed.


“Let’s get you in your underclothes then work on your hair before you try on this dress. Hopefully it fits; I used to wear it to church when I was your age. Brings back a lot of memories actually.”


Angélique had laid out a black dress with white trim. I froze, what the HELL was that doing on the bed? Didn’t I just get some new, relatively boyish clothes yesterday?


“Wow bath not go so well? You look mad.”


Angélique walked up to me and took the ends of the towel to tussle my hair. I was still not amused. She handed me an undershirt and pair of panties, which I put on, but then she stopped at the dress and grabbed a brush.


“I think it might be nice if we try doing something with that hair, rather then just letting it lay flat.”


She began brushing my hair, but it kind of tugged my head back. I swatted her hand away.


“Stop that! It hurts!”


Angélique put her hands on her hips. “You’ve probably never brushed it in your life, and somehow I doubt you conditioned it in the bathroom, its going to be a little rough getting out the tangles at first.”


“Leave it alone, it’ll dry and be fine straight,” I said as I started to turn away. Angélique grabbed my shoulder and started to try and brush my hair as I resisted.


“This… *brush brush* won’t… *brush brush* take but a… *brush brush* moment.”


“Get the hell away from my hair!” I yelled twisting and turning as my head was pulled back every time the brush ran through my wet hair. Eventually she gave up and threw the brush on the bed.


“I give up, finish your hair yourself!”


I stood with my arms crossed and smiled. Seems I’d won a little battle and she was going to leave my hair be. She moved to get the dress, my smile fled. *Ding* round two.


“No! Non! Not wearing a dress!” I made a break for the door once again, but her hand was like that of a cat on a running mouse.


“Stop it! Must you resist everything I try to do for you? What’s wrong with this dress? Why do you hate dressing up like a girl so much?”


“Non non! Leave me alone!”


Angélique let out a controlled scream and stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind her.


“That was completely unfair!” I said aloud to myself. “Why couldn’t I be the one to leave?” I went over and plopped down on the bed.


I sat grumpy for a little while. Angélique was being so pushy. Take a bath. Comb your hair. Wear a dress. What the hell was she trying to do, train me to be a girl? What would I do afterwards, get some practice with her on making curtsies? I laid down staring up at the ceiling once again. I noticed the dress was lying next to me. I pushed it on the floor.


After I’d calmed down I went out of my room to find Angélique. She was in her room, with the door cracked open a little. I’d never seen her room, so I approached the door quietly.


Her room was very rustic looking and filled with wooden, antique looking furniture. She had a large bed with four tall bed posts and a canopy. In one corner was a make-up table with oval mirror, she was seated in front of it doing her own hair. She saw me peering at her from the crack of the door in the reflection of the mirror.


She didn’t turn to me, “Do whatever you want; I don’t care how you look. You’re going to church in that underwear if that’s how it has to be.”


She sounded angry. Angry, and also a little hurt at the same time. I left her to finish with her hair. I wandered back into my room, feeling a little guilty. She was really mad. All because I was making anything she wanted to do for me a chore.


I reviewed everything that had happened. She wanted me to take a bath, which was because I’d had a wet diaper (which was probably still lying on the bathroom floor). Then she’d wanted to brush my hair. I looked over in the mirror… it was a mess, so maybe that wasn’t uncalled for either. But… she had also wanted me to wear a dress.


I looked at the black dress lying in a pile on the floor and picked it up. “Only a girl would wear such a thing…” I said coldly.


My own use of the word “girl” rang in my ears. I looked at the dress again and then stepped over to the mirror. Staring at me was a blonde haired GIRL, her hair was a bit tangled, still not quite dry… her green uncertain eyes, always looking at themselves as if not to trust what they saw. There was no doubt; there was a girl in the mirror, at least by physical appearance. There may be a boy inside, but there was a girl outside. That’s what Angélique had to go on. She still didn’t believe or have the remotest thought that I was a boy, so she was trying to do what she could to take care of a girl… because that’s what she thought me to be.


Maybe I was being unfair to Angélique. I could see why she was angry now. She understood that I didn’t usually do these things, and that I needed help to get them done, and she wanted to help. I of course, finding them offensive and like a little stab at my male integrity, shoved them rudely back in her face.


I let out a deep sigh and went back to the bed. I sat down and picked up the brush, and tried brushing out my hair.




French Whines… Cinq

By: CS Fox



“I’m ready…” I said looking through the crack in Angélique’s door. She was pulling up her hose and stepping into a nice pair of shoes. Hearing my voice she looked up at me and her eyes just lit up.


“Oh your gorgeous!” she said with a huge smile. She waved me into the room and clasped her hands together. “It looks wonderful.”


I walked into the room feeling a little stupid. I was wearing a foofy, girly, uncomfortable dress; but at least it set Angélique abuzz with happy sounds. Her voice was just about in song again as she came up to primp and finish out the last few details I’d missed. I was happy that I had at least relinquished her anger.


“Thank you Alouette. I really appreciate what you’ve done. I’m sorry I was mad earlier, but I’ve decided if I’m going to care for you, I’m going to do it like I teach my classes. I’ll be your teacher first, and your friend later.”


I heard “merci” coupled with my name. There was also another long thread of speech with it, but I think they were just more praises that I’d given in and done what she’d asked.


All smiles now, Angélique went to a drawer and got out a white ribbon. She came to me and started to play with my hair. I stifled back the urge to bolt and let her do what she wanted. I’ve come this far, might as well let her have her day. Taking a handful of hair from the right side of my head, and then another from the left side, she started to braid it together; she left the good majority of the hair in the middle going straight down my back. In the end, I had my hair braided into a pony tail, on top of straight hair in the back, with a white ribbon on the end. The overall process wasn’t too horrible, but I still felt a little more girly then I would have cared too.


“Perfect,” Angélique said with a smile. She finished getting ready just as church bells began to ring somewhere in the town.


“We’re going to church?” I said a little curiously. The clothes and preparations suddenly made a lot more sense now. Angélique didn’t answer my question, probably because she couldn’t understand it, but it didn’t matter, I knew the answer. It had been a long time since I’d been to church. My family is a Christmas and Easter family as far as church is concerned.


As for me personally, I guess you could say I’m spiritual. I was raised being read the bible by my grandma, but you could probably only say I’ve taken it half to heart. Still church would be interesting. It would be like my debut upon the town.


“There’s St. Oren’s bells. Let’s be on our way.”


Once again my hand was grabbed and off we went; down the stairs and out the door and into the little town once more (yay, it rhymes).


The church was on the east side of town. We weaved around the lower hill, having only to walk about four blocks once we were actually in the town. From the looks of things, everyone went to church on Sunday. Families and neighbors were all in their best and on their way to where they had heard the bells calling. Angélique said “bonjour” to half a dozen people about every block we passed and answered what I assumed to be inquiries about me.


“Who’s that Angélique? One of your students?”


“This is Allouette, an American girl who will be staying with me for a while.”


“Well doesn’t she look pretty!”


“Mommy, she doesn’t really… walk like a girl.”


“Shhhh, that’s just how American’s walk. Don’t make fun.”


The church was very pretty. I realized I’d passed it my first day here. It was next to the little catholic school, and looked about as old as that accursed winery. Its stone structure and large double doors were inviting all to come in, including a little stranger like me.


Angélique led me in, saying a bunch more “bonjours” mixed in with polite gossip, and a nod to one of the priory standing at the door. I did my best to keep my eyes on the floor, and avoid everyone’s questioning gaze. Apparently a new face in a close-nit church was cause for stares.


Taking a moment to sit and brush the damn foofy dress flat, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one my age. There were at least ten or fifteen boys and girls about my age. I could even see that girl whose house we’d stopped by the other day. She was sitting with her mother and father, and also the two other children of her family.


Further down the rows, I could see Inspector Facet, who shot me a mean smirk. I stuck my tongue out at him and he mouthed the words in English “that’s a nice dress” to which I was about to flick him off, but Angélique caught my hand before I could do it and gave it a gentle slap. A few more rings of the bells and the organ started to play. The chatter of the congregation died down and everyone started to fish out the hymnals from the pews.


Now if you’ve ever been to a foreign movie with no subtitles, then you’ve had an experience like I have at St. Oren’s. The pastor was very animated and proceeded to shout fire and brimstone in that French eloquence that I have no comprehension of.


Boredom gripped me in less then ten minutes. As a rule, I’ve always considered myself to have a mild case of attention deficit disorder. All the way since elementary school, I’ve found my mind wanders away from just about everything that doesn’t have a TV or computer screen attached to it. Sightseeing didn’t count, because there was the novelty of something new attached to that, but as far as church went, there was nothing new about this church, only the language selected for its sermon.


I got to fidgeting, which didn’t please Angélique. I switched gears to just flipping through the hymnals and prayer books, hoping for something interesting. In the back of the prayer books they had some pictures, so I amused myself a little while looking at them and making up a story to go along with them. I’d share them here, but most of them were fairly blasphemous, so it’s probably better left undone.


The sermon dragged on for the better part of an hour. Then everyone was on their feet, and singing in high volume; followed by offering, sacrament and communion, second offering and finally, more singing. I went through the motions, and even started to sing along to “Ave Maria” which was played during second offering. I knew a little bit of Latin, and that song was obviously the same in the US as it was here, so I got by with that tiny piece of vocal familiarity. The only problem was that my singing voice was not familiar, although, I must say with a blush, I can sing rather well now.


After church we lined up in wait to meet the pastor. It seemed the whole town gleefully got in line to shake his hand and say hello. Angélique of course, was in no rush so we were towards the back of the line. I really wanted to be in a rush, but I didn’t know what I needed to rush for. I really didn’t have anything to do, except try and find out some very important questions that I had no idea how to start answering.


“Angélique, you bring a new face to my flock?” Father Salade asked warmly.


“This is Alouette, Father. She is from America, and going to be with me for a little while.”


Angélique was talking to the pastor, and after saying my name, he extended his hand to me. I shook it a little nervously tried not to look into his eyes very much, but he seemed like a nice enough individual. I gave him a weak “hello.”


“Ah, so this is the girl that Inspector Facet and Bedeau had mentioned. You know, that’s an awfully nice thing you’re doing for her.”


“Thank you father. I couldn’t help it really. Her story just broke my heart.”


“Her story?”


“I don’t know it really. I found her drunk in the ditch in the back road behind town. She can’t speak French, and everything she said in English seemed to be nothing but lies to try and confuse us. Truth be told, I think she’s been a runaway for a few years now, and it just made me sad to think how long she’s been living on the streets.”


“You have a heart of gold Angélique, and everyone will smile at you for it. Bless you child.”


The pastor and Angélique exchanged pleasantries for a while, and occasionally, the pastor would look down at me with this horrible expression. He looked like he wanted to say “Oh you poor pathetic thing.” It made me feel rotten, because somehow I think my story was starting to get around, and from what I’d gathered, it read something like “Young runaway, drinks a lot, winds up in ditch… pees herself.” That last part I’m not sure if everyone knew, because I think up to now it hadn’t happened publicly, which I was hoping to keep that way. Still, it felt miserable to be the outsider, and even worse to be the pitiable one.


We left the church and started walking back towards Angélique’s house. I wasn’t really sure what the rest of the afternoon held, probably some French lessons. Angélique seemed in high spirits, like her big day on the town had gone well. I think more like she was happy I didn’t cause a scene like I’d done everywhere else.


As if on cue, I froze. Angélique stopped walking as she felt my hand tug at hers from the stop of momentum. A small trail of liquid rain down my leg and pooled around my shoes on the cobblestone, staining my socks as it traveled over them.


It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to start the waterworks in my eyes. Angélique had a rising look of anger in hers, until she saw the tears forming. She quickly bent down and her face changed to a serene look of care and concern.


“Awww Alouette, you really can’t help it can you?”


She was giving me that same pity look the pastor had.


“Come on, let’s get you home quick.”


We hurried home a little faster. It was almost routine now what we did. She had me take off the wet things, and then hop in the tub. When I was out, I came back to the room, and Angélique had a few more of the cloth diapers lying on the bed.


“NON!” I shouted when I saw them. Angélique looked at me a little torn.


“I knew this would be a delicate situation. It was like this last night too.”


“I’m not wearing. No. Non.”


Angélique pointed at the laundry bin again. I shrugged. “So what? I’d rather make mountains of laundry then wear a diaper all day.”


Angélique could see the frustration written on my face. “I’d be upset if I were you too. I know you can’t control it, but it’s just easier this way. I was hopeful last night when you made it to the bathroom, but you’re just going to have to deal with this till I can help you get better.”


She patted the bed next to her. I didn’t budge. I could tell by her voice she wanted to reason with me, but I was beyond reason. She’d gotten me in a dress earlier, she should be happy with that. She came over and grabbed my hand. I resisted, but only half heartedly. My towel was starting to fall off, so I used my free hand to grab at that while still resisting her grip on my hand.


“Non… I don’t want too….” I said softly. It was hard because I knew that I probably should be wearing them. With the exception of that one time, it seemed like I just wet whenever my body felt like. Angélique lifted me by the waist and laid me down on the bed. I started to cry softly, but gave up resisting.


“Awww it’s okay Alouette… This will just be a temporary solution…”


I imagine her words would be much more comforting if I could understand them. I laid there like a whimpering puppy, as she powered and diapered me. My will was broken now, on top of being a girl, I’d have to accept the fact that this girl was not well potty trained.


The plastic pants came up, and she handed me a training bra which we had bought yesterday. I got off the bed and stood up. I knew the mirror was in the corner, but I dared not turn to it, I didn’t even want to know what I looked like. Angélique handed me a pair of Khaki pants we’d also bought yesterday; I took them and tried to put them on, but they wouldn’t come on over the diapers. My tears refreshed anew as I tried to pull the pants on in frustration.


Angélique smiled that pity smile and kneeled down to hug me. I just broke down from there. It came out in rivers and heaves, my whole body shaking. I cried because I was a girl, I cried because I wasn’t supposed to be a girl. I cried because I was in diapers, and I cried because now I wouldn’t be able to hide it.


“There there… nono don’t cry. We’ll think of something.”


She waited till I was done, then went back down the hall and came out with a sundress. It was light-blue and very plain. She helped get it over my head and it fell over my hips, and extended slightly with the extra padding I was wearing. It came down to about my shins, so I was a little happier that I could perhaps hide this secret, even if it had to be done by a dress.


The day’s agenda seemed to be chores. For staying with her, she put me to work. First she made me brunch, since it was about mid-morning. Then she set me up with laundry, which, to be fair, was almost totally mine anyway. The machine was your every day standard and she asked some French question about it, I waved her off, saying I knew how to do laundry, but being as she didn’t trust anything about me, she did a mock process for the first load and watched me start on the actual one.


With laundry getting done, she had me start dusting some of the house. I felt like a little maid, but did the chores without saying anything. It didn’t take too long anyways, but when I’d finished that, it was to the French books.


Angélique and I had gotten some of the basics down. We had developed an understanding of hand gestures and oui and non for most things. I’d also learned important phrases like “Excusez-moi, je suis americain,” which was “pardon me, I’m American.” Angélique hoped I could use it as an umbrella excuse for everything, including my bad manners, boyish behavior and nervous fidgeting related to my diaper (the main things she saw wrong with me).


After starting another load of laundry, Angélique wanted us to go somewhere. Being dressed and crinkling as I was, I didn’t like the idea of leaving the house. I dragged my feet and gave every impression I could that I wanted to stay, but I got the strong message that she did not intend to leave me alone to somehow get into more trouble.


We left the house, with me being as careful when I walked as if I knew the street was mined. If I walked with my legs just wide enough, the plastic panties didn’t seem to make as much noise since they didn’t bunch together. The drawback was, that my waddle made me look even more ridiculous then I probably already did.


We came back to the little grocer, and Angélique brought me to the pharmacy section. I was immediately unhappy we were there. She got two packages of the largest size training pants and baby diapers should could. My body was small enough they’d probably fit, and even though the packages were full of French writing, you can’t mistake the image on the front of a smiling toddler. I started fussing and complaining, till I noticed an older lady take attention to the commotion. I shut up because it was obvious who they would be for.


Angélique didn’t drag out our purchase, and I thanked my lucky stars the items fit into a large brown paper bag, so you couldn’t tell what she was carrying. As soon as we were out of the shop, she had me carry the bag. I promptly threw it down on the street when she gave it to me. She looked at me sternly for a moment and then picked up the bag and carried it herself.


“You know, I got these for you. They’ll be thin enough for you to wear them under normal pants. These pull-ups shouldn’t be any different then regular panties as far as you’re concerned. The diapers will cut back on your laundry too after your apparent nightly problem.”


I didn’t dignify her comments with a response; I just started walking back towards her house, in my proud, stupid, waddle. She sighed behind me and started to follow after she’d picked up the bag.


As we were heading back to her house, a gang of kids came up. They saw me and looked on with interest. My joints paralyzed. Angélique saw them and smiled and waved with her free hand.


“Bonjour!” She said excitedly. The gang sort of slinked away. They were all boys, roughly my age. One had a soccer ball and carried it under an arm. The gang kept leaving except for two boys who just stayed, staring at me.


“Who is that girl Angélique?”


“I’m your teacher Marcel, use better etiquette. Call me teacher or mademoiselle.”


“Who is that girl… teacher?” asked Marcel. His brother Gérard smirked at his defiance.


“This is Alouette.”


“Is she related to you?”


“Non, she’s visiting from America and staying with me.”


“Will she be in our class?”


Angélique paused for a moment. The thought hadn’t occurred to her. Why not, what else would she do the five days of the week she’d be teaching her classes? “Oui, she will be in your class. She’s a year older then you, she’s 15, like your brother.”


The two boys looked at each other, then at me again. Some of their gang had wandered back to see what the hold-up was.


“I don’t like her, don’t sit her near me.”


Angélique frowned. “That’s not very nice, you don’t even know her Marcel. And I’d advise you to stop giving me orders… or you may just find yourself sitting next to her afterall.”


“Hey Alouette, do you play sports at all?” asked Gérard. He was usually Marcel’s handyman… funny how the younger was the boss.


One of the boys was talking to me. He looked at me and said my name coupled with a few things. I didn’t really know what he was saying so I just nodded.


“She only speaks English Gérard. She can’t understand me either.”


“Well she’s nodding like she can.”


One of the gang behind them rolled the soccer ball my way. I think they were gauging me up for a game or something. I smiled ruefully and started to move, but heard the crinkle crinkle under my dress. I slowed down and stutter stepped causing some of the boys to giggle.


Hearing their giggle only poured some fuel on the fire and I lined my foot up perfectly with the ball, attacking it from an angle. I’d spent a few years playing pick-up games, true my sports were rugby and baseball, but that doesn’t mean I can’t handle a soccer ball.


Like a white/black round rocket, the ball shot right into Gérard’s face. He started to duck, but didn’t quite react in time and the ball glanced him on the right side of the face. I smiled, and Angélique laughed a little.


“Wow, you’re pretty good Alouette,” Angélique said.


I could tell some of the other boys were impressed, but not the two that had stayed behind to talk. They sneared at me and the taller one who had questioned me ordered them all to move along. They did so with reluctance and Angélique and I left on our way. I was happy our encounter hadn’t turned to exposure, and that I was able to at least display a little of my lost manliness in front of Angélique.


She chatted right along till we got to our house. I think she was impressed with my athletic display and maybe had put me a notch higher in her book (so now I was one rung above teenage-wino).


We got the finished laundry and I folded it. Angélique got on the phone and made a phone call to someone and kept saying my name which worried me a little.


“Yes, that girl I brought to church today. I’d like to enroll her in my class. Alouette only speaks English, which may be a bit of a problem, but I’m tutoring her every day, I think she’ll pick up the language quick since she’s in a sink or swim situation as it is… Uh huh, I’ll just get her to change into one of the uniforms when we get to school tomorrow morning… thanks for allowing her in.”


Angélique hung up the phone and looked at me with a smile. I raised an eyebrow cautiously…


“Okay, why are you smiling? Did you just order really girly clothes for me or something?” I asked. She didn’t answer and walked by playfully patting me on the head. I shrugged and finished folding laundry.


It was well on into the afternoon by now. Angélique had gone to her books, and I had gotten to memorizing the numbers.


“Un, duex, trios, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit…” My voice trailed off to a whisper. I felt my diaper growing warm. The sudden quiet got Angélique to look up from her book. I bit my lower lip, getting a bit nervous and not really sure what to say.


Are you okay?”


Angélique noticed my change in demeanor. She got up and came to my chair. I sat still biting my lip.


“The only time you get that quiet…”


She started to reach down for my dress but I brought my hand out and stopped her. I didn’t say anything; I just put the book down and nodded. I started walking up the stairs feeling a little defeated with myself. Angélique came up a moment later. I waited awkwardly by the bed.


“How do you want to do this?” I asked as she came in with the brown bag from the store. She quietly patted the bed, and I laid down. She got out the package of pull-ups and tore the top, taking one out. She then took down the plastic panties and undid my diaper. In the package she’d also gotten some baby wipes and things and she took one of those out.


There was a pause of hesitation and an awkward moment between us. I think it was more for her then me, because of what she was doing. I didn’t much care, because I considered anything below my waist foreign territory to me that I really had no intention of exploring anyway.


She wiped me up and then helped me slide into a pair of the pull-ups. When I had them on, I really must admit, they were a lot better then the bulky cloth diaper. Felt much more like regular panties… I mean underwear… geeze, got me thinking they’re panties now.


With these new pull-ups I got out the pair of khakis I hadn’t been able to wear earlier. I pulled them on with ease and felt a little better now. Angélique smiled.


“And you threw them down when I asked you to carry them.”

I realized she must have been commenting about my reaction earlier. I looked meekly at her… “Merci.”


She smiled again and tussled my hair. “It’s a good thing I got them. I can’t imagine how embarrassed you’d be if you had to wear those cloth diapers to class tomorrow.”


Angélique kept talking, and I listened but didn’t understand. I went over to the dresser and found one of the t-shirts we’d bought. It was just a plain white t-shirt with a nike logo on it. I put it on and felt much less like a girl. I did notice however that the pull-up came up a little high, and was a bit obvious if my shirt rode up. I hoped that wouldn’t be much of a problem sense we didn’t seem to leave the house much anyway. I was kind of glad that Angélique seemed to be a homebody.


We went downstairs and she started on dinner while I got back to my French. She made a game of naming off every item that went into our dish. She’d say it, show it to me, and I’d repeat it. After a while she’d just say “ha” and hold something up, like a little visual quiz, I’d repeat it (if I knew it). We did this till dinner was ready and I was more then ready to eat.


French Whines… Six

By: CS Fox



“Ow! Hey what was that for?”


Angélique frowned and pointed with her fork at mine.


“What, I’m eating! I’m not allowed to eat?”


Angélique pointed at herself and then took a knife and daintily cut a small piece of beef and then skewered it with her fork before eating it. I waited patiently till she was done, then did the same, only making my portion a little larger. Angélique groaned. I cut that portion in half. Another groan… I angrily cut it in half once again. No groan this time. I wolfed the piece down.


“You eat like a pig? Do you understand this? Oink oink. Pig!”

Apparently my hunger was a crime here. I dropped the fork and grabbed the meat in my hand and took a bite out of it like a chicken leg. “Oink” I said keeping my eyes locked with hers. She sneered and cut up her piece the same way she had before. I put down the beef, wiped my hand on a napkin and ate the same way I had before with my slightly larger chunks. I’d made my point; I’ll eat how I want.


The remainder of dinner was held in silence. The only noise came from my chewing as noisily as I could. It put Angélique in a brooding mood, so I decided not to taunt her further. When we were done, my conscience got the better of me and I felt a little guilty so I was kind enough to bring my plate up to the sink and do our dishes.


To make up for lost ground, Angélique made up for any dinner frustrations with my language lessons. We began with an emphasis on assigning masculine and feminine tags to French words. She was drilling relentlessly because I didn’t comprehend it all. To me it’s ridiculous to assign gender to an inanimate object. I mean why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when neither one looked any more female or male then the other?


After a solid hour, Angélique wandered upstairs rubbing her temples and looking like I’d just put her through slow torture. It seemed like there were two levels of feeling towards me. Either she was mad and frustrated, or she was worried and pitying. I heard the bathroom door shut. The noise of the door echoed in my head a bit. I sat looking at the books a little longer till something dawned on me. I was alone. For the first time since I’d woken up in Angélique’s house, I was under no supervision… My eyes shot to the door and found it unguarded.


I put down the books nervously, and tip toed to the door. I knew that Angélique would go nuts if she knew I was going to do exactly what she didn’t want me to, but so what, she wouldn’t believe my case, so I was going to prove it. There was bound to be some evidence left on that back road.


I left the house and started to run. My shoes weren’t much of a help, so I kicked them off in Angélique’s front path and ran barefoot. I had a decent grasp of the town now. I knew if I followed the road to the main hill, I could take the split and run out the back of town to that vineyard. The last thing I remember in my male life was walking from that horrid place and then, well you know what happened after that.


“Alouette? Could you come up here?” Angélique asked. There was no answer. “Alouette?” she asked again a little louder. She began to feel a small twitch in the pit of her stomach, like the absence of reply was signaling something wrong. She went downstairs a little faster then usual, and found no one in the living room. Angélique ran for the phone.


I rounded the split street in a rush. I knew it wouldn’t take long for Angélique to realize my absence and figured she’d react as rashly as she did with everything. It was kind of dark now, and there really was not a lot of activity. A lot of the houses had their lights on, and I could even make out some music from one place, but there wasn’t much in the way of people or cars milling about.


I made it to the outskirts of town, and the streetlamps got farther and farther apart and then not at all. I knew I was close. I could make out the vague impression of the vineyard on the skyline. I stopped my jog and started to root through the side of the road. I’d had a good amount of stuff with me when I was a guy; I’d had a backpack and my books which I’d dropped, and my clothes and hat. Some of it had to be around here somewhere.


I eased my way down into the ditch and started to root around in the dim light. It wasn’t impossible to see, but it wasn’t easy to make anything out either.


“Is there nothing here?” I asked after I’d rooted around for a little bit. I felt sure I’d find something of mine. Some little scrap of who I’d been. I climbed up and out of the ditch. Still no sign of a book or paper, then my foot connected with something. I reached down and picked up something glass.


My eyes widened when I realized what it was. It was the bottle. I’d found proof. I climbed my way back over to the road and started walking back to town. I had something, something that proved it wasn’t all a dream. It was an essential piece to my mental stability. Just as I was nearing the main part of town, there was a sudden blip blip followed by some colorful lights.


“Oh crap the po’po’s!” I bolted. I didn’t have to stop to think, I knew they were after me. The car sped up a little, so I moved to the sidewalk, in the hopes the damn thing wouldn’t run me over. I turned at the main intersection again and passed a couple standing on the sidewalk. They looked at me a bit oddly as the police car rounded the corner too. It sped up on the straight and stopped a half block ahead of me. Inspecter Facet stepped out of the car, and Inspector Bedeau got out on the other side. I skidded to a halt. They both looked a little comical. Their car was kind of a hatchback and seeing chunky Bedeau and tall/skinny Facet get out of it… I might as well have been chased down by a Laurel and Hardy movie.


“Little runaway, do you want to go to a juvenile hall?” Inspector Facet asked coldly. I stood still, but did my best to look angry.


“What iz zee meaning of zis? You so ungrateful to Angélique!” chimed in Bedeau in his accent. Still I held my ground. The two started to approach me.


“I’m not running away! I just needed to find answers!” I yelled as the two came at me.


“Answers to what? Have you been drinking? Cause if that’s what I think it is under your arm, then we’ve got a problem.”


I tucked the bottle a little closer to my body and started walking around them in a circle. Bedeau moved to block me in his heavy wobble walk. The two began to advance on me again. It wasn’t really threatening, more like the way someone would approach a dog they intend to collar. I backed up and brought the bottle close to my chest.


“Look at her… she’s holding that bottle like a teddy bear,” chuckled Inspector Facet.


“Angélique said she was drunk when she found her. I didn’t really believe it cause of how young she is, but now… jeeze, she’s an addict.”


I held the bottle as close as I could. Any tighter and I would have broken it. It was the only proof I had right now, the only proof that confirmed what my mind knew, but no eyes believed. I noticed the lights and commotion were starting to attract attention. The eyes and faces of the locals were peering through blinds and curtains of nearby houses. I gulped loudly as the two men stopped in front of me. I felt my pull-up get warm.


Angélique heard a car roll up outside. She rushed to the window and saw the multi-colored lights filling the night. There was a knock at the door.


“We picked up a little runaway…” Inspector Facet said with a grim smile. Bedeau marched me into Angélique’s house. She was waiting in the living room, looking at me strangely. I couldn’t get an emotional read from her; her face wasn’t displaying anything at all. It scared me worse then if she had been really angry.


I was quick to blurt out. “I wasn’t running away… I just needed to look at something.” Her expression remained unchanged, she looked to Facet.


“What did she say?”


“That she needed a drink,” Facet answered. Angélique nodded, and Bedeau gave him an odd look, but didn’t follow it up with a comment. Facet approached me.


“Maybe I should make this clear… This is for your own good. Angélique here is doing this out of the kindness of her heart. She didn’t have to take you in… If you run away again, I will send you to a juvenile hall.”


I nodded meekly, his tone was so serious it could probably cut me.


“The girls at juvenile halls don’t mess around. How do you think they’ll like an American girl who wets herself and claims some of the things you claim?”


I cringed, for being a jerk, what he said made sense.


“So why don’t you ‘Play Ball’ as you American’s say? It will be better for you I think.”


Again, I nodded meekly. The two inspectors looked at me a little angrily, then at Angélique with a little bit of pity. Inspector Facet flashed out my bottle of wine, and without thinking I made a grab for it, but he jerked it away with a sneer before turning to walk out. I was about to make chase, but Angélique grabbed my shoulder. When they were gone she went up and shut the door. Her emotions still hadn’t surfaced. She calmly walked back to me and slapped me across the face.




My eyes started watering before I even knew what happened. My hand slowly went up to my cheek, feeling the warmth of the slap there.


“You ran away to drink? You retched retched girl… I’ve got half a mind to send you off wherever Inspector Facet was talking about. You have done absolutely nothing but throw any help I give you right back in my face!”


Her face had plenty of emotion now. She was pissed, and I guess she had every right to be. I held my hand to my cheek, feeling a tear roll down it. I couldn’t understand her words, but there’s still something about raw feelings conveyed through tones. The moment I’d run out of her house, without saying why, I stepped over a line with her.


“You just don’t care! You don’t care at all! You don’t care that I’m trying to help you, or that you could find yourself in a really scary place, alone. The only thing you seem to care about is damn vin!”


I heard vin emphasized at the end of her sentence. She thought this was about the wine. She made a dramatic motion at the door and then threw her hands up in the air. I think her meaning was something to the effect of… Leave again and you’re on your own. Angélique went upstairs. I stood with hand to cheek, and sobbed a little softly. In trouble with the police, in trouble at home… things weren’t going well.


I went upstairs when I’d calmed. It was getting late and I knew I should probably go to bed. Angélique was in her room, door wide open. She watched me go by in silence while sitting on her bed. I went into my room and just laid down on mine, once again looking to my friend the ceiling.


“You’ve done it this time. Now no one trusts you and your one step from no one wanting you either…” I said to myself. The thought brought fresh tears.


The noise of a paper bag brought me back to reality. Angélique came into the room with the bag from earlier. She grabbed a few things from it and came up to me.


“I’m so mad. I’ve never been this mad before.”


She was still mad, I could hear it in her voice.


“Why did you run? Do you hate my care that much? Do you need to drink that bad?”


She started to remove my pants as she talked in a raised voice. I didn’t do anything to hamper her and moved my hips to help a little. I knew now was not the time to be difficult.


“And your pull-up is soaked too… guess I should have expected that. I don’t even think you need them, so far you haven’t done anything but pee everything.”


She tore off the sides of my pull-up. I knew it was wet. She took out a wet wipe and ran it over me a little before getting out a disposable diaper and unfolding it to lay under me. I felt juvenile of course, and a part of me wanted to protest, but I stayed mum.


She sprinkled a little powder on me, then brought the diaper up between my legs and tapped it in place. I laid there wondering what next, but to my surprise she took the bag and left the room, closing the door a little harshly.


I felt pretty bad again. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right in this body, and searching for my real body only led to more trouble. Tears leapt from my eyes, I wasn’t even crying anymore, it just seemed like my eyes began to water every time I reflected on the current state of things. I got up and went over to the dresser. I removed my shirt and bra, since they were the only things I had on besides the diaper, and pulled on an oversized night shirt. I walked back over to my bed and crawled in.


The emotional and physical strain on me today had worn me out completely… but somehow I couldn’t sleep. Try as I might, I couldn’t force myself to clear my mind and go to sleep. I laid there and in my mind watched Angélique yell at me over and over, like I was the dog who had done one bad thing to many. Why did I have to go look for that damn bottle? Was my proving her wrong worth the risk of losing everything?


My throat got dry and my nose runny after laying down so long crying and not being able to sleep. Groggily I got up to go get a drink from downstairs. It was dark and probably the middle of the night by now. I didn’t make any noise as I softly tip toed downstairs to the kitchen. I couldn’t see anything because it was so dark, but I did find the fridge and when I opened it, the little light was enough to go by.


Her fridge was filled with various things you’d expect to see from a girl who cooked healthy. She had some carrot juice on the top shelf, but that really didn’t look appetizing. I was kind of in the mood for a soda, since all the crying had made my throat hurt a little.


I moved things around a little and found a bright bottle in the back. The text on the label was French and none of the words on it looked much like easily translatable English words.  I’d say it was a liquor bottle, but it looked too much like a glass coca-cola bottle to be one. I picked it up. The stuff inside was green and fizzy and the front had some long sentences on it circling a picture of a green fairy. It looked like soda…


I fished around for a cup and poured a little out. I tried to sniff at it, but my nose was runny from crying. I took a good sip, and immediately spit it out into the sink, spraying the counter a little. Definitely liquor, hard liquor.. really really hard liquor. What the hell was Angélique doing with this stuff?


I quickly capped the bottle and turned on the faucet to get a drink, screw the soda. I decided I better hide the fact I’d tried it, or Angélique would have even more bad evidence against me. I started to head back up stairs, feeling a little dizzy. At the very least, I could tell even the sip of that stuff was going to help me sleep. I crawled in under the covers and curled up to my pillow. My eyes were heavy now, and it didn’t take much effort to close them.


“Hey girlie,” Anthony said to me. My eyes shot open and I saw myself… the male version of myself, seated at a round table with two shadows. He was shuffling a deck of cards.


I hesitantly got out of bed and walked over to him. He began to deal out the cards to the shadows and I stood behind him, looking at his hand.


“I’m you… right?” I asked a little uncertain.


“You tell me diaper girl… You don’t look much like me.”


“You’re not even looking at me,” I commented. It’s true he was just looking at his cards and watching the shadows as they sorted through theirs.


“I don’t need to look at you. I heard you crinkling a mile away. Stupid baby.”


“I’m not a baby, I’m you. It doesn’t matter what you say, because I know I’m you.”


“You can believe whatever you want to believe. As for me,” He turned around and looked into my eyes. It was a hard nostalgic feeling; those were my own real eyes looking into me. “I’m going to believe what I see right now… and what I see, is a blonde babe in a diaper.”


I really wanted to hit myself. I wanted to tell me I was a jerk, but all that happened instead was I cried. It seemed like my only defense now. Anthony smirked and turned back to his game.


“Poor little girl… Least you have someone to take care of you now. Why don’t you go off and enjoy that for a while.”


I looked up through blurry tears and found he was gone; the table of cards was gone with him. I was in a new room; it was pink and white, and infantile. It was a nursery. Angélique walked up to me.

“Oh there there little Aluoette,” she said in unaccented English. Her voice was very sweet and very calm. It slowed my tears. “Why are you crying?”


“I… don’t want to be a baby. I want to be who I used to be.”


“Oh nonsense, you are who you’ve always been. Here let me help you up.” She gave me a hand and pulled me to my feet. I was still in my long night shirt with a diaper underneath.


“Where are we?”


“We’re in the nursery of course. It’s the room for little kids under three years old.”


“But why am I in here? I’m not 3.”


She patted my diapered behind. “It’s the only room with a changing table, so for now, you’re an honorary three year old.”


“But I’m not three?”




“I’m not three!”




A hand was gently shaking me awake. I bolted upright in bed, panting. Angélique was there and had her hand on my shoulder.


“You were having a nightmare. I could hear you all the way from my room.”


“I’m not three! I’m not a girl! I’m a guy, my name is Anthony!” I was blubbering.


Angélique wanted to be mad. She still WAS mad from earlier, but seeing this, seeing how upset poor Aluoette was, she just couldn’t bring herself to it. She eased Aluoette back down to the pillow. “It’s okay… it was just a dream.”


“I’m not three,” I said again. My voice was shaky and my head hurt. I couldn’t think straight. I just knew I was in trouble, that my body was upset. I rolled out of bed and hit the floor. Angélique jumped to get me in surprise, but not before I threw up.


I was taken to the bathroom. My head was heavy still and now my stomach wasn’t doing so great either. I felt another hurl coming, but it wasn’t as strong and I kept it down. Angélique had a wet washcloth and dabbed at my forehead.


“Maybe this will teach you not drink so much vin, eh Aluoette?”


“No… no vin…”


When I was feeling a little better, Angélique helped me back to my room, and cleaned up my little mess. She got me back into bed, and found my diaper wet, so she changed it. I rolled over and tried to straighten out my head. My eyes found Angélique.


“I… I’m… I’m sorry.” I searched for the right words… “Désolé…”


Angélique smiled at me. It almost instantly made me feel better. “I forgive you, just… please don’t make this so difficult.”  She kissed me on the forehead. “And if you get sick again, you’re on your own in terms of clean up.”


She left my room and me to sleep. I hit the pillow like a block of cement and went dead to the world. My head was still heavy… I thought, ‘the first thing I do when I learn good enough French, is question her about that bottle in the fridge.’


Sleep and I met again at last, but our time together was over before I could get rid of whatever had plagued me. Angélique was in my room at the crack of dawn, bright and chipper, as if nothing out of the ordinary had gone on last night. I buried my head under the pillows.

French Whines… Sept

By: CS Fox



“What am I going to do with you? You’d sleep right through school wouldn’t you?”


“No no, speak your French to someone else.” I said hiding under the pillow. “My offices don’t open till 10am.”


“Whatever you’re saying, I hope it’s a lot of regret for last night. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood this morning.”


Once again I felt the covers stripped from my body. I curled up and shivered, Angélique’s house could get soo cold during the night.


She was in her sing-song voice this morning, actually, she was in her sing-song voice every morning. She was just one of those morning people. And like the day before, I felt a hand patting my diapered bottom.


“Abuse abuse!” I said moving myself away and groping a blind hand over my back to stop the intrusion, and possibly regain my warm covers.

“You said that yesterday morning too… What is this ‘abuse’ mean?”


Yes yes, abuse! You’re repeating it, but somehow I don’t think you’ll stop it.” When her hand was away, I patted myself down there. My diaper was wet and brought a frown to my face. I didn’t really expect it to be any other way, but I could always hope.


“Today you start school! You’re picking up French with good progress, which makes me want to think you’re smart for a runaway. Hopefully you won’t be too far behind my class.”


 I heard “français” somewhere in her morning complaints of my sleeping habits; she wanted me to get started on our lessons. “Fine, French lessons later. I don’t see any reason why we have to get up so early for it now.”


The pillow protecting my head was being pulled free. I gripped my hands onto it, flopping over so that I had the pillow firmly as Angélique tugged it away from me. I dug my heals into the edge of the bed as I put my back to the wall. What a sight we must have been. Me with heels dug into the bed, resisting my removal from it with all my might. I saw a smirk growing on Angélique’s face, and just as I was about to let go, she beat me to it. The force of my resistance returned to me and sent me hard into the wall I’d been leaning against; I fumbled with the pillow a moment before throwing it in frustration at Angélique. She ducked the pillow with ease and giggled.


“Wash and get dressed, I’ll start on breakfast.”


Angélique left a towel on my dresser and opened one of the drawers on her way out. It was her non-verbal hint for me to bathe and dress. I waited till she was gone before gathering my bedding from the floor and heaping them back on my bed. I started the water in the bathroom at the end of the hall.


I untaped the wet diaper I was wearing and balled it up to throw away in the trashcan. Just out of hope I sat on the toilet, but nothing really happened, I just sat there and realized there was no communication between my lower half and my upper half as far as bathroom habits went. Sighing, I got in the tub and cleaned up.


I got dressed for the day; I figured it would be prudent to wear pull-ups, so I did. Wearing them allowed me to still hide my problem even when wearing plain slacks. I put on a bra for my A barely B cup, followed by a t-shirt with a flower on it. Looking in the mirror, my hair still damp, I frowned at my reality.


“Another day… and I’m still a girl,” I said unhappily. “Day 3, here we go.”


Angélique had breakfast waiting on the table. I noticed she was dressed up nicer then she had been on Saturday. She was a step down from church Sunday, but still better then casual. Made me wonder what today had in store.


“We’ll have to get your uniform when we get to school.”


“Yes, whatever, breakfast is fine.”


I picked at my food. Something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. When we’d finished eating, we left the house. Angélique packed up a lot of the books scattered around her desk and we headed into town. I let myself be taken, I couldn’t really dictate what we were to do anyway.


“I think Sophie used to take English lessons, so that should help us out a lot. I’ll make sure you sit by her in class.”


I mostly ignored Angélique and just let my eyes wander lazily around the town. It was waking up and getting ready for the day as we walked through it. People were driving out of the little place in their cars and kids were walking up the street in the direction we were heading.


As we neared the school and I noticed a lot of kids walking into the yard, I realized something. A lot of those kids were my age, and Angélique was taking me in that direction.


“OH NO! I am not going to school!” I said suddenly putting on the brakes and trying to tug away from Angélique.


“Merd… I knew this would happen. You didn’t understand a word I’d said did you? I don’t care, you’re going to school. A girl your age needs to be in school!”


“No! No school!”


Any of the kids still on their way to school, or talking in the yard began to look my way. We were making a scene, and I was a new face.


“That’s the girl who was arrested outside my house last night!” said one girl excitedly.


“Why is she fighting with our teacher?” asked another.


“She’s just American,” Papillon said with modest disinterest. “She’s living with our teacher for a little while.”


The voices and eyes of my peers began to make me feel a little nervous. I stopped resisting. Angélique tugged at my hand and caused me to stumble a little behind her as we headed up the sidewalk between groups of students to the school. A few looked me over, sizing me up, seeing what new show had just entered their midst. Seeing how I was being dragged by Angélique, a few just laughed.


Angélique called to one of the girls in the yard. She came up to us a little shyly. “Sophie, I could use your help. Please come here a moment.”


A girl with glasses and reddish-brown hair cautiously approached Angélique. She didn't say anything, but just stared expectantly, probably waiting for the reason she'd been beckoned.

"This is Aluoette, she's a new student in my class. Could you take her to the headmistress?"

The girl had a voice just above a whisper, like she was afraid to talk with it. "Why me?"

"Your dad told me that you used to take English lessons at your old school. Aluoette here can't speak any French, she only speaks English and I'd really appreciate if you'd help me by translating."

The girl looked at me. Her blue eyes scanned me behind the safety of her glasses, but she quickly returned her eyes to the floor when she noticed me returning the inspection.


“My name’s Sophie,” she said with a slight accent. “Teacher said she’ll need my help talking to you.”


I hugged her. It surprised her a bit, but finding another person speaking English made me very happy. Up till now, only a-hole policemen spoke English around here. Finding this girl elevated her to Queen of the country in my eyes.


“I’m Andy!”


“Andy? It’s not Alouette?” she said in her quiet whisper.


“Oh, yeah, I was only kidding, it’s Alouette,” I said cursing myself for the slip inside. “But you said… teacher? Is Angélique your teacher?”


“She’s your teacher too.”


Angélique smiled at us both. “I’m going to let you be a little late to class, please take her to the headmistress’ office. I’m so glad you’re doing this for me Sophie. I’ll be sure to give you extra credit.”


“Merci,” replied Sophie with a little curtsey. Angélique left us and headed down the hall.


“She’s a teacher?” I said looking dumbfounded as she walked away.


Sophie looked in the same direction as me, and nodded. Then she turned and started walking the other way down the hall, I jogged to catch up. She broke the silence in her timid accented voice. “Was it true you were arrested last night?”


“Um… that’s a long story.”


“I think… we’ll have time. Teacher said we could be late to class so that you could meet the headmistress and get a uniform.”


I looked at Sophie a little oddly, but then realized that she and every other student here had been dressed exactly alike. The boys all had the same slacks and polo shirt, and the girls had identical outfits except with a skirt instead of slacks. When I’d walked into the school yard today, I must have looked even more an outsider being dressed a little boyishly in slacks with a t-shirt.


I did my best to explain the business with the dumb inspectors last night to Sophie. I decided it would be best not to tell her why the police were chasing me, but rather modify the story to say “they thought I was running away again.” Which I’d hoped would lesson any opinions of me as a wino.


For the most part, Sophie seemed like a nice girl. I couldn’t really catch much in the way of emotions, she seemed sort of like a shy and kind of spacey girl. She was also a little shorter then me, but just as skinny.


“Papa said you have a drinking problem,” Sophie said as we neared the end of the hall. The question made me flinch. So everyone in the town knew about it already I guess.


“No… it’s a bad miss understanding.”


“I don’t think so. My Papa is a police officer.”


My mouth dropped… “You’re last name’s not… Bedeau or Facet is it?”


“No no no, my dad is the desk man, he’s not an inspector.”


The events at the station two days ago flashed back to my head. “Oh right… I did meet him.”


We got to the end of the hall and Sophie opened the door to a small office for me. An elderly lady with horn rimmed glasses sat behind a desk, next to another door.


“Can I help you?”


“A new girl to see the headmistress.”


“Take a seat, she’ll be with you both momentarily.”


Sophie took my hand and led me to sit down with her in a few chairs. First day and I was essentially in the Principle’s office. It was high school all over again, like I had rewound the clock 7 years. I looked about and saw a few catholic icons. This was apparently a religious school, which made sense being attached to the church and all. Still it would be interesting to be in a school again. Maybe not even that hard since I’d done all this before… only… in English.


I felt my pull-up get a little warm and I frowned, then I panicked a little. I didn’t have a spare one. Luckily it seemed like a tiny wet, but if this school was like any other, it was going to be a long day ahead of me. This might be a little tricky.


“She’ll see you both now…” The elderly lady said opening the office door.


Sophie led me into the office and we found a nun looking over some papers. She looked up and smiled at me warmly.


“Hello Sophie, who’s this?”


Sophie had that same nervous twitch and found it even harder to speak now. “A new student, her name is Aluoette.”


“Ah… Aluoette,” she said nodding at me. I shyly waved my hand. “Angélique called about you yesterday.” Her warm smile turned to a frown. “Inspector Facet also called about you yesterday.”


I heard “Inspector Facet,” and immediately knew I was boned. My reputation preceded me.


“Parlez-vous français?” the Nun asked at me continuing her scowl. I shook my head no. She turned to Sophie, making the connection.


“Tell her that if I so much as smell wine on her breath at any time here, I’m going to march her straight to Inspector Facet’s office.”


Sophie looked a little nervous and didn’t say anything for a moment. The nun shouted at her and she delivered the threat to me. Honestly I could have guessed it hearing the key words “Vin” and “Inspector Facet.”


The nun proceeded to list off the ten commandments of the school. I began to wonder where she’d conjured up that smile as we’d walked in, because there was no hint of it now. She plowed right on through the justice system of her little school. Everything began with her, and ended with her kicking you to the curb. That’s at least what I got out of it. Sophie seemed to be in a rather uncomfortable spot. It sounded like the Nun was yelling at her, even though the yells were meant for me, and really didn’t have the desired effect, because the relay spoke to me like a French mouse.


Finally the nun got up from her desk and went to a closet and returned with a few garments neatly folded in a stack.


“They’re your size, and if they aren’t too bad.”


She opened the door for us to leave. I was holding my new uniform and just left as quickly as I could with Sophie. The old lady at the desk was trying to hide a smirk as we left.


“That wasn’t the nicest welcome I’ve gotten so far…” I said a little flatly as I tipped my clothes to look at them a little better. Seemed to be an exact replica of Sophie’s. The lady at the desk rolled her eyes at me, and I realized she couldn’t understand what I’d said. I smiled “You have ugly glasses.” I said turning to walk out of the room. She nodded, and Sophie started to translate, but I quickly yanked her out into the hall with me.


“Where can I get changed?”


“You told me you didn’t have a problem with wine,” Sophie said in her quiet way.


“I don’t…”


“Then why was the headmistress so mad?”


“Because she talked to Inspector Facet, he’s a jerk. Anyone who talks to him gets mad.”


Sophie seemed to weigh what I’d just said in her head. While she was still deciding she started walking down another hallway again. I hurried after her.


We came to a gymnasium. It wasn’t really big. Only one basketball court sized room. No bleachers, a few scattered folding chairs, and some aerobic mats stacked in the corner. Sophie kept walking and led me to two doors.


“The bathroom here is where we change for PE she said,” she went in one of the doors. I turned and went for the other. “WHAT-ARE-YOU-DOING?” she exclaimed. Her accent caused her words to mash together in her hurry to get them out. Her voice also nearly rose to a normal level. I stopped mid-step and retracted my hand from the door, noticing the little blue circle with a white stick-figure man on it.


“Ohhh right,” I said feeling stupid once more. She grabbed my hand and tugged me into the girl’s room. I felt a little nervous; being a girl was one thing, entering their world was another. Luckily there was no one in the room.


I put the pile of clothes down on a bench in the middle of some locker rows. I started to unbutton my pants, then… noticed what I was wearing underneath. I quickly re-buttoned them and sighed in relief that Sophie wasn’t paying attention to my undergarments. I grabbed the bundle of clothes and scurried to one of the bathroom stalls. I immerged a few moments later in my white shirt and pleated skirt.


“Here she is, Miss Stupid-looking me!” I said doing a little twirl, before the big mirrors near the sinks.


“Why are you wearing your skirt like that?” Sophie asked from behind me. I had to ask her to repeat it because her voice didn’t carry but two feet.


“Wearing it like what?”


“You’re… you’re supposed to roll the top up a few times, so that the skirt is shorter. The way you’re wearing it is prude.”


“Prude? No, its practical, I don’t want anyone to see up it.”


Sophie looked a little hesitant at me. I realized she had her skirt on the way she was talking about, with the end of it just above her knees. Mine went down just below them.


“I don’t want anyone to see up my skirt either,” she said softly. “But you’re supposed to tease the boys right? I mean all the other girls do. Don’t you ever want a boyfriend?” She asked. I could tell that she wasn’t as comfortable with this idea as she wanted to portray she was. She was just going along with what had become fashion standard.


I thought of the slightly damp pull-up thinly concealed by this skirt. “Umm… no. I don’t want a boyfriend… and I DEFFINATELY don’t want anyone looking up my skirt.”


“Um… I’d always heard Americans were exactly the opposite of you.”


“Consider me the exception.”


She poked a finger at my boobs through my uniform. I quickly covered them with my arm and swatted her hand away.


“HEY!” I yelped. “They’re real okay?”


“Are you a boy?”


I felt like I’d just been punched with words. They knocked the wind straight out of me, but it was the happiest verbal KO I’d ever felt. I wanted to hug her again, but as I took a step toward her she stepped back. Instead of a hug I smiled broadly.


“Why are you smiling?” she asked looking at me weirdly.


“Why did you ask that question?”


“First you said you’re name was Andy. Then you walked into the boy’s room, and now you just said you don’t even like boys.”


I laughed a little. I was tempted to tell her my crazy story. Maybe she’d believe it, but I decided to hold it back. I’d get to know her better. I unbuttoned my shirt and flashed her without even thinking about it.


“Satisfied?” I asked with a smirk.


“Do you… like girls?” she asked taking another step away.


My smirk faded and I rolled my eyes; should have seen this one coming. I buttoned my shirt back up. “I only said I didn’t want a boyfriend,” I said. “I still like…” I had to force myself to say this one. “I like boys.”


Sophie seemed to calm a little. “You don’t think you’re ready for a relationship?”


“No, I already had a lot, they were all crap.”


“I take back what I said earlier, you are like every American I’ve heard about.”


I rolled my eyes, and mouthed the word “thanks.” She led me out of the little room and onward to our class. I hoped that I could figure out what to do with my pull-up.





French Whines… Huit

By: CS Fox


“Do you like our town?” Sophie asked as we walked to class.


“No, can’t say I’ve had that much fun…”


“…But it’s a nice small town.”


“And a minnow is a nice small fish. But right now, I think I’m sick of fish. If that makes sense,” I replied coldly. Sophie shut up looking a little hurt. We walked in silence and with the absence of chatter I began to feel a little guilty. I could tell that Sophie was the type who usually stayed quiet, and by trying to make small talk, she was probably doing something bold for her shy nature.


“Well, its not that I don’t like it… I mean it’s a nice place and all. I just miss… Me.”


She screwed up her face and looked at me incredulously, “You?”

“Er… home. I miss home.”


Sophie looked thoughtful. “Has it been hard not being able to understand everyone?”


I stopped walking. “Yes. Yes it has.” Understatement of the year.


We found my new classroom. It looked like it was white walled at one time, but had now faded to an off yellow. Wooden desks faced a much used green chalk board, which Angélique was in front of at a large desk of her own. She was looking through a book while a dozen students were busy writing. As Sophie opened the door, Angélique looked up and smiled at me.


“Ah, here’s our new student. Class, this is Aluoette,” Angélique said to her class.


I heard my name and blushed as everyone looked up at me. I waved a little shyly, and noticed Sophie just hurried to her desk, to avoid attention. Angélique looked full of pride, like I’d just been pronounced clean at an AA meeting or something. She walked up to me and bent down putting both of her hands on my shoulders.


“You look wonderful in that uniform, let’s get you seated for class.”


Angélique pointed to an open desk in the back row. Sophie sat to the right of it, and on the other side sat a boy. I carefully went to my seat, conscious that all eyes followed me as I did so. The boy sneered at me and I realized I recognized him. He was in the group of boys in the street the other day. I think his name was Marcel.


“Aluoette will be in our class for a little while. She’s visiting from America. I want you all to make her feel welcome.”


Angélique was talking about me again, no idea what though. I looked around my desk and frowned. I didn’t have books, pen, paper, or anything a normal student might have.


“Um… could I get… some school supplies?”


Angélique looked back at me a little hotly. I think she thought I was interrupting her. She started to walk back towards me. I quickly reached over and tugged at Sophie’s sleeve. She gave me a look like she didn’t know me. I tugged a little harder.


“She says she doesn’t have anything to write on,” Sophie said reluctantly.


Angélique stopped walking towards me. She smiled and playfully slapped her forehead. “Silly me, I completely forgot she’d need school supplies,” and started back towards her desk. As soon as her back was turned a ball of paper hit me in the side of the head. In front of Marcel sat the bigger boy of that group from the other day, Gérard.


“There’s some paper for you to write on Amerloque,” Gérard said with a laugh, Marcel and a few others sitting nearby chuckled too.


Gérard = ass-hat. First thing I learned in French school. No idea what he said, which is just as good; if I can’t understand their stupid remarks, then I can’t be affected by them.


Angélique came back with some paper and a pen, and also one of the books on French I’d been using most of the weekend. She just flipped it open to where I’d left off. After a few more minutes of blabbering about me, she began in on one of her lessons.


Class was fairly dull. Angélique droned on about this or that. Occasionally I could guess what she was talking about when she’d point to a map and say a few things. I think she was a civics teacher of sorts, but later, she switched gears and started talking about some reading all the students (except me) had been doing. They all took out the same book and took turns reading aloud. I busied myself with my book, and occasionally stared around the classroom. Some of the kids I’d seen in town or at church before. Including the ass-hat boys nearby and also that girl whose house I’d stopped at the other day.


Eventually a bell rang somewhere close to noon. I watched as the boys clustered together and looked at me menacingly before leaving the room, and some of the girls didn’t really look at me favorably either. Sophie left the room quietly, and by herself, leaving me alone with Angélique.


I went to the door and made sure no one was nearby. Satisfied, I went to Angélique who was busy making a few notes on a piece of paper at her desk.


“It’s lunchtime now Aluoette, you don’t need to stay,” she said motioning to the door.


I recognized the French word for Lunch, but I didn’t need to know about where I should have been going, I needed to talk to her.


“I don’t have another pull-up,” I said in a whisper. She knew the word pull-up and her eyes widened.


“You know we didn’t plan today very well did we? You go to lunch, I’ll see if I can’t run home really quickly.”


I really wanted to know what she was saying. She eventually got to our best form of communication and pointed at herself, then walked her fingers across the desk, then pointed out the window. She was going to run home real quick. I smiled and nodded. She patted my shoulder and left for her house, I went out into the hallway and found it mostly deserted, and I realized I didn’t know where lunch was.


I turned right and started down that hall. I found the ladies room (I made sure to remind myself not to futz up on the men’s room thing again) and went into the bathroom. It was empty, which I was happy about. I carefully went into one of the stalls and sat down. It’d been a while since I’d wet and I knew that I would probably need to go to the bathroom, even if I couldn’t really feel it. Luckily, I was right. Not only was I right, I was right on umm… both accounts. Gave me a shudder thinking I’d never be able to hide… well if I messed myself, I don’t think pull-ups are really meant to handle it. Thankfully I had managed to get to the toilet for that need lately.


The door to the bathroom opened. I froze up. I looked about nervously and noticed that my pull-up was around my ankles and probably visible from outside the stall, so I reached forward and brought it up to my knees.


“Do you want to skip class?”


“Yeah why not, it’s getting so annoying to have to go every day…”


I smelt cigarette smoke. Sounded like two voices holding a quiet conversation in French near the window.


“Did you see the new girl today?”


“I heard she’s American, and that she was arrested last night.”


“Makes me feel kind of stupid just smoking cigarettes, I bet that American girl knows how to have fun… We’ll have to talk to her sometime.”


“Hehe, you love getting into trouble.”


“What else is there to do in this town?”


“Heh I know what you mean.”


The two girls giggled and stopped talking for a little bit. I heard them eventually leave the bathroom and I breathed a sigh of relief before getting up to finish my business and leave the bathroom too.


I was extra cautious to leave the bathroom. I knew that things like cigarette smoke would easily be blamed on me since I apparently had the benefit of immediately being guilty for whatever wrong doing went on nearby me. Finding the coast clear, I made my escape and started down the hall once again.


I walked to the other side of the building, where I started to hear the collective noise of a lot of students. I followed it and reached a large hall which served as the lunch room. I smiled and went to a counter to get a small tray of food. It was very basic, milk, chips and a sandwich. Faces looked up at me, like they had when I’d come into the schoolyard this morning. I nervously looked about for a place to sit and found most of the tables were pretty full. I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone (since probably none of them could understand me anyway). I found a spot towards the middle that didn’t have any people near for like six or seven seats down the table.


My class was interspersed around the room. Sophie was in a corner, sitting near some people, but she was reading a book and really didn’t look much like she was associating with them. That other girl from my class talking excitedly with her friends, if Sophie was the quiet reader, this girl was her opposite.


I finished my lunch in silence, trying to avoid the stares of the people around me. A part of me had entertained thoughts during class of ruling this school. I had done it all before, so why couldn’t I do it all again and do it better then before?


I got my answer in the form of an intentional bump on my back as Gérard passed by me with an empty tray. He tried to make it look like an accident, but I could tell by the smiles from his friends, that it wasn’t. I didn’t say anything and kept eating.


After lunch, everyone started wandering back to their classrooms. As the lunchroom crowd thinned, I took the cue to head back too. Angélique was waiting for me as I returned to her room. She had a small handbag and handed it to me with a wink. I thanked her and scurried off to the bathroom again. It turned out that I had wet my pull-up a little more during lunch, and hadn’t even noticed it. I was thankful to have the dry one.


I got back to class and took my seat. Lessons resumed and I was bored out of my mind. I could only force myself to study French so much. After two more hours of it, I wanted to throw the book out the window. I had taken to doodling on my paper. I was even making up songs. This one I adapted from “Les Mes” since I was Le Miserable…


“In the university of Paireeeeee,

there is a cheeseburger waiting for me…


Its sits next to a nice cold beer,

And English is the only sound I hear.”


Okay so songwriter I’m not, but it aptly described how I felt. As time passed, the lessons finally changed once again. This time, to my great happiness, Angélique started in on math. A big smile came to my lips. Math was universal, language wasn’t a barrier here.


“Okay, we’ll start with today’s bonus problem. As usual I don’t expect anyone to get it, but its something great to try.”


Angélique started writing on the board. She wrote some French with a series of numbers behind it. I reached over to Sophie and tugged at her sleave once more.


“What’s it say? What’s before the numbers? I need to know, I might actually be able to participate in class if I can understand that.”


Sophie hesitated but looked to me after getting a glare from ass-hat and little ass-hat. “It says ‘Find the lowest whole number evenly divisible by’,” and she turned to the board again, I looked on. The numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 were written out under the French writing.


I looked at some of the other kids around. Sophie got out a paper and started multiplying the numbers together. I saw the other kids doing similar long steps too. I looked at the problem and thought about it again. I was a comp-sci major in college and math was a strong point. This problem was a factoring one.


I took out a piece of paper and copied the numbers down, then started to factor them out. I wrote a 1 below 1, then a 2 below 2, then a 3 below 3, and another 2 below 4, 5 below 5, nothing for 6, one 7, another 2 for 8, another 3 for 9 and nothing for 10. After I’d done it, I had the numbers 1, 2, 3, 2, 5, 7, 2, 3 written below the original ten. I quickly multiplied them all together and started walking up towards the board.


“Aluoette? Why are you coming up towards the board?”


Angélique was questioning my movement. I held up my paper.


“You solved the problem? But you don’t even have a calculator? You shouldn’t know how to do this yet.”


I ignored whatever she was saying and started drawing lines and numbers under the original ten on the board. The class watched in silence as I wrote like a girl possessed. I factored each number again and then multiplied them quickly to come out with a final product. 2520.


Angélique looked at me incredulously as I put the chalk down and walked back to my desk. The students looked up at the board trying to figure out what I’d done.


“Teacher? How did she get a 2 out of 4, then nothing out of 6?” asked a boy in the front of the class.


Angélique was silent a moment. “She factored out the problem. The factors of 6, which are 2 and 3, were already present in the equation…”


“How did she know to do that?” asked Sophie.


“I… I’m not sure.”


Some of the class looked back at me a little stunned. I smiled smugly. Math, the best language.


I proved that I knew every answer for the rest of the lesson. Not only did I know every answer, I knew them without calculators… I think I raised myself a notch in Angélique’s eyes. She wasn’t expecting any talent out of me. She seemed to drag the lesson out, probably just to test how good I really was. I didn’t mind at all.


Class let out about 3 o’clock. Groups of kids left in just about the same order they had for lunch. I gathered my stuff and put it on Angélique’s desk, where she was busy writing more notes. She beckoned Sophie forward too, who apparently hadn’t left the classroom.


“I’m going to be staying after a little bit. Could you tell Aluoette to wait for me in the library and then take her there? You usually stay after anyways right? I’ve seen you in the library before,” said Angélique, but Sophie paused a moment. “Sophie? Could you do this for me?.... Sophie?”


Sophie turned to me. “She has work to do, wants me to take you to the library.”


I just nodded absently. “Lead on,” I said still feeling bored. We left the classroom. Angélique looking at Sophie curiously as if still waiting for an answer when she’d left the room.


“You don’t like playing translator much do you?” I asked once we were in the hall. Sophie stayed quiet. “You went quiet as soon as we got back to the room earlier.”


“I just like to read, I don’t like trouble,” Sophie said in her soft quiet voice.




“Papa told me about your drinking, then all the girls were talking about you getting arrested again this morning, and then teacher made me take you to the office where I was yelled at so I could repeat it to you.”


I felt a little guilty. She was making a lot of sense. All except my drinking thing. “Well… I didn’t really ask for a translator… but it sure does sound nice to hear someone else who can understand me.”


“You didn’t sound too happy earlier when you had just changed into the uniform,” she said indignantly. I nodded and apologized.


“Sorry about that, I was in a bad mood. I didn’t really want to have to go to school all over again.”


“You’ve gone before?”


“Yeah, I graduated 3 years ago; I’m really a junior in college now.”


Sophie stopped walking and looked at me with a sneer. “LIAR!” she squeaked, raising her voice to a normal level. “This is why I hate what I have to do. I don’t like liars, and troublemakers, none of them understand I want to just read and be left alone.”


I felt stupid. Seemed no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep my damn mouth from spewing forth more crap about what I really was, but no one believed.


“I was just joking… but… thanks. For translating and all.”


Sophie didn’t reply. She just walked in silence and led me to the library. As we walked I felt my pull-up get a little warm once again. I frowned but kept walking, only it kept getting warm. I was wetting pretty good. I walked a little slower, till Sophie noticed she was getting kind of far ahead of me. I could tell I was still peeing. A small trickle started to go down my leg.


“Hurry up, I just want to show you where it is and…” Sophie had walked back to me, and saw the little trickle. My eyes began to water and I hesitated to say something.


French Whines… Neuf

By: CS Fox



“Did you just…?” Sophie’s voice trailed off as her eyes focused on the yellow liquid. Tears came and I did my best not to meet her gaze. There was an intense silence that fell between us like a thick layer of smoke. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, my heart began to pound and I just ran. I don’t know why I did, but it felt like the only thing I could do. The lid was off the pot and like any teen, instead of explaining it; I was going to run away from it.


I flew down the hall, turned, kept running and turned again. My shoulder hit the girl’s room door and I quickly found my way to a stall. I didn’t pull the wet pull-up down; I just sat and buried my face in my hands. Sophie had just seen what I was trying to hide… This could potentially be the catalyst for making school absolute hell. Good god, crying again? What the hell am I doing… I hadn’t even made it through the first day.


“Teacher?” Sophie asked in her shy voice as she pushed the door open to her classroom.


“You’re back Sophie?” Angélique said looking up. “I thought you’d be in the library with Alouette?”


Sophie shrugged. “We… didn’t exactly make it there.”


Angélique stopped writing. “She didn’t run away did she?”


“No… I don’t think she did.”


Angélique got out of her chair and walked around her desk to Sophie. Sophie gulped loudly as Angélique stood before her. “Sophie… Where is Alouette? She didn’t run away from the school did she?”


“I think she peed herself. And then ran off somewhere in the school.”


Angélique’s eyes bulged a little. “But.. but she had on a pull-up?”


Sophie’s eyes bulged a little too, and she fought back a giggle. “A what?”


“A something that if you open your mouth  will lead to five times more math homework then you already have.” Angélique bluffed at her.


Sophie gasped. Could teachers threaten students with homework? Her lips pursed in a seal.


“What direction did she run off in?” Angélique asked..


“Towards the lunchroom when we were near the library.”


“Okay, follow me Sophie, we need to talk on the way.”


The two of them left the classroom in search of Alouette. Sophie couldn’t help but wish she’d just never gotten involved. It seemed like every time in her life that she’d take a single step further then necessary, something like this always happened.


My tears didn’t stop. Just like my potty skills, my tear ducts did not obey what I wished them too. I just cried and sobbed, and sobbed and cried; occasionally blowing my noise on a wad of toilet paper because crying so much made you snotty.


Everything was just wrong… I shouldn’t be a girl. I shouldn’t be wetting myself. I shouldn’t be in school again. I shouldn’t even be in this part of the country. A million shouldn’t be’s… And just as I was feeling my tears come anew as I wallowed in self pity, I heard the bathroom door open.




 It was Angélique. I didn’t answer, but a pair of footsteps found their way to the door of my stall. I think they could hear my sobbing.


“Go away…” I said meekly.


Angélique patted Sophie’s shoulder. “Remember what we discussed Sophie. You don’t know… Okay?”


“Teacher wants you to come out…” said a soft voice. I recognized it as Sophie’s. She was the other pair of feet next to Angélique.


“I just want to be alone… I’m not feeling well.”


Sophie turned to Angélique. She was  doing her least favorite thing, which was  playing interpreter in shaky circumstances. “She says she’s not feeling well.”


Angélique nodded “Tell her you went and got me because you thought as much, and that I’m here to help. Then go wait for us outside the bathroom.”


Sophie spoke up shyly, “You weren’t looking to good back in the hallway, that’s why I brought our teacher, I’ll uh… be out in the hall.”


The soft voice left with soft footsteps, and Angélique opened the door to my stall. I looked up at her, wiping tears off my cheeks with a fist. I couldn’t tell if she was smiling maternally, condescendingly, or even mockingly… She just seemed to somehow say “I didn’t expect anything else” on her face.


“I’m beginning to think these pull-ups aren’t enough. You must have really wet to get Sophie’s attention like that.”


She said something about my pull-up and Sophie. It didn’t stop my sobbing, I think she was confirming that Sophie knew now. Angélique gave me a hand and pulled me up and out of the stall. She hiked my uniform skirt up a little and looked at my sodden garment. She made a low whistle, which didn’t help any either.


She had a bag over her shoulder, which she reached into and took out another pull up. I took off the soaked one and threw it away, putting on the dry one. Angélique waited till I was done, and pointed toward the door. We left together and found… an empty hall. Angélique looked around and didn’t find Sophie. She frowned.


“That girl… I told her to wait. Oh well,” Angélique said. I didn’t really pay any attention because I couldn’t understand it. She took my hand and motioned outside. “Let’s go home, I can’t really get any more work done anyway.”


We went back to our classroom and gathered some stuff before we left the school. I was sort of at a miss for why were leaving, or even why we’d stayed after. The only thing I knew was that tomorrow would suck. With my current luck, every student would know from Sophie how I was even stranger then I already seemed.


The school yard was empty, but people were bustling around in the streets of town. It was about that hour when people were driving back into town from their jobs, and some of the kids from the school were out playing around in the fair early evening weather. I of course, was not playing, and I don’t think I would have if Angélique had wanted me too. I was just a tripping, stumbling, sad girl, alone and wondering what next.


We got back to Angélique’s house. She brought me straight upstairs and had me lay down so she could diaper me. I didn’t really blame her. She didn’t want me having another accident, which now, I was accepting would assuredly happen no matter how much I didn’t want it too.


She did let me change out of the school uniform. I got into a pair of overalls which had probably once been Angélique’s. They were the only thing that really concealed my diaper and yet were still full clothes. Although, there was still a faint crinkling sound even more pronounced then the plastic pants had been.


“Alouette, I’ve got something for you here…” Angélique said as I came downstairs. She motioned for me to join her at the table. I found she had a sheet of paper with a bunch of mathematical problems on it. I smiled tiredly. “I was trying to write a note to the headmistress earlier, but didn’t have a chance to finish it because of your accident.”


She smiled back and gave me a pen. The math problems were all upper level. Some of them were things I’d only touched on last year in college. I sat down and started in. I did my best and I know I got just about everyone right. I wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip. It was my only chance to possibly prove that I was more then just a girl in her mid teens.


Angélique had started to cook something, but kept coming over to check my progress. A few times she gasped and started punching numbers into a calculator she fetched from her writing desk. It didn’t take me that long to finish the dozen problems. I was above average for a college level comp sci major, and I’m sure, light years above most 15-year-old girls.


“You certainly don’t have a problem with math. I’m going to have to give this to the headmistress tomorrow. She won’t believe what a prodigy you are.”


Angélique looked like I’d just written Shakespeare. I actually felt a little proud. At least one thing had gone right today. She put the paper with her stack of books and got to finishing dinner.


I ate in silence… or more accurately, I didn’t contribute to Angélique’s long monologue. I recognized a few bits of praise for my math skills, but they were few and I heard pull-up and diaper far more often in her rambling. To a point it was almost discouraging. I knew it hadn’t been a week yet, but it felt like after all my trying, even when I desperately needed to understand the language, I hadn’t gotten any better. All that I had learned were very basic excuses, questions, numbers and greetings. Not even enough to hold an intelligent conversation for longer then ten seconds.


After dinner I just tramped upstairs to bed. I was beat and didn’t have anything to stay up for anyway. I came into the room and just flopped down on the bed. I think my diaper was a little wet, but I didn’t care. I also think it wasn’t wise to sleep fully clothed, but I didn’t care about that either. I just wanted the total blankness of unconscious rest.


Morning found me grumpy and in a wet diaper (err… wetter diaper). It found Angélique singing and gaily playing another pillow game to get me out of bed. It slowly erupted into a war between America and France, resulting in the end, with French victory (for the first time in recent history, HA). She succeeded in annexing my bed and removing me from it.


Then something odd happened. After I’d had my morning bath, Angélique was back in my room waiting for me. I didn’t really pay her any mind because I figured she was doing laundry, but as I came in, she took my shoulder and had me lay down on the bed. I looked up at her questioningly.


“We have to do this… Pull-ups just aren’t working,” she said firmly.


I heard pull-up. I rolled my eyes. Why did she want to be the one to put it on me? It was a stupid pull-up.


Angélique went over to a dresser and I pressed my head a little harder into the bed. My head kind of felt a little light this morning. I also had a few butterflies in my stomach. It was probably because I had a school day of humiliation to look forward too. Angélique came back over and pulled the towel off me. I looked up nonchalantly just in time to see her unfold a disposable diaper and start putting it under me.


“WOAH! Hold on a tick!” I said immediately trying to jump up. Angélique put her hand down on my abdomen, keeping me in place. She had the diaper up quicker then I could kick my feet and swat her hands away.


“The pull-up was no good. You have to wear a diaper.”


“NO!” I said immaturely while stamping my foot. I started working at the tapes. Angélique came up and took my hands in hers.


“Alouette…” she said slowly. I stared into her eyes defiantly.


“You like this don’t you…” I said hotly. “You know that Sophie told everyone yesterday, and now today you’re just going to take it up a level. Ooooo the new American girl… what a freak, in diapers and running from the police.”


Angélique looked at me for a few moments. She couldn’t tell what I was saying, but my sarcasm was so heavy, that it penetrated the language wall. “You’re not making it to the bathroom. You no bathroom…”


I understood something like ‘no bathroom’ in French. I think she was saying I wasn’t aloud to use the bathroom anymore. I felt my anger rise.


“WHAT!? No bathroom?” I yelled, repeating some of her words. Angélique took a deep sigh and dropped my hands. She pointed at the trashcan, where she’d tossed my wet diaper this morning. We’d played this game before. “So what?” I said, still being snippy.


Angélique frowned. “Diaper,” she said sternly and left the room. I balled my hands into fists, and walked slowly over to the bed. I picked up a pillow, thrust it in my face, and let out a muffled scream.


I came downstairs in the school uniform with a pull-up on underneath. The diaper I’d been wearing was rebelliously taped up on Angélique’s bedroom door. She had a small backpack set for me on the table. She threw it at me, a little harshly, but I was ready for it. We set off towards the school.


We walked in silence. It was a little chilly this morning, both in terms of weather, and company. At least it felt that way walking around in a pleated skirt. As we got closer to the school, Angélique walked a little faster and left me sort of straggling behind. I raised my hand to call after her, but she turned and waved me off, taking out something from her bag and hurrying inside. I stood staring a little blankly, as she left.


“Hey Amerloque!” A wad of paper hit the back of my head.


“Oh good, Ass-Hat…” I said to myself in a grumble before turning around. Sure enough, the taller boy Gérard, the slightly shorter boy Marcel, and about three other boys were looking at me and sniggering.


“Why don’t you go back to your own country. We don’t want you around here,” Gérard said as menacingly as possible.


Its almost no fun when you don’t understand insults… how in the hell should I gauge my level of angry response. Did he say something about my mother? Or my appearance? Both of which wouldn’t even hurt much anyway the way things were now. The good thing was that he didn’t say anything about pull-ups and or diapers, which I was sure he would. He just apparently liked to call me Amerloque, whatever that was.


“You were good at math yesterday, how about this one…”


Gérard was doing something with his hands and fingers. He was doing like a 1 + 1 dance, only using the middle fingers.. and showing that 1 + 1 = fist in palm. It was like retarded troll mathematics. I tried to stifle back a giggle. My smirk didn’t go over too well with Gérard though. He started advancing on me.


Marcel stepped forward and put a hand on Gérard’s arm. He stopped and sneered at Marcel.


“Don’t fight, you’ll just get in trouble again,” Marcel said coolly.


“She’s asking for it… she’s laughing at us. The way she did on the street the other day!”


Apparently their was dissention in the ranks. It seemed like mini-ass-hat was a little more level headed then ass-hat. While I watched their gibberish argument, I noticed a scurry of movement out of the corner of my eye. Sophie had noticed me and the moment our eyes met, she ran for the school building, bumping into a few other students that happened to be in her way.


A girl stepped in front of me.


“That’s low, even for you two. Picking on a girl,” said Papillon.


Marcel frowned and pointed. “That’s not a normal girl.”


“Why because she won’t run when you threaten her?”


A girl who was somehow vaguely familiar had stepped in front of me. I walked to her side and looked at her curiously. It was the girl whose house I’d stopped at a few days ago. She was sticking up for me?


“She just won’t back down to verbal threats because she doesn’t understand them,” Gérard said, grinning evilly. He started advancing on me once again. This time Marcel did not stop him.


“Ummm… this does not look like forward progress for peace,” I said with a frown as Gérard walked up to me. The girl looked at him incredulously.


“You’re going to hit a girl now? What the hell is wrong with you?” Papillon shrieked angrily. She looked like she was about ready to hit Gérard herself.


“I’m not going to hit the Amerloque… I’m just going to,” his arm shoved me stiffly, “shove her a bit.”


 Pushing me, my body jerked a little in a defensive reaction to keep my balance. Gérard smiled at this result and was about to do it again.


“I’ve a mind to beat you myself, you big sack of s**t. Why the hell you picking on the new girl?”


“Because,” shove me, “it’s” shove me, “fun.”


This was just a game to them. They were all laughing. The girl wasn’t but all the guys were. I wasn’t in the mood for games, and it stopped being a game as I balled my fist up and connected it like a block of cobblestone to Gérard’s left cheek. His friends gasped, but I didn’t give him a chance to react, I used my forward foot to kick the inside of his knee and shouldered him off his feet. I didn’t do it hard enough to break anything, but it was hard enough so that he’d be walking that one off for a week. He fell over backward. The girl roared with laughter and the boys around him looked at me transfixed, but none more so then Marcel.


I shouldered my backpack, just as the bell rang, and walked inside the building, that same girl, clapping me on the shoulder and babbling in French. Ahhhhh that felt good. I didn't notice one of Marcel's lackies ran off in the other direction down the hall.








French Whines… 10 (Got tired of counting in French)

By: CS Fox


Ah to be back in school… How I foundly remember hating it back then too. If it’s possible, I think I hate it more now. Usually when you do something twice, you find it’s easier the second time around… not for me though.


Maybe it’s the fact that my second high school education is being given to me in different circumstances. This time around, I’m an outsider with few, if any, friends. I also can’t understand anyone since I don’t speak the language, and I seem to have a problem controlling my bladder. Possibly the worst thing though… for my secondary, secondary education, I’m having to take it as a girl. Not mentally… but… physically… I’m in a girl’s body… Your guess is as good as mine as to how this happened.


As for the here and now; I’m walking with a girl named Papillon. I discovered her name somewhere in her long inane babbling. It was the only word I soaked up as her tidal wave of speech washed over me. Everything was just sort of chatter that I was pretty good at ignoring by now. I know that sounds kind of mean for me to say, but this girl knew perfectly well I couldn’t speak French or understand her. She, like everybody in this tiny town, seemed not to care I couldn’t understand when they told me their life story.


Papillon was awfully impressed with how I’d decked Gérard. She beat her fist down into her hand and laughed each time as she re-lived the moment.


“I don’t ever want to forget that moment. The look of surprise on his face when you cracked into his jaw… Princeless.”


I began to suspect she’d had beef with him in the past, and she really enjoyed this comeuppance. Still, I guess it was good to have someone impressed with me. It was something new, and something that I really hadn’t expected to happen today.


I walked into class feeling oddly proud. It was the morning of my second day at this little school, and I realized just how little it was. The other students whispered amongst themselves as I went by. Apparently news travels really fast, and my fight minutes before had made front page.


I found Sophie at her desk, and we made eye contact, but she quickly turned away. I don’t think she was the happiest about the fight. Papillon left me for her desk and the company of some of her chatty friends who actually understood her. I just took my seat and looked up to see that Angélique wasn’t here. Marcel and Gérard were here though. They were both at their desks, which were dangerously close by. Gérard’s lip was puffed out a little. I tried not to look at him, but smiled when I caught this small change in his appearance. “Take that ass-hat,” I whispered to myself smugly.


The class talked and whispered amongst itself for a few minutes until Angélique finally did appear. As she came into the room, everyone quieted down and started to take their seats. All seats filled up, except one.


“Sorry I’m a little late getting here,” Angélique said. “I had to speak with our headmistress this morning…”


A smile grew on Gérard’s swollen lips. No doubt his little crony Louise had reported the fight to his teacher and the headmistress… didn’t matter what Marcel wanted him to do. All he had to do now was just sit back, relax, and watch for storming nuns.


Angélique noticed the single empty chair. “Where is Louise?” She inquired politely.


Gérard looked a little surprised. Louise should have been to the office with her and headmistress.


“Oh well, no matter… When they come around for attendance later, I’ll let them know Louise is playing hooky.”


I noticed a peculiarity. There was a boy missing in class. I don’t know his name, but I know he’s one of Marcel’s little retarded gang members. His absence didn’t affect me though, so I just settled in and waited.


Class began just as it had the day before. Everyone cracked open their books, I shifted a little uncomfortably in my seat, dreadfully aware of my pull-up underneath my skirt, and I did my best to follow along in the foreign lesson.


Angélique dumbed it down a little for me, but I was still very much lost through most of it. I opened my book and looked at the pictures. At one point, I tried to get Sophie’s attention, but she ignored me. I think she knew that Marcel and Gérard were officially watching anything I did or anyone I talked too. Either that, or Sophie just really didn’t like her translating task and was taking it out on me.


Three and half hours of boringness later, it was finally lunch time. I stayed at my desk until Marcel and his lot had left, noticing the mean look they gave me. With everyone gone I went to Angélique’s desk.


“My class was very chatty today. I think a lot of them were talking about you… Second day here and already the whole school is a buzz about you,” Angélique said sweetly tossling my hair. I just grinned and nodded, it’s the best thing to do when someone who has reason to possibly be mad is happy with you instead.


Angélique looked around the room for a second, making sure no one was in ear shot, and no one was, since they’d left a minute before for lunch. She looked at me, “Now do you… need to go to the bathroom? Did you use your diaper?”


I blushed. I knew she was asking me about my diaper, only she didn’t know I hadn’t worn the diaper. I’d put on a pair of pull-ups this morning instead… I discreetly patted underneath my skirt and found them a little wet, but holding up. I had a spare in my bag, so I told her as best I could that I was okay, and that I was going to the restroom.


Angélique nodded. “I think that would be best, hurry off. Maybe you can prove me wrong and not actually need that diaper.”


“Sure, whatever,” I said waving her off as I left the classroom. I made my way to the bathroom. I wasn’t really sure if I needed to go, it just felt like it couldn’t hurt to try, rather then just letting it happen as the day went on. Besides, probably wouldn’t hurt to change into a dry pair of pull-ups.


Coming around the hall corner, I found Marcel’s gang. Only they weren’t looking at me. They were helping someone out of a wall locker. I pressed myself to the wall and watched as they tugged free the boy who’d been missing in class.


“Louise, where the hell did you go? Did you report the fight to the Headmistress?” Gérard asked.


The boy looked slightly contorted, having been stuffed in the locker for a few hours. Marcel kicked the boy in the shine and looked sternly at Gérard.  “Idiot, I told you not to report it. You’ll both get nailed if the headmistress finds out.”


“Shut up Marcel.”


Marcel hit Gérard across the jaw, not nearly as hard as I had, more like a hard tap. Spooked him a bit. “Never tell me to shut up big brother. I’ll kick your ass.” He turned to the boy who’d been rescued from the locker. “Sorry this happened to you Louise, but seriously, you knew I didn’t want this reported, you need to listen to me next time, not ox head my brother. But still, who did this to you? Was it the American girl?”


The locker-boy shook his head no. I think they were questioning who’d stuffed him in the locker.


“It was Cyprien and Jeanne. The jumped me as soon as I started running for the headmistress office.”


“Those two? What the hell do they care about you for?”


“I… I dunno…”


I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I turned and nearly screamed in fright finding Papillon there. She held a finger up to my mouth, to show me I needed to be quiet, and luckily I had enough sense not to make any noise. The ass-hat club hadn’t noticed me thus far and so I creeped off with Papillon.


“You just look for trouble, don’t ya?” Papillon said admirably. “Those boys aren’t your biggest fans, and yet you follow them around.”


I still didn’t understand this girl, so I just changed the subject of whatever she was talking about. “Sorry, I don’t really know what you mean, and I wasn’t doing anything more then some harmless eavesdropping on the ass-hats.” She looked at me blankly, and we kept walking the long way towards the lunch hall. As we got near I spied the bathroom and made to head inside. Papillon followed.


I locked myself in one of the stalls and pulled down my pull-ups so that I could sit down and take care of business… Once again I was somehow fortunate to do… um… two… on the toilet. Its weird cause I can’t usually feel the need, but I can seem to control it a little… I dunno.


“Are you almost done?” Papillon asked.


I blushed and immediately pulled up my wet undergarment. If she looked at the right angle, she’d certainly see it. “I don’t need you here, or to wait for me, or whatever you want. I didn’t ask you to follow me in, you just did.” I called out. It didn’t make her leave though.


I tried to figure out what to do. I had a spare pull-up in my bag, but changing into it would mean I’d have to throw the wet one away, which I couldn’t do with Papillon waiting outside the stall. I frowned and didn’t change it.


“Took you a while, come on, Lunch is already half way over.”


I went to go wash my hands. Papillon looked around to make sure no one was nearby for a second and came to whisper to me. “What was it my mom gave you when you came to visit? I think I know what it was… and if its what I think it was… I’ll tell everyone you have a problem if you tell them I used too. They um… weren’t even mine in the first place.”


I stopped washing my hands and turned to Papillon. “English… Learn to speak English.” I said. She tilted her head at me and made sort of an “oh” face and nothing more was said.


We went to the lunch room and got lunch. Papillon wanted me to sit with her friends at her table. But, with the morning I’d had, I politely waved the offer off, and found Sophie sitting by herself. Whatever had happened to make her like me even less then usual needed to be remedied, because at the moment, she was the only one in school who spoke English.


I sat down across from her with my tray and she looked up with a glare from her reading. Without saying a word she closed her book and got up to leave.


“No wait… Please, I’m sorry for whatever made you mad.”


“Don’t be sorry when you don’t even know why,” she said.


“That’s what bugs me more, I really want to know why you’re mad. I can’t stand not knowing why someone is mad at me, especially when that person is the only one who can understand me.”


“I just want to be left alone… and you don’t understand that… no one does. That’s why I’m mad.” And with that she stormed off.


I sighed and slumped down in my chair. I played with my fork in the fruit mix or whatever it was and wondered how I could get her back to the cordial level she’d be at when I first met her. I needed an English speaking friend. After I’d sat thinking for a few moments, a piece of carrot landed on my tray. I rolled my eyes, ass-hats… Least they couldn’t aim.


After lunch I snuck off to the bathroom. The first one I came to had two girls smoking in it. They had their backs to me, so I quickly ran off to another. I managed to get into my dry pull-up and get back to class without being late.


Afternoon class was way better then morning class. I was able to show off once more in Math. Just like yesterday Angélique started class with some tricky upper level math question… I smiled because I knew she was testing me again. I didn’t disappoint.


Somewhere in the lesson, I wet my pull-up. I was mid-way through some graphing when I felt my seat get a bit warm. My face flushed red and I stopped my pencil to check and see if anyone had noticed… I waited and luckily everyone was engrossed in their lesson. Heaving a sigh of relief I went back to work. Towards the end of class though… my pull-up had leaked a little. There’s a fine difference between the moist feeling of the padding, and the wet feeling of pooled pee. I was definitely feeling a little bit of the wetness, and my skirt also started to feel a little damp on my leg.


I dropped my pencil, and then hesitated on picking it up. Angélique looked up from her desk, giving me a questioning glance. I was about in tears, but to my absolute good fortune, the bell rang a moment later, and the class slowly started to leave. I sat perfectly still, not daring to move an inch.


“Later Alouette,” Papillon said to me as she walked by. She paused to pick up my pencil and put it on my desk before she left, giving me a slightly weird look since I didn’t say anything and just sat very still.


Sophie was one of the last people to leave and Angélique stopped her before she did. Angélique tried to be as nice as she could, knowing she was a bit mean the day before. “I want you to take your math seriously with Alouette, I really think you both can help each other out. She doesn’t have a lot of friends.”


“I’m sure she has plenty after what she did this morning…”


“What do you mean?”


Sophie rolled her eyes, teachers could be really clueless sometimes. “She...”


Sophie looked at me. Her and Angélique were talking about something and I think it involved me. She knows about my problem… she has to given that I had an accident yesterday right in front of her. Before she could say another word I just blurted out.


“Tell Angélique I can’t get up. My… my skirt’s wet.”


Sophie looked at me incredulously. “Why is your skirt….” It dawned on her.


Angélique looked at us both and then focused on Sophie. “So are you going to study then? What did Alouette say?”


Sophie paused. Once again she was caught in the middle. “She said that… she can’t get up.”


“What? Why?”


Angélique walked up to me. I tried not to meet her gaze. I think she was about to find out that I didn’t wear what she’d asked me to wear. She took my hand and yanked me up out of my seat. I yelped a little and put my hands over my rear to try and hide what I knew was probably there.


“Your skirts wet.” Angélique said matter-of-factly to me. Sophie shrugged, that’s what she was going to say if given the time.


My eyes went wide and I quickly tried to bring my hands around to the front as Angélique lifted up my skirt right in front of Sophie. It was only a few inches before Angélique noticed what I was wearing and she stared sternly at me. Sophie looked slightly aghast.


I pushed down my skirt from Angélique’s hands and quietly said “non.” I’d rather not be chastised in front of someone. “It… just happened.”


“Well, I see you haven’t made any progress at all, and that you didn’t listen to me this morning. Now do you see why I think you need to be in diapers?” Angélique said while poking at the wet part of my skirt. I understood “diaper” and from her example of my wet skirt, I understand her complete lack of faith in my bathroom habits.


“Diapers?” Sophie asked in her soft voice. Angélique and I turned to see her standing there, and everything suddenly got really awkward and embarrassing… Angélique looked like she was about to say something but I walked to Sophie first.


“It’s a really long story… I…wasn’t always…”  I felt tears welling up, and quickly stopped the story. I forgot that she didn’t believe it yet either.


“Alouette doesn’t have any bladder control. She’s wet herself every day for almost a week and as far as I know, has all her life,” Angélique said calmly. “You saw her do the same thing yesterday.”


“You need diapers?” Sophie asked me cautiously. I wanted to say no, but I just shook my head yes. I think Angélique took it as a small victory her way too.


“Please don’t tell anyone.”


It took a little while for things to get straightened out. Angélique and Sophie talked for a little while. Sophie got emotional about it, and made a few wild hand gestures at me and Angélique every now and then. I just sat holding the ends of my skirt down and waiting for the hallway to clear of people.


When it finally had, Angélique sent us out. I held a book over my butt as we snuck off with my wet skirt to the gym. Sophie had a spare skirt in her gym locker.


Angélique was mad, and I think she wasn’t looking much to help me out. Usually she was down right motherly when dealing with my embarrassment because of an accident, but today she seemed to leave me on my own since I’d disobeyed her.


“What did Angélique say earlier?” I asked Sophie, in the hopes she wouldn’t be upset with me from lunch. Seems everyone’s upset with me lately.


“She didn’t know you were in a fight this morning, and I didn’t tell her. It would just make more drama if she knew…”


“Thanks…” I said dryly.


“She also wants me to get math tutoring from you, and for me to help you with French.”


Her voice was still a little shy and low, and I looked at her hopefully. “Could you… help me? I don’t care much about the French, I’d be happy just having someone to talk too who spoke English.”


“I…” she sounded sad but slightly annoyed. “I just wanted to be left alone. All you’ve done is attract attention to yourself. Your different, your new, you fight… you wet yourself.”


I stopped walking and felt tears well up again. “That hurt…” I said softly.


She raised her voice a little, “well you do! Why are we going to the gym right now if you don’t? Angélique wants us to be best friends. Do you know what that’ll mean?”


I didn’t answer.


“It means that I’ll be associated with you… Whenever you get attention, my name will be tagged on, and people will bother me… What if they find out you’re going to be wearing diapers, the first thing they’ll ask themselves is if I do too. I don’t want any attention! I  just…”


“Don’t want to be bothered,” I said finishing her sentence and feeling a little tear. I’d never had to ask for a friend before… Even worse, I’d never been shot down by one. I pushed past her at a jog and made for the bathroom. I couldn’t really stop the tears now. She was right. I couldn’t control myself and I needed to wear diapers. If I wasn’t already the center of every conversation, if my secret broke, I’d have no chance of ever fitting in.


Second day, second time… I found myself on the exact same stall in the ladies room. Crying quietly to myself. My skirt was still wet, but it was probably going to dry by the time I got out, so it didn’t even seem to bother me that much.


I heard the bathroom door open and the soft shuffle of feet. Sophie spoke up. “Alouette?”


“Like you, I don’t want to be bothered,” I said as coldly between tears as I could.


She was quiet for a little bit, before opening my stall door and looking at me. Her expression was hard to place. I don’t think she was used to having to deal with anything like this before. She was just a quiet girl and suddenly she’d be thrust into a loud situation. She took off her glasses. I wasn’t buying it.


“I think I understand why you don’t want to be bothered,” I said. “Because you never are.”


She screwed up her face in a question. “Huh?”


“I knew people like you back when I first went to high school. You were so quiet and lonely that somewhere along the way you gave up trying have a friend accept you.  You’re defensively solitary. People don’t concern themselves with you, so why should you concern yourself with them?”


Her face changed somewhat. I don’t think I was making the shot, but I was hitting the backboard. Her voice hit normal level and she quickly put her glasses back on. “You don’t know anything about me.”


“Your right! I don’t! But I wanted to. You speak English, and so do I. That puts you leaps and bounds ahead of anyone else if I had a choice of making friends with. I’m sorry Angélique is pressuring you into the situation, and if you want, I won’t be your friend, I’ll just be your hard ass math tutor. I’ll be..”


“I don’t need any friends or any math tutors. Okay?” she said interrupting me. “Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I just want to be left alone. I don’t want any attention, I don’t want any friends.”


She started to walk out, but I got out of the stall and stood behind her. “That’s because you’ve never really had a friend isn’t it?!” I shouted at her.


Her reply was something of a muffled roar as she tackled me. Her hand grabbed some of my hair, my hand grabbed some of hers, and we tugged like mad.


“Take that back!” she cried. I didn’t reply, but just stayed in the lock with her, occasionally making a whimper or general noise of pain as my hair was pulled. She yelled again, “I said take it back!”


“Its true isn’t it?”


“No, everything was great until I came to this school. I had friends in Paris, but no one wanted to be my friend around here!”


“I want to be your friend!” I said as I pulled extra hard.


“No you don’t!”


“Yes I do! And if you don’t take your knee off my abdomen or I’ll leak all over your skirt too.”


Sophie started cracking up. She let go of my hair, and slumped backwards. I did the same.


“I think I would have preferred if you’d hit me in the jaw like I did Gérard, rather then pull my hair…” I said while patting my head. Stings a bit.


“I never thought someone would fight me for friendship… I don’t even know if it is friendship.”


“I’ve had plenty of friends I wanted to beat up all the time. You’ll get used to it. And you’ll also get used to the fact I’m going to have to bother you… and bother you a lot, since I can’t speak French.”


Sophie’s laughter died down. “I don’t want any attention.”


“You think I want attention? That I want a fight every morning? That I want people to know I piss myself? Trust me, if I could, I’d fade into gray like you.”


Sophie frowned, but paused a moment in reflection. “Are… you… really going to be able to help me with Math?”


“Yeah, that’ll be easy. Are you going to be able to deal with me being around?”


“No, that’ll be hard. But I will… I mean… I’ll try my best.”


I got up and offered her a hand, helping her to her feet. “I can deal with that.” And with that… I’d made my first real friend as a girl.


My skirt was dry now so we didn’t bother going to the gym for me to change. We headed for the library, and since we’d wasted so much time, Angélique came in to get me only like 10 mins after we’d started with her Math lesson. She also picked at my hair a little bit and I assume she asked why it looked askew, but Sophie replied for me with a wink and Angélique did ask anything further.


She took me home and brought me straight up to my room. She wasn’t amused about the diaper taped to her door and so for the rest of the evening, didn’t give me a dress or skirt or anything to cover the diaper she put me in. Through dinner and homework, she grumpily enforced me to wear just a t-shirt and diaper, which I did without wanting to add more to whatever number of fights I’d had both verbal and physical today.


As I was finishing up my homework, the phone rang. It scared me a bit because it hadn’t happened often since I’d been here. My mind immediately started to race with thoughts of whom it could be… most of those thoughts worrying about a stupid Inspector.


“Leroy!” Angélique said happily as she answered the phone. I scratched my head. Who was Leroy?


“Your going to be back in town? That’s wonderful! You have to come by for dinner tomorrow. No no, I insist. I’ve had company the last few days… silly, it’s a girl, I’d never replace you with another guy… Actually she’s a young girl, one of my students now. Yep, you’ll meet her tomorrow.”


Who the heck is Leroy? I couldn’t figure it out, but Angélique seemed excited to hear from him. Indeed she was more sing song then usual right up until she put me to bed. Whatever, didn’t matter, I’d made a friend today, and at least that was something.





French Whines… 11

By: CS Fox



I had the most pleasant dream. It involved me, as a boy, and the university I should have been at in Paris. It was complete with all the friends I’d made on the wine vineyard trip and even that tour guide… so you can imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to find my tour guide was actually Angélique stripping the covers off me.


“Non non!” I pleaded as I tried to hold onto them.


“Oh come on, every morning you do this. It’s a wonderful morning and you’re half way though the week now,” Angélique said. She successfully wrestled the covers away from me. “Abuse abuse?” she asked in a cheery voice while looking at my diaper.


I frowned heavily. “Yes! Abuse abuse! Anyone forced to wake up and go to school when they’ve already gone, and to wear diapers and be a girl and all that crap… is most certainly dealing with abuse abuse!”


Angélique rolled her eyes and laughed as she pulled me from the bed. She pointed me towards the bathroom and got to making my bed. All I could think was that whatever makes her this cheery in the morning should be banned.


I bathed. It had only been a few days since I’d been here, but I was already starting to fall into a routine. In a scary way, my body was even starting to seem… well less of a shock to me as it had first been. Maybe after a little bit of time, things just become familiar.


When I had finished I came back to Angélique sitting on my bed with diapering supplies next to her. I groaned, but after yesterday, I was kind of expecting a reaction like this.


“I’m going to be diapered all day today aren’t I?” I asked solemnly. Angélique didn’t say anything but tried her best to smile and patted the spot next to her, the spot where the diapers were. Guess that answers my question.


I let my towel fall and lay down on the bed. Angélique was appreciative of my cooperation and I just swallowed a bit of my pride and waited as she got to work. A part of me wondered if I’d be able to hide this. The pull-ups were quiet, didn’t make a single sound. A disposable diaper on the other hand… I’d be making a tell-tale crinkle if I wasn’t cautious.


Angélique started humming a certain song about my name as she pulled the diaper up. I growled at her and did my best to let her know I didn’t find it very funny. She smiled and patted my thigh.


“All done. That should cover you in case of accidents.” She made a show of putting a few more in her schoolbag as I got up off the bed. I felt a little odd standing there naked except for a diaper. Some modest instinct had my arms folded over my chest, but I still wondered if I’d be able to make it through school like this. “Go ahead and get dressed and I’ll do the same. Meet you in the kitchen.” And with that she left me to get ready for school.


It didn’t take very long. The choices of what to wear were pretty obvious, since it was a uniform school. I considered myself a bit lucky that the diaper I was wearing wasn’t extremely bulky and that my skirt did go down far enough to amply cover it. I walked back and forth across the room a few times to test out the sound level and found it wasn’t that bad if I moved slow enough.


We met in the kitchen and had a quick breakfast before gathering our supplies and walking off to school. Today Angélique was a bit more talkative and pointed out some more stuff in the town, using her watered down French for me. Things like dog, “le chien” and various other objects we encountered on our walk. Truthfully, I wasn’t listening to her much, I was listening for any noises I made as I walked.


“If you need a change, just come and get me okay? I can either give you supplies to change yourself or I can sneak you into the teacher’s bathroom.”


By her little show, I could tell Angélique was trying to tell me something about my diaper. She kept indicating the ones in my backpack so I guess she meant something about needing them changed. I just nodded, wasn’t like I could disobey her on whatever demand she was making anyway.


The school yard was abuzz as usual with my arrival. I had become some sort of an overnight mini-celebrity. I was feared and respected, and of course outcast all at once. The only ones to approach me were Sophie and Papillon… and Papillon only came over to say hi and let everyone around know that she “knew” me, to boost her opinion poll or whatever… I dunno, there’s playground politics that baffle me, truthfully I was just happy to see Sophie approach me willingly and walk with Angélique and I into the building.


I walked into the class and something was immediately wrong. I had been hoping for a lot of noise, so that I could avoid any crinkling, and under normal circumstances, they’re should have been a lot of general noise until class started, but today… today there was a Nun in the back of class. The headmistress to be precise. The classroom was dead silent. This wasn’t going to be fun.


“Ah headmistress! You’re going to watch class today?” Angélique asked with a smile.


The headmistress looked bored. “I’ll be here for a little bit, then I thought I might take Sophie and our new student Alouette out of class for the remainder of the morning. I want to give Alouette some tests like you suggested and I’ll need Sophie to translate.”


Angélique positively beamed.


“Sophie…?” I whispered.


Sophie leaned over toward me. “What Alouette?”


“What are they talking about? I heard our names.”


“The headmistress wants to give you tests later this morning.”


“Tests?” I asked, slightly alarmed.


“Tests…” Sophie shrugged. “I dunno, she said she needs me to translate.”


I went straight to my seat and sunk into my chair. This was just what I didn’t need, more reason to stand out. Class got underway, Angélique dove right in, and I did my best to just stare and look like I understood what was going on since the Headmistress was apparently keeping a watch on me.


The only good thing to come out of this was that it kept Marcel and his lot quiet. I bet they had been brooding and watching me as I walked in from outside with Angélique. Now, with the headmistress in class, they were nervously trying to pay as much attention as I was.


The lessons were boring and if I didn’t know any better, were probably the same lesson we’d had the day before, but I somehow managed to get through them without looking like I was off in space or sleeping. True to what Sophie said, before the next lesson began, the headmistress left. She told Angélique to send us a few minutes later so that she could get the test ready. We left on our own shortly after.


It was nice to have Sophie not afraid or mad at me. It would also be nice to not have to face the headmistress alone, even though I knew Sophie would be caught in a crossfire between us once more, and I gave her kudos for not looking upset for the upcoming ordeal.


“So are you wearing another pull-up today?” Sophie asked out of the blue in her soft voice. It shook me out of my thoughts.


I blushed and quietly shook my head no. “Diaper,” I said very very quietly. She didn’t look surprised. “I… I can’t help it,” I said trying to explain myself. She just shrugged and we continued on ahead. I tried to change the subject. “What do you think she wants to test me for?”


Her soft voice came again, “You’re a math genius… Haven’t you noticed how much more math we’ve done in class since you’re first day?” she added a slight icy stare. Math was not her subject.


“It’s what I majored in back at… um… I mean it’s just something I’ve always been good at. Stick with what you know right?”


“I suspect that’s what she’s going to test you on.”


We entered the office and found the elderly receptionist there. She stared at us behind her wide rimmed glasses and nodded her pointed nose to open chairs for us to sit in. We took a seat next to another girl who was already sitting there waiting.


This girl was someone I hadn’t seen around the school before, because if I had, I would have remembered. She was wirey thin, and tall. She had raven colored long hair that seemed even longer because she had to be 5’10” tall, which was huge for a girl our age. She was at least a foot taller then me and Sophie, and it made her look a bit awkward even though she had a pretty face and body.


As we sat down she smiled at us both, and Sophie smiled back and then made a point not to make eye contact with her again. I noticed this, but decided not to say anything in front of this tall girl.


“Send in Caroline,” called the headmistress from her office. The receptionist replied by beckoning the tall girl to head in before us. I watched her go in.


“The headmistress has to talk to Caroline before she gets to testing you,” Sophie told me when she saw my questioning gaze.


“Who is she?”


Sophie paused for a moment. “She’s Caroline.”


I frowned, “Yeah, and?”


“Well… she’s… she’s a bit different.”


I wondered if Sophie knew who she was talking too. “Different how?”


“She’s… slow.”


“Stop making everything more complicated, just explain it all. Who is she and how is she slow?”


Sophie took in a breath and sighed a little. “She used to be in our class before you came here. She’s not slow like autistic slow, she’s just… well it just takes her a while to understand everything. She’s also kind of clumsy and she was picked on a lot.”


I imagined someone picking on that tall girl, and then the tall girl just flicking them away like ants. She was probably 16 inches taller then Marcel and like maybe 8 taller then Gérard even. Sophie recognized the thoughtful look on my face.


“No… she’s taller then us, but she can’t stand up for herself. When Marcel, Gérard and the rest made fun of her, she’d just stand there and cry. They’d make fun of her because she was tall and not as smart as everyone else.”


“That’s awful… Those dumb jerks!” I said hotly. The receptionist looked at me with an annoyed expression, she couldn’t speak English and probably just thought I was being noisy. I lowered my voice again. “Why isn’t she in our class anymore?”


“Her mom took her out of class because she was made fun of so much. She didn’t have a lot of friends and I think her parents just thought it’d be better to home school her.”


Made enough sense, but I thought about the way Sophie hadn’t looked at the girl after the initial smile. “Did you know this girl really well?”


“I… well I sympathized with Caroline. But I…”


I knew that slightly pressured look. “You didn’t want to be bothered right? Didn’t want to make yourself a target?” I asked dryly. Sophie nodded.


The door opened and the tall girl walked out and left the office. She wasn’t wearing the school uniform so I guess she really was being home schooled for now. The headmistress called out and we were pointed into her office.


“Tell Alouette to sit at the desk in the corner,” the headmistress said pointing. I heard my name combined with pointing and took the instruction even though she was talking to Sophie. She came up and dropped a packet of papers on the desk. “Angélique says she’s above high school level of math and possibly even college. And she even thinks Alouette is a genius that we just can’t understand because she’s American… I don’t believe it for a moment, but I’m willing to waste my morning in the name of fairness. Tell her that she has two hours to take the test and that she better do it quietly and without questions. I had Inspector Facet write English instructions on the test.”


Her long explanation scared me. It mentioned my name, the French word for American, and Inspector Facet. All of which could be a very bad combination, especially if the Inspector was involved. I looked nervously to Sophie for translation.




“She says you have two hours to take the test. Inspector Facet translated some of the instructions to English for you.”


I stared in disbelief at my test. Inspector Facet had done some of the instructions? This couldn’t be good.


“All right Sophie, I won’t need you here any more. Head back to class. I’ll send Alouette back when she’s done.”


Sophie nodded to the headmistress and cautiously looked at me to try and give some nod of encouragement before leaving the office. The headmistress pointed at the paper, then at the clock and made a “2” with her fingers. She then went and promptly sat behind her desk to get work done. I felt this nun didn’t have much of a clue what Inspector Facet might have done to my test.


I opened my test and found some marks in red pen scribbled into the side of the test.


“Hello Alouette. I’ve heard you’re awfully smart for a runaway American. The headmistress asked that I re-write the instructions here into English, which, you’ll find I’ve done. Good luck… you’ll need it.

–Inspector Facet.”


Something didn’t look right. I started to do the first two problems. The instructions he gave said to determine the length of the missing side of a triangle drawn in the book. After I worked it out I knew something was a miss because it came out to be a large fraction, which didn’t seem right given as everything else on the page seemed to be relatively whole numbers. I think my test had been sabotaged.


“Um… Headmistress?” I asked looking at the nun. She slowly narrowed her eyes at me and frowned.


“No talking!” She yelled. The sudden noise caused me to jolt a little in my seat, and my diaper to get a little warm. I went back to my test, figuring she wasn’t going to help.


The inspector didn’t want me to display my math talent, his base instructions were wrong and they accounted for half the test. The problems with easily identifiable mathematical terms, things like “less than”, “square root of”, “pi”, they were all doable, but the long word problems, some of them were downright obvious stabs at me.


“An American girl tells everyone a lie five times in one day. If she is taken away from her nice home and sent to a juvenile detention center 50 kilometers away at an average traveling speed of 45 k/h, how long will it be before she is locked up and never heard of again?” The message was pretty clear.


I did my very best to input numbers in the ways that looked right, but even if I was lucky, I could only really count on getting the 50% of the non-word problems right. I handed in my test and left the office as quickly as I could. The headmistress seemed glad I got out so quickly.


Sometime during the test, I think I wet a little more, and I kind of hoped I could get some help from Angélique before lunch. I made it back to class just about when everyone was getting up for lunch so at least my timing was on.


I waited by the door as the other students went by. Gérard made a point to shoulder me as he left the room and I just gave him an empty sneer. Sophie stopped at the door.


“How’d it go?”


“Bad… My test was sabotaged.”




The class was just about clear now. I motioned for Sophie to go, “I’ll explain later.”


With everyone gone I walked up to Angélique’s desk. She looked very happy and expectant of me. “How did your tests go?” she asked with a big smile.


I’d seen her this excited with the headmistress in the room earlier. I think she wanted to know how my testing went. I shrugged and tried not to dampen her spirits. “Don’t know how I did,” I said with all honesty, and perhaps little bit of faked enthusiasm. It seemed to satisfy her for the moment.


I got to the more important business for me. I went to the door and looked both ways, and then came back to Angélique. I flipped my skirt up quickly and then flipped it down. She nodded and reached into a bag behind her desk.


She had packed a few diapers into her school bag. She held them up and pointed at me then her, but I didn’t get what she was meaning and shook my head. She handed me the diaper and I took it to go change myself. It would be easier this way. I put it in my backpack and snuck out to the bathroom.


A few minutes later I walked into the lunchroom. I had a dry diaper on and had managed to change in one of the stalls with no one coming in to bother me, oh and thank god I’m regular, took care of that business too.


The usual order was presiding in the lunchroom. It was noisy and the same clumps of friends and clichés were seated about in various spots. This made it easy to single out Sophie who was by herself.


I got a tray of food and went to sit with her.


I sat down and quietly ignored any looks we’d gotten. Sophie had a good table to sit at, because either by design or accident, it was about as far away from the asshats as could be.


“So what did you mean by sabotaged earlier?” she asked.


I let out a sigh and took a bite of food. “The inspector didn’t translate my test right… he wanted me to fail.”


Sophie again didn’t look surprise, but she did raise her voice a little. “How.. how do you know?”


“One of the questions on the test was about how fast a ‘lying’ girl would get thrown into juvenile hall if she kept lying… It was fairly pointed and obvious.”


“I could tell my dad. He’s works with Inspector Facet.”


I shook my head no. “Inspector Facet has a lot more credibility then I do. Who would your dad believe; his co-worker or the strange American girl who came out of nowhere?”


“Good point.”


“I think I just have to wait and see what he means to do. The tests weren’t important too me anyway.”


We ate lunch in quiet for a little bit. I could tell that while she didn’t like getting glances from around the room in our direction, she did at least enjoy not eating alone. But then she started to look scared as two girls approached us.


They were a little older then us, and they had somehow made their uniforms cover the least amount of their body as possible. They smiled as they stood across from us.


“If it isn’t the quiet little book reader,” Cyprien said with a sneer. Jeanne reached for Sophie’s book.


The girls didn’t look to be very nice. One of them started to reach for Sophie’s book, but I scooted it out of reach with my hand, smiling at her.


“The infamous Alouette, American troublemaker… We’ve really meant to talk to you these last few days,” Cyprien said.


Jeanne spoke up. “We’ve admired you since you’re first day here. You have as little respect for authority as we do. Honestly, we wish you’d join us so we could have a bit more fun around this town.”


I looked at Sophie. “Um.. who are these girls and what are they saying?”


Sophie hesitated. The girls looked at her and waited. I think they knew Sophie could speak English and that I couldn’t speak French.


“You going to tell her what we said?” Cyprien said impatiently.


“They’re names are Cyprien and Jeanne. They’ve nearly been expelled like a billion times and all they do now is make everyone miserable and get into as much trouble as… as… as well as you do!”


“Geeze, that’s a lot. What do they want?”


“For you to be a hooligan with them.”


“You’re talking an awful lot. That’s a lot more English then things we told her.” Cyprien said impatiently.


Jeanne chimed in with a frown. “Are you telling her bad things about us little Sophie?”


They had interrupted Sophie and I; and they were apparently not happy with Sophie. I stood up and stared intently at them.


Cyprien smiled. “Cool, come hang out with us. We’re just about to take a smoke, want to join?”


One of the girls said something at me and then lowered her shirt a little to reveal a pack of smokes hidden in her bra. I rolled my eyes and sat back down. Bunch of losers. “Go away, I’d rather hang out with Sophie.” I made a shooing motion with my hands. This didn’t please them at all.


“Is she turning us down to stay with a little ugly mouse like you?” Jeanne barked.


Sophie didn’t say anything, she just stared at the table. The girls weren’t leaving. The one who had tried earlier reached for Sophie’s book again. I made my hand into a fist and brought it down like a hammer on hers.


“Leave her book alone and get the hell away! Go smoke or something, I have enough trouble without looking for more.”


The girl took her hand away with a look of utter contempt toward me, and an equal one to Sophie. “You know, we saved your hide Amerloque. One of Marcel’s friends, Louis, was going to tell the headmistress about your fight. We stuffed him in a locker to protect you. Next time… if they fight you… expect us to be on their side!”


And the ho’s stormed off. I shrugged and went back to eating. Sophie looked like she’d just survived a bomb blast, and most of the lunchroom seemed the same. It was a whole five minutes before people stopped staring at us.


“No one’s ever stood up to them before…” Sophie said in amazement.


“Well, it sounded like they were making fun of you, and as you said, they get into a lot of trouble, and I’ve already got more then I could ever want. I just wanted them to get lost.”


“They said they got you out of trouble.”


“Then they were lying, I’ve never met them before.”


“About the fight yesterday, they said they stuffed someone in a locker.”


I stopped eating. I’d seen Marcel and his gang take someone out of a locker. “Wait, what did they do to get me out of trouble? I saw someone in a locker…”


Sophie stared at me a bit incredulously and the lunch bell rang. We got up to leave and started heading back to class. Sophie tried to lead me with as few people near by as possible. “They said that one of Marcel’s group was going to tell the Headmistress that you’d been fighting, and that they caught him and stuffed him in a locker for trying to tattle on you.”


“The hell would they do that for?” I asked. Sophie shrugged. I thought about it on the rest of the walk back, and I realized that if that boy had told, then I probably would not be the headmistress’ favorite person right now. Not that I was anyway.


Afternoon class was really exciting. Actually, I’m lying. It was really boring. After the tests this morning, I didn’t even feel like doing math when that lesson rolled around. I just stayed quiet with my head cradled in my arms on my desk. I don’t know why but I was tired.


Class ended and Sophie and I waited till everyone was gone. Angélique called us up to the front and I prepared for the third time to try and make it to the library.


“Sorry I won’t be able to let Alouette tutor you today. We have to go meet someone at my house this afternoon. You can continue your lessons tomorrow though.”  Angélique said with a smile. Sophie just shrugged.


“What did she say?” I asked.


“No lessons today, you’re meeting someone at home.”




“Its what she said. I dunno, ask her,” Sophie said as she got her bag and headed for the door.


“She doesn’t understand anything I ask her!” I stammered as Sophie left, waving good bye to Angélique and I. The idea of meeting someone wasn’t setting well with me. Maybe the results of my test were in sooner then I thought.


We started home, and Angélique chattered. She did belay my fears a little bit by repeatedly mentioning Leroy, the person she’d talked to on the phone last night.


“Leroy is kind of sort of my boyfriend. He has business interests here and comes to visit pretty often. He always stops by with flowers or something. He’s a sweet guy.”


I was beginning to think that Angélique had a boyfriend the amount of times she said Leroy in our walk home. My attention was soon pulled away from her argument though as I felt my diaper get warm. I couldn’t actually feel that I was going, just the diaper getting warm. I sighed heavily and felt a little like crying, but kept it in. I was almost used to it by now.


At home Angélique seemed more anxious then I’d seen her before. She didn’t give me any orders to do homework or to study. She just went straight upstairs and busied herself in front of her mirror. It even took a little bit of prodding to get her to notice that I’d wet my diaper, and when she did change me, she nearly put the new diaper on backwards.


“Sorry Alouette, I just haven’t seen him in a while, and it’ll be nice to have a boy around for a little while. Not really sure how I’ll explain you though.”


I put on some of my boyish clothes. A plain logo tee and a slightly longer then usual skirt (the jeans weren’t working well with the diaper, which didn’t make me happy). I went downstairs and doodled on paper. Without having something to do or fret about, it was awfully boring here. No TV, books in a foreign language, nothing of interest really. I eventually took out my French book and studied that for a little bit.


Sometime around dinner, there was a knock at the door. Angélique flew down the stairs to answer it.


“Leroy!” she cried giving a hug to the man in the doorway. She stepped aside and let him in. He had dirty blonde hair that was parted and combed straight to both sides. He wore a suit and somehow, seemed to fit the description “dapper”. That and momma’s boy, I might add. Something just didn’t look genuine about him.


“It’s good to see you Angélique. It’s always so nice to visit your town when I know I can see you here.” He smiled and they hugged again. Then he noticed me. “Ah, who’s this young girl?”


“This is Alouette. She’s a… foreign exchange student, and she’s staying with me for a while.”


“What country is she from?”




The man smiled at me. “So you’re from America huh?” He said in good English. I smiled back at him. He gets bonus points for that.


I started to say my name was Anthony, but thought better of it, and said “I’m Alouette.”


“Heh, like the song?”


He lost some bonus points for that (even though yes, I had gotten the name from the song, I didn’t need to be reminded of it). He came in and the two of them sat down and chatted in French while I worked on my studies. I did keep an eye on him though. I just.. something about him. I soon found out what. I hadn’t been a guy all my life not to know the way this guy was looking at Angélique. He was eyeing her like beef on the rack.


“So how long has she been here?” Leroy asked.


“Almost a week. She’s a sweet girl, math genius too, but poor thing has a drinking problem and gets into more trouble then you’d believe.”




Angélique nodded. “Has a gift for it.”


“Well can she stay home alone tonight?”


“No, certainly not, she’d run away again.”


Leroy paused. “Run away again? She doesn’t want to be here?”


Angélique looked at me and took in a deep breath. “She’s confused sometimes. But I don’t think I can leave her home alone.”


“Oh come on, lets go somewhere. She’ll be fine by herself.”


Angélique playfully waved him away. “You always try things like that, but it never gets you anywhere does it?”


Leroy grimaced, but tried not to show it (I caught it though). “You know I only kid, I’d never take advantage of a nice girl like you.”


“Which is why I like you as a friend,” Angélique said with a smile. Then looking at the clock and at me, she asked if I’d like dinner (one of the few phrases I’d gotten down). I nodded vigorously.


With some hesitation, Leroy spoke up. “How about I drive you both to dinner? I’ll buy, and you can see my new car.”


“You got another new car?”


Leroy buffed his nails. “Nice one too. Big back seat.”


“Oh stop silly, but dinner would be great! I’ll go get a bag ready.”


Leroy looked a little surprised. “For what?”


I looked up as Angélique paused mid-step on her way upstairs. She looked at me, then at Leroy. “Um… for Alouette… It’s a bit of a long story.”


“What do you need handcuffs to keep her from running away?”


Angélique frowned, which caused Leroy to look a little sheepish. “No, for your information, Alouette has a problem and needs to be kept in diapers.”


Oh… my… god… I wanted to die. Angélique had folded her arms and seemed to be telling off Leroy, only her way of telling him off, was to tell him my secret. His face immediately lit up with this want to laugh, but he held it in as he looked at me.


“So she needs to get you a diaper bag?” he asked in a jolly voice. I felt like spitting at him the way he said it, but found my face glowing red with embarrassment. I couldn’t even talk after being exposed like this.


Angélique noticed and came down to put a hand on my shoulder and said she was sorry (another word I understood now in French). She went upstairs to get what I figured would be a “diaper bag” which made me cringe and want to die even more.


This left Leroy and I alone. Which… wasn’t great either.


“So… you wear diapers?” he said, still seeming really amused.


“It’s not a choice pal,” I said feeling a little hostile.


“Wow, not a nice girl either I see. Bit feisty, but no worries, I like that.”


Creepo. Absolute creepo.


“So… why do you have to wear them then?”


I rolled my eyes. “Because I’m trying to win a contest. If I wear them for two weeks I win a million dollars and a trip back to America.”


Leroy smiled. “Well lets see, if she’s getting a diaper bag so that we can go to dinner… That probably means that you’ll eventually need a change. Ergo you use your diapers. Angélique was right, poor thing.”


My mouth hung ajar. “Jerk,” I said rather simply.


“See here you two are chatting away. Something told me you’d be good friends. Isn’t Alouette a nice girl?” Angélique said as she came down the stairs. She had reapplied her makeup and looked rather stunning.


Leroy laughed. “Angélique thinks you’re a nice girl,” he said to me with a smile. I frowned, but then thought about it. Okay, nice girl I’ll be. I forced a smile as sweet and as innocent as I could possibly make. It made him doubletake and Angélique made a happy awww.


He tried not to let the stumble affect him. “So did you get the diaper bag?” he asked with a sneer. I heard diaper and knew he was being a jerk again. I really didn’t like this guy and I’d known him less then an hour. Angélique looked a little flustered and ran back upstairs.


“Hold on, I’ll get it! You two go get in the car. I’ll be right there.”


“Well she wants us to go get in the car,” Leroy said to me. I made a polite curtsey and maintained my little innocent girl act. I made up my mind. This dinner was going to be fun… unless your name is Leroy, in which case, its going to be hell.


I followed the jerk to his car. He went to the driver’s side and hopped in. He started the engine. It was a nice car, BMW of sorts, dark blue. I stood patiently waiting by the passenger side. I had a little idea. It didn’t take him long to notice that I wasn’t getting in.


He opened his door. “What? Your arms broken like your bladder? You can’t open the door for yourself?”


I frowned and wanted to curse, but I did my best to maintain composure and my innocent girl act. “A gentlemen always opens the door for a lady,” I said with another sweet smile.


“Oh Jesus Christ…”


“A Gentlemen doesn’t swear…”


“I wasn’t swearing, I was… asking someone for help,” he got out of his car, and stomped over to me. Then with all the grace of a buffalo he yanked the door open and forced a smile. “There is that better?” he asked as he put the seat forward and let me climb into the back.


“Why thank you…” I said curtly… and as he shut the door, I reached forward and hit the powerlock.


He got back to the driver side and pulled on the handle which didn’t open for him. “Hey.. what the? You locked the door!!” He yelled; I smiled as innocently as I could. “Why you!!! UNLOCK THIS DOOR!!!”


“Say your sorry for making fun of me!” I yelled.


“What? Say I’m sorry for noting that you piss yourself?”


I frowned and climbed into the front seat. “Just because I look 15,” I said very slowly and evenly. “Does not mean that I can’t drive a stick and put this car into the side of a vineyard up the rode.” And very briefly the thought of doing that made me smile.


At that moment Angélique came out of the house and looked at the scene before her a bit curiously. “What are you two doing?”


A part of me really wanted to put it in first and drive the hell away from there. Actually, almost all of me did, but I knew that I’d get charged with stealing a car and ruin the only good thing I’ve got going for me and a world of trouble blah blah blah… so I just unlocked the door and hopped in the back, saying with a girlish laugh “Fooled yah!”


Leroy didn’t look happy, but he put on a good face and went to let in Angélique.


“Oh, what a gentlemen.”


“I did the same for Alouette too,” he said trying to sound smooth.


Whatever crap he was feeding her, Angélique was eating it and looking for seconds. He got in the car and we all went off to dinner. I brooded on ways to get him.










French Whines… 12

By: CS Fox


“Try not to get the seat wet,” Leroy said with a smirk.


I buckled my seatbelt and discreetly flipped him the bird so that Angélique couldn’t see me do it. “Try not to drool on Angélique,” I shot back. Upon hearing her name Angélique turned to see what I wanted, but I just waved her off and slumped into the seat.


I hadn’t really known Leroy all that long, but I did already know one thing. I didn’t like him. He and Angélique wasted no time in talking up a storm as we started driving to wherever it was we were going. I suppose they had a good deal to catch up on.


Personally I didn’t like how buddy buddy and enemy enemy we seemed to already be, and I’d only met him within the last hour. He seemed to be very astute and caught onto things others around me hadn’t caught onto at first. It was at least something to note.


I looked out the window at the dim lit town. It had been the first time since I’d ridden in a non-police vehicle in a few days. A thought crossed my mind and I smiled briefly when I thought about actually trying to wet just to spite the man driving if I did leak on the seat.


We pulled up to a nice bistro of some kind. It was lit by string lights criss-crossing an outdoor garden. It was kind of pretty, lots of yellow and whites in the table draperies and snappy looking waiters in black and white. Our car was valet parked. I did my usual quiet-emphasis movement as we came into a crowded place so that I wouldn’t draw attention to my… status.


“Oh Leroy, this is lovely. I haven’t eaten here in ages.”


Leroy nodded and patted Angélique’s hand. He looked around for the host.


“Ah, concierge, a table for three please,” he paused for a moment and looked at me. “And a booster seat and child’s menu if you have one.”


Whatever he said, Angélique caught it and frowned. “We won’t need those…” To which Leroy looked a little sheepish and tried to play off what had been said as a joke. I smiled because he’d obviously tried to pull something jerkish off, and forgot that Angélique could understand him when he wasn’t speaking English. Hahah go Angélique.


A waiter led us over to a table towards one of the corners of the enclosed garden. It was dark out now, so we just had the string lights and the candles on the tables to go by. Made for a “romantic” atmosphere I suppose, but that really wasn’t something I needed right now.


We all got seated; me sitting between the two of them (intentionally). I took the menu from in front of me and began to stare at page and page of illegible French. Leroy and Angélique just picked up where they’d left off.


“It’s great to be going out with you again. My only real company lately has been my little student here. She’s a sweet heart really, you just have to wait things out with her. She’ll surprise you in her own way.”


“That’s wonderful dear Angélique, but how have you been doing? I understand and think its great that you’ve extended your home to this young American, but how about you?”


“Oh I’m fine. Just living in my small house, teaching my students, just like I always have.”


“You really should let me help you get your inheritance in order. Last I heard you’re still just letting it sit there.”


Angélique rolled her eyes. “Well I see money is still the only thing on your mind.”


Leroy looked a little hurt. “How long have I known you?”


“About 5 years now.”


“That was before you even got the money. I’m just saying you should direct it smartly is all.”


Angélique smiled and laughed him away, “I’ll be just fine Leroy. I don’t need fancy cars like you have, hehe besides, I’ll just ask you to take me around in yours if ever I have a need.”


Leroy smiled.


I wasn’t very sure what to order. The whole menu was in French. But I did understand that Leroy was footing the bill, so I did what any nice little girl would do. I decided to order the most expensive item I could find. No clue what it was, I was just going to point to it when the waiter came.


There was a pause in Angélique’s conversation and she stopped to look a few moments at her own menu. While she wasn’t really looking at me, Leroy handed me another menu with a big dumb grin on his face. I rolled my eyes, not really thinking and took the menu. Opening it I got the sudden urge to flip him off again. Ha… ha… wine menu, so funny.


“I bet you think this is funny?” I said sardonically to him.


“What?” He replied innocently, and with a sly grin.


Then something hit me. Did he know? Did Angélique tell him about my insinuated drinking thing? She probably did… but… there was something in that grin. Was he just being astute again, or did he know more?


Angélique started to lower her menu and I quickly threw the wine menu to the floor behind me. No need getting her all excited by false impressions once again. Leroy chuckled to himself.


A waiter came by and left a pot of tea and cups for all of us. He also left a bowl of fresh bread. I was a little impressed, never gotten free tea before a meal. I took the pot and opened the top looking in. Looked good enough.


Angélique smiled. “Would you like to serve the tea Allouette?”


I heard my name and looked up at her questioningly. Leroy grinned, “She asked if you want to serve us tea little lady.”


I shot him an icy look, but forced a smile and nodded to Angélique. I’m a nice girl, at least tonight I’m going to be. Leroy and Angélique started to talk about something again, and I just took their tea cups and got the pot to pour some tea.


“Oh my business this week is pretty casual. I’m meeting with some of the vineyard people to discuss new more international distribu...”


“Can you ask Angélique if she wants sugar in her tea?” I asked Leroy, interrupting him. He looked slightly annoyed, but asked her and she did. So I poured her tea and added a spoonful of sugar. “Would you like some jerkface?” I asked with an innocent smile, interrupting him once again.


He grinned politely, once again masking annoyance. “No feisty little lady, I’m not that big a fan of sweet things,” and went back to chatting with Angélique. I added three spoons of sugar to his tea.


“As I was saying, I’m going to be dicussing new more interna…”


“Bread anyone? Buttered or with jam perhaps?” I asked interrupting yet again. It was getting a little harder for Leroy to hide his annoyance. He asked Angélique and then turned to me.


“Buttered for me, Jam for her.”


“Oh right, no sweet things for you,” I said innocently and curtly went about preparing the bread. Putting jam on all three pieces.


“What were you saying then?” Angélique asked politetly. Leroy opened his mouth to say something but looked kind of muddled.


“Damn it all I forgot.”


“Something about vineyards?”


“Oh right! Well I’m helping the local vineyards get more international distribution. Most of the local stuff stays in France, but I think they could turn a much better profit if they started to ship outside our borders.”


I put little plates with bread in front of everyone and little cups of tea next to those. I decided not to interrupt them this time as they chatted back and fourth. Leroy did however reach for the cup of tea when Angélique was saying something and took one sip and made a grimace. Oh man what a smile I had.


He looked at the cup of tea, and then the plate with bread and jam. Angélique looked at him questioningly and he shot a dirty look to me. But I was an innocent sweet little girl.


“Something wrong?” Angélique asked, taking a sip of her own tea and finding it to her liking.


“No, just as I like it.” He said between gritted teeth.


About this time the waiter came over, and I took pleasure in pointing to my meal which ran 60 euros. Didn’t seem to affect Leroy though, but I didn’t care. I’d have good food tonight at least.


We settled back and I went to eating bread and drinking tea, while Leroy and Angélique still continued to talk about something. After a few minutes they quieted down and Leroy turned my way, forcing a smile.


“So, Alouette,” he said. “What do you think of France so far?”


“Bites. But that’s only because I’ve spent time here with people like you.”


He grinned. “I’m sorry to hear that, at least you have Angélique.”


I rolled my eyes, but nodded to concede the point.


“Do you know why I’m here?”


“To play grab-ass with Angélique?” (I’m glad Angélique couldn’t understand what I am saying, because I know she would have been appalled at my language.)


Leroy smiled. “Feisty Feisty. Think you know so much for a 15-year-old don’t you? Well, I’m here to organize some trades with the vineyard’s outside town.”


I froze… and I felt a shiver run through me… I think even my diaper got a little wet. “What…?


“Oh nothing, just business deals,” he said with a smile. I didn’t know what to say… or honestly what to think.


Angélique looked around cautiously and then leaned over to me. “How’s your diaper doing?” she asked. I understood it having heard it enough. I blushed, because I was actually kind of wet, I think I’d been wetting a little all evening without having noticed it till Leroy spooked me.


“Wet,” I replied sheepishly.


Angélique reached to the diaper bag and fished me out a diaper, trying to pass it to me covertly. Leroy noticed and heard us talking well enough though.


“Need some help Alouette?” he asked slyly. I stared at him as coldly as I could.


“That’s sick,” I said in a voice that even surprised Angélique. I think she understood that he had said something snide by the tone of my reply and she slapped his hand lightly. He just grinned and I quickly ran off to the bathrooms. Had to ask where they were but luckily by now I’d learned that word too.


My dinner was exquisite. I’d managed to order some type of steak with dressing and it was amazing. Best thing I’d had in France so far. The male company was rubbish, but hey, free meal right?

There was more chatter that went kindly enough between Leroy and Angélique. I refused to speak to the jerk again. Every time he asked me something I just pretended he wasn’t even there. Truthfully I was in thought, wondering how much he knew, and if he did actually know anything at all. I was beginning to think his coming to see Angélique wasn’t a coincidence, but what did it all mean?


We left the restaurant and headed back to Angélique’s house. I was still being quiet, but I was being pushy enough to keep jerkface away from her with his obvious advances. On the upside I don’t think she seemed comfortable with his spending the night anyway. So she said good bye, and I flipped him off again from behind her, and he left.


Angélique was in a cheerful mood the rest of the night though. It was a little infectious, but at the same time I was upset because I really wanted to tell her what I thought about him and what I thought he knew, but right now it was all conjecture and she didn’t even believe my story in the first place, let alone understand me if I told her my side of it.


I just tried to perk up for her, and not ruin her good mood. She had me change into my nightie and changed my diaper on my bed. It had been just about casual the way it happened.


She hugged me, still in her happy mood and tucked me in to sleep. Didn’t take much for me to sleep, it had been a long day… Every day in France had been a long day as a girl…


I was also slightly blessed to have a dreamless and deep sleep. It wasn’t long enough in my opinion, because I wished that every day I would just wake up out of this terrible nightmare and be a guy again.


“It’s Thursday! You’re past the middle of the week Alouette! Time to wake up, come on, up up up!”


Some people have birds outside there windows, or even over-friendly cats and dogs to wake them up. Me… I’ve got an ever-morning-happy French women. I pulled the pillow up and over my head.


“Non-non!” I mumbled; as much a routine as my diaper changes. But she was more then ready for this. In short order she had me out of bed and was pushing me by the shoulders into the bathroom for my customary morning bath.


I bathed, and came back to the bedroom. Angélique was waiting there for me to lay down so she could diaper me. Being as I’d only started wearing during the day yesterday, I don’t think she trusted me just yet to put them on myself in the morning.


She powdered me and taped me up, and I got on a bra and my uniform to head downstairs to breakfast.


“I wonder if the Headmistress will have your tests graded today?” Angélique mused to herself. I didn’t really understand her, but I did understand headmistress and figured she was referring to my visit yesterday which she’d been so excited about.


I shrugged, knowing that the tests wouldn’t come back the way she expected them too. We left the little house and began our trek to school. Along the way, someone stopped to meet us. It was the tall girl I’d seen in the office yesterday.


“Oh! Why hello Caroline! Haven’t seen you in a while,” Angélique said to the young girl.


“Hello teacher!”


Angélique smiled but a little awkwardly. “You don’t have to call me teacher any more… You’re not in my class now, so please, just call me Angélique.”


The girl nodded. “Okay.”


“Now how is your home schooling going?”


“That’s actually what I came to ask you about…” the girl said. She also ventured a look my way. Angélique caught it and smiled.


“Oh silly me, forgot to introduce you two. Alouette this is Caroline, a former student of mine, and Caroline, this is Alouette, an… exchange student from America… but she can’t speak French so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t reply to something you ask her.”


“Oh right, well hello Alouette!” she said extending a hand my way.


I looked up at the girl. She was my age, but being 5’11 at age 15 made her a giant. I looked up a little intimdated at the skinny girl who easily had a foot on me.


“Um… Bonjour” I said nervously. She smiled and gave me a hug like she’d been my best friend for years. “Umm… okay…” I said while in the hug. Angélique smiled.


She let go of me and turned back to Angélique. “Hi teacher!”


This time Angélique looked a little confused. “Um… Hi… but its Angélique now, remember?”


“Oh yeah!!! And I wanted to ask you about some stuff for home schooling.”


“Yes, now what would you like to know?”


“Um… I forgot.”


Angélique smiled and shook her head. Whatever this girl was saying, it seemed amusing enough to her. “Why don’t you walk with us, and we can see if you remember on your way to school?”




And we were walking again. The tall girl Caroline was happily talking with Angélique, about what was once again beyond me. I caught from yesterday that she used to be a student of Angélique’s and that she dropped out because she was made fun of, but I still couldn’t believe that anyone would pick on someone with so obvious a height advantage on others her age.


We got to the school yard and Sophie approached us, looking a little surprised to see Caroline. I met her and just shrugged.


“She wanted to talk to Angélique, but I can’t understand either of them.”


Sophie just shrugged back.


“Ah Sophie! This works out great,” Angélique said happily.


Sophie looked confused to be getting in the crossfire so early in the morning.


“Caroline here just remembered that her mom was looking for someone to help her with Math lessons. You and Alouette have been doing Math lessons… er… well have tried to do Math lessons. Would you mind if you both had them at Caroline’s house today after school? It would make it easier for me since I wanted to speak with the Headmistress after school.”


“What’s she asking?” I asked Sophie. She translated and I shrugged again. “I guess its okay as long as you’re there to help translate to Caroline.”


There was more back and forth and it was agreed to Angélique’s happiness.


“Your both great!” She said to Sophie and I. Caroline smiled too.


“So they’ll be at my house after school?” she asked happily.


“Yep, but not for play. This will be Math lessons.”


“Yes teacher!”


“Its Angélique, remember? Oh well, I need to go to class, you three can chat a little bit if you want… Just be to class on time.”


And with that Angélique left us to head inside the building. Looks like this afternoon I’d be teaching Math. Maybe for once, it might actually happen, since I’d tried to do that the last three days, but never actually managed too.


“I can’t wait for you both to come by! No one’s visited me at my house for a long time!” Caroline said excitedly.


Sophie nodded in her business like manner and spoke in her soft voice. “We need to study though, right?”


“Right! But at my house!”


There was kind of an air to the tall girl’s replies, like she was so excited she couldn’t really keep up rationalization. I just smiled at them both since I didn’t really understand the conversation.


“Well…” came a cold voice from behind us. “If it isn’t the three girl’s no body likes.”


We all froze. Caroline whimpered and the three of us turned to find Marcel, Gérard, their gang, Cyprien and Jeanne all gathered behind us. It always seemed to happen as soon as an authority figure left us.


“Payback…” Gérard and Cyprien said in unison. I didn’t understand the word, but I knew it wasn’t good.






French Whines… 13

By: CS Fox


We all froze. Sophie held her breath and Caroline whimpered aloud as the three of us turned to find Marcel, Gérard and their gang, standing with Cyprien and Jeanne, all gathered behind us.


“Payback…” Gérard and Cyprien said in unison. I didn’t understand the word, but I knew it wasn’t good.


There’s an adrenaline that rushes to you when you realize your personal safety is in danger. Its something that happens when the general order is about to be replaced with upheaval. I was starting to feel some of that adrenaline as I saw the looks on their faces. I didn’t hesitate to step protectively in front of Caroline and Sophie. This wasn’t about them really, they were just victims of circumstance.


“Tell them we don’t want any trouble Sophie,” I said calmly. Trying not to sound slightly scared… although I was tough… I knew that my body had limits and that this many other kids would be over it.


“We… we don’t want any trouble.” Sophie said, finding her voice even smaller then usual.


“Is that what she said?” Jeanne pointed her finger at me. “Or are you just saying that? Because this girl seems to love trouble.”


“I don’t go to school here any more…” Caroline said in a voice about as soft as Sophie’s. “I just came to say hi to your teacher.


“Oh but we’ve missed you so Caroline. Every class needs a girl who just doesn’t quite get it. Pity your parents had to pull a girl like you out, but dumb girls do need special treatment,” Marcel said with a smile.


Caroline sniffled and kind of looked at the floor. I still stayed protectively in front of them. “If you and Caroline leave… they won’t follow, they’re here for me.” A crowd was beginning to form around us. School yards can sense fights the way you can see a storm gathering in the sky.


Sophie hesitated a moment, but she started to step back and tugged at Caroline’s arm to pull her back too.


“Don’t worry Sophie, tell Caroline I’ll make Marcel eat whatever words he said to her.”


Caroline heard me say her name and looked at me with that same kind of sad look, but maybe laced with something else… I dunno…


“Hey, where are you going Sophie?” Jeanne asked as she took a step forward. I stepped right in front of her path as I heard her say Sophie’s name in a threatening tone. She paused and looked a little surprised, but then smiled ruefully. “Oh, so you’re going to protect her?”


A part of me knew what I had to do. I had to make a pre-emptive strike and scare them all into believing I wasn’t playing around… win before it started… but I knew doing that would doom me. It would look like I was behind the fight. And of all of them, I skated on the thinnest ice.


I made the worst frown I could and stared down the slightly older girl. She brought a hand up toward me, but I slapped it away. The motion brought the others a step forward.


“Careful Jeanne… she CAN fight.” Gérard said.


The girl considered me a bit more now… I stared her down as I became more aware of the crowd’s murmurings. “Leave me alone,” I said sternly, knowing they couldn’t understand me.


I felt two arms come up under my own, attempting to put me in a full Nelson. It was one of Marcel’s gang that had snuck behind me, although he didn’t know that I was formerly a guy and a master of immature moves like that. A little bit of wiggling and struggling was easy enough to get out of his grip and give him a nice solid punt to the pills. He crumpled. At the same moment I felt Jeanne grab at my hair and start to try and hit/scratch me… She acts all tough, but I don’t think she’d ever really been in a fight and she was definitely displaying her girly tactics.


Bapping and scratching isn’t much when compared to someone who knows better. One of my hands clamped on hers, and tried to remove it from my hair, because good god did pulling hair this long hurt. The other I bent and elbowed her in the chin… twice actually.


She stopped hitting my face and put more effort into it. Now that we were tangled and really going at it. Her hand found my… my… well she grabbed my right tit and twisted as hard as she could.


There was something of a gasp in the crowd, and a cry of agony from me. It was easily equal to getting hit in the balls, pain wise. I pumped my legs forward and pushed her down to the ground, hitting her hands away from me with the impact as she fell. Now I just went to work… once you’ve been hit enough and devoted enough adrenaline to a fight, it all just takes over you. I sat straddling her midsection, and she was all but powerless below me.


I’m not entirely sure exactly what happened, but everyone started running away as a teacher came running up. She grabbed me and pulled me off Jeanne, who by now had a torn uniform, and a small scratch or two on her face… not to mention a runny nose and tears streaming from her eyes. Her friend, as well as Marcel and his gang were just kind of shocked and hesitated before yelling at the teacher what I assume was their version of the events as she struggled to control me.


Ten minutes later I found myself right before the headmistress with Sophie and Caroline (who had demanded to be there to speak on my behalf). Also, representing the assholes was the sobbing Jeanne, Marcel, and the boy who’s voice was a little higher now that his testicles were in his throat.


“Tell this new girl that it’s been reported she was fighting!” The headmistress snapped.


Sophie squeaked. “She knows you were fighting.”


I rolled my eyes and looked at the obviously beaten Jeanne. “Duh.”


“Tell Alouette that I’m calling Inspector Facet!”


Sophie was about to speak again, but I held my hand up to stop her. I heard the name Inspector Facet, and knew what had been said. Marcel looked at me oddly when she mentioned that name.


“Can you ask her if we can explain things first?” I asked Sophie. Sophie shakily interpreted.


“Explain? What is there to explain? I’ve got a beaten girl, every student in the schoolyard and a teacher who saw you fighting… what’s to explain!?”


There’s really no facial expressions as spectacular as an enraged nun.


“GET OUT! ALL OF YOU! I’ll call you in individually.”


We all hurried from her office. Even Marcel looked a little scared. Hearing her old headmistress that mad, and being part of the reason, the tall Caroline just started crying openly.


“Stop crying idiot, you didn’t even do anything,” Marcel barked.


“Quiet.” The office attendant said behind her horned glasses as she pointed for us all to sit in various chairs, spaced apart.


Things really didn’t go so well. I wasn’t called in, and neither was Jeanne for our side of the story. Everyone else was called in, just not us two… I can’t figure out why she’d be like that, but I guess of everyone, she trusts us the least to tell the truth. I’m sure Jeanne had seen the inside of the Headmistress’ office a fair amount already.


I just sat trying to figure out if I was a dead girl(man) or not. The headmistress was pulling the inspector Facet trump card, which could mean all number of things, every one of which bad. But I did have a little hope, I knew the headmistress probably trusted the word of Sophie and Caroline over that of Marcel and his crony.


Eventually Marcel and his Crony were sent to class, although Jeanne had to stay and sat on the other side of the waiting room, trying to look tough and proud even though she looked like she’d been run over by a car and I looked like I’d just been in a slight breeze that had ruffled my hair and wrinkled my shirt a little.


In her office, the headmistress practically yelled the events of this morning to the inspector. Making a demand he deport or arrest this troublesome girl.


“I don’t know if that would be the best thing Headmistress. Do you really want me to send her away for just one little fight?”


“I thought you hated her? You’re the one who personally told me to keep an eye on her and to call you at the slightest hint of trouble.”


“Well, I have a better solution… There’s something about her that you don’t know.”


“Oh?” The headmistress calmed slightly.


“I think we need her to switch classes… Let me tell you a little something…”


I continued to wait patiently in the office. It was the worst thing they could have made me do. I hate waiting… especially when I know there is a lot hanging in the balance… Sophie and Caroline had been told they could go, but they stayed and they didn’t look happy either…


Eventually Jeanne was called back in and subsequently yelled at for about seven whole minutes. She probably got every ounce of fire and brimstone this old nun could offer up. She left the office and passed us, tears streaming down her face. She had a new uniform bundled in her arms and she hurried off, probably to go change into it.


Then the headmistress called my name… I was up next for the chopping block. Caroline slowed down to a sob and tried to look brave for me. Sophie sort of looked at me like she was saying “um… please don’t die”. I just balled up my fists and forced myself in there.


 The headmistress looked strangely pleased, as if yelling at Jeanne had been therapeutic. I was expecting to walk into the devils den and find a monster barely restrained about to tear me a new one, but instead… I found her sitting and smiling, just like the cat with the canary. I braced for impact.


“Sophie, could you come in too, I’ll need you to translate,” the headmistress said softly as she got up to open the door and wave her in. I just stood very silent, very nervous in the middle of her office. I heard Sophie’s name and silently thanked my luck, even though I knew Sophie would have preferred to avoid this type of situation. Still, I knew she was in the clear, and it would help to have someone bear whatever was about to happen with me.


Sophie came in and stood next to me… I don’t know why, but I moved my hand till I could lock my pinky finger around hers. She looked at me strangely, but I didn’t look back… I was shivering… I was really afraid, she’d called the Inspector and he was probably on his way here to end it all. The headmistress didn’t go behind her desk, she walked up right in front of us.


“I’ve heard the stories and I talked to the inspector… And… I’ve decided you weren’t entirely at fault.”


Sophie perked up a little. “She talked to everyone and says she doesn’t think you’re entirely at fault.”


It was like a light through the clouds…


“But… The Inspector did bring something to my attention that I hadn’t known before… something I can’t overlook now.”


Sophie froze. I looked at her, “What’s she saying? What’s she saying?”


In way of reply, the headmistress’ hand shot out to the hem of my skirt. My eyes began to widen as my hand tried to beat hers, but it was no use, she lifted the hem of my skirt to reveal my secret.


“Well would you look at this…” she said lifting my skirt just enough so that she could see the disposable diaper I was wearing. I tried to swat away her hand. She frowned and slapped it. “Don’t.” She said sternly. I didn’t understand her, but by her tone, I didn’t have too. She reached to my side and found the clasp and buckle of my skirt.


Sophie gasped aloud as the headmistress undid the clasp and let my skirt fall. I was standing in her office wearing my uniform shirt, and my diaper… and by the feel of it… I’d wet it this morning since I’d left the house too. All the excitement had nearly made me forget about it.


“So the tough little American, who beats up the other kids and presumes to be a math genius… is really just a little Pisseuse.” (French term which literally means "pissing girl"). The headmistress looked at Sophie. “Well… translate please.”


Sophie looked down at her feet and shook her head. The headmistress frowned. “Translate or I tell your father that you were causing problems today.”

Sophie’s voice was very soft, and she sounded like she was on the verge of tears… I was too… “She’s making fun of you, and wants me to translate it.” Sophie said. I just nodded and sniffled. Figured as much.


“Tell her she’s not in trouble. Little girl’s can’t control their temper, and Inspector Facet said that since she’s a little girl, we should just treat her as such.”


“She says your not in trouble… and that they’re going to treat you differently.”


I sniffled a little harder. “What does that mean?” I asked. But the headmistress held up her hand for me to be quiet.


“Don’t worry. The church connected to our fine school also has a nursery. I told the Inspector to meet us there.”


Sophie suddenly looked worried. “She’s taking you to the daycare nursery in the chapple. Inspector Facet is waiting there.”


“WHAT?!?!!?!?!?!?!?” I exclaimed as tears suddenly broke past the sobs. The headmistress smiled and took my hand, yanking me to follow her, which I did a little off balance for a moment.


She marched out into her waiting room. It was empty save the old lady and Caroline. The old lady let out a wheezing giggle and Caroline gasped which suddenly made me realize… I was in a shirt and a wet diaper… I almost screamed, but I didn’t want to bring attention to myself as I was quickly brought out into the hallway.


Thank god classes were in session and the hallway was empty. I tugged at my shirt to try and hide my secret which was just about futile. Sophie hurried out of the office after us and the headmistress turned to her.


“Go back to class now Sophie. Tell Angélique that I am taking Alouette to a more appropriate class for her and that she can come collect her at the end of the day.”


Sophie hesitated, but after a stern look from the Headmistress, she went scurrying away. I reached after her, like my lifeline was running away, but the headmistress only smiled and yanked my had as we walked off the opposite direction.


A part of me wanted to fight, but a bigger part of me just wanted to cry… I was being dragged through the hallway in a t-shirt and a diaper. One student… one person out on an errand or going to the bathroom… that’s all it would take to have rumors run wild through the school.


We turned down one hall and then down another and then…. My worst fears were realized, I was pulled right passed a class with its door open. It was one of the younger classes, probably elementary school, and even then it was only a second that I passed by the doorway, but I heard the tell tale noises of what was the probably the French equivalent of “Did you see that?” Safe bet now that by next break, I was busted.


We came to a large wooden door, which the headmistress opened rather quickly and entered what I realized was the foyer of the church I visited the other day. We went straight across the foyer and into another small section of halls that I hadn’t been too yet… Up ahead someone stepped out of a room and my heart about stopped.


“Inspector Facet, you made it.”


“Oh, I have special interest in our little runaway terror here.”


“Its good you’re here, I don’t want her causing any problems when we bring her in.”


I didn’t speak. I just cried. I stood in my state of dis-dress and let it go. Not loud wailing, just sort of soft hopelessness. The headmistress smiled and so did the inspector.


“I told the headmistress about your little problem.,” Inspector Facet said to me. He opened the door for us. Inside, was what Sophie said I’d be taken too. It was a nursery. There was a lady in a plain dress and three toddlers.


“We both feel that this is better suited to you,” he said with a smile. The lady in the room looked over at us a little curiously.


“Umm… inspector… when you said my next baby was going to be a little bigger and older…” she looked at me a little sympathetically. “I didn’t think you meant she was going to be a teenager.”


“Never mind that Marguerite. This is Alouette, and she is going to be here with you from now on.” The headmistress said. “As you can see she’s in diapers. I’ve been told it’s because she’s incontinent. She also doesn’t get along with any of the other students her own age. So she is going to be here… with you.”


I wanted to know what they were saying, but there was no way I could. I could only cry and feel ashamed while these adults made my life miserable. The headmistress brought me in the room and let go of my hand. I immediately made a break for the door, but Inspector Facet grabbed my shoulder.


“Tsk tsk… I thought we’d been through this enough… You make a run for it… I pick you up. I deport you. World worse then this… Geeze, it doesn’t sink in at all does it.”


I continued to cry, but tried hard to wriggle my grip away from him.


“It doesn’t look like she wants to be here…” The lady said. “Are you sure… that this is okay? I mean, won’t her parents be sort of mad if they find out that they’re daughter was diapered and put in the nursery? It’s a bit… weird,” the lady went over to one of the toddlers, the commotion and my crying had started her crying.


“Marguerite, you are paid to take care of the babies in the nursery. Not to worry about why the babies are in the nursery. This girl does not have parents. She is a run away who has been staying with one of our teachers over in the high school all week. She’s a handful, but I’m sure you can handle her.”


Inspector Facet looked at me for a moment then at the headmistress. “I think I’ve got an idea…” He tugged me into the room once more, then bent down to look me in the face. “Alouette… You are going to stay in here, like it or not. Marguerite, the caretaker can use help looking after the babies, and that’s what you are going to do. You can either cooperate, or I can just drag you out to my car and take you off to juvenile hall dressed just as you are. Understood?”


I didn’t say anything, but continued to tug away at his hands.


“I said understood?!?” He asked a little louder. Not getting anywhere, I just sank to my knees in tears and cried, but managed a slight nod of my head.


“Good.” He turned to the headmistress. “She’s going to be the caretaker’s aid. She can help take care of the other babies here.”


“What an excellent idea, you’d asked for an assistant Marguerite, and here you are.”


Marguerite looked a little confused at this craziness before her. “Assistant…? You just said that she… and… she… she’s diapered?”


Officer Facet just shrugged and the headmistress smiled. “I’m glad that’s settled. Well I’ve got some things to see too. I’m locking the door, in case Alouette tries running away again. You have the key. Just make sure you answer the door if a parent knocks and give me a call if our little American friend here causes any problems.”


Marguerite was stunned. “Umm… okay.” And with that Officer Facet and the headmistress excused themselves and left.


One of the three toddlers, a boy, who had been playing in a corner and waiting for everything to settle down came over to me. I was still crying uncontrollably, sitting on my legs. He offered me a stuffed animal bear, but I just shook my head. The lady, Marguerite came over and got down on her knees as well.


“You poor thing…” she said as she leaned forward to hug me. I didn’t say anything but I knew the pittying voice I’d heard pretty often. I wrapped my arms around her and let it out loudly this time. It was soo unfair. All of it. It didn’t even make sense any more. “I don’t really understand what they’re doing to you, but I’ve never seen the headmistress like that. She’s strict, but never this mean. What on earth did you do to cross her?”


Between sobs I managed to choke out the only French phrase I know. “No parlez-vous français…”


Marguerite nodded and patted my back. When I’d settled down enough and when the toddlers had gathered around she backed off and looked at me with a sigh. “I guess your stuck here for now. I’d let you out, but I’m afraid I’d lose my job over something like this. I mean I’ve NEVER seen the headmistress like that before.”


I just remained silent and looked at the floor. She continued to look at me, and suddenly the door was being unlocked. Inspector Facet came into the room.


“Oops almost forgot. Here’s her backpack. She has more diapers in it.”


I didn’t turn to see him. I knew his voice, and I just hoped he’d go away. He stepped over me and dropped my backpack in my lap. I still stayed quiet, silently shaking, not looking up. As quickly as he’d come in, he left again.


“Maybe you want to change yourself?” Marguerite said. “Your diaper… it does look a little bit wet.”


I continued to stare at the ground. I couldn’t tell what she was saying, and I didn’t care. I was a baby, in a nursery. What do they care about anything? She walked up, opened my backpack and pulled out a clean diaper, holding it up to me. I shrugged… she wanted to know if I wanted my diaper changed. I took the diaper from her hand. I looked around the room and there was a bathroom in the corner of it. I got up and dried my tears with my fist as I went into the bathroom to change myself.


Marguerite just let me do it. She tended to the three toddlers till I got out. She didn’t really say too much to me. I don’t think she really knew what to do with me. So when I came back into the room, I looked around and spotted a sort of nap corner, where a bunch of yoga mats and pillows had been laid out. This morning had been so much that I really just needed to lie down to collect my thoughts.


I went over to one of the open mats, there were about six of them, so I didn’t worry about there not being enough whenever nap time did come around. I looked over at the lady Marguerite, and she nodded as I sat down on the pad. I think she understood I just wanted to lie down… I thought about finding some more clothes, but I doubt the nursery had clothes for a teenager. I just settled for a small blanket that would at least cover my legs and midsection. Enough so that it hid my shame.


I laid back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. What was happening to me? How was it all going so wrong? I tried to replay the mornings events in my head and it didn’t help a lot. You’d think doing High School for a second time would be much easier.


My thoughts were interrupted as one of the toddlers came over. It was the same boy who had offered me a stuffed animal earlier. I didn’t say anything, but he got down on the mat next to me and pretended to do just like I did, being a little copy cat. I smiled the tiniest amount, he was being pretty cute. He offered his stuffed animal to me and this time I took it. It was a little fox. He said something to me, but I think it was toddler jibberish and not even French. He got up and lied down right next to me, trying to curl up for a nap too. I looked a little shocked for a moment and looked up to Marguerite, who was watching. She just shrugged.


I shrugged back and let the boy do as he wished. Whatever, he probably thought I was a big toddler girl or something. Oh well, I’m diapered, he’s diapered, who’s to prove him wrong? I laid my head back and looked up at the ceiling… How was I going to get out of this… Surely Angélique wouldn’t stand for this crap? I mean, as soon as she heard about this, she’d be here in a flash and explain to that lady how wrong this was. I mean, surely that nursery lady had to know that this couldn’t be legal or ethical. Was the whole world mad?


I mulled this over in my head as the little guy drifted off to sleep next to me. The quietness of the room, and the warmth of the blanket over me and the comfort of the pillow under my head… it got to me… and I drifted off as well…


I dreamt something, but I don’t know what… I just knew I was scared. Maybe it was that I was dragged into a nursery and told I was a baby. Oh wait, that wasn’t a dream… I awoke to Angélique’s voice.


“I’m so sorry about this Marguerite,” she said to the lady. “I don’t know what came over the headmistress. I hope Alouette didn’t cause any trouble, she’s usually quite a handful.”


“You’d never know it. She was quiet as a mouse. She did try to run away while the inspector was here, but as soon as he left, she just went over there and laid down. She even got little Freddy to take a nap, and he hates naps.”


I rubbed my eyes and started to get up… but as I did, I felt something different. There was soft stickiness in my diaper and as I moved, it seemed to shift too. I thought about it, but my head felt a little heavy from the sleep… then I smelt something and tears quickly found their way to my eyes. I think I’d messed my diaper in my sleep.


Angélique noticed me moving. “Alouette? You awake? Oh… why are you crying?” She came over to me and sniffed the air. “I think your toddler here needs his diaper changed. He smells poopy.”


“That’s odd, he usually doesn’t poop in his sleep.”


Angélique was about to say something, but then I think a little bulb in her head went off. “Oooo honey…” She said as she hugged me. I sobbed a little more and she helped me up. Marguerite looked a little confused.


“Umm… Marguerite could you grab me another diaper out of Alouette’s backpack. I think I’ll need to borrow your changing table.”


“Goodness gracious, it’s her? And you’re okay with this teen in diapers?” Marguerite asked astounded.


“Well she needs them… It’s a long story. But this is the first time I think she’s had this kind of accident…”


Angélique helped me over to the changing table. The toddlers were all asleep now for afternoon naps in the corner I’d just come from. I felt like an absolute baby and continued to cry as she helped me up. When I laid down, it didn’t support past my knees, so my legs hung down from the table.


“Its okay Alouette, no one’s mad. I’ll take you back home after this. I called a substitute in for my afternoon classes. I think after what Marguerite told me here, the Inspector and our headmistress are up to something.”













French Whines… 14

By: CS Fox




Angélique and I walked quietly out of the chapel nursery and back into the main part of the school. I wasn’t really sure where we were heading, but I was happy to be with Angélique and out of the nursery.


School was still in session, it was just about the end of lunch judging by the clock in the main hall. Possibly we were going back to class, since Angélique still needed to teach the rest of the day. I wasn’t much in the mood to go to class though. Not after the morning I’d had.


Let’s see, today I’d gotten in a fight, then been sent to the headmistress’ office who told me I was going to be in the school nursery from now on, and then had probably my worst accident to date while I was asleep there. If it weren’t for the fact that Angélique had come by to get me out of the nursery and talked to the caretaker there (who really wasn’t all that bad, I think like Sophie, she was just caught up in this mess), I probably would have been left there all day with the toddlers.


The noises of lunch started to drift towards us. I was hungry, since I hadn’t had that much to eat today, but I didn’t really want to show my face there. After the fight this morning, I’m sure I was the hot topic (again, like every day) and I didn’t need to be reminded of it.


“That’s the girl!” an excited middle-schooler exclaimed as she turned a corner.


“Umm… the violent American one??”


“She’s in diapers!”


“No… your joking?”


“She is, she is! I saw the headmistress take her down the hall earlier in nothing but a t-shirt and diapers!”




There were two younger girls walking behind Angélique and I. Something obviously had them very excited, because they were doing this gossipy giggly thing very loudly. Angélique turned on a heel and stared the both of them down. I turned a little surprised and both the girls stopped talking.


“There is no need for you to follow us around talking behind our backs. Go on and get back to the lunchroom.”


Both the of the girl’s mouths attempted to mask and hold back explosive giggles by looking sad as Angélique scolded them. I think she was trying to cover for me in the hopes the girls wouldn’t say anything, but I already knew, I could read it on their faces that they knew my secret. By the end of the day it would be secret no more.


The girls headed back towards the lunchroom, bursting out into peels of laughter when they were a safe distance away. Angélique frowned but there wasn’t much she could do.


“I was going to go check and see if the substitute teacher was ready to take over the class for the rest of the day, but I see that it’s probably best if we get you back to my place as soon as possible. If those girls were any indication, the rest of the students will know about your diapers in short time. I don’t want you getting provoked into any more fights.”


I just nodded my head and continued on. I didn’t really understand much of what she’d said, but I think she was saying something about my secret and how it blown wide open. Angélique opened a side door and we left the building. I sighed a little bit of relief as we did. I guess she was going to take me home, and I was glad…


We were only half way out of the school yard when there was some commotion behind us. I turned to see the headmistress leaning out of a window and yelling our way.


“Where are you taking that girl Angélique?”


“Back to my house,” Angélique called back to her.


“But you have classes to teach! Go put her back in the nursery where she belongs!”


Angélique frowned and looked down at me. I was willing to venture a guess that the headmistress wasn’t happy about my departure. Angélique took my hand in hers.


“I found a substitute, and you needn’t worry about Alouette. I’m going to talk to the pastor about you putting her in the nursery.”


And with that Angélique turned and we started back towards her house again.


“What?! You can’t just have a substitute without even telling me!”


“And you can’t just put my Alouette in the nursery without telling me!” Angélique called over her shoulder.


“If you leave now, don’t think you can come back to teach again on Monday!”


I felt Angélique’s hand tighten around mine a little bit. The words that she was sharing with the headmistress weren’t nice, whatever they were. I recognized my name in them too. Angélique seemed to be hesitating a moment on some type of reply to the headmistress. She stopped walking and turned back toward the headmistress still leaning out of the school window. She slowly looked down at me, then back at the headmistress. I squeezed her hand for a little encouragement and I saw a smile creep on her face.


Angélique raised her other hand and presented a nice big middle finger to the headmistress. The old nun’s jaw dropped a little bit, before her face contorted in a scowl and she slammed the window shut. Angélique laughed softly and turned toward me… I wrapped my arms around her in the biggest hug I’ve ever given.


“Oh I’m in so much trouble…” Angélique laughed as we walked back towards her place. “But… you know what? I’m glad. What they did to you was just wrong… I think there’s more to you then I thought,” she added with a wink my way. I blushed, not sure why, but it just felt appropriate. I think I’d some how inspired an uprising in Angélique. I felt strangely proud of the finger she’d given the headmistress.


When we got home Angélique made us lunch. It seemed that everything she did for the afternoon sort of had this “Is this really happening?” quality to it… She laughed a lot, but at the same time, I think it was kind of a forced laugh, and possibly she was having reserves about that big finger.


For the most part we just laid around. The only bad thing about being home from school, was that there was nothing to do, and for whatever stupid reason, Angélique didn’t own a TV set. She did have a deck of cards and we managed to get a game of go fish going.


In the middle of our card game the phone rang. Angélique got up to get it and my blood froze when I heard her say “Bonjour Inspector Facet.”


“Yes I took her out of school… No, I don’t really care if I lose my job over this… I don’t see how this concerns you so much Inspector, if anything I’m going to keep a closer eye on her… Yes, she’s going to be with me for the weekend… She’ll be fine, and I don’t mind having her here… Okay, I’ll call you if she does anything that bad, but seriously how could you have done that too her at school today? Yes, yes I know the accidents aren’t getting any better, but come on, put yourself in her shoes? …that’s not funny inspector… I’m hanging up, I don’t appreciate that tone, have a good afternoon, she’ll be fine right here,” and with Angélique hung up the phone.


I looked at her nervously for any indication that I should be ready for the paddy wagon to pull up, but she just calmly, if somewhat tiredly, came and picked up her cards again. We finished the game and then settled into a little work on my lessons in French. My progress was actually coming along fairly quickly, mainly because of how ever-present the language was around me.


A few hours later a knock came from the door. Much like the phone call, once again my blood froze wondering if the Inspector or headmistress or something was at the door. Angélique let out a sigh and went to answer it, smiling when she found Caroline and Sophie.


“Why hello girls,” Angélique said with a smile. I waved happily at them both from the table. “Please, come in come in,” Angélique said holding the door open for them. Both girls came in looking a little uneasy.


Sophie came right over to me. “Are you okay Alouette?”


“Yah I’m fine. It was just a long day is all.”


Sophie hesitated before putting her hands behind her back. “Umm…Alouette… they all know.”


“All?” I asked.


“Everyone in school. I had to duck out a little early before Marcel and his gang could find me. You don’t really want to hear the jokes they’ve been making.”


I nodded slowly, and looked awkwardly at the floor. It wasn’t like I didn’t expect this though. Angélique noticed the change in my expression.


“What are you telling her Sophie?” she asked curiously.


“I was just telling her that the whole school knows she’s in diapers now.”


“Oh… yah, I was afraid of that. You’re not going to get into any trouble because you were her friend are you?”


“Nooo, not really,” Sophie lied.


“We came by to make sure that Alouette was okay. I was worried when I saw the headmistress take her to the nursery,” Caroline said, speaking up.


“And to see why you weren’t going to teach any more,” Sophie added.


Angélique sighed a little. “So you already heard something from the headmistress?”


“She stormed into the classroom and told us all that we’d be getting a new teacher and that you’d been fired for encouraging a little…” Sophie paused.


“What did she say Sophie?” Angélique asked.


“A diapered criminal.”


Angélique frowned so hard that I think she snorted. Whatever Sophie had told her it was rotten news apparently.


“Well, I guess I won’t be teaching at your school any more,” Angélique said after she’d calmed herself. “With a headmistress like that, I’m glad.”


“I’m asking my papa to take me out of that school too,” Sophie said.


“Don’t stop going to school for me Sophie. I want you to get a good education.”


“But can’t you teach us?” Caroline asked. “My mom said she always liked you, and since your not teaching at school, I’m sure she’d be willing to pay if you could teach us…”


Angélique blinked at Caroline and looked thoughtful for a minute. “I’ll… I’ll think about it.”


“What’s going on?” I asked Sophie, feeling a bit left out.


“The headmistress fired Angélique and we were trying to figure out what’s next.”


“She got fired?”


“That’s what the headmistress said…”


“This is my fault isn’t it?”


“I don’t think it’s like that, I mean Caroline and I could see that what’s been happening to you is wrong, I think the headmistress is in on it.”


“You and me both,” I said crossing my arms.


“How about both of you spend the night here with Alouette and I?” Angélique asked cheerfully. “I’ll give your parents a call and see if we can’t sort out some type of plan for school. I also want to talk to father Salade before anything else is done.”


Caroline beamed, “We can have a slumber party?” she asked excitedly.


Angélique nodded, “Call and ask your parents.”


Caroline suddenly hugged me. “Um.. Sophie, what’s going on?” I asked as the tall girl hugged me and I hugged back out of politeness.


“We’re going to have a slumber party.” Sophie said with a smile.


“Excuse me?” I asked.




French Whines… 15

By: CS Fox



There is no greater feeling of awkwardness then being a guy at a girl’s slumber party… or in my case, possessing the mind of one.


Sophie was sitting on the couch quietly braiding the tall girl Carloine’s hair while Angélique sat behind me on the floor doing the same to mine. Whatever it was that made this party activity fun was beyond me.


“Tell Angélique that this isn’t very fun,” I said with a frown to Sophie. I crossed my arms and grunted to try and convey the message physically.


“Alouette says thanks for braiding her hair,” Sophie said with a giggle. She was already having a good time, this was going to be her first slumber party since moving from Paris.


Angélique smiled and gave me a friendly pat on the head.


I grumbled. “I know what merci means Sophie, tell her what I really said.”


Sophie smiled at me, and for a moment, looked like a different girl. She was usually just quiet and reserved. I think she might actually be enjoying herself.


“Umm, teacher can I ask something?” Caroline looked up a little uncertain.


“Caroline, please, just call me Angélique.”


Caroline nodded. “Well, I wanted to ask… Why was Alouette wearing a diaper this morning?”


I heard my name, and the word couche. Even though I had changed my clothes since coming home into a more relaxed sundress, Caroline knew what I was wearing underneath. The evil nun had taken my skirt earlier and paraded me past her in just a shirt and diaper.


Angélique stopped braiding my hair, and I looked back at her with a blush. She looked like she was waiting for me to say something, so I nodded, trying to convey my permission to explain the story.


“She’s got a problem with her bladder Caroline. At least, I think she does, I’m not really sure what causes it, but she has a lot of accidents.”


Caroline looked confused a moment, but got up off the couch and came over to us on the floor. She started to reach toward my dress but I quickly scooted away. Not entirely sure what Caroline wanted, I just lifted up the hem of my dress a little to show off what I was wearing.


“You have to wear them all the time?” she asked me.


“She’s asking if you have to wear diapers all the time,” Sophie said from the couch.


“Oui” I said uneasily.


Caroline blushed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you Alouette, I was just… I was just curious is all.”


“She said she’s sorry if she embarrassed you,” Sophie translated.


I nodded, “It’s okay, not really a secret anymore anyway.”


“Do you mess your diapers as well?”Caroline asked.


“I’m not translating that.”


Angélique made a hushing motion to Caroline who looked confused again. The hair braiding continued. We sat silent a few minutes until there was a knock at the door.


“One moment,” Angélique called, getting to her feet. She walked across the room to the front door.


“Good evening Angélique, it’s so good to see you again,” said a pretty woman as Angélique opened the door. There was a gentleman standing behind her and they both gave Angélique a hug and kiss on each cheek as they came in.


“Marie, Pierre, come in come in,” Angélique said.


“Hi mom, hi papa,” Caroline said with a big smile from the couch. Sophie gave a shy wave still sitting behind her and braiding her hair.


I sat feeling a little nervous. I’d learned to be very wary of new people in France. “Who’s that?” I asked Sophie, moving towards her.


“Caroline’s mom and dad.”




“I couldn’t believe it when I heard it. How did you get fired?” Pierre asked incredulous. “When we were in school, you were the saint in our class.” He put a small bundle down on the table.


“You’ve already heard?” Angélique said shaking her head, embarrassed.


“Oui, our neighbors told us after their children came home,” his wife Marie chimed in. “The headmistress is making it no secret.”


“The old witch,” Pierre added with a laugh. Marie ribbed him with her elbow.


“Well, the ‘old witch’ fired me for sticking up for my guest here, Alouette.”


Angélique motioned my way, and I shrank a little, trying to offer a nervous wave. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it didn’t seem bad.


“She fought off some bullies that were picking on me,” Caroline said proudly.


“She was fighting?” Angélique asked looking a little surprised.


“It wasn’t the first time,” Sophie said under her breath.


“I always knew something was wrong with the headmistress when she refused to take action against those bullies who picked on Caroline,” Marie said with an affirmative nod. “I’m glad someone did something against them,” she winked at me.


“Don’t encourage her,” Angélique frowned.


“We brought you a change of clothes and your toothbrush Caroline,” Pierre said to his daughter, bringing the bundle to her.


“Thanks papa.”


“It’s nice of you to have Caroline over tonight,” Pierre smiled giving his daughter a pat on her head. It was kind of funny, because he was average height, and Caroline was probably taller than him when she stood up.


“It’s no problem, the girls were really excited about it, and I think after the day they’ve had they could use some fun.”


Marie and Pierre nodded.


“And I wanted to talk about tutoring for Caroline. Alouette is excellent in math, and I’m going to be in need of some students now, so I thought…”


“It’s perfect!” Marie said suddenly hugging Angélique. (I raised an eyebrow, like mother like daughter for sure.) “We’ve been hoping to find Caroline a place to start her studies again. I’ve tried teaching her the basic stuff at home, but I just don’t know if I’m qualified enough to do it. We’d love to have you start teaching her again full time.”


“Wonderful, I was going to ask Sophie’s father when he stopped by too.”


Sophie smiled on the couch.


“What are they talking about?” I asked still kind of hiding behind the couch.


“Well they’re talking about how Angélique got fired, and Caroline’s parents just agreed to hire her as a full time tutor. She’s going to ask my papa too. I think you’re going to do the math part.”




The three adults carried on for a while. Eventually Sophie finished Caroline’s hair and insisted on doing mine since Angélique had left it half done. I begrudgingly agreed only after some fussing. About 10 minutes later, there was another knock at the door.


Angélique excused herself and opened the door to a uniformed policeman. As soon as I saw the uniform, I freaked and dove ungracefully over the couch.


Caroline leaned over the top giggling at me. “What is she doing?” she asked Sophie.


Sophie rolled her eyes, “Hiding from the police.”


“Uh, that’s you’re papa.”


Sophie nodded, leaning over the couch to look at me. I was covering my head in a ball and praying that the events of this morning hadn’t come back so soon to haunt me.


“Your diaper is showing,” Sophie said sarcastically. I gasped and took one hand from the back of my head and stuck it on my ass to pull the stupid sun dress down further.


Caroline giggled harder. “She’s so funny. Are you going to tell her it’s your papa?”


“Thinking about it,” Sophie said with a slight smile.


“Monsieur Rousseau, please come in,” Angélique said holding the door.


“Hello Angélique,” he said politely. He nodded and greeted Marie and Pierre as well.


“I’ve got to say, I’m not really sure what to make of everything I’ve heard about what happened at your school today.”


“Glad to see the police even listen to gossip,” Marie teased.


Angélique blushed. “Well, it was, kind of an eventful day. I was fired.”


Monsieur Rousseau nodded. “I’d heard that. The inspector was talking about it. He was kind of gloating about it actually, he’s a decent cop, but not really the nicest guy, so I thought I’d reserve my judgment till I heard what you had to say about it. Which reminds me, where is the American?”


I heard American. I was boned… I shivered a little, bracing for it.


“Alouette? She’s on the cou…” Angélique looked over at Sophie and Caroline and looked surprised not seeing her guest.


Caroline giggled and pointed over the back of the couch. “She’s scarred of Sophie’s papa cause he’s a policeman.”


Angélique couldn’t help but smile, she turned, “She’s behind the couch. I think she’s afraid you’ve come to arrest her.”


“I don’t have orders or a reason to arrest her, has she done something wrong?”


“No, Inspector Facet has been terrorizing her today papa,” Sophie said.


“I’m a junior officer Sophie, it’s not my place to question what the inspector was doing.”

Sophie said something about Inspector Facet and my heart beat a little quicker, but thankfully I hadn’t heard his voice yet. So at least it seemed he wasn’t here.


Angélique nodded, “I don’t like what he’s been doing either. At first I was very sure he had Alouette’s best interest in mind, but after finding out he and the headmistress put her in the nursery…”


“… The Nursery?” asked Pierre. “What on earth for?”


“Well, it’s a long story, but the short end of it is that Alouette has to wear diapers for a little problem. The headmistress walked her through the school without her skirt today, trying to embarrass the poor girl.”


 “Well, that’s not right… I’ll see if I can’t find out what that’s all about. I’ve got night duty and the inspector should be on tonight too.”


“Thank you Monsieur Rousseau, I’d appreciate that.”


Someone walked around the couch and put a hand on my shoulder. I let out a startled cry. “Non!” Fearing it was the officer coming to get me. I fell back from my fetal crouch onto my butt. I could feel I was wetting my diaper.


Caroline’s mother was quickly around the couch behind Angélique.


“Is she okay?”


Angélique nodded, “She’s just really scared.”

Sophie’s head appeared over the back of the couch. “It’s okay, Alouette, that police officer is my dad. You’re not in trouble.”


“I..I…I’m not?” I asked trying to slow my heart.


Sophie shook her head. “He’s just here to drop off my toothbrush and stuff.”


I swallowed and took a few breaths. “You could have told me that earlier when he first came in. I thought I was going to be taken away!”


Sophie smiled, “I know.”


I frowned.


Angélique gave me her hand and helped me up. I sniffed back a few tears and tried not to look ridiculous for the guests. Although; crying, strange, foreign, teenage girl in diapers = epic fail when trying not to look ridiculous.


After a minute or two I was back on the couch, a little jittery, but at least letting Sophie finish up with my hair. Her dad and Caroline’s parents talked a little more with Angélique, and I was given the run down that the three of us would start getting private tutoring instead of going to school.


At least one thing had gone right today.


“We’ll expect you home in the morning,” Marie said to her daughter as she prepared to leave.


“Yes Mama,” Caroline said hugging her, and then her father.


“That goes for you too,” Sophie’s father said to her with a policemen’s nod. Sophie smiled.


After that, they left us to our sleepover.


“Well what should we do tonight?” Angélique asked.


There wasn’t an immediate response so she took a moment to think.


 “I was thinking of ordering some Chinese food or something. Would that be okay?” Angélique asked.


“Chinese food?” Sophie looked to me.


“Sure. Chinese is good.”


Angélique got on the phone and ordered a bunch of stuff from a little pamphlet she had lying around.


“Okay, food should be here in a little bit, how about we all change into our pajamas?”


The girls gathered up the things their parents had left and Angélique motioned for me to follow her upstairs. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but I recognized our little get ready for bed phrase that Angélique liked to say. She led me to my room while Sophie ducked into the bathroom and Caroline into Angélique’s room.


Angélique shut the door and did a little motion for me to raise my arms. I didn’t really complain; I’d been used to her taking charge when it came to getting ready for bed. As I held my arms up, she took off the sundress and looked down at my sodden diaper. She shook her head playfully, “There’s got to be some way to potty train you.”


She went over to the dresser and took out another diaper and had me lay down on my bed. Getting my diaper changed had also sadly become routine. I just stared blankly at the ceiling as she undid the tapes and went about changing me.


“I have the cutest pajamas!” Caroline said inviting herself into the room. She was wearing a long blue night shirt with the book character Madeline on it.


I shrieked a little and tried to cover myself. Angélique was still going over my… …. parts… with a wipe.


“Non non!” I shouted.


Caroline blushed red and quickly backed out of the room. Angélique giggled and shook her head. “We’re all girls Alouette, it’s not like she doesn’t know about your diapers.”


“Hmph,” I crossed my arms and frowned because Angélique thought it was funny. As if having your diaper changed when your 15-or-so wasn’t embarrassing enough.


After I was changed, and after Caroline apologized profusely to me in the hallway, we all sat on the couch. Angélique surprised the hell out of me by pulling a TV out of the closet on a roller tray. It was tiny, and black and white, but it was a TV.


“Holy crap they still have these working?” I said looking it over. It had numbered dials to flip channels.


“It used to be my mother’s TV. It still works just fine. I’ve got some good movies on VHS.”


“Movie time,” Sophie translated.


The Chinese food came shortly after and we settled into watching some French love story I couldn’t understand. Sophie tried explaining most of what was happening for me, but our constant talking only had Angélique and Caroline waving chopsticks at us and trying to get us to shut up during the most romantic parts.


I was kind of bored, but I was happy that they were having a good time, and it did feel nice to have more than just Angélique to hang out with.


After the movie, Angélique not so discretely checked my diaper which made the other girls giggle. Thankfully I was dry, so she herded us upstairs to my room to turn in for the night.


She made Caroline and Sophie makeshift beds out of arranged couch cushions on the floor. They each got a sleeping bag and Angélique said some French good nights that were over my head and turned out the light.


I figured at lights out there would usually be the gossip and random talk associated with sleepovers. When I was a boy in my teens, I had friends over all the time… but we did different stuff, we stayed up playing video games and eating pizza instead of braiding hair and watching love stories. Maybe this party was a little more subdued because… well facing facts, the three of us were kind of social outcasts.


The gossip and random talk did happen, although Caroline did most of the talking. Sophie was getting kind of tired and I think she was starting to half-ass the translations because twenty words of French was becoming two or three in English.


I was only giving mild responses myself to their questions about boys, school, and life. Remembering something Sophie had asked me a few days ago, I was trying to make it sound as if I liked boys, at least enough so that I didn’t seem a lesbian to them.


Getting bored with our lack of responses, Caroline started looking around the room.


“What’s in that bag?” She said walking to the dresser by the door.


Sophie was laying half in her sleeping bag. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked in the moonlit room. “It’s a bag of pull-ups.”


I couldn’t really see too well in the dark. “What’s she asking about?”


“You’re bag of pull-ups.”


“They’re so cute… I used to wear those when I was little.”


Sophie rolled her eyes. “I don’t think that’ll make Alouette feel any better if I tell her that.”


She took one out of the bag.


I could kind of make out that she was messing around with stuff on the dresser. “What’s she doing now?”


Sophie just shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t know.


“Can you ask her if I can put it on Sophie?”




Caroline came closer to my bed and she was holding up one of the pull ups now and was pointing to herself.


“Umm… Sophie, what is she asking?”


“She wants to wear it.”


“Why…?” I gave a raised eyebrow and a look like ‘are you crazy?’ that apparently bridged the language gap. Caroline blushed and bit her lip.


“They’re cute, and I think it’d be funny, like a joke.”


“She thinks it’ll be funny. Like a joke.”


I gave her the same look, focusing on her, then the pull-up, then her again. “Tell her I have no idea why she’d want to wear them, but she’s welcome too if she wants too.”


Sophie translated and Caroline giggled as she pulled up her night shirt a little and pulled down her panties. She stepped into the pull-ups and brought them up.


“They’re a little tight,” She said looking down at them, and then over her shoulder at her butt while she held her shirt up.


“That’s probably because you’re like 10 centimeters taller than Alouette.”


“Can you ask Caroline to pull her shirt down? Is modesty a virtue forgotten by France?” I asked feeling kind of awkward about this whole business. Apparently Sophie wasn’t listening.


“You know, I bet they’d be the perfect size for you,” Caroline giggled to Sophie.

Sophie rolled her eyes. “No.”


Caroline giggled some more and took a few steps around the room. “I didn’t realize they made them this big.”


“What are you two talking about?” I asked feeling left out.


“Nothing, Caroline is weird like this.”


I shrugged, and things settled down a moment or two later. Caroline got into her bed, still giggling and smiling at me, talking about her pull-ups and presumably when I had worn them. I just shook my head. Not my favorite subject. Thankfully the tall girl passed out not too long after.


I laid awake a while longer. After my nap earlier today, and the whole humiliating ordeal at the nursery, I wasn’t feeling very tired. I laid on my bed just staring into the moonlit room.


I couldn’t help but marvel at Caroline. She was out cold. There could be a 28 car pileup around her and she wouldn’t know it. She had like a toddler’s energy, all over the place in the afternoon, and then when she’d settled down, she crashed hard core. Not only that, but after some restless adjusting, she slept with her butt in the air. Her night shirt had slid up her waist and the pull-up she was wearing was completely on display. A part of me wondered if she was really wearing it as a ‘joke’ as she’d said.


“Can’t sleep?” Sophie said looking up from her sleeping bag. I sat up in bed and nodded.


“Too much happened today. I’m kind of afraid to leave the house now. I don’t want… I don’t want to know that everyone else in town knows I have to wear diapers.”


Sophie let out a sigh. “I can understand that. I’ll still be your friend though, if it means anything.”


I nodded and smiled. “It does.”


We were quiet a moment before Sophie spoke up. “I have something for you.”




“After school yesterday I went to visit my papa at work and while I was at his desk, I found something that I think is yours… but you have to promise me something.”


I tried to imagine what she was talking about, but it was late enough and I was game for whatever. “Sure, what do you need?”


“The truth.”


“Huh?” I puzzled over what she was talking about as she got out of her sleeping bag and went through her backpack. She came to the edge of my bed and held up a black passport with a US stamp on it.


“If this is yours, I want you to tell me the truth about it.”


I nearly dived off the bed to hug her.







French Whines… 16

By: CS Fox


“Huh? Wha?” Caroline asked as she woke up. She blushed a little realizing she’d drooled on her pillow. She sat up and looked around in the dark to see me wrapping my arms around Sophie. She raised an eyebrow, “Is it going to be one of those types of sleepovers? Cause um… I’m not really”


Sophie immediately pushed me away. “Stop.”


“Sorry, I just… you have no idea what this means!” I said taking the passport in both hands. I opened it slowly, and wanted to cry when I saw the small photo of my face. My real face.


“So… is it yours?”


I nodded and smiled at her. “It is.”


She crossed her arms. “Explain. In full.”


Caroline crawled over to us. “Umm what’s going on Sophie? You two aren’t going too..?”


“Nooo, nothing like that. Here, I’ll explain in a moment.”


I took a deep breath and held the passport firmly in both hands, like it was the most important thing in the world to me (and in a way, it was).


“My real name is Anthony… And about a week ago, I was a boy.”


Sophie sat up a little more. Caroline joined us and we had a small circle.


“I was 22-years-old and getting ready to study in Paris…. But I took a tour to see the vineyards of France, which brought me here, to your little town.”


Sophie started translating for Caroline who looked a little stunned. Her hand reached out and felt my chest. I slapped it away as Sophie giggled.


“I did that too,” Sophie said to Caroline, “I suspected she was a boy when I first met her.”


“But… she’s a girl?”


“She’s saying that she used to be a boy.”


The two of them were talking about something. Apparently Caroline didn’t believe me, possibly because I had tits and not more than a few hours ago, she had walked in during my diaper change and could probably tell I was most certainly not a boy.


“She wants to know where you had you’re surgery done, because you don’t look any bit like a boy now,” Sophie said a little exasperated after talking to Caroline.


“Tell her I didn’t have surgery, tell her I was… changed… into a girl.”


Sophie raised an eyebrow but translated.


“She was changed into a girl?”


“That’s what she says,” Sophie said.


“Could I be changed into a boy? Is it like magic? I think I’d like to try it for a day.”


“She wants to know if it was magic and if you could change her into a boy for a day.”


I slapped my forehead. “I don’t know how it happened. I went to La Febre and drank a really old bottle of wine, and then woke up here,” I hit the bed with my hand “having wet myself and suddenly in the body of a girl. The rest you already know.”


Sophie translated and Caroline just looked at me curiously.


“Where is La Febre?” Sophie asked.


“It’s that stupid winery up the street.”


“Le Febure Viticoles?”


I nodded “That’s the place. Sorry the name escaped me.”


Sophie thought for a moment. “Le Febure is the most famous winery in town. Everyone’s proud of it.”


I frowned and thought for a moment. “Well Le Febure is where I need to go to find out what happened to me.”


“Did she really used to be a boy?”Caroline asked.


Sophie nodded. “I think so. She’s done a lot of boyish things… Plus… I dunno there’s something weird about her.”


“I’ve done a lot of boyish things, that doesn’t mean I used to be a boy. At least, I don’t think it does.”


Sophie shrugged. “You’re already weird enough for all that.”


“Meanie,” Caroline said with a frown, but then thinking on it, “has she told Angélique that she’s a boy?”


“Caroline wants to know if you’ve told Angélique that you’re a boy.”


I sighed. “I told her at first, but she didn’t believe me.


“Why not?” Sophie asked.


“Well things went really wrong at first. She thought I was lying about everything. I told her I was a boy, that my name was Anthony… but the first time she found me I was drunk and peeing myself. I don’t even know if she’ll believe me even with this passport.”


Sophie nodded. “It could be anyone’s. I mean, I believe you, but that’s only because I picked up on a lot stuff since I’ve known you.”


I frowned and thought so more. I had to prove who I was somehow… Then a crazy idea struck me.


“You know what? We’re going to the winery.”


Sophie looked surprised. “Right now?”


I nodded vigorously. “Right now. I mean it. I want to find out what happened.”


Sophie’s mouth hung open, like she didn’t believe it. Caroline prodded her looking for a translation as to why I suddenly seemed so excited. Sophie told her what I just said we were going to do and Caroline pumped her arm up in the air and gave me a thumbs up.


“We go!” Caroline said with a heavy accent.


“… Have you tried going there before?” Sophie asked after a moment.


I blushed. “Well, I sort of did, but it um…”


“But what?” Sophie asked a little worried.


“The stupid inspector arrested me.”


Sophie’s eyes went wide. “No way! We’re not going. That’s my dad’s boss, my dad would kill me if I got arrested.” Sophie frowned when she noticed that Caroline was already in the process of getting dressed.


I smiled and started to join her, searching through the dresser for any of Angélique’s clothes that were black or dark.


“You’re both crazy! I want no part in this,” Sophie said crossing her arms.


Fifteen minutes later Caroline and I were tip toeing past Angélique’s room. We had found some dark clothes, and Caroline had even managed to find a black cloth that she had tied to try and make herself look like a ninja, but after some coaxing from me, she took it off so that if we were spotted, we wouldn’t look too much like thieves. I was kind of worried about going out with a girl who didn’t understand anything I said, not to mention the fact that I was quickly finding diapers didn’t make the very best sneaking undergarments… crinkle… crinkle…


As I got to the front door, I heard a noise on the stairs and froze in fear as Caroline and I watched Sophie run down the stairs now dressed. Caroline smiled and I gave her a hug.


“You’re going to get me disowned…” she said looking worried.


Caroline gave a thumbs up, she was excited.


I was somewhere between the two. My previous experience with going out without permission hadn’t gone very well, but at the same time… if I didn’t want to be stuck like this forever, I had to start somewhere.


I opened the door and the three of us went out into the night.


It didn’t take us long to get there. Caroline had insisted on taking back alley’s and hopping someone’s fence to get to the back road. Sophie did everything with a small reminder that if we got caught we were all done for.


“This is it,” I said as I led them to the ditch where my life had changed. “Last time I was here, I found the wine bottle that I drank, but the inspector took it.”


“Is this where Angélique found you?”


I nodded and started moving to the vineyard.


“Why was she walking alone at night around here?”


I stopped. I had no idea. “Is there anything up the road?”

Sophie shook her head. “The road goes for about 10 miles before it reaches another house.”


“That’s something to ask her about tomorrow,” I said thinking on it. I didn’t have time to figure this out tonight, we needed to get the vineyards, and get back before trouble started.


The three of us came to the wooden fence that flanked the entrance to the vineyards.


“This is going to be like a showdown isn’t it?”Caroline said with a smile.


“Umm… I don’t know if it’s going to be a showdown, I think she’s just going to confront the owner and ask him some questions.”


“I used to have ‘Ecstasy of Gold’ by Metallica! It’d be perfect!” Caroline said throwing some horns.


I stopped and looked at her. “Um… do I want to know what she’s talking about?”


Sophie shook her head no and Caroline looked embarrassed.


“Well, it would be good mood music.. I mean.. um.. I’ll be quiet.”


The three of us moved like teenage swat and went from fence post to fence post as we made our way up the path to the main building. As cool as it sounds, wearing diapers ruins it. In all honesty, I’m not even really sure why we were sneaking, I guess being here at night was the cause, but I didn’t really have much of a plan besides show up and investigate.


The barn where they had been bottling was locked. The cellar was in there too. I gave the big bolt lock a good tug, but it held the double doors shut solid. There was a porch light on at the small house on the property.


“What do we do now?”Caroline asked.


“Do you have a plan?” Sophie asked.


“Not really… should we just knock or try to get into the cellar some how?”


Sophie shrugged, but Caroline tugged at my shirt and pointed to a small window on the side of the barn. I nodded.






French Whines… 17

By: CS Fox




I pushed at the window, but it didn’t budge.


“It’s no good,” I said pushing at it one more time. I leaned back and sat down in the grass. Should I risk a kick and break the glass?


The question was answered for me as a small rock went sailing right through the low window. There was a satisfying shatter as the glass fell. I spun around to find Caroline looking amazed at Sophie. My own mouth dropped open.


“Sorry,” Sophie said meekly. “It was a little loud.”


I checked the house. No movement. I grinned at Sophie. “Bad as me eh?”


She blushed. I quickly untucked my shirt to start trying to clear away some of the glass. I was able to unlatch the window and open it without hurting myself. The three of us climbed into the dark barn.


Nothing had changed since my last visit. There were stacks of empty bottles, big vats for stomping grapes, all the necessary things for running an ol’ time vineyard. The girls looked around curiously, but I pointed to the stairway heading to the basement.


“Down there, the cellar is where I was given the bottle.”


Sophie looked at it a little nervously, already feeling bad about the rock. “Does it have to be downstairs and underground? Is there anything we could find up here… like close to the window and doors in case we need to run away?”


Caroline was already doing a ninja creep toward the cellar. I motioned for Sophie to follow and reluctantly she did so.


I gropped my hand around at the top of the staircase and eventually found a light switch. The old lights hummed on and we started down the stairs.


“Do you remember where it is, or what it looks like?” Sophie asked as we were able to see the rows and rows of bottles coming into the cellar.


“I think so,” I said a little unsure. “We just need to look for bottles marked with a year from the 1800’s. I didn’t actually see where he got it from, but I know it’s in that direction,” I pointed to where I’d been led.


“Wow… there’s sooo much wine.”Caroline said a little amazed. She took out a bottle at random, looking at it curiously. “So what are we looking for?”she asked Sophie.


“Bottles with year’s in the 1800’s.”


Caroline nodded and put the bottle back. She didn’t quite seat it all the way in. She was about to pick another bottle at random, when the first bottle she’d touched slid out and broke on the floor.


I nearly jumped out of my skin hearing the crash. I ran over to the isle where Caroline was and looked at her embarrassingly standing above the dark purple mess. She tried to smile and shrugged her shoulders.




I frowned and walked back over to the isle I’d been searching. “It’s a good thing we’re in cellar…” I muttered aloud. “If they don’t notice the window upstairs, they’ll notice the bottle down here… Guess it can’t be helped.”


“I’m not seeing anything older then 1970,” Sophie called from another isle.


“Keep looking,” I called to her.


The three of us canvassed the cellar for the better part of a half-hour. Sophie was starting to get worried about spending too much time down here. The more time we spent, the more likely it was someone would notice we were here, or that Angelique would find out we were gone.


I was about to agree and give up when I started looking at the huge caskets of unbottled wine.


I noticed something a little odd, one of the huge casks wasn’t as dust covered as the others. I walked up to it and ran my hand over the wooden front. It wasn’t right, you could see something was amiss just looking at it. It didn’t look like the angle was right.


I pulled on the pour nozzle and the front of it came open like a big door. There were bottles inside. I smiled, this was promising.


I took out one of the bottles and smirked. “1832,” I said reading the label. “This is it,” I called to the girls. Caroline and Sophie rushed over to see what I had.


Caroline marveled at the cask like we’d found James Bond stuff. “He was really hiding stuff down here? This is the magic wine isn’t it?”


Sophie took the bottle from me and nodded to Caroline.


“Will it turn me into a boy?” Caroline asked with a smile. She reached a hand out for the bottle.


Sophie moved the bottle out of her reach, “Don’t you dare find out… You’ll probably end up diapered like Alouette.”


“What are you two talking about?”


Sophie just waved her hand like I didn’t want to know. “Let’s just get out of here,” Sophie said thrusting the bottle back in my hands. “We got what you wanted, let’s go before we get in trouble.”


I nodded, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”


I shut the casket and we made our way back to the stairs. I had the bottle with me and I was feeling pretty good about the whole endeavor… but a part of me felt like something was wrong, it’d been a bit too easy. I knew it was crazy to go out like this at night and I’d sort of come to terms with the notion that we would get caught, or face some trouble but the whole thing had been smooth.


We got back into the barn and went to the window, helping each other through. I kept the bottle close. Combined with my passport, I might be able to start an argument with some credibility in the morning. Maybe I could even arrange for a phone call and really make some progress.


We did our ninja sneak again and moved around the side of the barn and back down the driveway. We were almost to the road when we suddenly saw headlights coming.


Caroline dived behind a fence post, flattening herself to the ground. Sophie did the same on the other side of the driveway. I followed suit with Sophie and we all breathed a little hard, watching the lights head right toward the driveway and then turn toward us.


Sophie began to hyperventilate, and I did my best to give her some pats on the back without moving too much. A moment later, the car drove by us without stopping. I watched it go and realized something kind of weird. The taillights were smaller than most cars, and they were rounded… I knew that car type…


The driver side door opened, followed a second later by the passenger side. Two men stepped out and started walking towards the chateau. It was dark, and I couldn’t really make out the faces of the men.


“You’re a good friend Leroy, you always know how best to solve these problems.”


“Heh, you’re just drunk you old fool. We’ll talk business in the morning.”


I heard them speaking something in French before they walked up the steps. The door opened, the light was turned on, and in they went.


I heard Caroline start to laugh. “Haha, I was soo scared I wet the pull-up you let me borrow Alouette.”


Sophie was still having a hard time breathing.


“You okay?” I asked patting her shoulder. I kept my eye on the house.


She caught her breath and nodded. “I thought for sure that’d be the police and we’d be done.”


I nodded, “Did you hear what they were talking about?”


“Drunken something, I couldn’t hear it very well.”


“Me either.”


Caroline low crawled across the gravel driveway to us. “This is soo exciting and scary at the same time.” She said smiling. “It’s like the best sleep over ever! Hehe, tell Alouette I need a new pull-up.”


I looked to Sophie for a translation.


“She’s in her own little spy world fantasy, I’ll let you know if she says anything important.”


I raised an eyebrow. “Oookay…”


We ran down the rest of the driveway and dove for the ditch, making our way back to town. The further we got from the vineyard, the easier all of us felt. I still couldn’t believe it had gone as relatively well as it had. I know to think about it is to jinx it, but after the week I’d had, being cynical and expecting the worst was the only thing I could do.


Unbelievably, we made it back inside Angelique’s house… and there were no lights on. She was still probably asleep upstairs.


“That was soo fun!” Caroline said hugging me.


“Um… you’re welcome?” I said understanding some of what she’d said.


“You realize we just committed a crime?” Sophie asked seeming a little upset that Caroline was so happy about this.


Caroline smiled. “None of the sleepovers I’ve ever been to do stuff like this. Usually everyone just makes fun of me.” Caroline’s smile faltered a little but remembering something, she giggled, “You even broke a window Sophie.”


Sophie blushed.


The three of us tried to sneak back upstairs to my room.


“I think she’s still asleep,” I whispered as we crept down the hallway. I still had the wine in my hands and I realized that if she were to wake up now and see us, things would get pretty hairy.


We tip toed to my door at the end of the hall and quietly snuck inside. As soon as we were in, Sophie let out a huge sigh of relief and sank to the floor, breathing easier.


“Oh my god we made it back… and we didn’t get in any trouble.”

I smiled. “I guess sometimes even I can get lucky.”


Caroline just offered her thumbs up.


We took a moment to change back into our PJs, hiding the dusty black clothes at the bottom of the laundry basket.


“You better do something about that bottle too, Angelique would freak if she found you with that right now,” Sophie said pointing to it.


I nodded, “good idea, I’ll just stash it in the closet for now.”


I went over to the closet and stuffed the bottle in the back, hopefully it wouldn’t be noticed there if Angelique went outfit searching in the morning. I pushed some old shoes and stuff around it, and I guess I nudged something else in the process because a small pile of boxes tumbled over.


It wasn’t that loud, at least it didn’t seem it. Sophie and Caroline looked at me and the slight mess of stuff, standing absolutely still. There was a slight creak on the floorboards from the other room. I panicked and started stuffing things back in the closet. Caroline and Sophie rushed over to help. We definitely heard footsteps.


I was about to shut the closet door when Angelique opened the door to my room and looked around.


“Girls?” she said looking in the dark until she found the three of us looking at her from the closet. “Umm, what are you doing by the closet?”


I knew what she was asking about… but I didn’t know if it would be a good idea to show her the bottle right now.


Sophie held up a box of wipes, “Just needed these! Alouette needs a change.”


I saw what she was holding and heard my name… I tried to whisper at Sophie “I don’t think I need a change right now.”


“Just make it so you do…” she whispered back.


Angelique shook her head and came over to us. She pushed the closet door closed and smiled, patting Sophie’s head and taking the wipes. “Sophie, you don’t need to worry about this, you should have just gotten me if Alouette needed her diaper changed.”


Angelique walked over to the dresser, and as she did, Sophie looked at me expectantly. Oh god, this was going to require me too… I gulped. Forcing myself to wet was not really something I’d wanted to do.


“I’ll change her if you need someone to do it,” Caroline said smiling.


Angelique looked at her a little awkwardly, “Um… no that’s all right Caroline, I don’t mind,” she said getting a clean diaper. “You girls shouldn’t even really be up this late, its past two.”


I had started wetting a little, but I wasn’t wetting enough to warrant a change. If she was going to buy this excuse I’d need a bit more.


Angelique set the diaper and the wipes Sophie had gotten on the bed. She looked at me expectantly and patted the mattress. I was about to get up when suddenly it happened… Maybe I’d pushed too hard, or maybe my control really was slipping that badly, maybe it was the god damn MSG from the Chinese earlier. Whatever it was, I suddenly felt it rush into my diaper.


It wasn’t like the feeling earlier today when I’d woken up and it was already in my diaper. This was completely different. I was fully aware of a warm wet something suddenly pushing out the back of my diaper.


My bottom lip quivered and Sophie’s mouth suddenly hung open. “You… you didn’t just?”


I began to cry.


Angelique got up and came over to me, “What’s wrong Alouette, why are you…” she suddenly smelt something a little off. “Oh.. oh my. You really do need a change,” she said suddenly looking concerned.


“I knew it. She does poop in her diapers,” Caroline said with a nod to herself.


Angelique frowned at her, but took my hand, leading me over to the bed. “It’s okay Alouette… we’ll get you changed… it happened in your sleep again I bet. You really should have woken me up for this girls.”


Sophie was still stunned. She got up and went over to Caroline, who was just standing there watching as Angelique lifted up my night shirt to untape my diaper.


“It’s rude to stare,” Sophie said. Caroline was caught off guard for a moment, not realizing she was staring, she giggled hesitantly and scratched the back of her head.


“Yah… didn’t even realize I was looking that attentively. It’s probably best if I just run down the hall and change in the bathroom, my um…” she laughed at herself, “My own undergarment is a little wet.. hehe, some joke huh?”


“Joke… right…”


Caroline blushed and found her panties, going back down the hallway as Angelique began to change my diaper.


“I’ve been wondering how on earth you made it without diapers when I first found you. This is in no way an improvement Alouette…”


I was still crying. It had been a disgusting feeling. There was no control, it was scary in its own way.


Angelique wiped me clean and taped up a fresh diaper. She said a few things in French that had that ‘it’s okay, it’s not your fault’ kind of connotation to it, but they didn’t really help. She bid us good night and urged us to go to bed. I sat up on the bed still sobbing. It wasn’t till Sophie sat on the bed and put her arm around me that I managed to stop. Caroline came back in the room and apologized too, although I’m not really sure for what.


“You okay?” Sophie asked.


I nodded, “At the very least… I think she bought it.”


Sophie laughed a little, “Please don’t tell me that was intentional.”


I shook my head ‘no’ very firmly.


Angelique was heading down the hall to throw away my used diaper. She wanted to bag it so it wouldn’t stink up the place. She got to the bathroom and was putting it in a small bag as suddenly, someone pounded on the door downstairs.


It shook the three of us back in my room to reality. I rushed off the bed and looked out in the hallway to a surprised looking Angelique. She went to her room, and threw on a robe over her PJs before going downstairs.


Sophie and Caroline were quickly behind me, watching her go down the stairs.

“We’re sooo dead,” Sophie said quietly.


“Plausible deniability,” I said firmly. “Maybe it’s not about us.”




Sophie clutched at my arm. “We’re soo dead…” she said again.








French Whines… 18

By: CS Fox



Angelique went to the door while tying her robe. Whoever it was, he liked to pound on the door and kept demanding something about Alouette. She looked through the peep hole and found a man she didn’t recognize, but she saw her friend Leroy behind him. Hesitantly she undid the lock.


“You’re little runaway is a dirty little thieve!” the man slurred nearly falling over backwards.


Angelique raised an eyebrow and looked at Leroy. “Umm… Leroy, what’s going on?”


“Sorry to bother you so late,” he said cooly, “This is Javier, a business associate of mine… He’s quite convinced that your house guest broke into his cellar tonight.”


Leroy had a little bit of a wine smell on his breath too.


Angelique frowned. “Alouette’s been here all night. There’s no way she’s been out.”


She started to close the door, but Leroy put his hand in to keep it open. “We’re missing something that’s kind of important…”


Upstairs, I was looking out of the window and could see a car out front. The driver had parked it kind of on the curve like an idiot… I couldn’t help but realize something I should have earlier. The car was a BMW, the same one Angelique’s admiring jerk-off drove. It was his car I’d seen at the vineyard tonight.


“She broke in! I know it!” Javier garbled. He pushed his way past Leroy and shoved at the door. Angelique shrieked and quickly threw her weight against it.


“Stop it! Get out or I’ll call the police!”


We heard Angelique from upstairs.


“What do we do, what do we do?” Sophie kept repeating, walking around in a circle. I caught her with my arm.


“Stay up here with Caroline. Look for a phone, I’ll go downstairs. They’re after me and I can talk my way out of this.”


Sophie looked at me hesitantly but didn’t stop me as I went. I came down the stairs just in time to see the winery guy shove his way into the living room. Angelique stumbled backwards.


“Angelique!” I shouted, immediately running to her.


The winery guy squinted and looked at me. A smile cracked on his face. “Is that him?” he asked in a slur.


Leroy slapped the back of his friend’s head. “You drunken moron, you’re going to get us in a lot of trouble.” Leroy looked at Angelique. I was standing protectively in front of her. “I’m sorry Angelique, we’ll leave in a moment, we just need to talk to your guest.”


I was turning my head and looking around for a knife, an umbrella, a fireplace poker, anything to protect us with. I thought about the chairs, but they were a bit big for my body to wield. I didn’t want to leave Angelique.

“She can’t understand English any better than you can understand French,” Leroy said to me. I glared at him. He grabbed his friend by the back of his shirt and held him at bay. “She doesn’t think you left the house, but we know… and we know what you took.”


I kept silent. I’m a good poker player, you don’t reveal your hand in a situation like this.


Leroy waited for me to say something, but frowned when I just stood there. Angelique was scared, and she didn’t understand what was going on, but the immediate danger seemed to be passing.


“Fine… you want to do this the hard way?” He snarled. “We’ll leave and the police will be back with a search warrant. Don’t think we can’t prove you were at the vineyard tonight.” He yanked at his friend again. “We’re leaving.”


“Non! F*ck you, that stupid c*nt is not getting away. You said it was an experiment we could keep under control! I want the bottle back!”


Leroy led the drunk winery owner out the door. Angelique was quick to run up and lock it behind them, breathing heavy. She looked at me and quickly ran up to give me a hug. Sophie and Caroline came running down the stairs when they heard the men leave.


“They know we were there,” I said quietly to Sophie.


She nodded, “The winery guy was yelling that earlier.”


“I want you to ask Alouette what that was about!” Angelique said letting go of me and looking straight at Sophie.


Sophie shrank back a little. “She wants to know what that was all about,” Sophie translated. She gave me a look like ‘we’re dead aren’t we?’


I looked at Angelique a little nervously. I guess it was truth time. I looked to Caroline, who gave me another thumbs up.


“Let’s tell her,” I said softly. I took a chair and sat down on my crinkling rear. Angelique looked at me and raised an eyebrow.


“What he was saying wasn’t true… right? Sophie… you, Alouette and Caroline have been here all night, haven’t you?” she asked looking at Sophie with her stern expression growing.


Sophie was getting visibly distressed. “She’s not going to be happy about this Alouette.”


“Maybe she’ll believe us this time.”


Sophie started to translate my story for her, about how some bad wine had made me what I am… but Angelique rolled her eyes. “Not this again… Please, don’t change the subject, have you girls been upstairs since I put you to bed or not?”


“But that’s not the important part!” Caroline interrupted. “Why don’t you believe Alouette’s story? Those winery bastards turned her from a boy into a girl!”


“Caroline, listen to what you are saying, boys do not just magically change into girls. Alouette is a girl and has always been one. I’ve changed her diapers for a week, she’s a girl, trust me.”


Sophie was translating the back and forth. Angelique wasn’t buying a word of this. I excused myself a moment and I walked back upstairs to get my passport, as well as the bottle I had hidden earlier. From the looks of Sophie and Caroline, they knew what I was getting.


When I came back downstairs, Angelique saw the bottle and marched right up to me.


“You stole this tonight didn’t you? You went out of the house!”


She took the bottle out of my hands and looked at me like she couldn’t believe it. The last time I’d come in the house with a wine bottle, things hadn’t gone well.


She looked at Sophie. “Have you girls been out of the house tonight?!” She demanded.


Sophie bit her lip. Caroline nodded “We had to get the magic wine bottle to prove to you…”


Angelique couldn’t hold it back. “You filled their heads with lies so you could steal wine?!” she screamed at me. The idea was almost so incredible that she couldn’t believe it. I knew her tone of voice, this was bad… Tears were coming to my eyes and I could see her start to reach back for the slap she had given me last time.


I cowered back, and held up my passport with both hands to protect my cheek. Angelique stopped with her hand all the way back and just looked at me. She yanked the passport out of my hands and opened it up.


“What… what is this?” She asked looking at the picture.


“Her name was Andy,” Sophie said softly.


Angelique looked at the passport surprised and then at me. “Did she steal this too?”


“I stole it,” Sophie blushed. “My father had it… He said he found it in the ditch along the side of the road. I gave it to Alouette tonight and she told me the truth.”


“Sophie, Alouette is a good girl deep down, I can tell, but her story… it’s not true, how can it be?”


Sophie frowned, “There’s a lot of stuff about Alouette that can’t be explained, and although it sounds crazy, I really think she used to be that guy.”


“Yah!” Caroline said putting her hands on her hips. “And I bet she was hot too.”


Angelique and Sophie looked at Caroline, and shook their heads simultaneously.


Angelique’s thumbed through the passport again and took a good long look at me. When her eyes met mine, I started repeating all the information.


“My name is Anthony,” and I spat out everything…My social security, my address, my age, everything that I remembered. It was a stream of consciousness like someone who has a song in their head they just have to get out. Angelique looked a bit more shocked, and even more confused.


There was another knock at the door, although not as hostile as the last had been. Angelique looked at it hesitantly, then back at me. She put down the passport and the wine and went to the door. She peered through the peep-hole.


“Inspector Facet,” she said in a hoarse voice.


I froze. This was bad. After this morning, even Angelique knew that he had it in for me.


“I’m going to need you to open this door Angelique,” he called from the other side of the door.


Angelique hesitated a moment. “Girls, why don’t you head back upstairs.”


I was shaking… I didn’t know if I wanted to leave Angelique alone like this.


“He’ll deport her!”Sophie cried out, quickly grabbing the wine bottle and hugging it to her chest. “Don’t let him in, make sure he’s got someone with him. My Papa should be on duty. Policemen don’t come into someone’s house alone unless they don’t want people to see what they’re doing.”


Angelique wasn’t sure if that was right or not, but she waited for the girls to run upstairs while the man knocked a few more times.


“Sorry, you caught me kind of late Inspector,” she called. “Are… are you working alone tonight?”


“Yes Angelique, I’m working alone. Please open the door, I do not wish to ask again.”


Angelique took a step back from the door, something didn’t seem right. “… Officer Rousseau’s daughter is here, and she informed me that policemen usually don’t work alone when making house calls this late.”


There was a pause on the other side of the door for a moment. Then the knocking came back, this time more insistent.


“I have reason to believe your house guest has broken the tentative rules we’ve set for her. Open this door Angelique.”


Sophie, Caroline and I sat at the top of the stairs just out of sight of the door. We couldn’t see it, but we could hear every word.


“He’s going to come in and take you away,” Sophie said short of breath.


“We have to do something!”Caroline said shifting nervously. The adventure earlier had been fun… but armed policemen were a different type of excitement, one she wasn’t thrilled about.


“Hold the bottle Caroline, I’m going to call my Papa.”


Sophie passed the bottle and Caroline looked bewildered for a moment. I tugged at Sophie’s nightgown. “Wait, what are you doing?”


“I’m going to call my Papa. This isn’t right. You know Inspector Facet is connected to the two that stopped by earlier.”


Sophie’s nightgown slipped out of my hand as she went down the stairs two at a time, rushing for the phone while Angelique was still at the door. Caroline and I moved halfway down the stairs so we could see what was going on.


“Sophie, get back upstairs!” Angelique called.


“You have to the count of three to open this door before I break it down!” The inspector yelled, pounding the door now.


Angelique looked scared and cast a worried glance my way up the stairs.


“Girls get upstairs, I’ll handle this… Please, just get upstairs and lock yourself in the bedroom.”


I couldn’t move, Sophie was already dialing on the phone. She was shaking nervously as she punched in the numbers.


Hello? Yes it’s an emergency! I need to speak to Officer Rousseau.”


There was a sound of splintering wood, and a shriek from Angelique as she was suddenly pushed from the door. It swung open and banged against its hinges.


“Good evening ladies…” Inspector Facet said coming into the living room… drawing his gun.


This time it was Caroline who shrieked, throwing an arm around me and pulling me close. I gasped as my head was suddenly held next to the wine bottle and the chest of the taller girl. She started to half crawl, half drag me up the stairs with her.


Sophie was standing absolutely still as if cast in stone with the receiver still held to her ear.


Inspector Facet raised his gun on Angelique. “The American comes with me.”


Angelique slowly raised a quivering hand to her mouth, as if she couldn’t believe reality… someone had broken into her home; someone who was supposed to be protecting her, someone who was pointing a gun at her.


There was a moment where no one moved. We all just looked at the Inspector and the gun.


“She stays.”Angelique said forcefully. Her instincts were stronger then her rationality.


Inspector Facet thumbed the safety and cocked the hammer of his weapon. “The American… I’m not asking again.”


“No!!” I screamed, trying to break free of Caroline’s grasp. I stumbled down the stairs, half hiding behind the railing at the bottom. I wanted to help… but… I was afraid of him… afraid of what he might do to us.


“Alouette!” Angelique waved her arm at me like she wanted me to go back upstairs.


I shook my head no.


“Papa!! He’s pointing a gun at Angelique!” Sophie yelped into the receiver of the phone. She’d stood so still and so quiet before, that it was almost like she wasn’t in the room. Now everyone was looking at her, and her eyes went wide as the gun was pointed her way.


Inspector Facet walked up to Sophie and grabbed the phone from her hand, slamming it down. He drew his other arm back and pistol whipped her across the face.


Angelique screamed, Sophie stumbled over and fell towards me. I rushed forward and caught her. She was shaking, there were tears on her face, and a drop of blood at the corner of her mouth… but she seemed okay.


Her hand pawed at her lips like she couldn’t believe she’d been struck. She clutched at me, her eyes wide with fear as the gun was now trained on the two of us. Caroline rushed down the stairs.


“You… you monster.” Angelique managed to say. Her hand wasn’t quivering now, it was in a fist. The man had struck one of her students.


“Move and they die,” he said coldly. He kept his eyes on us, and he noticed the bottle in Caroline’s arms. “…All three of them are coming with me.”


Angelique gasped. “No… you.. you…”


“He has the gun.” Leroy said as he walked in through the open front door. His drunken friend Javier was right behind him.


“Leroy!” Anqelique said at the familiar face.


“I said I’d be back with the police. You should have listened to me earlier.”


“He’s waving a gun around and threatening to kill us! You have to help us.”


Leroy shrugged and Javier sauntered over to the Inspector.


“Well the American won’t really come along quietly will she?”


I looked up at the first English I’d heard in a little while. I swallowed hard and pressed myself a little harder to Caroline and Sophie.


“I’ll go quietly… just put the gun down.”


“See.. the gun makes her reasonable.”


“Non!” Angelique shouted at me. Leroy moved in front of her as she started to run to us.


Inspector Facet motioned toward the door with his gun. “All three of you, outside.”


“WHAT? I’m the one you want, leave them out of it.”


He took a step toward us and had the gun less then three feet from our faces. He didn’t say anything, just held it there for us to look at. Caroline was even beginning to shake and cry now. I took her hand, and Sophie’s and gripped them tightly, getting to my feet.


“That’s my bottle of wine!” Javier said suddenly keying in on something the taller girl had in her other hand. He made a drunken lunge at Caroline, who shrieked and out of instinct, kicked him square in the nuts.


He swore and stumbled back, as Angelique began to struggle against Leroy, crying herself now, frantically trying to reach toward me and the girls.


 In front of the gun, we walked out the door together, moving through fear, not submitting to it only because of the strength we shared through the bonds in our hands. Angelique was hysterical, it took all of Leroy’s strength to hold her back.


Javier came behind us, swearing and walking a little funny.






French Whines… 19

By: CS Fox


“Get in.” Inspector Facet said motioning to his police car. Besides the BMW halfway on the sidewalk, it was the only vehicle nearby at this early hour of the morning. The three of us looked at each other and hesitated.


Inspector Facet didn’t have any patience and clumsily tried to kick us, but we started moving before he could. Javier was just behind him and he tried not to shout at him and wake the neighborhood. “Get in the passenger side, we have to leave now, the one with glasses called my department.”


“Good… let the little c*nts rot in jail,” he slurred.  


Inspector Facet frowned and quickly put his gun away “I don’t think my partners would approve of… nevermind, just get in the damn car.”


The three of us were holding each other in the back of the car. A part of me wanted to run, let the night hide me, but… I wasn’t about to gamble Sophie and Caroline. We just pressed close together in the back of the car.


Javier stumbled into the front seat and smiled at us blearily. “Dirty thieves.”


Inspector Facet opened his door just as Leroy came running out of the house. He had a bag over his back and I could see he had a scratch across his cheek and his hair was a bit more messed up then it had been.


“I got her locked in her own pantry. I had to shove just about everything in the kitchen up against it. It won’t hold her forever, but she doesn’t have a car, so we can put some distance between us.”


The Inspector nodded and got into his car. “Follow me out, try not to make it look like we’re in a rush.”He shut his door and started the engine. Caroline spit at him through the cage. He turned around and glared at the three of us. I wasn’t really feeling Caroline’s insubordination.


“He… he didn’t hurt Angelique did he?” I asked still following Leroy with my eyes as he went to his car.


A smile creeped across the Inspector’s face, and he did a nonchalant shrug as he put the car into gear and took us away from Angelique’s house.


“She’s okay…” Sophie said softly squeezing my hand. “The man in the other car side he just locked her into the pantry.”


I nodded but couldn’t find much comfort.


“You big jerk, where are you taking us?” Caroline asked, she was scared, but she was angry too. Changing her grip on the wine bottle, she held it like a bat, but I put a hand on her wrist shaking my head no. It wouldn’t do anything through the police cage.


“To my winery!” Javier laughed drunkenly.


Inspector Facet frowned at him again, “Not the smartest place to go right now, don’t worry girls, I know a good place.”


There was silence as we drove in the dawn hours. My nerves were shot, after the day I’d had, the night we’d had, and the lack of sleep… not to mention a diaper I’d about saturated in fear… I was ready to faint.


I’d about had it. “Why… why did you do this to me?”


I could see Inspector Facet smile through the rear view mirror. “You’re about the most rebellious little American girl ever to come to France,” he joked.


I flipped the bird, “I wasn’t always a girl, thanks to the wine.”


Javier laughed now as the Inspector translated it.


“So you’re not going to deny I used to be a guy?”


“I suppose its past that point now, isn’t it… Anthony?”


My mouth hung open a moment, as did Sophie’s.


“Can… can I ever change back?”


Javier only laughed more. “What does the American want now?”


“She’s bitching about wanting to know if she can change back into a guy.”


“Not be any means I know… haha, who’d have tha grapes a do this…”


Sophie suddenly looked at me with sad eyes, and Caroline hugged me a little harder.


“What did they say?” …but I think I already knew…


“…they don’t know a way to change you back.”


Tears came to my eyes…  and a part of me died in that moment.


We drove a bit longer in silence. We weren’t going to the winery, we were heading in the opposite direction. I didn’t think we were going to the police department, not with Sophie in the car and her dad on the force. The inspector just kept driving, and the winery owner fell asleep.


At one point, I think I saw flashing police lights going down another street, but I couldn’t be sure, it was still dark out and we only passed the street for a moment. I leaned forward a bit to see if French Police cars were like American ones, and sure enough I saw a radio on the dash… but it was turned off.


Sophie looked my way when she saw me in thought. I leaned in to whisper, “You’re dad has to know something’s up now. After your call, and the Inspector’s radio being off, he must suspect something.”


Sophie nodded.


The car began to slow. I looked around and was rather surprised to find that we’d take a roundabout route too… too the church and school? The Inspector got out of the car and opened our door, waving for us to get out. Hesitantly we obeyed.


The BMW pulled up a moment later, taking out a mailbox in the process. “What the hell are we going to do here?” Leroy asked hoping out of his car. He put that same bag he’d taken from Angelique’s over his shoulder.


“Shut up and just help me get them inside.”


Javier woke up, and scratched his head, stumbling out of the car. “You.. wan I shuld halp too?”


The inspector nodded and pointed at Sophie who huddled a little closer to me. Taking me by the shoulder, and taking out his gun once more, the Inspector marched me into the school, breaking the three of us apart. Javier took Sophie and Leroy got Caroline, yanking the bottle of wine from her hand and stuffing it in the bag he carried.


“Somehow I knew the old Nun was in on it,” I said as we headed in.


The Inspector laughed, “Actually no, she’s just a bitch and most likely to side with me right now.”


I frowned, and then stopped when I realized he hadn’t brought me to school, he opened the chapel side door and dragged me toward the nursery.


“She never locks it, I checked earlier,” Inspector Facet said to Leroy.


“This is getting a little out of hand Inspector. Angelique’s going to tell the police that you, Javier and I were involved in kidnapping. How are we going to explain this?”


“Idiot, I am the police. Don’t worry about them, they’ll never charge into the church, just let me talk to the Headmistress. We can finish out the experiment before everything is for naught.”


“You assholes, let us go! I hope Sophie’s papa shoots you all,” Caroline said struggling against Leroy.


Inspector Facet opened the door to the nursery and all of us went in.




French Whines… 20

By: CS Fox




Nursuries are supposed to be calm places, somewhere that's peaceful for little children.


It certainly didn't feel that way with myself and my two best friends being held hostage. Jesus Christ, it was even a nursery connected to a church! The inspector is sooooooo going to hell.


Caroline, Sophie and myself were sitting quietly, huddled together in a corner. Sophie had a vice grip on my hand, softly repeating something in French to herself. Caroline was sitting with her arms crossed, angry, but oddly smirking.


“You'll never get away with this!” Caroline spat. “I'll never talk! You can't make me talk!”


“Get you to talk?” Leroy asked confused. “I wish I could get you to shut up.”


“All right girls, its time to finish up the experiment,” Inspector Facet said motioning to Leroy for the bag. “The first results got a little jumbled thanks to my friend Javier.”


The winemaker made an obscene gesture with his crotch. “Fuck off Inshpector! If ya didn't wan me to ushe the wine, you shouldn't have told me to be on tah look out for a shuitable candidate.”

“I wanted a candidate we could keep track of! You gave it to the American because she insulted your wine, and then let her wander off.”


Sophie nudged me. “They're arguing about you.”


“What are they saying?”


“Its about when you first drank the wine. They were looking for a test subject and Javier got mad at you when he was supposed to give it to someone else.”


“Just give me the damn bottle,” Inspector Facet said grabbing at the bag. Leroy gave it up and the Inspector freed the bottle from it.


Seeing the catalyst of what had changed my life... I slowly tried to hide myself behind Sophie and Caroline. I could even feel my diaper getting wetter as my body shook in fear.


“Alouette... I'll give you the choice. Get over here and drink the bottle or pick a friend to do it for you.”


“Eat shit and die.”


The Inspector shook his head and raised his gun again. “Let's do this a little differently then. Someone drinks, or I shoot.”


The three of us huddled a little closer together.


“Coward!” Caroline yelled.


The inspector rolled his eyes. “I'm a busy man tonight and this needs to happen now. Leroy, gab the tall one, we already know what happens when a boy drinks it.”he said waving the gun at Caroline.


A lot of things happened very quickly. Sophie and Caroline both grabbed onto me while the Inspector and Leroy began to advance on us. Javier was laughing and I think I was screaming.


The gun. The bottle. The one thing that the three of us knew was that we didn't want to be near either, and sharing one mind, we looked at each other and bolted in different directions. Sophie ran and dived under one of the cribs. I ran for the changing table, grabbing any solid object I could from the stocks. Caroline ran for the bathroom and tried to lock herself in... but Leroy was right after her, and had his foot in the door.


“Leave her alone jerk!!” I said throwing a box of wipes and then a bottle of powder at him. The wipes hit the wall near him and he turned to glare at me just as the bottle hit him in the back and let out a big white poof, covering his nice clothes. Caroline took the moment of surprise to slam the door on his foot.


“MERD!” he yelled grabbing his foot. Caroline shut and locked the door as she hopped around for a second with the wine cradled under his arm.


“I don't f***ing believe this...” Inspector Facet said rolling his eyes as he watched the whole thing. Javier was just about dying laughing, this was apparently the funniest thing he'd ever seen. I pelted the Inspector with a bottle of baby oil. He shrugged it off and growled before aiming his gun at the ceiling and firing a single shot.


Guns are surprisingly loud when fired inside a room. Sophie and I screamed and covered our heads. The smell of gunpowder lingered as the Inspector marched right up to me and used his free hand to push me to the ground. He put his knee on the small of my back and held the gun to the base of my skull.


“I'm not playing games any more.” He yelled. “You under the crib...” he said glaring at Sophie. “And you in the bathroom... If you can hear me, I have Alouette on the ground with a gun to her head. I want both of you in front of me in ten seconds or I'll stain the carpet with brain matter.”


“How do I know a coward like you isn't lying!?” Caroline yelled from the bathroom.


Sophie was hysterical, she crawled out from under the crib as fast as she could. “He's not lying! Please Caroline... PLEASE, just do as he says.”


The bathroom door opened slowly. Caroline poked her head out and Leroy was quick to grab her by the hair and drag her out into the middle of the floor with the Inspector and I. She struggled and cursed, but didn't do anything to provoke the Inspector into hurting me.


“Open the bottle,” the Inspector demanded when he had Sophie and Caroline kneeling in front of me. Leroy tugged at it a moment, and had to use his teeth to pull the cork out.


Hearing the cork pop, I began to cry harder and struggle under Inspector Facet. He just pressed his gun a little stronger to me. “Don't...” he said once as a warning. He looked up to Caroline. “You. Drink half.”


Caroline looked unsure exactly what she was supposed to do, but Leroy thrust the bottle down in her hands. She looked at it for a moment, as if she was holding a mystery and then looked back up at the Inspector.




Leroy was about to grab the bottle and force it down her throat... but Caroline lifted it up and began guzzling the contents.


“WOOHHHOO!! There's a f***ing CHAMP!” Javier said slapping his knee and watching the teen. She didn't even seem to be spluttering, just tipped it back and downed it.


Caroline gasped as she stopped drinking. Her face said it all... it tasted wonderful. She smiled lop sided for a moment. Her shoulders relaxing and head drifting a little lazily from left to right.


“Quick, hand it off to the other girl,” Inspector Facet demanded.


Caroline looked at him and giggled.


“Do it or your friend dies!”


Caroline hiccuped comically... before smashing the half-full bottle into the side of Inspector Facet's face. A moment earlier, I felt his body jerk as he sensed something about to happen, and wanting to see what it was, I moved my head and felt the barrel slide off my neck slightly, and just in time. I saw the glass shatter, and there was a sudden searing hot burn as the gun went off just below my right ear.


I screamed and tried to curl up, thinking I'd been shot... my ears ringing and Sophie screaming too. I felt Caroline grab at my hand and pull me out from under Inspector Facet, causing him to topple over backwards.


“RUN!” Sophie yelled through her tears. I couldn't hear her, but each girl had one of my hands, and together we ran straight into the nursery door, knocking it open and bursting into the foyer of the church and not stopping as we continued outside.


We could hear swearing from the Inspector and Leroy and more laughter from Javier.... but that quickly stopped at the sound of another gunshot.


“Quickly... three blocks... the police station!” Sophie said, trying to keep herself together. Caroline giggled and started trying to skip in the direction Sophie was pointing, but only managed to trip and nearly fall on her face. My ears were still ringing, but holding tight to her hand, I pulled her up and tried to throw her arm around my neck. I knew what she was going through... it probably wouldn't be long before she'd pass out.


The streets were empty this late at night... but this was a residential area. Gun fire was something that woke people from their beds in supposedly peaceful towns like this. I could see one or two lights on, and a head in one of the windows... At the very least, it was encouraging that the police might be called.


The three of us started shambling away from the church, turning and running through the school yard. It was only a few moments before we could hear the slam of the wooden doors inside and the heavy thumping of someone leaving the church. The Inspector and Leroy were shouting at one another. This was most definitely not in their plan... everything was going wrong... and I worried that they may end up killing us now if they found us.


There was another gunshot and we saw a piece of the stone wall surrounding the school yard 'piff' with the ricochet. Sophie and I screamed and kept trying to run, now dragging Caroline who's head was starting to rest on my shoulder. The wall looked like our best bet. It was only waist high, but it looked solid enough to stop a pistol round.


We managed to hit and sort of flip over the wall to the other side of the school yard just as another shot narrowly missed us. I landed with a padded thud, my head still spinning. We didn't have a lot of distance, maybe only fifty yards on the two of them...


“You F***ING little cunts! The nervvvvvveee to hit muah....”


“Inspector... you're...”


“Shut the hell up... I'm fah-ine... I don't care what happens, so long as those three end up dead...”


Sophie was once again repeating “Oh god” to herself with her back firmly planted against the stone. Caroline was gone, I could feel her full body weight pressing to my shoulder as she began to snore loudly. Her breath smelt like grapes.


“Come out... COME OUT!!!” Inspector Facet yelled. I was frantically looking around for somewhere we could run... or something we could use to escape... but as the Inspector kept talking, and taunting, and probably coming closer... he began to noticeably slur his speech. “Get feh fuc ouhh.... Iiiiii shoooot yuuuu.”


There were four more rapid fire shots, one hitting the top of the short stone wall. Sophie screamed and clung to me. I fought back tears, shivering in fear and hoping for a miracle... but what I heard was a loud thud.


“You stupid bastard,” I heard Leroy swear.


I heard more movement, I hesitantly lifted my head a little to peak over the stone. The Inspector was laying face down in the school yard, his hair matted in something wet, the gun still in his hand. Leroy was standing over him and quickly tried to help him up. He shook the inspector a few times, but all he did was murmur and try to push Leroy away.


Leroy grabbed the gun from his hand looked over at our wall. I quickly dropped my head back down.


I heard movement again... and I pulled Sophie and Caroline tighter to me... saying a silent prayer. I knew that any minute now... Leroy would jump the wall and would have us.


The movement noise faded... and slowly got further and further away. I heard a car door, and a screech... and then all I heard was Sophie crying. My head was clearing slowly, but my heart was still beating so fast... I slowly dared to lift my head up again and peak back into the school yard. There was no sign of Leroy... just the Inspector face down.


The sound of sirens split the night... Reds and blues began to jump off the walls of the houses lining the streets.


I couldn't help myself... I kissed Sophie on the forehead and held her close. “We're okay!” I said crying with her. “We're going to be okay.” I looked over at Caroline who was blissfully asleep... and wetting herself. “We're... mostly okay...” I said suddenly getting a little worried.


Police cars skidded to a halt all around the school. Bright headlights were pointed right at the three of us. “ALOUETTE!!!” I heard Angélique scream as she jumped out of one of the cars. Sophie's father jumped out of the other side.


Armed officers checked Inspector Facet, finding him alive, and apparently sleeping. Two more checked inside the church... finding the body of Javier. At the wall, Angélique hugged the three of us as hard as she could, speaking jibberish between tears.


The worst of it was over.







French Whines… Epilogue

By: CS Fox




Local media was all over the shooting and hounded Angélique and I for a few days immediately after. The actual story itself was pretty murky, especially since all those directly involved did not share some key facts. Sophie's father was put in charge of the investigation, and he had our backs.


On the subject of wine... we learned an interesting fact the very next day after our great scare. The wine didn't need to be ingested to take effect. Angélique and I went to the jail to have choice words with Inspector Facet about what he'd done... and found a teenage girl crying in his former cell.


“Karma's a bitch isn't it?”


I've never been happier with a single sentence to leave my mouth. Although unsure what to do with her, Inspector Bedeau, the former partner of the mysterious girl in the jail cell wouldn't listen to my suggestions of sending her to a juvenile hall. ...she did look pretty pathetic. Her face had a few scars on one cheek where the wine bottle had shattered, and thinking back on the night... he erm she... was covered pretty thoroughly in the wine. I warned the Inspector she'd probably need diapers soon.


We also learned something else about the wine that same day too... it didn't have ridiculous gender changing effects on girls. Caroline remained Caroline... although she soon wound up in diapers like me. I'd like to blame the wine as the reason for that... but with Caroline... I'm not actually sure.


After a few apologies from the school headmistress regarding her close ties with the fallen Inspector Facet, she begrudgingly offered Angélique  her old teacher position back... which she politely declined. She began a steady job as home teacher to Caroline, Sophie and myself... although I argued to the best of my ability that I didn't need to go through school again... she would have none of it. I looked 16 and for the foreseeable future, I was going to be 16. Blah.


We never heard from Leroy again. There were a few times that I worried he might show up again some day, but I did rest a little easier knowing he was a wanted man. His face was all over the local police stations in connection with the murder of Javier and Inspector Facet (who wasn't actually dead, but might as well have been... as a teenage girl, she was practically catatonic).


On a closing note... I eventually accepted what happened as my new reality. As painful as it was, I felt that my family needed some closure and one night, while holding Angélique's hand for support, I called my mom and dad to tell them a lie. Anthony died while sightseeing in France. I embellished a little, saying that he'd saved my life in connection with the Javier and Facet murder... but it was still hard hearing them cry over the phone... somehow it was easier then telling them the truth. I know my mom and dad, they might have believed me if I told them Anthony was now Alouette... but I don't think they would have accepted that in their hearts. It was for the better.


That's pretty much the end to my story. In a single week I'd been through hell... and unfortunately, things didn't go back to the way they were... I am Alouette now... A young girl living in France.


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